Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
THE BITS…
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are reportedly ready to expand their family. In
fact, they’ve been promised free airfare for life if they name the kid South West.
Some are now saying that comedian Andy Kaufman faked his death in 1984. So,
that was Andy that I saw at 7-11 hanging out with Elvis and Tupac!
Some are now saying that comedian Andy Kaufman faked his death in 1984. Andy
hasn’t been seen in so long that people assumed he was either dead or had his own
show on the CW network.
Alex Rodriguez was reportedly caught having sex with a woman in a bathroom at a
Miami hotel. Unfortunately, Rodriguez tested later positive for performance
enhancing Viagra.
Alex Rodriguez was reportedly caught having sex with a woman in a bathroom at a
Miami hotel. I’m lucky to go into a public restroom and find an available urinal.
A new poll finds that President Obama's approval rating has hit a new low of just
42 percent. That’s awful because that means Obama is now just four times more
popular than Congress.
It’s now reported that only 27,000 people signed up on the government’s health
care website during the first month. Actually, only 1,000 signed up for health care
and the other 26,000 signed up to get a date with the lady on the homepage.
It’s now reported that only 27,000 people signed up on the government’s health
care website during the first month. They say it’s the worst health news for
America since McDonald’s brought back the McRib.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
SON OF THE BITS…
Toronto mayor Rob Ford has now admitted that he bought illegal drugs. However,
the mayor claims he was only using the drugs because he was training for the Tour
de France.
Toronto mayor Rob Ford has now admitted that he bought illegal drugs. However,
he’s still confident he can patch things up with Khloe Kardashian.
It was on this date in 1851 Herman Melville's novel Moby Dick was first published
in the U.S. I hate to disappoint anyone that hasn’t read it, but Moby Dick is
actually about a whale.
Several inches of snow fell in Hawaii yesterday. Just in time for the snowfall
Hawaii approved gay skiing.
Several inches of snow fell in Hawaii yesterday. In fact, it was so cold that hula
dancers were wearing grass overcoats.
State controlled liquor stores in Virginia will again offer discounts on the day after
Thanksgiving. That’s the day known as Blackout Friday.
State controlled liquor stores in Virginia will again offer discounts on the day after
Thanksgiving. The problem with having liquor sales around Thanksgiving is that
for weeks afterward you’re drinking leftover Wild Turkey.
According to a new study, eating chocolate could lower a person’s levels of body
fat. That means if you want to lose weight, instead of doing stomach crunches you
should be doing Nestle Crunches.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
TODAY’S AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have reality highlights from
Survivor and X Factor and a late night round up with Jay, Dave, The
Jimmys, Craig and Conan.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
Did comedian ANDY KAUFMAN fake his death in 1984? A 24-year-old woman
claiming to be his daughter showed up at Monday’s 9th Annual Andy Kaufman
Awards in New York and said that Andy faked his death to escape the spotlight
and has secretly been living as a stay-at-home dad with a wife and daughter. The
event was hosted by Andy’s brother and he also talked about a letter he found
while going through Andy's stuff in which he wrote of a plan to fake his death. So,
is this just another Kaufman family hoax? TMZ did some digging and found that
when you look up Andy on the Internet database of record, there is no date of death
listed and it shows him living in both Cook County, Illinois and Westchester
County, New York in 2001. As for when Andy plans a reveal, the woman said he
considered coming out that night, but backed out at the last minute. (See here)
ALEC BALDWIN'S alleged stalker Genevieve Sabourin is heading to jail! She
hasn’t been convicted of the crime yet, but the judge gave her 30 days for contempt
after she interrupted court proceedings again yesterday, ranting to the judge that
court officers had molested her. Meanwhile, e-mails Genevieve wrote to Baldwin
were presented in which she asked Baldwin to marry her so she could get her green
card and kick start her acting career by using his fame. She also said that if he
didn't pay for her to move to New York to live with him, she would wage a
"massive destructive war" worse than his fight with Kim Basinger. She also told
Alec that she knows where he lives, works and hangs out and that she would take
yoga classes with his wife to get close to him. Genevieve also wrote that she didn't
want to harm him in any way, but did want to straighten his ass out, because he had
humiliated her for the last time. However, in a setback for Alec, his pal, "Scarface"
producer Martin Bregman, testified that Alec did sleep with Genevieve.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
MICHAEL JACKSON’S mother has appealed the verdict of her $40 billion
wrongful death lawsuit against AEG Live. Katherine Jackson filed new court
documents in Los Angeles after hearing comments made the jury following the
conclusion of the five-month trial last month. The bad news for the Jacksons is that
verdicts are rarely reversed unless the judge makes some major errors.
