Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
THE BITS…
Justin Bieber has been charged with criminal assault for assaulting a limousine
driver in Toronto last month. If Justin isn’t careful this could ruin his squeakyclean image.
Justin Bieber has been charged with criminal assault for allegedly assaulting a
limousine driver in Toronto last month. Apparently Justin forced the limo driver to
listen to one of his CDs.
A petition on the White House website to have the Bieber deported has gotten over
170,000 signatures. Actually, it was just signed 170,000 times by Selena Gomez.
A petition on the White House website to have the Bieber deported back to Canada
has gotten over 100,000 signatures. Not surprisingly, none of the people that
signed the petition are Canadian.
Singer Lorde’s birth certificate has been released to remove any doubts that she’s
really a teenager. Not only did Lorde’s birth certificate confirm that she’s a
teenager, it revealed she was born in Kenya.
Adult film actress Heidi Van Horny says she’s been flooded with offers since
saying she wants to celebrate her 23rd birthday by having 23 men. Chances are
Heidi won’t have as much luck under 99th birthday.
Adult film actress Heidi Van Horny says she’s been flooded with offers since
saying she wants to celebrate her 23rd birthday by having 23 men. You can pretty
much guess what she’s planning for her 69th birthday.
NSA leaker Edward Snowden has been nominated for the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize.
News of the nomination was first leaked by Edward Snowden.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
SON OF THE BITS…
Viewership for President Obama’s State of the Union address was the lowest in 14
years. However, the networks have a plan for increasing ratings next year by
introducing younger Supreme Court judges.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney is 73 today. Cheney plans to celebrate with
family and a few close heart surgeons.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney is 73 today. Dick always looks forward to the
part of his birthday party where they wheel out the cake, he makes a wish, and then
shoots out the candles.
The National Weather Service issued a Winter Storm Warning for the Big Island of
Hawaii for heavy snow above 11,000 feet. In fact, it was so cold that hula dancers
were wearing grass parkas.
A 19-year-old player for Willamette University in Oregon has come out as
bisexual. It used to be that when they said a football player went both ways it
meant he played both offense and defense.
Yesterday in Atlanta, freeway traffic was jammed, cars were literally parked
bumper to bumper and motorists abandoned their vehicles. They’re blaming it on a
brutal winter storm and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.
Scientists say they’ve been able to treat thinning hair in mice. They say it’s led to
fewer mice wearing Speedos and buying Ferraris.
Scientists say they’ve been able to treat thinning hair in mice. They say it means
your girlfriend is now more likely to leave you for a rodent.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
TODAY’S AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have reality clips from American
Idol, Duck Dynasty and Wahlburgers, plus Miley Cyrus gets Unplugged
on MTV and a late night round up with Jay, Dave, The Jimmys, Craig
and Conan.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
As if he weren’t in enough trouble already, JUSTIN BIEBER has been charged
with criminal assault in Toronto for allegedly attacking a limousine driver last
month. Justin arrived at a Toronto police station for his booking yesterday and was
greeted by a gaggle of media and screaming fans. At first police thought Justin had
just ordered his goons to rough up the limo driver, but a couple of witnesses
implicated Justin in the attack. As for his DUI bust in Miami, a lawyer for Bieber
entered a not guilty plea yesterday. Meanwhile, Keyshawn Johnson is dishing on
his encounter with Bieber when he allegedly sped through his Calabasas
neighborhood. Keyshawn says he pried Justin's garage door open and then
slammed a bodyguard against a wall during the confrontation. (See Keyshawn talk
about it here). By the way, that petition on the White House website to have Bieber
deported as gotten over 170,000 signatures, meaning they’ll have to issue an
official response.
It was a big win in court yesterday for Two And A Half Men star JON CRYER.
His ex-wife had asked for an increase in child support from $8,000 a month to
$88,000. Ex-wife Sarah Trigger said their son had become a laughing stock at his
ritzy private school because she couldn’t afford to give him the finer things in life
like trips to expensive summer camps and exotic vacations. However, the judge
shot her down saying he saw no reason for an increase in support.
