Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
THE BITS…
Today is the first full day of fall. In the northeast, the leaves are falling, the
temperature is falling and the New York Giants are falling.
Today is the first full day of fall. In fact, it’s starting to get chillier than Khloe
Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s marriage.
Today is the first full day of fall. Soon, the temperatures will be plunging lower
than the neckline of Claire Danes’ Emmy dress.
The Primetime Emmy Awards were handed out last night and Julia-Louis Dreyfuss
won for her role as the vice president on Veep. In fact, political pundits say this
makes her the front runner in 2016.
The Primetime Emmy Awards were handed out last night. The award for Best
Awards Show host came down to a battle between Tony Awards host Neil Patrick
Harris and Emmy Awards host Neil Patrick Harris.
The Primetime Emmy Awards were handed out last night. My favorite part was the
in memoriam montage of Dexter victims.
Michael Douglas won an Emmy for his portrayal of Liberace in Behind the
Candelabra. If you’re too young to remember Liberace, he was quite a talented
pianist. Not only that, he was a very good piano player.
The Primetime Emmy Awards were handed out last night. Last night’s show was
kind of dull. You know it was a bad telecast when the montage of dead celebrities
got the most laughs.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
SON OF THE BITS…
Some people are saying that last night’s Emmy Awards show was the worst ever.
You could tell the show was a bit of a downer when Breaking Bad won the award
for Best Comedy.
Nurse Jackie's Merritt Wever won the Emmy for supporting comedy actress and
gave the shortest acceptance speech ever by saying, "Thanks so much. Thank you
so much! I gotta go. Bye!" Coincidentally, that’s how Miley Cyrus broke up with
Liam Hemsworth.
Kanye West has proclaimed that he’s “the number one rock star on the planet” and
that his album “Dark Fantasy could be considered to be perfect.” In fact, Kanye’s
talent is eclipsed only by his humility.
The Dexter series finale was on last night. In a bizarre ending, Dexter’s days as a
serial killer came to an end with a low-speed freeway chase in a white Bronco.
Jennifer Mee, the Florida woman that gained notoriety a few years back for her
non-stop hiccupping, has been found guilty of first-degree murder. On the bright
side, prison should scare the hiccups out of her.
A British fast food chain has developed a wider French fry bag for customers with
large hands. If your hand is too fat to fit into a French fry bag, you’ve already had
too many French fries.
An 8-inch snake forced a Qantas Boeing 747 to be grounded. Authorities had to
call in wildlife experts, maintenance crews and Samuel L. Jackson.
An 8-inch snake forced a Qantas Boeing 747 to be grounded. It was the first
incident on a jet involving an 8-inch snake that didn’t involve the mile-high club.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
TODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have Breaking Bad and the Dexter
series finale, plus Neil Patrick Harris hosts the Primetime Emmy
Awards.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
There was controversy before last night’s Emmy Awards. The late JACK
KLUGMAN’S son, Adam, said he thought it was criminal that his father was
passed over for an in memoriam tribute in favor of CORY MONTEITH. Klugman
said, "My dad was at the inception of television and helped build it in the early
days. It's an insult and it really seems typical of this youth-centric culture that has
an extremely short attention span and panders to only a very narrow demographic"
of young adults. Klugman added, "I don't mean to say anything disparaging about
Cory, but he was a kid who had won no Emmys and it was a self-induced tragedy."
It wouldn’t be surprising, but Us Weekly says a split is coming "soon" for KHLOE
KARDASHIAN and LAMAR ODOM. The magazine reports that her assistants
packed up Lamar's clothes and dropped them off at his loft and that "She'll be the
one who ends things, and it will be soon." Meanwhile, Radar Online reported that
Kris Jenner is telling her daughter to file for divorce. Kris also shared a mysterious
video on Twitter titled “family meeting.” No word on what the subject matter was,
but everyone was there, minus Kanye West and Lamar Odom.
BRUCE JENNER has confirmed reports that he underwent surgery earlier this
month to have a cancerous tissue removed from his nose, which required 30
stitches. Jenner is in full recovery, but he may be left with a large scar on his nose.
Last year, Jenner was treated for skin cancer on the side of his face.