CHARLIE SHEEN’S ex-wife, Brooke Meuller, may soon be homeless! Charlie is
selling the house he bought for her in his gated community because he wants her
out ASAP! In fact, Charlie wants her out so bad that he’s selling the house for
what he paid for it. There could be a revenge factor involved as Brooke would get
half of any profit on the sale of the house under the terms of their divorce, but half
of nothing is nada.
JUSTIN BIEBER doesn’t seem to be making too many fans in South America,
aside from hookers and groupies. Argentineans are steamed at Bieber after his
show in Buenos Aries when two Argentine flags were tossed onto the stage.
Instead of picking them up and waving them, Bieber is seen kicking and stepping
on the flags before sweeping them off the stage with a microphone stand. In
addition to cheesing off the people of Argentina, mistreating the flag is a crime
punishable by prison time. (See here)
HAYLEY ORRANTIA, who plays the daughter on The Goldbergs, has been cited
for running a red light following an accident that put a 23-year-old man in the
hospital with a brain injury after she T-boned his car at high speed. Police say
drugs or alcohol weren’t involved, but the family of the other driver claims she
took her eyes off the road to look at the GPS on her phone, although Hayley’s
lawyer denies that. The man is now in a rehab facility and his family is soliciting
donations online to help pay his medical bills. (Hear 911 call here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
The DUCK DYNASTY guys often speak of their religious values and WILLIE
ROBERTSON was going to talk about those beliefs at a Tennessee benefit for the
religious organization Family Ministries. Well, Willie was going to speak at their
gathering until he was axed at the last minute. Apparently forgetting that Bible
story about Jesus turning water into wine, Family Ministries uninvited Willie after
the Robertsons announced plans for their new Duck Commander Wines. Family
Ministries says that wine goes against their core values.
KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST are reportedly ready to expand their
family. A source tells Us Weekly that Kim wants her kids to be close in age and
West wants a huge family. The source says they’ll start trying for another baby
next summer, after the wedding.
Did ROBIN THICKE and BRITNEY SPEARS hook up? In Touch Weekly says
they did about 10 years ago. A source explains, “He was trying hard to develop a
reputation as a hot, young singer, and Britney was the biggest thing in show
business.” They supposedly started hooking up after meeting for a possible duet.
Britney was single after splitting from Justin Timberlake, but Robin was already
with future wife Paula Patton.
There are some startling revelations in MIKE TYSON’S new book, Undisputed
Truth. Tyson confesses that he was on coke and marijuana for much of his career
and did drugs shortly before his shocking defeat to British boxer Danny Williams
in 2004. He also admits using a device called a "whizzer" to cheat on a drug test
after a fight against Lou Savarese in 2000. Tyson also admits doing cocaine before
the infamous 2002 press conference when he bit Lennox Lewis on the leg.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 4…
ALEX RODRIGUEZ reportedly had a romp with a groupie in the bathroom stall of
a Miami hotel! Rodriguez has been dating Torrie Wilson for nearly two years, but
Radar Online says A-Rod was caught in the act with a brunette in the ladies room
of the Delano Hotel’s UMI Sushi & Sake Bar last Sunday. They also say Alex had
been seen earlier in the evening making out with the woman in the hotel lobby.