It looks like marriage trouble for REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK star
RAMONA SINGER and her husband of 22 years, Mario. Former Housewife Jill
Zarin tells People magazine, "She looked the other way when people told her he
was cheating." However, it’s reported that Ramona caught Mario with his
girlfriend at their Hamptons home last weekend and made a big scene and called
the police. Despite that, sources say Ramona doesn’t want a divorce.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
KANYE WEST recently had a power lunch at the Beverly Hills Polo Lounge with
Vogue Editor-In-Chief Anna Wintour. However, it was Anna that was grilled as
Kanye demanded to know why Girls star Lena Dunham was worthy of being on
the cover of Vogue, while KIM KARDASHIAN never had the honor. Kanye
supposedly told Anna that Kim is “just as talented as Lena, if not more so.” Kanye
knows that it’s always been Kim’s dream to be on the cover of Vogue and he’s
doing everything he can to make it happen. However, sources say, “Anna is no fan
of Kim or any reality star appearing in the pages of the magazine.” Although, word
has it that Anna is considering putting Kim on the cover of the French or Italian
editions of the magazine just to get Kanye off her back.
Modern Family star ERIC STONESTREET recently joined the dating app Tinder
looking for new material. While it started as a joke where he planned to do an
Instagram video in which he likes every girl he says it got kind of addictive and he
actually has met a few nice girls. Eric says, “I’ve had a range of experience on
Tinder, meaning not great, really fun, super fun, and then meet really nice people
who are potential girlfriends.”
CAMERON DIAZ is featured on the cover of the February issue of self magazine.
As for how she stays in shape, Cameron says: "I saw a Taco Bell yesterday—it
made my stomach scream. If I had nothing else to do, I would be, like, 'Three
bean-and-cheese burritos and give me some nachos with extra cheese sauce!' I
would so kill that s—t. But what I've learned is that just 'cause you can chew it and
swallow it and poop it out doesn't mean it's food."
VIN DIESEL posted a new video to his Facebook page that’s gone viral. The video
shows Diesel lip-syncing to singers like Katy Perry and Beyonce, grabbing his
crotch, sticking his tongue out and occasionally singing and dancing. (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
Celebrity chef GORDON RAMSAY has been hit with a lawsuit from a man who
claims he can’t taste food after cutting his tongue at Ramsay’s New York City
restaurant. German chef Markus Barthel claims he bit into a hard piece of plastic or
ceramic in his hamburger and was left with “serious, severe and permanent injuries
in his mouth, including…deep cuts in his tongue.” Barthel claims he had to
undergo surgery in order to repair the damage, but is “unable to perform the duties
of a chef any longer.” His lawyer explains, “A chef needs his tongue like a pianist
needs his fingers. They have to taste everything and he says there continues to be a
loss of taste in his tongue.” Barthel is seeking unspecified damages and
compensation for his pain and suffering.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
NBC has canceled the SEAN HAYES sitcom Sean Saves the World. The show
starred Sean Hayes as a gay single father. The two unaired episodes may be shown
after the Winter Olympics.
HENRY WINKLER will star in a new ABC sitcom called The Winklers. It’s about
an emotionally reserved construction worker whose life is changed when he moves
in with his over-sharing in-laws.
MARK WAHLBERG will host Nickelodeon's 27th Annual KIDS' CHOICE
AWARDS. The show will air live from the University of Southern California's
Galen Center on Saturday, March 29th.
PRESIDENT OBAMA’S State of the Union address was seen by a little over 33
million people. That’s down a just a bit from last year and the lowest total since
President Clinton’s final State of the Union address in 2000. Among the cable
news channels, Fox News had the most viewers.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES…
Here are last week’s top 10 albums (with sales figures) according to Billboard
magazine…
1. Soundtrack - Frozen - 93,000
2. Various - 2014 Grammy Nominees - 59,000
3. Beyonce - Beyonce - 48,000
4. A Great Big World - Is There Anybody Out There? - 47,000
5. Lorde - Pure Heroine - 37,000
6. Kidz Bop Kids - Kidz Bop 25 - 36,000
7. Young the Giant - Mind Over Matter - 34,000
8. Bruce Springsteen - High Hopes - 26,000
9. Katy Perry - PRISM - 25,000
10. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP 2 - 24,000
Grammy Awards executive producer Ken Ehrlich has sort of apologized to NINE
INCH NAILS' TRENT REZNOR for cutting off the end of his performance on
Sunday night’s show. Ehrlich says, "I’m sorry he was upset. I was really thrilled
that we were finally getting him on the Grammys. The final jam…was about five,
six minutes long, and we got to within a minute twenty of the end. We got as close
as we could possibly get."