JENNETTE MCCURDY, who plays Sam on Nickelodeon's Sam & Cat, canceled
her appearance at Nickelodeon's Worldwide Day of Play on Saturday after her
mom died. Debra McCurdy had been battling breast cancer for 17 years. It went
into remission, but returned and spread throughout her body, including her brain.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
JON GOSSELIN fired a "warning shot" at a photographer outside his cabin over
the weekend. When the woman followed Gosselin home from his new job waiting
tables and began photographing him, Jon pulled a gun out of his pants and yelled at
her for trespassing, before firing a warning shot and chasing her away in his car.
Gosselin says he’s licensed to carry a concealed handgun and that he has no regrets
about firing the weapon because she was the one who broke the law by trespassing.
CHRIS BROWN threw JAY Z under the bus while discussing his public image in
the wake of the Rihanna incident. Brown said to Jet magazine: "No disrespect,
because I'm a fan, but nobody brings up the fact that [Jay Z] stabbed somebody and
sold drugs. He gets a pass." That was a reference to Jay Z pleading guilty to
stabbing record executive Lance 'Un' Rivera outside a New York City nightclub in
December 1999.
A Twitter feud has apparently broken out between frontman ADAM LEVINE and
LADY GAGA. Levine tweeted: “Ugh…recycling old art for a younger generation
doesn't make you an artist. It makes you an art teacher.” Levine didn’t name
names, but Gaga responded by tweeting, “Uh oh guys the art police is here.” One
of her little monsters chimed in, “Wait, wait, wait did Adam Levine shade LG?
And was Gaga's tweet her response to that? OMG.” Lady G then responded,
“That’s us, changing the world. Twisting the panties of one pop star at a time.”
MILEY CYRUS revealed she spent seven hours in a cafe in Amsterdam, where
marijuana can be legally dispensed. Miley said of her excursion, "There was
business and pleasure. But [the Amsterdam trip] was more pleasure. It wasn't on
the map. I had never been there before, so obviously I needed to go … Did I look
different going in than I did going out? Didn't you know that coffee [in
Amsterdam] makes your eyes like this and gives you mad cotton mouth?" (See
here) (More on Miley in Music Notes)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
Apparently SIMON COWELL could’ve been a father a few years ago. His exgirlfriend Sinitta has revealed she aborted his baby when they were dating four
years ago. She’d spoken about her abortion in 2009 before, but didn’t name the
baby daddy until now. No word on whether Simon knew about it at the time.
You may remember the name Gennifer Flowers. She was one of numerous women
to come forward claiming to be one of PRESIDENT CLINTON’S women on the
side. She’s now writing a sex advice column called “Ask Mistress Gennifer” for a
website dedicated to Penthouse founder Bob Guccione and claims Bill would’ve
stayed with her had his daughter Chelsea not been born. She also says he told her
that Hillary Clinton is “bisexual,” but he didn’t care, and Hillary “had eaten more
p***y than he had.” Gennifer now says Clinton was the love of her life and that he
got in touch with her out-of-the-blue in 2005 after 13 years of silence. However,
they never met up because she says: “I was scared. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to
see him in my heart of hearts. I was just afraid.”
Former Saturday Night Live star ANDY SAMBERG married his girlfriend of five
years, Joanna Newsom, in Big Sur, California over the weekend.
CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY and Kenzie Dalton quietly parted ways earlier in the
year and his rep said in a statement, "Please respect their privacy at this time." Of
course, they would’ve had that privacy had the press release not been issued since
no one seemed to know they ended their engagement until then.
LINDSAY LOHAN’S mom’s house is reportedly heading for foreclosure. Bankers
recently moved to take Dina Lohan’s $1.3 million Long Island home because of
past due mortgage payments. Dina has been fighting to keep her home out of
foreclosure since 2005 and last year Lindsay gave her $40,000 to save the place.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
This Weekend’s Top 10 Movies…
1. Prisoners: $21.4 million
2. Insidious: Chapter 2: $14.5 million
3. The Family: $7 million
4. Instructions Not Included: $5.7 million
5. Battle of the Year: $5 million
6. We're the Millers, $4.6 million
7. Lee Daniels' The Butler, $4.3 million
8. Riddick, $3.6 million
9. The Wizard of Oz (3D/IMAX), $3 million
10. Planes, $2.8 million
After reports that said LAURA PREPON would only be back for one episode to tie
up her storyline on “ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK,” she told Us Weekly, “It’s
an amazing show, and my character is a total badass.” She said she’s definitely
coming back for Season 2, and it’s going to be awesome, but didn’t say for how
many episodes.