The feud between MARIAH CAREY and NICKI MINAJ doesn’t seem to have
ended with their runs on "American Idol." When Mariah was asked about her time
on the show she said, "Honestly, I hated it…It was like going to work every day in
hell with Satan." Mariah didn’t say who she was referring to with the ‘Satan’
comment, but it probably wasn’t Keith Urban! (See here)
The feud between LADY GAGA and MADONNA rages on. When asked why
Madonna seems to have an issue with her, Gaga said: "I think she's more
aggravated that I'm not upset that she doesn't like me.’ Cause I don't care that she
doesn't like me... No, I don't care... It's such nonsense…There's always this pissing
match: 'She's taking her torch, is she the new her, is she going to outlast her or
not?'" Gaga went on to say, "There's this thing with some people that I'm a threat to
the throne. I don't want your f**king throne, no thanks, I have my own."
A somewhat unlikely celebrity feud has broken out between JOAN RIVERS and
JENNIFER LAWRENCE. It started when Jennifer criticized Rivers’ TV show
saying, "There are shows like the Fashion Police that are just showing these
generations of young people to judge people based on all the wrong values and that
it's OK to point at people and call them ugly or fat." Rivers fired back on Twitter
saying, "WAIT! It just dawned on me why Jennifer Lawrence fell on her way up to
the stage to get her Oscar…She tripped over her own arrogance." Joan added, "It's
funny how Jennifer Lawrence loved (Fashion Police) during Awards Season when
we were complimenting her every single week…But now that she has a movie to
promote, suddenly we're picking on all those poor, helpless actors."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 5…
After denouncing reality TV and saying it ruined his kids, guess who’s returning to
reality TV? Yes, JON GOSSELIN and his girlfriend, Liz Janetta will appear on
the new season of VH1's Couples Therapy. The others include The Real L Word’s
Whitney Mixter and Sada Bettencourt, Ghostface Killah and Kelsey Nykole,
Taylor Armstrong and her fiance, John Bluher, and Farrah Abraham. By herself.
There could be a feud brewing between MARK WAHLBERG and TOM CRUISE.
At the premiere of his new Navy SEALS movie Lone Survivor, Wahlberg was
asked about his rigorous training for the film and he teed off saying, "For actors to
sit there and talk about ‘Oh, I went to SEAL training'? I don't give a f--k what you
did. You don't do what these guys did. For somebody to sit there and say my job
was as difficult as being in the military? How f--king dare you, while you sit in a
makeup chair for two hours." Wahlberg added: "I don't give a sh-t if you get your
ass busted. You get to go home at the end of the day. You get to go to your hotel
room. You get to order your f--king chicken." Tom Cruise’s deposition recently
went public in which he compared a movie shoot to serving in Afghanistan.
Wahlberg never mentioned Cruise by name, but he probably didn’t have to.
MILEY CYRUS stopped by a London radio station this week and took part in the
show’s 'Bum Bum Bongos' feature in which the host played drums on her butt!
Miley also did a parody of that Justin Bieber sleeping video, by inserting herself
into the video in place of Bieber’s groupie. Miley also said that joint smoking stunt
at the MTV Europe Awards was impromptu and she finished it later! (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
SONS OF ANARCHY creator Kurt Sutter is talking to FX about doing a prequel
series after the show’s seventh and final season. Season six just wrapped filming.
Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing will reunite on COURTENEY COX’S show
COUGAR TOWN! MATTHEW PERRY will guest star on an episode during the
next season, which starts in January.
Former Saturday Night Live player MAYA RUDOLPH is apparently ready for
prime time. Maya will star in her own prime-time variety show that’ll debut as a
special on NBC after the Winter Olympics.
Project Runway host TIM GUNN will headline his own fashion competition series
called Under the Gunn. It’ll feature Project Runway alumni Mondo Guerra, Anya
Ayoung-Chee and Nick Verreos, who will mentor and manage a fashion empire
with 15 new up-and-coming designers. Look for it on Lifetime in January.
You can look forward to a kinky Valentine’s Day in 2015! Universal Pictures has
announced that the FIFTY SHADES OF GREY movie that was supposed to be out
next summer has been pushed back to Valentine’s Day weekend 2015.
DON CHEADLE will star in a biopic of jazz legend MILES DAVIS called "Kill
the Trumpet Player." Cheadle will also be making his directorial debut. Ewan
McGregor will co-star as a Rolling Stone reporter and Zoe Saldana will play his
ex-wife Frances Davis.