JANE’S ADDICTION will wrap up the 25th anniversary celebration of their
album Nothing’s Shocking by performing it in its entirety at the opening of the
new Brooklyn Bowl in Las Vegas, May 8-10th. Word has it that the band is
planning more shows this year, but the Las Vegas shows will be the only ones
where they play Nothing’s Shocking all the way through.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES 2…
After scrapping their video for "Ain't It Fun," PARAMORE has released a new
clip that follows the band as they attempt to set a series of wacky world records
like "fastest time to smash 30 clocks with guitars," "most feathers caught in 30
seconds," "most cartwheels in 20 seconds while wearing boots" and "fastest time to
run backwards holding stuffed animals while blindfolded for 30 feet." Their goal is
to break more records in a single music video than any other band. (See here)
BOB DYLAN will be featured in two new Super Bowl commercials. A
commercial for Chobani yogurt will feature his 1966 hit “I Want You,” while
Dylan himself will appear in a new commercial for Chrysler.
BILLY JOEL kicked off his Madison Square Garden residency this week by
slamming Madonna. At one point in his show he joked about using a special spray
to help soothe his throat before a song, and then said, "I saw Madonna use this
once... it didn't help her much." (See here)
Since you can’t fly commercial while wearing a helmet, DAFT PUNK were forced
to unmask themselves at the L.A. airport this week. A photo of the duo with their
faces exposed at the TSA checkpoint has surfaced online. (See here)
LORDE took out a full page ad in the New Zealand Herald expressing her love for
her fans and her home country. The ad reads, "It was a crazy day & my friends &
family over here are still freaking out. I just wanted to say thank you for the time
you've given me these past 14 months…Without your support, there's no way I
would ever have gotten to stand in the middle of the Staples Centre & perform in
my school shoes."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES 3…
LADY GAGA has sent a message to fans assuring them that more ARTPOP
content is on the way. Gaga’s video for 'Do What U Want' has been delayed
following a shakeup of her management team. Gaga said, "I know you're anxious
for more ARTPOP. I am working so, so, so, so hard and the wait will be worth it."
SARAH MCLACHLAN, COLBIE CAILLAT and others will perform at the Live
in the Vineyard four-day music, food and wine festival being held in the Napa
Valley in April. Unfortunately, it’s an invitation-only event and you can’t buy
tickets, although there will be contests in the coming weeks to win passes.
You can now see TAYLOR SWIFT getting her butt kicked by the arcade character
Ryu from the 'Street Fighter' video game. Someone has posted a video to YouTube
showing the street fighter kicking Taylor in the head as she flings it backwards
while playing the piano at the Grammy awards. (See here)
RASCAL FLATTS announced that their Rewind Tour will kick off May 16th in
St. Louis. Special guests will include Sheryl Crow and Gloriana. Meanwhile, on
March 4th, the band will release an EP exclusively to Wal-Mart featuring
“Rewind” and the unreleased “Dance On My Grave,” along new versions of “Why
Wait” and “Come Wake Me Up.”
The nominations for the 49th Annual ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC
AWARDS were announced yesterday morning. Tim McGraw and Miranda
Lambert led the way with seven nominations apiece. Keith Urban was right behind
with six nominations, while Lee Brice, Blake Shelton, Taylor Swift, and Kacey
Musgraves each received five nominations. Blake Shelton and Luke Bryan will
host the show on April 6th on CBS.
