Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
THE BITS…
The Kardashians are closing their Kardashian Khaos store in Las Vegas after
nearly three years in business. On the bright side, the Kardashian’s store lasted
longer than their marriages.
A new article in Rolling Stone magazine slams the Kardashians for their
gargantuan egos. On the other hand, Playboy magazine is praising the Kardashians
for their gargantuan asses.
Kanye West was briefly hospitalized yesterday in Melbourne, Australia with a
severe migraine headache. Doctors say he got the headache from listening to
Kanye West CDs.
Kanye West was briefly hospitalized yesterday in Melbourne, Australia with a
severe migraine headache. Apparently Yeezy was queasy.
A fossil of a swamp-dwelling creature has been named after Mick Jagger. The
creature had large lips, lived 19 million years ago and…no, wait, that’s Mick.
Fashion designer Donna Karan is writing her memoir. The publisher says the
book’s cover will be ideally suited for both the office and a night on the town.
There are some calls for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to resign over the Ray
Rice controversy. The good news for the NFL is that Ray Rice has caused
everyone to forget about the Redskins controversy.
Congress is criticizing NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, saying he didn’t act
swiftly enough to punish Ray Rice. You know you’re slow if Congress doesn’t
think you’re acting swiftly enough.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
SON OF THE BITS…
President Obama addressed the nation last night to outline his plans to battle
jihadists. Apparently Obama’s plan is to lure the jihadists into an elevator with
Ray Rice.
President Obama addressed the nation last night to outline his plans to battle
jihadists. Although, Obama is now admitting that it was probably a mistake to give
his speech from the golf course.
President Obama was reportedly denied a tee time at one of Donald Trump’s
famous golf courses over Labor Day weekend. Unfortunately, that also means we
can probably forget about seeing Obama on Celebrity Apprentice.
President Obama was reportedly denied a tee time at one of Donald Trump’s
famous golf courses over Labor Day weekend. Apparently Trump’s golf courses
require golfers to present their birth certificates.
Scientists say an extreme solar storm is heading towards Earth and could be here
this morning. They’re advising that when you leave for work this morning that you
take an asbestos umbrella.
Scientists say an extreme solar storm is heading towards Earth and could be here
this morning. Unfortunately, they say it means tonight’s baseball game could be
called on account of sun.
Scientists say the Earth's protective ozone layer is beginning to recover. They say
that ozone levels are on the upswing over the Antarctic region and Charlie Sheen.
Scientists say the Earth's protective ozone layer is beginning to recover. They say
the ozone layer had been thinning since the late 1970s, just like Bruce Willis’ hair.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
TODAY’S AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have reality clips from Big Brother,
Hell’s Kitchen, America’s Got Talent and a late night round up with
Dave, The Jimmys, Craig, Seth and Conan.
Plus more from Pamela Furr and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
www.BitmanComedy.com
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
There are some calls for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to resign over the
RAY RICE controversy. Even Congress wants an explanation of the league’s
handling of the incident. Goodell still says they never saw the full video of Rice
punching his then-fiancee in the elevator, but later admitted they never requested a
copy of it from the hotel. However, a law enforcement source now says they sent a
copy to an NFL employee and proved it by playing for the Associated Press a 12second voicemail from an NFL office number on April 9th confirming the video
arrived. A female voice expresses thanks and says: "You're right. It's terrible."
Feeling the heat, the NFL has appointed former FBI Director Robert Mueller to
investigate how the league handled evidence in the case. Goodell says Mueller will
have access to all NFL records.
It’s now reported that it was an unplanned biopsy on JOAN RIVERS' vocal cords
that led to her death. Joan went to Yorkville Endoscopy for a diagnostic procedure
to see why her voice had gotten raspy. During the routine procedure, the doctor
reportedly noticed something and did a biopsy on her vocal cords. During the
biopsy, Rivers' vocal cords apparently seized, cutting off her air supply. Then,
while they were trying to resuscitate her, her heart stopped. Experts say the clinic
should never have allowed the biopsy since they didn’t have patient consent and
because a biopsy should only be done in a hospital.