SHIRLEY MITCHELL, the last-surviving adult cast member of "I Love Lucy,"
has died at the age of 94. She had the recurring role of Lucy’s pal Marion Strong.
Mitchell also played Opal Clampett on "The Beverly Hillbillies" and appeared on
"Petticoat Junction."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES…
Here are last week’s top 10 albums (with sales figures) according to Billboard
magazine…
1. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP 2 - 792,000
2. Celine Dion - Loved Me Back To Life - 77,000
3. Duck the Halls: A Robertson Family Christmas - 73,000
4. Katy Perry - PRISM - 61,000
5. Avril Lavigne - Avril Lavigne - 44,000
6. Kelly Clarkson - Wrapped In Red - 43,000
7. Drake - Nothing Was the Same - 37,000
8. Lorde - Pure Heroine - 35,000
9. Arcade Fire - Reflektor - 31,000
10. Pentatonix - PTX: Vol. II - 31,000
U2 are reportedly planning to announce their next studio album in a Super Bowl
advertisement. The album is tentatively due in April.
ROGER WATERS is working on his first rock album since 1992's Amused to
Death. Waters say it’s a rock opera of sorts about an old man and a young child
trying to figure out why they are killing the children.
Katy Perry, Jennifer Lopez and TLC have been added to the performing lineup of
the AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS. Katy will open this year's show with a
performance of "Unconditionally," from her new album "Prism." The show airs
November 24th on ABC.
LADY GAGA hosts and performs on "Saturday Night Live" this weekend and she
and Kenan Thompson have recorded promos for the show that have been posted on
YouTube. (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES 2…
The E channel will air a 90-minute BRITNEY SPEARS TV special called I Am
Britney Jean, on Sunday, December 22nd. E says the special will offer "an
intimate look at one of the most overexposed yet under-revealed stars of today as
she faces one of her biggest challenges ever while finishing her album, shooting
videos, doing press -- and being a mom."
R. KELLY and JUSTIN BIEBER have recorded a song together and they plan to
release it next week. It could explain why Bieber tweeted a message to Kelly a
couple weeks ago saying, "They aren't ready."
JOAN JETT AND THE BLACKHEARTS aren’t very popular with some South
Dakota farmers and ranchers. They’re upset because Jett has been selected to
perform on the state's float in the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The
problem is Joan is a vegetarian and animal rights advocate and cattlemen note that
she also criticizes livestock production practices. However, state officials are
throwing Macy’s under the bus, saying they assigned Jett to the float.
TOBY KEITH will serve as grand marshal for this weekend’s NASCAR Sprint
Cup series finale at Homestead-Miami Speedway. DIERKS BENTLEY will
perform a pre-race show.
GARTH BROOKS has a new boxed set on the way called Blame It All on My
Roots. The set contains songs Garth has been performing for the last four years
during his one-man show at the Wynn Resort in Las Vegas. The boxed set is
available exclusively at Wal-Mart and includes 77 tracks and a DVD of a concert
at the Wynn Resort. The set will be available on November 28th.
BRAD PAISLEY will hit the road on the Beat This Winter tour. The tour kicks off
on January 9th in Greenville, South Carolina. Chris Young and "The Voice"
winner Danielle Bradbery will open.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Actor Damian Lewis; actor Idris Elba
Today: ``The Voice'' contestants; entrepreneur Martha Stewart
Kelly & Michael: Seth Meyers; Idris Elba; Miss Universe Gabriela Isler
The View: Guest co-host Camila Alves; actors Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan;
actor Will Forte
The Talk: Actress Christina Applegate
Queen Latifah: LL Cool J; Parenthood's Monica Potter
Ellen: Kerry Washington (``Scandal''); David Morrissey (``The Walking Dead'')
Primetime:
ABC: Callie is stunned to be facing a malpractice suit, so she turns to her dad, who
divulges a secret to her on Grey’s Anatomy
Fox: X Factor elimination night and the Glee gang learns to twerk!