TRACE ADKINS has left rehab after just two weeks. It’s reported that Trace’s
father is seriously ill and he felt he needed to be at his bedside.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
CBS This Morning: Football player Drew Brees
Today: Musician Barry Gibb; actress Fran Drescher
Kelly & Michael: Fox NFL Sunday hosts
The View: Dr. Phil McGraw; Nicole ``Snooki'' Polizzi
The Talk: Actor William H. Macy
Queen Latifah: Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill (``22 Jump Street''); Vanessa
Hudgens (``Gimme Shelter''); Cirque du Soleil performs
Ellen: Zac Efron (``That Awkward Moment''); Fitz and the Tantrums perform
Primetime:
Fox: American Idol auditions from Omaha
CBS: Tim Conway, Steve Lawrence and Garry Marshall guest star on 2.5 Men as
the guys throw a bachelor party after Carl Reiner (Marty) proposes to Evelyn
(Holland Taylor)
NBC: Nathan Fillion and Paget Brewster guest star on Community and Seth
Meyers hosts a Saturday Night Live Sports Spectacular
TNT: NBA hoops Cavaliers at Knicks and Clippers at Warriors
ESPN: College hoops Cincinnati at Louisville and Purdue at Michigan
ESPN2: College hoops Florida at Mississippi State and UCLA at Oregon
Late Night:
Jay Leno: Miley Cyrus; comic Howie Mandel; Sarah McLachlan performs
David Letterman: Dr. Phil; car restorer Danny Koker; Dum Dum Girls performs
Jimmy Kimmel: Zac Efron; actress Alison Brie; Sara Bareilles performs
Conan: Gen. Ray Odierno; Josh Hopkins
Jimmy Fallon: Melissa McCarthy; David Crosby performs
Craig Ferguson: Max Greenfield; ZZ Ward performs
Arsenio: ``Stone Cold'' Steve Austin
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
January
30th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER…
NSA leaker Edward Snowden has been nominated for the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize.
Two Norwegian politicians jointly nominated Snowden saying his disclosures of
secret U.S. documents have contributed to making the world more peaceful. The
deadline for nominations is this Saturday and while anyone can be nominated a
committee will narrow down the nominees to a list of finalists before announcing
the winner.
Forget Sharknado, this week in Britain they had a real Catnado! During severe
weather across parts of the country, a woman in England, said a “mini tornado”
picked up several feral cats. Shirley Blay said, "We've got four feral cats in the
yard and they were being lifted off the ground - about 6ft off the ground. They just
went round like a big paper bag." Unlike the Sharknado movie the Catnado
produced no injuries.
If you think you’re tough, you haven’t met New Zealand’s James Grant. Grant was
spear fishing with friends when he felt a tug at his leg. At first, Grant thought his
friends were playing a practical joke on him but he soon discovered he was being
attacked by a shark! Luckily Grant had a knife and was able to fight off the shark
and got to shore where he stitched up his own wounds and then went to a pub with
his friends and had a beer before going to the hospital for treatment.
Scientists at the Dallas Zoo and Children’s Aquarium have created the world’s first
peanut butter jellyfish. The scientists placed some 250 young jellyfish in a
fishbowl with artificial seawater infused with creamy peanut butter. While they
haven’t tried the peanut butter jellyfish to see what they taste like, the scientists did
note that they developed a brownish hue and said they conducted the experiment
“simply to see if it could be done.”
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
January
30th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
We’ve heard this before, but scientists say they may be close to finding a cure for
baldness. Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania say they've gotten
closer to being able to use stem cells to treat thinning hair in mice. They say the
problem in the past is that they haven’t been able to grow enough hair so that it
would make a noticeable difference on a human head. While they say they’ve been
able to overcome that hurdle it’s only one step. Still no word on when a baldness
cure could become a reality and the scientists caution that studies conducted on
animals often fail when tested on humans.