Word has it that you’ll only be seeing Taylor Armstrong in a few scenes of the
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS' upcoming fourth season. The
Beverly Hills bunch will be back on November 4th. Meanwhile, Star Magazine
says Gretchen Rossi and Alexis Bellino have been fired from the REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY. Rossi got in trouble with producers
because of her lack of storyline in Season 8 and made up her engagement to Slade
Smiley to stay relevant on the show. Meanwhile, Bellino was axed before season 8,
but was brought back at the last minute when a new cast member dropped out.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD 2…
KATIE COURIC is denying reports that she’s replacing BARBARA WALTERS
on THE VIEW. Katie tells E! News, "It's very flattering. I'm a big fan of Barbara's
and a big fan of the show, but it's completely false." Barbara Walters also denied
the reports.
Some 200 items from BREAKING BAD will go up for auction next Sunday, the
day that the series finale airs. Items include two yellow hazmat suits worn by
Walter White and Jesse Pinkman, a pink teddy bear, a bell and wheelchair from
Tio Salamanca, and Gus' computer. Walter's green Pontiac Aztek and Monte Carlo
will also be on the block, as will a pair of his tighty whities! You can check it out
at Screenbid.com.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
EMMY WINNERS…
Best Drama: Breaking Bad
Best Comedy: Modern Family
Best Miniseries or Movie: Behind the Candelabra
Best Reality-Competition Program: The Voice
Best Variety Series: The Colbert Report
Best Reality Program: Undercover Boss
Best Animated Program: South Park
Lead Actress, Drama: Claire Danes, Homeland
Lead Actor, Drama: Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom
Supporting Actor, Drama: Bobby Cannavale, Boardwalk Empire
Supporting Actress, Drama: Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Lead Actor, Comedy: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Lead Actress, Comedy: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Supporting Actor, Comedy: Tony Hale, Veep
Supporting Actress, Comedy: Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie
Guest Actress, Comedy: Melissa Leo, Louie
Guest Actor, Comedy: Bob Newhart, The Big Bang Theory
Guest Actress, Drama: Carrie Preston, The Good Wife
Guest Actor, Drama: Dan Bucatinsky, Scandal
Directing, Comedy: Gail Mancuso, Modern Family
Directing, Drama: David Fincher, House of Cards
Directing, Variety Series: Don Roy King, Saturday Night Live
Director, Miniseries or Movie: Steven Soderbergh, Behind the Candelabra
Choreography: Derek Hough, Dancing With the Stars
Lead Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Laura Linney, The Big C: Hereafter
Lead Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Ellen Burstyn, Political Animals
Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie: James Cromwell, American Horror Story: Asylum
Voice-Over Performance: Lily Tomlin, An Apology to Elephants
Host for Reality or Reality-Competition Program: Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn, Project Runway
Writing, Comedy: Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield, 30 Rock
Writing, Drama: Henry Bromell, Homeland
Writing, Variety Series: The Colbert Report
Writing, Miniseries or Movie: Abi Morgan, The Hour
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
MUSIC NOTES…
MUMFORD & SONS wrapped up their tour in Kansas on Friday night and
keyboardist Ben Lovett told Rolling Stone magazine "there won’t be any Mumford
& Sons activities for the foreseeable future." He added that the band has "no idea"
when they'll resume and that "We just know we’re going to take a considerable
amount of time off and just go back to hanging out and having no commitments or
pressure or anything like that."
MUSE won’t be very visible next year as they plan to concentrate on working on a
new album and may only play a festival or two. However, they do plan to release a
film of the concert they did at Rome’s Olympic Stadium earlier this year. The film
will be released in 4K, which is the highest resolution concert ever shot and four
times more powerful than HD. No word on a date, but it’ll likely get a limited
theatrical release in the U.S., including some Imax screens.