Lifetime: Actors Michael Urie and Gabourey Sidibe are guest judges Project
Runway All Stars
TNT: NBA hoops with the Rockets at Knicks and Thunder at Warriors
ESPN: College football with Georgia Tech at Clemson
Late Night:
Jay Leno: Craig Ferguson; actress Jaimie Alexander; JRand and Flo Rida perform
David Letterman: Claire Danes; actor Will Forte; Metric performs
Jimmy Kimmel: Sarah Silverman; illusionist David Blaine; Charlie Wilson
Conan: Melissa McCarthy; Billy Gardell; Chris Elliott
Jimmy Fallon: Damian Lewis; actor Steve Coogan; Sheryl Crow and Wanz
Craig Ferguson: Actor Donald Sutherland
Arsenio: Cast of ``The Best Man Holiday''); Anthony Hamilton performs
Carson Daly: Actress Erin Foley; Two Door Cinema Club performs
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
November
14th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER…
If you thought Starbucks was already everywhere, the first Starbucks on a train
was unveiled this week in Zurich, Switzerland. The Starbucks on board the Swiss
Federal Railways train will serve its first cup on the train line running from the
Geneva Airport to St. Gallen in Switzerland on November 21st. It's one of the
smallest espresso bars and stores that Starbucks has ever designed. However, they
say not to expect train car Starbucks in America anytime soon.
It’s getting to the point where it’s easier to list the stores that won’t be starting
Black Friday on Thanksgiving. If you’re looking to work off your turkey by
shopping don’t go to Costco, BJ’s Wholesale Club or Nordstrom because they’ll be
closed on turkey day.
Lululemon found its products stretched thin earlier this year when it was
discovered that their yoga pants were a little too revealing. After correcting that
problem, Lululemon founder Chip Wilson sat down with Bloomberg TV last week
to chat about his wife’s meditation website. However, when anchor Trish Regan
asked him about the see-through yoga pants debacle, Chip performed a deft yoga
move by placing his foot into his mouth. Chip blamed the pants fail on women’s
thighs and their tendency to rub together. That fail prompted Chip to post a moisteyed apology on YouTube where he threw himself under the bus. (See here)
If you like Sriracha and you like Bacon, you may still not like the Sriracha Bacon
Lollipop. A Texas company called Lollyphile has created the lollipop along with
other flavors such as absinthe, breast milk and blue cheese. Lollyphile owner Jason
Darling says, "If they do well, they get to stay on the roster." The lollipops are
priced at four for $10 and among those that didn’t stay on the roster were the
curried lollipops as Darling admits, "No one bought them."
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
November
14th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
A puppy named Rupee has become the first dog to climb Mount Everest. Joanne
Lefson found Rupee in a dump in Northern India when he was 8 months old and
was starving, dehydrated and barely able to walk. Rupee and Joanne climbed for
10 days to reach base camp at 17,000-feet above sea level. Animal lovers will feel
better knowing that Joanne consulted a vet before the trip and the vet said that
because Rupee was born in the Himalayas, the altitude would not affect him or
make him sick. Joanne says Rupee is a fine example of what can be achieved when
a homeless dog is given a second chance. (See here)
If you live for danger, here are the 10 Most Dangerous Jobs In America…
1. Fishers and related fishing workers; 2. Logging workers; 3. Aircraft pilots and
flight engineers; 4. Structural iron and steel workers; 5. Farmers and ranchers; 6.
Roofers; 7. Electrical power-line installers and repairers; 8. Driver/sales workers
and truck drivers; 9. Refuse and recyclable material collectors; 10. Police and
sheriff's patrol officers.
You wouldn’t think there would be a market for male chastity devices, but there
apparently is. A company called CB-X is the self-proclaimed "World Leader In
Male Chastity," although it’s hard to imagine they have much competition for the
title. In any case, they offer a designer collection that includes, wood, chrome and
camouflage finishes in which to store your junk, so to speak. In addition to easing
the minds of suspicious partners, there’s apparently a kink factor for those who are
turned on by someone taking control down there. This denied access means the
wearer must please the key holder in order to receive the reward. CB-X sales
director Jason Yates said his father-in-law invented the product, along with his
wife, adding that his Thanksgiving dinners get spicy when his wife, knowing he's
got the cage on, "pulls the key out of her bra" when nobody's looking. If you’re
wondering, prices start at $150.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
November
14th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 3…
According to a new study published in the journal Nutrition, eating chocolate could
lower levels of total and abdominal fat. New research shows higher chocolate
consumption in adolescents was also associated with lower Body Mass Index, or
BMI. Some 1458 adolescents, aged 12-17, took part in the research, although
researchers didn’t look at the type of chocolate consumed in the study.