SHIA LABEOUF has pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct over that incident in
June when he went nuts at a Broadway show and started smoking cigarettes,
yelling at the actors onstage, and swearing at security guards and hollering "Do
you know who I am?" as he was escorted out. Under Shia’s plea deal he’ll avoid
jail time and probation as long as he stays in treatment for alcohol abuse for at least
three months and remains out of trouble for six.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
TAYLOR SWIFT may not be the innocent victim in her little spat with KATY
PERRY. The feud apparently started when three of Taylor's dancers left her to go
on tour with Katy. Taylor supposedly felt betrayed because she became close with
the dancers and considered them family. However, it turns out that the dancers had
actually worked with Katy first and when Katy's tour ended they needed work, so
they signed on with Taylor. But, TMZ says that before they signed with Taylor
they told her they didn’t want to sign for the full tour and wanted a 30-day out so
they could re-join Katy if her tour resumed. Katy hit the road, the dancers gave
their 30-day notice, but Taylor got so steamed that she fired them on the spot.
BRITNEY SPEARS is reportedly putting the squeeze on adult actress Cali Lee.
She’s the one that had a fling with her boyfriend, David Lucado, which led to their
split. When Lucado and Britney started dating, he had to sign a confidentiality
agreement promising not to blab about Britney. Obviously, Cali never signed such
a deal and now Britney’s team is worried David might’ve spilled some dirt on
Britney to her. Britney’s legal team has sent Cali a nasty letter warning her not to
dish because Lucado had a deal. However, Cali's lawyer told her she’s not bound
by Lucado’s deal and can say whatever she wants.
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA husband APOLLO NIDA was on his way
to report for his 8-year prison sentence for money laundering and check fraud
yesterday, but he apparently decided to take a little detour. Apollo swung by wife
PHAEDRA PARKS’ house and went nuts because she refused to put money in his
prison account and refused to bring their kids to prison to visit him. A screaming
match ensued and the Bravo reality show cameras were there to capture it all.
Phaedra is ticked at Apollo because she says he spent the last two months partying
at strip clubs instead of spending time with family.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
NICKI MINAJ has revealed what really happened with her wardrobe malfunction
at the MTV Video Music Awards last month. Nicki walked on stage to join Ariana
Grande and Jessie J for “Bang Bang” while clutching her unzipped little black
dress. While some said it was a publicity stunt, Nicki told Ellen DeGeneres she had
to do a quick change from her Anaconda outfit into the Bang Bang dress. Since
Nicki didn’t have time to go backstage, her people stood around her holding
curtains while she changed in the dark. However, when they went to zip the dress
up the zipper broke. Nicki said, “I didn’t have any underwear on. No underwear.
No bra, because I had just taken off the Anaconda outfit. So I was butt a— naked.”
Don’t expect to see NICKI MINAJ on next year’s Fashion Rocks special! Word is
that Nicky threw a diva fit when she was told she couldn’t rehearse “Anaconda”
multiple times before the telecast. Nicki threatened to quit at the last minute and
producers even arranged to have Kiss perform two extra songs to cover Nicki’s
time slot. However, Nicki calmed down and ended up performing, but disregarded
the network’s warning to tone down her act for television. Nicki’s moves were so
suggestive that cameras had to cut away from her dancing at one point because
witnesses say she was basically having sex on stage. It’s probably a good thing
they did as word is she was going commando underneath her short dress!
Afterwards, Nicki took to social media to slam producers for cutting out parts of
her performance that she wanted fans to see. (See here)
It’s safe to say that PRESIDENT OBAMA and DONALD TRUMP aren’t the best
of friends, but this won’t thaw the icy relationship. Word is that Obama was denied
a tee time at one of Trump's famous golf courses over Labor Day weekend. Obama
tried to get tee times at Trump National Golf Club in Westchester County, New
York, but his advance team was denied. Obama was also denied at Winged Foot
and Willow Ridge, but those club managers say that giving the President a tee time
would require shutting down the whole course to their own members.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 4…
KHLOÉ KARDASHIAN is back on the market as she and rapper FRENCH
MONTANA have split. Team Khloé let it slip to Us Weekly that she’s the one who
broke things off because she got tired of his "needy, obsessive" behavior and that
he’s having trouble accepting it. However, Khloé supposedly still thinks he's a
great guy.