BON JOVI drummer Tico Torres was rushed to the hospital for a second time with
severe pain in his abdomen. This time he underwent emergency gall bladder
surgery and missed the band’s appearance at the Rock in Rio Festival. Torres is
expected to return to the Bon Jovi tour in the very near future.
KINGS OF LEON will headline the Molson Canadian NHL Face-Off in Montreal
on October 1st. Part of the band's set will be featured on the CBC pre-game TV
broadcast, "Hockey Tonight."
The New York Yankees held Mariano Rivera Day yesterday to honor the retiring
pitcher and METALLICA was on hand to perform Rivera’s signature entrance
song, “Enter Sandman,” live from the bullpen.
MICK JAGGER is about to become a great-grandfather! The 70 year-old Jagger's
21-year-old granddaughter, Assisi, is due to give birth next year.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
MUSIC NOTES 2…
The concert special "P!NK: The Truth About Love Tour" will premiere December
7th on EPIX. The concert was filmed during the Australian leg of the tour. (See
preview here)
ROBIN THICKE had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction while performing in Las
Vegas on Friday. A button on his shirt either came unbuttoned or popped off
entirely, revealing his belly while the zipper of his pants came part way down.
MILEY CYRUS had an intentional wardrobe malfunction while performing in Las
Vegas over the weekend. Miley wore a white mesh dress with just pasties covering
her breasts and a small black and white bikini bottom underneath. In another
performance, Miley sobbed as she sang 'Wrecking Ball'. (See here)
KATY PERRY has been ejected from Cincinnati Bengals games. The team had
been using Katy’s ‘Roar’ as their theme song, but fans growled about it, so the
Bengals organization has dropped the tune.
KATY PERRY recommends DRAKE’S song 'Hold On' for special occasions.
Katy calls it ‘sexy as hell,’ adding: "I listen to it with my boyfriend [John Mayer],
so I would suggest listening to it with whoever you wanna make out with." When it
comes to getting up and shaking her booty, Katy goes with Major Lazer's 'Bubble
Butt,' saying: “It's the song I like to get down to. I don't really even need to drink to
get down to it. It's great.”
Some racy photos of MICHAEL BUBLE and an unidentified woman feeling each
other up have surfaced online. They were taken back in 2000 while Buble was still
single and one photo shows him grinning as a woman slips her hand inside his
pants and another shows the woman topless with Buble and their friends focusing
their attention on her. (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
MUSIC NOTES 3…
A new track from ONE DIRECTION called Diana has leaked online. The song is
said to be dedicated to their fans as a token of appreciation. The low-fi recording
has been pulled from YouTube several times but it keeps getting re-posted. (Hear
here…maybe!)
RIHANNA was in Phuket, Thailand where she uploaded some photos of herself
with a furry primate called the slow Loris. Unfortunately, it’s a protected species
and when Thai authorities got wind of it, they found the guys that were using it as
a photo opportunity for tourists and arrested them.
WILL.I.AM and PHARRELL WILLIAMS are suing each other over Pharrell’s I
AM OTHER YouTube site. will.i.am claims Pharrell has a long, copycat history,
noting he’s being sued by Marvin Gaye’s family for allegedly ripping off “Got to
Give it Up” for “Blurred Lines.”
KANYE WEST has proclaimed that he’s “the number one rock star on the planet.”
In an interview with BBC Radio 1, he also offers such nuggets as, “No flip-flops
for black dudes! Wear some hot-ass Jordans on the beach!” He also says his album
“Dark Fantasy could be considered to be perfect” and that “People are gonna look
at this interview and say, ‘I don’t like Kanye. Look, he looks mad. I don’t like his
teeth.” (See here)
DWIGHT YOAKAM took home the 2013 Americana Music Honors & Awards
"Artist of the Year" award.