If you think Big Brother is wild, Japan apparently has a reality show called
“Orgasm Wars.” It involves a gay porn star attempting to bring a straight male
porn star to climax against his will by oral means. While the privates are
strategically hidden from cameras, all the other action is in plain view for all to see.
(See here…surprisingly probably SFW)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
SPORTS SHIRT…
Houston Texans coach Gary Kubiak will return to coach his team on Sunday
against Oakland. Kubiak collapsed on the field at halftime in Houston's loss to
Indianapolis on November 3rd.
The Kansas City Chiefs say they’ll start wide receiver Dwayne Bowe in Sunday
night's game against the Broncos in Denver, despite his recent arrest on charges of
possession of a controlled substance and speeding.
Kyle Williams has been claimed by the Kansas City Chiefs, just a day after he was
released by the San Francisco 49ers.
Former Oakland Raiders tight end and broadcaster Todd Christensen died
yesterday morning due to complications from surgery. Christensen was a five-time
Pro Bowler and had fought liver disease and other illnesses in recent years.
Florida State freshman quarterback and Heisman Trophy candidate Jameis
Winston is part of an ongoing investigation into a sexual assault complaint filed
with the Tallahassee Police Department in December 2012. Winston's attorney said
police contacted him in February 2013, but no charges were filed and he was never
interviewed by police.
Clayton Kershaw of the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Detroit Tigers’ Max
Scherzer were named winners of the National and American League Cy Young
Awards yesterday.
The Buffalo Sabres cleaned house yesterday, firing coach Ron Rolston and general
manager Darcy Regier and hiring Pat LaFontaine and Ted Nolan. LaFontaine will
be president of hockey operations and Nolan returns as Sabres interim coach.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
Scoreboard
NBA
Orlando 94 Milwaukee 91 Final
Philadelphia 123 Houston 117 Final OT
Charlotte 89 Boston 83 Final
Toronto 103 Memphis 87 Final
Minnesota 124 Cleveland 95 Final
New York 95 Atlanta 91 Final
San Antonio 92 Washington 79 Final
Denver 111 L.A. Lakers 99 Final
Utah 111 New Orleans 105 Final
Portland 90 Phoenix 89 Final
Sacramento 107 Brooklyn 86 Final
L.A. Clippers 111 Oklahoma City 103
Final
NHL:
Minnesota 2 Toronto 1 Final SO
Philadelphia 2 Pittsburgh 1 Final
Dallas 3 Edmonton 0 Final
Today’s Games
NFL
Indianapolis at Tennessee (8:25 PM)
NCAAF:
Georgia Tech at Clemson (7:30 PM)
NBA:
Houston at New York (8:00 PM)
Oklahoma City at Golden State (10:30
PM)
NHL:
Columbus at Boston (7:00 PM)
Los Angeles at N.Y. Islanders (7:00 PM)
Anaheim at Tampa Bay (7:30 PM)
Phoenix at Chicago (8:00 PM)
Colorado at St. Louis (8:00 PM)
Dallas at Calgary (9:00 PM)
San Jose at Vancouver (10:00 PM)
NCAAM:
William & Mary at Wichita St. (8:00
PM)
Texas Southern at Miami (7:00 PM)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
DUH…
Waukesha, Wisconsin’s 41-year-old Benjamin Duddles recently got a woman into
bed. Getting her out didn’t go so smoothly. After sharing some drinks, they had
‘adult relations.’ As is often the case, that was followed by sleep. This is what led
Duddles to call 911 for assistance in removing the woman from his bed because
she was "snoring like a train" and was sleeping like she's dead. Police determined
the woman was fine, aside from her sleep apnea, and recommended that Duddles
sleep on his couch and work things out with her in the morning.