CHARLIE SHEEN is chipping in for Philadelphia Eagles running back LeSean
McCoy’s restaurant tab. After word got out that McCoy tipped his waiter 20 cents
on a $60 tab, Charlie pledged to send the waiter $1,000! Charlie sent a message to
the restaurant owner saying, "Please tell Rob K I'm pledging 1000 dollars to him
for the tip debacle just wanna help. c #NoJudgement"
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH was taking questions from the audience at the
Toronto Film Festival when one woman stood up and said, “Benedict, I actually
think you’re quite yummy.” When the moderator asked the woman for an actual
question, she asked: “Would I be able to feast on your yumminess?” Cumberbatch
responded that he’s taken, adding that he didn’t think he’d have to answer
questions from someone who wants to taste his deliciousness.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE is kicking off its 40th season on September 27th with
host Chris Pratt and musical guest Ariana Grande. The following week, Sarah
Silverman will host with musical guest Maroon 5.
Showtime has announced that the upcoming seventh season of EDIE FALCO’S
series NURSE JACKIE will be its last. The final season will air in 2015.
SONS OF ANARCHY returned for its final season with a bang, so to speak. The
show had 6.2 million total viewers, which was an all-time high for the series.
You might not want to get too attached to the new reality series UTOPIA. The
ratings for the second episode of the show fell 55 percent to a mere 2.5 million
viewers on Tuesday night. The show was planned to last an entire year.
The FASHION ROCKS special didn’t rock the ratings on Tuesday night. The
show drew only 2.4 million viewers, which is less than half the size of the audience
that watched the last Fashion Rocks telecast in 2008.
MORGAN FREEMAN is joining the cast of TED 2. Freeman will play a civil
rights lawyer who defends the talking teddy bear after he runs into some legal
drama. Ted 2 is coming to a theater near you June 26th, 2015.
RICHARD KIEL, who became famous for portraying the James Bond villain Jaws
in the movies The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker, died yesterday at the age
of 74. The 7-foot-2 Kiel also co-starred with Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore.
He’d broken his leg last week and was in a hospital in Fresno, California, although
there’s no word on if his death was related to the leg injury.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES…
Here are last week’s top 10 albums (with sales figures) according to Billboard
magazine…
1. Maroon 5 - V - 164,000
2. Jeezy - Seen It All: The Autobiography - 121,000
3. Soundtrack - Guardians of the Galaxy - 53,000
4. Ariana Grande - My Everything - 42,000
5. Bob Marley - Legend - 41,000
6. Counting Crows - Somewhere Under Wonderland - 32,000
7. Soundtrack - Frozen - 30,000
8. Sam Smith - In the Lonely Hour - 29,000
9. Various - Now 51 - 28,000
10. Wiz Khalifa - Blacc Hollywood - 20,000
A lot of people apparently like free stuff as Apple says over 200,000 people
downloaded the new U2 album Songs of Innocence in its first 24 hours.
OK GO is considering legal action against Apple following their rollout of the new
iPhones earlier this week. At the unveiling, Apple played a video called
Perspective, but the band says it was a rip off of their video for The Writing's on
the Wall. Not only had the band met with Apple in April to pitch the concept as a
collaborative project, which Apple declined, but Apple wound up hiring the same
production company behind OK Go's video to make their clip. (Compare and
contrast here and here)
Luke Hemmings from 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER posted a naked photo of
himself on Twitter with the caption ‘rehearsal was getting boring.’ The picture
actually shows two of them naked with strategically place guitars. (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES 2…
The fossil of a swamp-dwelling creature that lived 19 million years ago in Africa
has been named after MICK JAGGER. Its scientific name is Jaggermeryx naida, or
“Jagger’s water nymph,” because the scientist who found it thought it had large
lips like Jagger. It’s not Mick’s first fossil namesake as he also has a type of
trilobite marine fossil named after him.
A couple of solo albums from QUEEN’S ROGER TAYLOR are on the way. The
first is called "Best," which will be out October 27th. It’ll have 18 tracks from his
1977 solo debut single through tunes from last year’s album "Fun On Earth."
That’ll be followed by the 12-CD/1-DVD set "The Lot" on November 11th. It’s
been available overseas, but is making its North American debut. The set features
three releases from another band of Taylor’s called The Cross, which featured
guest appearances from Freddie Mercury.
STEVIE WONDER will hit the road this fall with the Songs in the Key of Life
Performance Tour. Stevie will perform the album in its entirety on the 11-city tour
that begins November 6th at New York's Madison Square Garden.
ARIANA GRANDE has announced her first official North American headlining
tour. The Honeymoon Tour will kick off on February 25th, 2015 in Kansas City.