South Korea’s Park Seo-yeon earns $9,000 a month just by eating. Park is known
as "The Diva" and she cooks elaborate meals and eats them in front of a web cam
while chatting with adoring fans online, who send her tips. The Internet craze is
called "Meok-Bang" and she says there is no sex or nudity involved. Park says that
it cures loneliness and hunger pangs for some adding, "People enjoy the vicarious
pleasure of my online show when they can't eat that much, don't want to eat food at
night, or are on a diet." However, it’s not all gravy as Park says she spends around
$5000 a month on gourmet food.
Randy Newman may have been onto something with his song Short People.
Scientists now say that short-man syndrome really does exist. Researchers exposed
subjects to two virtual-reality versions of themselves. In one, subjects retained their
normal heights; in the other, they were 10 inches shorter. In the shorter versions of
themselves, people felt inferior and overly mistrustful. They also felt that other
people in the virtual scene with them were staring at them and having negative
thoughts about them. Researchers say: "Although we can't do much about our
actual height, we can certainly learn to feel taller. And when it comes to boosting
self-esteem, that may make all the difference."
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
January
30th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER 3…
Budweiser has leaked one of their Super Bowl commercials. The heartwarming
advertisement features puppies and Clydesdales, which one person called a
“tornado of adorable.” (See here)
This could be the perfect time to buy a new big screen TV. Not only are the Super
Bowl and winter Olympics coming up, but stores are offering deals of up to 30%
off with some TVs being marked down $2000 or more. The Super Bowl is the
third most popular week for sales of big screens 55 inches and larger, following the
weeks of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. But, keep in mind that this is the end of
the model year for TVs and new models will be coming out next month.
Adult film actress Heidi Van Horny is looking for a few good men to help her
celebrate her upcoming birthday. Heidi is turning 23 and she wants to celebrate
with 23 men as only a porn star can. As you might guess well more than 23 men
have volunteered to bring her their packages on her special day. The party will take
place in the Montréal area and if you’re not chosen or are unable to attend it will be
webcast online. You can find out more on Heidi’s Facebook page.
Ohio’s Ranea Crabtree will appear before a judge next month to request that her
name be changed. Crabtree’s real first name is actually Sheila, but she hates it so
much she's gone by Ranea, her middle name, for years, and refers to Sheila as her
ugly name. She even threatens her teenage sons with grounding if they refer to her
as Sheila. Crabtree is requesting that her new first name be sexy. She didn’t choose
a sexy name, she actually wants her first name to be the word Sexy. Sheila says she
chose the name "Sexy" in part because she wears "Victoria's Secret clothes all the
time." In what may be a bit ironic, her case will be heard in Licking County.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
January
30th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER 4…
The contest being held by adult actress Christy Mack, in which she was to award a
beej to the person who could construct the best Lego display for her house has
come to a premature climax. Unfortunately, lawyers for Lego got involved and
ordered Christy to halt the sweepstakes, saying the toy company did not want their
name associated with such a competition.
According to a new report the number one condiment in America is…mayonnaise.
The U.S. now consumes some $2 billion worth of mayonnaise each year, compared
to ketchup, which brings in around $800 million annually. That’s followed by soy
sauce with $725 million and barbecue sauce at $660 million. Some $550 million in
hot sauce was sold last year and sales are increasing fast. If you’re wondering
about salsa, that’s considered a dip and not a condiment.
According to a new study the best way to determine if you’re destined to live a
long life is not by your blood pressure, your family history, or diet. Researchers
now say your reaction time may be the most reliable way to determine how many
years you'll live. They say those who display a slow reaction time in midlife are
more likely to die years before those who are quicker to react. Researchers went on
to say that reaction time may indicate how well our central nervous and other
systems in the body are working.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
SPORTS SHIRT…
The St. Louis Rams have fired defensive coordinator Tim Walton and reportedly
plan to hire Gregg Williams as his replacement.
If you rely on the animal kingdom for Super Bowl betting tips, Buffett and Hugh
the Manatees at Mote Marine Laboratory in Sarasota are split on who will win.
Buffett chose the Broncos and Hugh chose the Seahawks. Give the edge to Buffett
as he’s been correct four out of six seasons. (See here) Meanwhile, Teddy Bear the
porcupine from the Dallas-based Zooniversity picked the Seahawks. He's been
right the past two Super Bowls. (See here) Finally, Fred the Psychic Bunny, who
was born in Los Angeles and rescued at an animal shelter, chose the Seahawks.