CARRIE UNDERWOOD became a trending topic on Twitter after performing the
Beatles' "Yesterday" during the Emmy Awards. Unfortunately the reviews weren’t
good as Conan O'Brian show writer Sean O'Connor wrote: "Some people never
forget where they were when JFK got shot, but I will never forget where I was
when Carrie Underwood murdered The Beatles."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Emmy moments and fashion; author Suzanne Somers; actress Wendi
McLendon-Covey
CBS This Morning: Actress Toni Collette; TV host Nancy O'Dell
Today: Emmy winners and losers; actor James Spader; Cher performs; ``Days of
Our Lives'' cast members
Kelly & Michael: Scarlett Johansson (``Don Jon''); James Spader (``The Blacklist'')
The View: Guest co-host Harry Connick Jr.; actress Ellen Pompeo; actress Wendi
McClendon-Covey; Jodi Benson performs
The Talk: Allison Janney and Anna Faris; pastry chef Gesine Bullock-Prado
Ellen: Author Jim Carrey; viral video star Christina Bianco; Nick Cannon
performs; guest DJ Ellie Kemper
Primetime:
ABC: Dancing with the Stars and the Castle season premiere are new
CBS: How I Met Your Mother and Two Broke Girls season premieres, plus the
new sitcom Mom and the crime drama Hostages.
Fox: Bones and Sleepy Hollow are new
NBC: The Voice returns, plus the new James Spader crime drama The Blacklist
CW: Hart of Dixie and Whose Line Is It Anyway reruns
ESPN: Football with the Raiders at Broncos
Late Night:
Jay Leno: Justin Timberlake performs; actress Paula Patton
David Letterman: Former President Bill Clinton; Tired Pony performs
Jimmy Kimmel: Patrick Dempsey; Paul McCartney performs
Conan: Zooey Deschanel; Kirk Fox and Jason Isbell
Jimmy Fallon: Ricky Gervais; actor Michael Shannon; MGMT performs
Craig Ferguson: Jesse Tyler Ferguson; actress Taylor Schilling
Arsenio: Nick Cannon; Steven Van Zandt; 2 Chainz performs
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May 29th,
2009
September
23rd,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER…
You may remember the story of Jordan Graham, who’s charged with pushing her
husband off a cliff to his death just eight days after their wedding. It turns out they
had a song written especially for them for the wedding and it included such
prophetic lyrics as: "everyone wants a safe place to fall, you are mine." (See here)
Jennifer Mee, the Florida woman that gained notoriety a few years back for her
non-stop hiccupping, has been found guilty of first-degree murder. The now 22year-old Mee had been accused of luring the victim to an abandoned home under
the pretense of buying marijuana. Once there, two of Mee’s friends robbed him at
gunpoint and he was shot four times in the ensuing struggle.
This is scary…newly declassified documents show that North Carolina almost got
nuked in 1961. Two hydrogen bombs were accidentally dropped over Goldsboro,
North Carolina on January 23rd, 1961 when a B-52 bomber broke up in mid-air.
One bomb was 260 times more powerful than the one dropped on Hiroshima and
three of its four safety switches failed, leaving only one low-voltage switch to
prevent disaster.
Four girls in Sydney, Australia won’t be going to next month’s One Direction
concert as planned because one of their moms is selling their tickets on eBay. The
ad reads in part: I hope the scowl on your bitchy little friends’ faces when you tell
them that your dad and I revoked the gift we were giving you all reminds you that
your parents are the ones that deserve love and respect more than anyone. Oh your
friends thought that a few prank calls would put me off selling the gift we bought
for them for your birthday because you all lied to us about sleepovers so you could
hang like little trollops at an older guy’s house. I find it highly amusing that you
girls think you invented this stuff. Tricks like this on our parents are how half of
you were conceived and why a lot of your friends don’t have an address to send
that Fathers Day card to! However, some are saying this may be a hoax.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May 29th,
2009
September
23rd,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
A Hayward, California family waited five hours to call police after their house was
sprayed by bullets, one of which struck a 10-year-old girl. The girl was shot in the
buttocks, but they thought the pain and bleeding was because she’d started her
period. The family did contact their doctor, who confirmed that the bleeding could
be consistent with a period and there were no clear signs the girl had been shot
when they took her to the bathroom to clean her. When the pain persisted, the
parents inspected her bed and saw bullet holes and finally did a full body
inspection of the girl and found an entry wound and immediately called 911.