MILEY CYRUS unveiled her "Dirty Hippie" art collection yesterday during
Jeremy Scott's show at New York Fashion Week. The collection includes a 5-foot
bong, a vibrator and other eclectic items and will go on display at the V magazine
offices starting today. (See here)
NICKI MINAJ has announced that her upcoming album, The Pinkprint, will be out
on November 24th.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES 3…
KANYE WEST was rushed to a hospital yesterday in Melbourne, Australia with a
severe migraine headache. However, Kanye was treated and was able to perform
last night at the Rod Laver Arena.
KIX BROOKS is working on a reality show pilot for the Food Network called
Steakout. The show will have Brooks traveling across America while checking out
local steakhouses.
KEITH URBAN recently wrapped his Raise ‘Em Up Tour and he’s made a video
with opening acts Brett Eldredge and Jerrod Niemann and their crew thanking the
fans, set to Journey’s song “Faithfully.” (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Actors Tom Hardy and Noomi Rapace
Today: Actor James McAvoy
Kelly & Michael: Katharine McPhee (``Scorpion'')
The View: Former co-hosts reunite (R)
The Talk: George Lopez
Queen Latifah: Singer Boy George (R)
Ellen: Comic David Spade
Primetime:
ABC: On the season finale of The Quest, the paladins are taken prisoner and must
act quickly to save the queen and themselves.
CBS: Thursday Night Football Steelers at Ravens
NBC: The season premiere of The Biggest Loser has NFL veterans Scott Mitchell
and Damien Woody, Olympic gold medalist Zina Garrison and ex-WNBA player
Vanessa Hayden getting back in shape
ESPN: College football Houston at BYU
Late Night:
Jimmy Kimmel: Morgan Freeman; Julianne Hough; Ingrid Michaelson performs
David Letterman: Jason Bateman; Ryan Adams performs
Jimmy Fallon: Chris Brown performs
Craig Ferguson: Author Ben Mezrich
Seth Meyers: Harry Connick Jr.; Nick Jonas performs
Conan: Actor Kunal Nayyar; Garfunkel and Oates perform
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
September
11th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER…
Scientists say an extreme solar flare is heading our way and could mess up some
power grids, satellites and radio transmissions. Forecasters at the Space Weather
Prediction Center don't yet know when the solar storm will arrive here or which
part of the planet will be facing the sun and bear the brunt of the effects when it
does strike. It could be as early as this morning to a few days from now.
You may have tried to get in on Olive Garden's big promotion on Monday in which
they sold 1,000 cards for $100 each that entitled the bearer to as much pasta they
could eat as often as they wanted for seven weeks. As you might guess, a number
of those cards are now on sale at eBay for more than the original $100 purchase
price. But, before you bid, be warned that Olive Garden says the cards are "nontransferable and may not be re-sold."
There’s a new million dollar listing in New York City. While that may not be
anything out of the ordinary, this million dollar listing is for a parking space! A
apartment development in SoHo called 42 Crosby Street is offering buyers the
option of purchasing an underground parking spot that will cost more per square
foot than the apartments in the building. While the parking spaces will cost
anywhere from $5,000 to $6,666 a square foot, a three-bedroom unit will cost
between $3,140 and $3,170 per square foot.
You may have seen the video this week of a Michigan 4-year-old picking up a
puppy and repeatedly throwing it in the street. Several times the puppy gets up and
runs back into the boy’s yard and he again picks it up and tosses him, with the
puppy twisting and spinning in the air, sometimes landing on his legs and other on
his head or back. The local sheriff is investigating it as an animal cruelty case and
while that investigation is ongoing, animal lovers should be relieved to hear the
puppy has been rescued and examined by a vet and found to be fine. Animal
Control is working on finding a new home for it.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Thursday,
May 29th,
2009
September
11th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
Nearly 5 million G-mail addresses and passwords were posted to an online forum
this week. However, the addresses appear to be up to three years old, although
some say that over 60 percent of the accounts may still be active. They don’t think
the leak came directly from Google, but from other sites where people used their
G-mail addresses as the user name. If you still use your G-mail address and you’ve
had it for awhile there’s a website called isleaked.com that’ll let you check to see if
your e-mail address is among those leaked.
Researchers may have developed a new form of birth control. The twist is that this
one is for men. They’ve tested it on male baboons and say it appears to
successfully prevent pregnancy in females. The procedure requires just one
injection into the male. They haven’t said how long it lasts, but they say it can be
reversed with another injection. They hope to do human trials next year and if all
goes well it could be on sale as early as 2017.