However, Fred’s track record seems to be a bit shaky as he picked the San
Francisco 49ers last year. (See here)
The San Antonio Spurs have announced that guard Manu Ginobili's MRI revealed
a strained hamstring and he’ll be out 3-4 weeks. Ginobili was injured on a dunk
vs. the Rockets in San Antonio's loss to Houston on Tuesday.
Lance Berkman is calling it a career after 15 seasons in the major leagues.
Berkman played in just 73 games for the Rangers last season and after two knee
surgeries and various other injuries he says, "It doesn't make sense to play in the
physical condition I'm in."
The owners of the Phoenix Coyotes have announced that they’ll change the name
of the team next season to the Arizona Coyotes. They had planned to do it this
season, but there wasn’t enough time to get everything in place.
Conner Mertens, a 19-year-old red-shirt freshman kicker for Oregon’s Willamette
University has come out as bisexual. According to outsports.com, no college
football player in the United States at any level has come out publicly while still
playing.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
Scoreboard
NBA:
Oklahoma City 112, Miami 95
Toronto 98, Orlando 83
Philadelphia 95, Boston 94
Phoenix 126, Milwaukee 117
Minnesota 88, New Orleans 77
Houston 117, Dallas 115
Charlotte 101, Denver 98
Chicago 96, San Antonio 86
Memphis 99, Sacramento 89
LA Clippers 110, Washington 103
Detroit at Atlanta Postponed
NHL:
NY Rangers 2, NY Islanders 1
Edmonton 3, San Jose 0
Chicago 5, Vancouver 2
NCAAM:
(1) Arizona 60, Stanford 57
(2) Syracuse 67, Wake Forest 57
(6) Kansas 92, (16) Iowa State 81
Northwestern 65, (14) Wisconsin 56
(19) Saint Louis 77, Richmond 57
St. Bonaventure 78, (21) Massachusetts
65
(22) Memphis 69, UCF 59
Penn State 71, (24) Ohio State 70
Today’s Games
NBA:
Phoenix at Indiana 7:00 PM
Cleveland at New York
8:00 PM
LA Clippers at Golden State 10:30 PM
NHL:
Montreal at Boston 7:00 PM
Florida at Toronto 7:00 PM
Washington at Columbus 7:00 PM
Tampa Bay at Ottawa
7:30 PM
New Jersey at Dallas
8:30 PM
Minnesota at Colorado
9:00 PM
San Jose at Calgary 9:00 PM
Buffalo at Phoenix 9:00 PM
Philadelphia at Anaheim 10:00 PM
Pittsburgh at Los Angeles 10:30 PM
NCAAM:
7:00 PM (3) Florida at Mississippi State
9:00 PM Purdue at (10) Michigan
7:00 PM (13) Cincinnati at (12)
Louisville
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
DUH…
Polk County, Florida Sheriff's deputies showed up at the home of David Scott
Shultz to execute a search warrant on his suspected marijuana grow house. When
deputies explained why they were there, Schultz refused to open the door and
probably didn’t help his cause when he explained that he wanted to smoke a joint
before allowing them inside. Not surprisingly, police found 190 marijuana plants
growing inside the house and arrested Schultz.
When transporting marijuana in your automobile it’s a good idea to be familiar
with all state motor vehicle laws. This would’ve been a handy tip for Colorado’s
Scott Patrick Harmon as he cruised down Interstate 75 in Florida without his
seatbelt fastened. This detail did not go unnoticed by Gainesville police, who
pulled Scott over and gave him a ticket. Not only that, a subsequent search of his
vehicle turned up 37 pounds of marijuana worth about $175,000. Scott presumably
wore a seatbelt in the back of the police car on the way to jail.