Phoenix’s North Pointe prep school is under fire after its principal decided to make
up school T-shirts with the letters "WTF" on them. Principal Richard Gow
approved the "WTF" shirts because they stand for "We're The Falcons," which is
the school's mascot. Some parents such as Terra Lopez weren’t pleased as she said,
"Everyone knows what it means. That's the first impression and everyone thinks
it's funny. I think it's very distracting and I don't know what lesson they're trying
teach." Incidentally, Lopez's daughter was reprimanded earlier this year for
wearing a flowered headband because it violated the school's dress code.
On Friday night, Cassidy Lynn Campbell was crowned homecoming queen at
Marina High School in Huntington Beach, California. The big deal is that she’s the
first transgender homecoming queen at the school and she says, "I realized it
wasn’t for me anymore and I was doing this for so many people all around the
county and the state and possibly the world and I am so proud to win this not just
for me, but everyone out there.” However, not everyone was supportive as by the
end of her big night she uploaded a tearful video to her YouTube account saying
that people were being "ignorant" and "stupid" about her crowning. (See here)
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May 29th,
2009
September
23rd,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 3…
You may remember the story of that Paris woman who sent her three-year-old son
named Jihad to school in a T-shirt reading: "Jihad, Born September 11, I am a
bomb." Bouchra Bagour was found guilty of condoning a criminal act and fined
$2,700 and given a one-year suspended sentence.
Former Amazon.com chief financial officer Joy Covey, who joined the company
when it was a start up, was killed when her bicycle collided with a delivery van in
a remote stretch of California’s Silicon Valley. Ironically, police said that the van
was making deliveries for OnTrac, a shipping service used by Amazon.
Omaha’s Borgata Brewery and Distillery has begun a Kickstarter campaign to raise
money for a tasting room that will feature free samples of beer and whiskey. For
$5, donors will get their name on the Borgata website; for $20, they get a Pilsner
glass; for $150, an original signed print of a piece by artist David Koenig; for
$350, a person can name a stall in the ladies' room, and for $500, a urinal in the
men's room. For $750, the donor can name the fermenting vessel where the beer
brews, and the top amount, $3,500, lets the donor create and name his or her own
beer, which Borgata will serve in its tasting room.
You may recall last week’s story of ex-New England Patriots player Brian
Holloway, who watched his house being trashed by several hundred partying
teenagers online. His neighbors now say the house was already in disrepair and in
foreclosure, and they smell a rat. Holloway owes over $1 million on the house, is
behind on the payments and hasn't lived in it for a long time. Neighbors say it
wasn’t the first party at the house and there was already plenty of damage to the
home. Brian has set up a PayPal account requesting financial help to pay for
repairs, but they think Holloway is only collecting money to try and prevent the
foreclosure.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May 29th,
2009
September
23rd,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 4…
Newly designed $100 bills will arrive on October 8th, but some could be worth
$15,000. If it has a low serial number, such as 00000001 through 00000100 it
could be worth big bucks. Other serial numbers with certain patterns could also be
worth up to $1,000. So how do you get your hands on one? It could be pure luck,
or if you know a bank employee, especially a vault worker, they can swap one for
you if they don’t keep it for themselves.
Elderly people in South Africa have begun using condoms. No, not for that! Word
is going around the country that the lubricant oil on the rubbers helps alleviate
arthritis-related pain. Seniors rub the condoms on their painful joints and claim to
feel instant relief. Condoms are readily available, often for free, in South Africa,
which has one of the world's highest HIV infection rates. However, medical
experts say there’s no scientific evidence to back up the claims and are concerned
that condoms will now be wasted and not used where they’re needed most.
Anyone that’s ventured into the world of online dating has no doubt gotten some
creepy responses. Some prime examples include: “My only condition is every time
we kiss you wear a wolf mask. Deal?” “Why have you removed your bikini
picture? Great Abs. I said myself “Jesus Christ” that was such a glorious
creation…” “You’re cute and I want to do dirty things to your body. Anyway you
seem like a pretty cool person, I’d love to get together sometime and let you cook
for me.” (Have you heard from any weirdos?)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
SPORTS SHIRT…
Denver Broncos Pro Bowl linebacker Von Miller had his suspension upped from
four to six games after he got the collector in his drug test to switch samples. The
plot unraveled when a second collector discovered the switch.