Apparently it’s not too early to start thinking about Christmas as Wal-Mart has
revealed its 2014 “Chosen by Kids Top 20 Toys List." Topping the list is the Snow
Glow Elsa doll from the movie "Frozen." The $39.99 doll’s dress lights up, speaks
15 phrases from the film and sings the song "Let It Go." Other toys they expect to
be hot this year are the Sew Cook Sewing Machine for $34.97, the Make Your
Own Cell Phone Cover Kit for $24.99, the Crazy Cart spinning go-kart, which
retails for $349 and the Leap TV video gaming system.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
SPORTS SHIRT…
Ray Rice isn’t the only domestic violence crisis the NFL has to deal with. Carolina
Panthers Pro Bowl defensive end Greg Hardy has been convicted on two counts of
domestic violence and is still playing pending an appeal. Ray McDonald of the San
Francisco 49ers also remains active while he’s being investigated for abuse
allegations.
Johnny Manziel could see some action this weekend when the Cleveland Browns
take on the New Orleans Saints. Brian Hoyer is still set to start, but sources say
Cleveland could use its Manziel package at some point during the game. However,
it was also mentioned as a possibility before their opener against the Steelers, but it
never materialized.
Arizona Cardinals linebacker John Abraham has left the team after suffering
another concussion Monday night. Abraham is said to be suffering from severe
memory loss and has been for well over a year. It’s said that this latest hit could be
a career-ending injury.
Former Montreal Canadiens and Anaheim Ducks center Saku Koivu has
announced his retirement. The 39-year-old Koivu played 18 seasons in the NHL,
appearing in 1,124 regular-season games and 80 Stanley Cup Playoff games.
Mike Tyson is in Toronto this week performing his one-man show "Undisputed
Truth," but his interview on a local TV show was an undisputed failure. When the
hosts brought up Tyson’s rape conviction, he called the interviewers a ‘piece of
S…’ and dropped the F-bomb. (See here-not bleeped)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
Scoreboard
MLB:
American League
Baltimore 10 Boston 6 Final
N.Y. Yankees 8 Tampa Bay 5 Final
Minnesota at Cleveland (PPD)
Kansas City 3 Detroit 0 Final
L.A. Angels 8 Texas 1 Final
Chi. White Sox 2 Oakland 1 Final
Houston 5 Seattle 2 Final
National League
Atlanta 6 Washington 2 Final
Pittsburgh 6 Philadelphia 3 Final
N.Y. Mets 2 Colorado 0 Final
Cincinnati 4 St. Louis 2 Final
Milwaukee 4 Miami 1 Final
L.A. Dodgers 4 San Diego 0 Final
San Francisco 5 Arizona 0 Final
Interleague
Toronto 11 Chi. Cubs 1 Final
Today’s Games
NFL:
Pittsburgh at Baltimore (8:25 PM)
MLB:
American League
Minnesota at Cleveland (12:05 PM)
Oakland at Chi. White Sox (2:10 PM)
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Yankees (7:05 PM)
L.A. Angels at Texas (8:05 PM)
Boston at Kansas City (8:10 PM)
National League
St. Louis at Cincinnati (12:35 PM)
Arizona at San Francisco (3:45 PM)
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia (7:05 PM)
Washington at N.Y. Mets (7:10 PM)
Miami at Milwaukee (8:10 PM)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
DUH…
Grant O'Connor and a female friend were having dinner at Don Pepe's Mexican
Restaurant in Mt. Pleasant, Tennessee. Over dinner, they made plans to get high
and go to a drug dealer's house. Unfortunately for Grant, police were listening in
on the conversation, which was made possible by Grant butt-dialing 911. Police
traced the call and got to the restaurant just as they were leaving and found
marijuana and drug paraphernalia in her car. The woman said she didn’t know the
stuff was there and wasn’t arrested, although the same can’t be said for Grant.
Midland, Texas’ 43-year-old Buddy Myers lives near a Frisbee golf course and
apparently isn’t a fan of the sport. That became obvious recently when yet another
Frisbee landed in his yard and the owner came looking for it. After knocking on
Buddy’s door and getting no response, the golfer went around back to find his
Frisbee. Instead, he found Buddy, who came out yelling and fired a shot at the
golfer before barricading himself in his house. Following a brief standoff Buddy
was arrested and neighbor Steve Conley said, “Not really surprised at Buddy but
we’re surprised that he took a shot at a kid…That’s a little over the top.”