There’s nothing worse than drinking alone, except for maybe having your
neighbors turn down your invitation to drink with you and then calling 911 twice
to report them. James Collins found that out the hard way after he got so upset with
his neighbors for not wanting to drink with him. No word on whether Collins
found anyone to drink with in jail after police arrived, noticed he reeked of alcohol,
had a container of “Blue Ice” in his front pocket and arrested him.
Florida 911 dispatcher Shauna Justice was training a new hire when a call came in
about a man that had collapsed on a racquetball court. Instead of taking over for
the rookie, video showed Shauna continuing to text on her phone while her trainee
bungled the emergency. By ‘bungled,’ we mean the trainee accidentally sent the
ambulance to the wrong location. By the time help arrived, the man had died.
Shauna was suspended for three days, but was later arrested for pointing a gun at a
reporter who tried to get her side of the story.
In Eastern Uganda, a man bet the house on Arsenal to beat Manchester United in
their English Premier League matchup last weekend. Henry Dhabasani made a bet
with friend Rashid Yiga and put up his three wives, five children and his home
against Rashid’s Toyota and his wife. Arsenal lost and a group of Manchester
United fans stormed Henry's house and kicked him and his wives and children out
of their now former home.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
MO’ DUH…
In Battle Creek, Michigan, Lakeview Middle School sixth-grader Caitlyn Jackson
died last weekend after a long battle with leukemia. On Monday, at least a dozen
students showed up for school in orange or blue shirts, many bearing Caitlyn’s
name. Unfortunately, the school said the shirts violated the dress code and students
were ordered to change the shirts, turn them inside out, or put duct tape over
Caitlyn’s name. After outrage all around and Caitlyn’s mother saying, “That hurt
me to the point that I didn’t think I could be hurt anymore,” school officials finally
relented and allowed students to wear the shirts on Tuesday.
Charles "Chuck" Barry went to the drive-thru of a Trinity, Florida, Dunkin'
Donuts, identified himself as a police officer and asked for a discount. When the
clerk refused, Barry proved he was a policeman by holding up a gun and saying,
"See, I'm a cop!" The next day Barry went through the same drive-thru and the
manager took down his license plate number and real cops staked out Dunkin
Donuts. After Barry’s next donut run he was pulled over by the real police, who
found he had a law enforcement badge in his wallet and a .38 caliber revolver in
his front pocket. Barry was fingered by employees and arrested on gun charges and
for impersonating a law enforcement officer and.
Mahogany Grandison was visiting a friend in Huntsville, Alabama and parked in
an illegal spot. She and others were towed away, but when it came time to settle
up, Mahogany was charged $350 while the others were only billed $200. The
perhaps misnamed Affordable Towing says Mahogany rang up the extra charges
because she threatened and cussed at their employees. Mahogany claims it wasn’t
her and she even apologized for the person who did curse them out. The towing
company now says if Mahogany wants to really apologize they’ll give her at least
some of her money back.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
November 14th, 2013
HISTORY LESSON…
1851: Herman Melville's novel Moby Dick was first published in the U.S.
1922: The BBC made its first radio broadcast
1964: Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings set an NHL record by scoring his
627th career goal
1966: Boxing's largest indoor crowd gathered at the Houston Astrodome to see
Cassius Clay defeat Cleveland Williams
1968: Yale University announced it was going coed
1971: McDonald's raised the price of a Quarter Pounder from 53 to 55 cents in
violation of President Nixon's price controls.
1972: The stock market closed above 1000 for the first time
1972: Blue Ribbon Sports changed its name to Nike.
1973: Britain's Princess Anne married commoner Mark Phillips in a ceremony at
Westminster Abbey.
1987: Sonny and Cher reunited on the David Letterman Show and sang I Got You
Babe
1996: Michael Jackson married Debbie Rowe
1998: Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman were married in Las Vegas
Birthday Partiers:
Britain's Prince Charles 65
actress Laura San Giacomo (Just Shoot Me, Quigly Down Under, Pretty Woman)
52
actor Patrick Warburton (Seinfeld, Less Than Perfect, Rules of Engagement) 49
actor Josh Duhamel (Las Vegas, Transformers, When In Rome) 41
musician Travis Barker (Blink-182) 38