San Francisco 49ers linebacker Aldon Smith will leave the team indefinitely due to
personal reasons. Smith apologized for his actions and vowed to fix his problem.
While he didn’t say what the problem was, Smith was arrested for DUI on Friday.
Tim Tebow has reportedly turned down that million dollar offer to play a game or
two for the Moscow Black Storm football team in Russia.
The baseball post-season is shaping up as the Atlanta Braves clinched the NL East,
the Oakland Athletics won the AL West and the St. Louis Cardinals wrapped up at
least a wild-card berth.
The Philadelphia Phillies have hired interim manager Ryne Sandberg as their full
time boss though 2016, with an option for 2017.
For the second straight weekend, Matt Kenseth and Kyle Busch finished 1-2 in
NASCAR’s Chase for the Sprint Cup. Yesterday’s race at New Hampshire Motor
Speedway was also Kenseth’s 500th NASCAR start.
Henrik Stenson closed with a 2-under 68 to win the Tour Championship and
clinched the FedEx Cup and its $10 million bonus.
University of Cincinnati offensive lineman Ben Flick was killed in an Ohio car
crash Saturday evening. Teammates Mark Barr and Javon Harrison were also
injured in the single-vehicle accident.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
Scoreboard
NFL
Baltimore 30 Houston 9 Final
Carolina 38 N.Y. Giants 0 Final
Detroit 27 Washington 20 Final
Tennessee 20 San Diego 17 Final
New Orleans 31 Arizona 7 Final
New England 23 Tampa Bay 3 Final
Cincinnati 34 Green Bay 30 Final
Dallas 31 St. Louis 7 Final
Cleveland 31 Minnesota 27 Final
Miami 27 Atlanta 23 Final
N.Y. Jets 27 Buffalo 20 Final
Indianapolis 27 San Francisco 7 Final
Seattle 45 Jacksonville 17 Final
Chicago 40 Pittsburgh 23 Final
MLB
Cleveland 9 Houston 2 Final
Chi. White Sox 6 Detroit 3 Final
Boston 5 Toronto 2 Final
Tampa Bay 3 Baltimore 1 Final
Kansas City 4 Texas 0 Final 10
Seattle 3 L.A. Angels 2 Final
Oakland 11 Minnesota 7 Final
N.Y. Mets 4 Philadelphia 3 Final
Miami 4 Washington 2 Final
Cincinnati 11 Pittsburgh 3 Final
Atlanta 5 Chi. Cubs 2 Final
Arizona 13 Colorado 9 Final
L.A. Dodgers 1 San Diego 0 Final
Washington 5 Miami 4 Final
Milwaukee 6 St. Louis 4 Final
San Francisco 2 N.Y. Yankees 1 Final
Today’s Games
NFL
Oakland at Denver (8:40 PM)
MLB:
Baltimore at Tampa Bay (3:10 PM)
Houston at Texas (8:05 PM)
Detroit at Minnesota (8:10 PM)
Toronto at Chi. White Sox (8:10 PM
Oakland at L.A. Angels (10:05 PM)
Kansas City at Seattle (10:10 PM)
Milwaukee at Atlanta (7:10 PM)
Philadelphia at Miami (7:10 PM)
N.Y. Mets at Cincinnati (7:10 PM)
Pittsburgh at Chi. Cubs (8:05 PM)
Washington at St. Louis (8:15 PM)
Arizona at San Diego (10:10 PM)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
DUH…
Colorado’s Cresthill Middle School and Highlands Ranch High School were on
lockout last Thursday due to a potential pirate attack. The lockout was triggered
when someone called police to report a group of pirates roaming the streets. It
turns out that it was Talk like a Pirate Day and Krispy Kreme was giving away free
donuts to people that dressed as a pirate. Police determined the pirates in question
were just a group of students on their way to the donut shop for free treats.
After it was revealed that the NSA snooped on communications by Brazil’s
president, one Brazilian hacker decided to get even. Unfortunately, instead of the
NSA, the hacker hacked his way into NASA’s Ames Research Center. The
misguided hacker posted the message: “NASA HACKED! BY #BMPoCWe! Stop
spy on us! The Brazilian population do not support your attitude! The Illuminati
are now visibly acting! Obama heartless! Inhumane! you have no family? the point
in the entire global population is supporting you. NOBODY! We do not want war,
we want peace!!! Do not attack the Syrians.”