Fruitport Township, Michigan’s 46-year-old Shirley Mason is accused of
shoplifting several bags worth of items from a local Wal-Mart. While the theft
went well, they getaway didn’t. It seems Shirley’s getaway vehicle was a
motorized shopping cart she also stole from the store. Police caught up with
Shirley a couple miles away and she told the officer she couldn’t find anyone to
give her a ride, so she stole the cart because she didn't feel like walking. When
Shirley couldn’t provide receipts for her goods, she was carted off to jail.
When a Paris burglary victim spotted her husband's watch for sale online she called
police, which led to the quick arrest of an unnamed suspect. The thief confessed
that he used master keys to enter apartment buildings and burglarize the units. Our
friend may want to consider a new line of work, but probably won’t, as he’s been
arrested 87 previous times in connection with burglaries in Paris.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
MO’ DUH…
At just 16 years of age, Front Royal, Virginia’s Tiana Ramos developed a business
plan, rounded up investors and opened her own donut shop. Unfortunately for
Tiana, conservatives in town are threatening a boycott because she named it The
Naughty Girls Donut Shop. The name comes from Tiana’s love of pinup models
such as Marilyn Monroe and Betty Paige, whose posters adorn the walls and while
conservatives have described it as a bikini barista, they’ve apparently never visited
as the staff wears rockabilly outfits. They may also be unaware that Tiana has
donated over $28,000 of her profits to local charities, including churches.
An unnamed Sparta, Wisconsin man was startled when someone turned on his
bedroom light. That someone was Dawn Cole, whom he’d met a couple of times.
Still, this was no reason for her to intrude, so he escorted her out. However, around
3am, Dawn returned to his home and began pounding on a window, saying she
could see him inside. The man called police and Dawn told arresting officers that
she broke into the man’s home because she wanted to “cuddle with him.”
An unnamed IT worker in Langzhou, China was arrested on his lunch break for
looking at porn. While that may seem harsh even by China’s standards, it seems
our friend accidentally displayed his personal porn stash on a big screen outside
Maryland Stadium. Security guards spotted the gaffe after 12 seconds and pulled
the plug, but not before several onlookers had their camera phones out and posted
the photos online. In addition to his arrest, our fapping friend was fined $450.
Seattle’s 64-year-old Paul Hunter was in an alleyway dressed in a tuxedo. While
that may seem like unusual alleyway attire, Paul was with a female companion of
the rented variety and was in the process of conducting an intimate transaction
when another couple happened by. This scared the temporary girlfriend away
before the transaction could be completed, angering Paul and prompting him to
pull a non-euphemistic gun from his pants and fire a shot at them. The drunken
Paul missed the couple, but the gunfire alerted police, who arrested him.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Thursday,
September 11th, 2014
HISTORY LESSON…
1789: President George Washington named Alexander Hamilton to be the first
secretary of the treasury.
1921: Comedian Fatty Arbuckle was arrested on suspicion of manslaughter for the
death of a starlet in an alleged sexual assault during a party. Arbuckle was
eventually cleared, but his career had been ruined.
1928: Ty Cobb had his last major league at bat
1941: The groundbreaking ceremony for the Pentagon took place.
1954: The Miss America pageant made its network television debut on ABC as
Miss California, Lee Ann Meriwether, was crowned the winner
1959: Congress passed a bill authorizing food stamps
1974: Little House on the Prairie, starring Michael Landon, premiered
1985: Pete Rose broke Ty Cobb's record with his 4,192nd hit
1996: David Bowie's Telling Lies became the first single by a major artist to be
released exclusively on the Internet
2001: Terrorists hijacked four commercial jetliners, flying them into the World
Trade Center towers and the Pentagon. The fourth plane went down in
Pennsylvania when passengers overcame the hijackers
2002: Nick Nolte was arrested on DUI charges
2003: Actor John Ritter died at the age of 54.
Birthday Partiers:
director Brian DePalma (Scarface, The Untouchables, Carlito's Way) 74
actress Kristy McNichol (Empty Nest, Family, Little Darlings) 52
actress Virginia Madsen (Full Disclosure, Firewall, Sideways) 51
musician Moby 49
singer/actor Harry Connick Jr. (Will & Grace, American Idol) 47
TV reporter Maria Bartiromo 46
rapper Ludacris 37