Edith Hancock recently picked up some things at a Chicago Wal-Mart. Edith didn’t
buy the items, she just picked them up. Unfortunately for Edith, her shoplifting trip
was less than successful and she was arrested. Edith informed police officers that
she was three months pregnant and kept asking officers for just one blow. If you’re
not in the loop, that’s slang for heroin and Edith said she wanted it because she was
"getting dope sick." Officers found multiple bags of heroin in her purse and Edith
said she only wanted one because she had ten and already used at least a couple.
An unnamed 53-year-old Russian man has been arrested for allegedly stabbing his
friend to death. It seems the former teacher had been staying with his 67-year-old
friend for several months when one evening the two got into an argument over
literature. When the elder man proclaimed that the only real literature is prose, the
former teacher and poetry lover became so enraged that he stabbed his friend to
death. Entirely no one will be shocked to learn that both men were drunk.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
MO’ DUH…
A couple in Sweden were awoken in the middle of the night by a noise coming
from their balcony. Homeowner Tomas Holmberg rushed to the balcony, flung
open the door and overpowered the would-be thief. The burglar didn’t resist as
Holmberg pulled him inside, sat him down in the kitchen and offered him some
coffee while he called police. Holmberg said, "He looked forlorn and quite cold so
I thought he could use a gulp of coffee." The burglar subsequently apologized to
Holmberg and then sat quietly drinking his coffee until officers arrived.
Pennsauken, New Jersey’s Vincent Wade was driving through North Philadelphia
when he lost control of his car and struck a Crown Fried Chicken restaurant. For
reasons known only to himself, Vincent then got out of his car, began yelling,
stripped off his clothing and started pleasuring himself as onlookers captured the
scene on video. While the video doesn’t clearly show Vincent’s activities, one
witness said, “Oh, he was most definitely making himself feel happy.” In what
explains everything, Vincent was arrested for DUI. (See NSFW clip here)
In Pennsylvania, former Wyoming Valley West teacher Lauren Harrington-Cooper
is accused of allegedly having sex with a pair of students. Following numerous
suggestive conversations, one 16-year-old boy said Lauren told him about her
marriage troubles and when she said she had the hots for another 17-year-old boy
the 16-year-old fixed them up. The 17-year-old boy said Lauren told him to delete
their text messages so she wouldn’t get in trouble. Apparently he forgot to do so
because Lauren is now in jail.
Houston’s Emmanuel Augustine was seeking to hire a woman to provide him with
some temporary affection. Unfortunately, the woman he hired was an undercover
female deputy. Even worse, he’s Harris County deputy Emmanuel Augustine and
he apparently didn’t get the memo from his coworkers at the Precinct 4 Constable's
Office, which conducted the sting. Augustine is now facing a misdemeanor charge
of solicitation and has been suspended without pay pending an investigation.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
January 30th, 2014
HISTORY LESSON…
1649: England's King Charles I was beheaded
1847: The city of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco.
1933: The Lone Ranger made his radio debut (on WXYZ in Detroit)
1933: Adolf Hitler was named chancellor of Germany
1948: Indian political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi was murdered by a
Hindu extremist.
1958: Then-22-year-old Yves Saint Laurent held his first major fashion show in
Paris.
1964: The United States launched Mariner 6, an unmanned spacecraft equipped
with a television camera, which crash-landed on the moon.
1968: North Vietnam launched the Tet offensive, considered the turning point of
the Vietnam War
1969: The Beatles played their last live show, a 42-minute set on the roof of Apple
Records
1979: The civilian government of Iran announced it had decided to allow
Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to return from exile in France.
1981: Some 2 million New Yorkers turned out for a ticker-tape parade honoring
the freed American hostages from Iran
1994: The Buffalo Bills lost their record setting fourth straight Super Bowl, this
time to the Dallas Cowboys, 30-13
Birthday Partiers:
actor Gene Hackman (The French Connection, Hoosiers, The Unforgiven) 84
actress Vanessa Redgrave (Camelot, Howard's End, The Pledge) 77
former Vice President Dick Cheney 73
musician Phil Collins 63
actor Christian Bale (The Dark Knight, American Psycho, The Fighter) 40
actor Wilmer Valderrama (That '70s Show, Fast Food Nation, Larry Crowne) 34