Caller number-10 gets suspended from their job with pay! Three telephone
company employees in Canada were caught playing a radio station contest on the
job. The employees apparently used telephone company equipment to jump to the
head of the line and block other callers from getting in on a radio station’s Beat the
Bank contest and a chance at $50,000. Unfortunately, Bell Aliant caught on onto
their little scheme and not only notified the radio stations, but suspended the
employees with pay, which isn’t a bad consolation prize.
You may have flubbed a job interview before, but you probably didn’t blow it as
badly as one 49-year old man, identified only as Yong, who was seeking a job
from Zong Qinghou, the second-richest man in China, and chairman of the
Hangzhou Wahaha Group. Wahaha is perhaps what Zong was saying after he
turned down Yong for a job, who responded by brandished a knife and stabbing
Zong in the hand.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
MO’ DUH…
Oregon’s 86-year-old Lawrence Loeffler is on trial for the murder of his 83-yearold wife, Betty. Prosecutors say Lawrence carried out the attack after a series of
grievances with his family that included the failure of his stepdaughter to wish him
a happy birthday and his wife putting the lid on the ketchup bottle too tightly.
William Henry Hines and Nicholas Luther worked in the evidence room of the
Lewisville, Texas police department. Over the years, the two co-workers helped
themselves to cash and merchandise from the evidence room. Unfortunately, the
friends had a falling out and Rose ratted out Hines to superior officers. The ensuing
audit found that Rose was also guilty of lifting items from the evidence room and
now both men are facing felony charges.
The Scottish SPCA received a call about a ‘distressed’ owl that had been left tied
to a tree in front of a house all night. When an humane officer arrived at the scene,
he discovered the motionless owl was in fact a plastic lawn statue.
Redding, California’s 22-year-old Zara Crank called 911 saying her boyfriend
sexually assaulted her 4-year-old son, and requested officers meet her at the
hospital to investigate. Officers determined the boy was merely suffering from
diaper rash due to lack of care. That lack of care likely had something to do with
the container of meth coming out of Crank's shirt. Crank not only confessed to
possessing meth, she admitted she'd taken it the night before and had been up four
days and hadn’t been taking care of her son.
An unnamed 66-year-old man in Gigante, Colombia attempted to impress his new
girlfriend in an intimate sort of way by intentionally overdosing on Viagra. Sadly,
she would be the last woman he impressed. Instead of seeking medical help four
hours later, the man waited several days. Our friend was apparently happy to see
the doctor until he was informed that amputation was necessary to prevent
inflammation and gangrene from spreading to other parts of his body.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
September 23rd, 2013
HISTORY LESSON…
63 B.C.: Caesar Augustus was born in Rome
1779: John Paul Jones made his famous revolutionary war statement "I have not
yet begun to fight."
1845: The first baseball team in America, The Knickerbocker Base Ball Club of
New York, was formed
1846: The planet Neptune was discovered by German astronomer Johann Gottfried
Galle
1952: Vice Presidential candidate Richard Nixon went on TV to give his
"Checkers" speech in which he admitted accepting a pet dog as a gift and thereby
saving his vice presidential candidacy
1952: The first pay TV sporting event took place movie theaters showed live
coverage of Rocky Marciano winning the world heavyweight boxing title
1962: The prime time cartoon The Jetsons premiered on ABC
1969: The London Daily Mirror printed a story saying that Paul McCartney was
dead
1999: The Mars Climate Observer apparently burned up as it was about to enter
orbit around the Red Planet.
Birthday Partiers:
actor Mickey Rooney (Boy's Town, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Tropic Thunder) 93
singer Julio Iglesias 70
actor/singer Paul Peterson (The Donna Reed Show, The Happiest Millionaire) 68
actress Mary Kay Place (Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Big Love, It's
Complicated) 66
musician Bruce Springsteen 64
actor Jason Alexander (Seinfeld, Pretty Woman, Shallow Hal) 54
actor Chi McBride (Pushing Daisies, Boston Public, Undercover Brother) 52