Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
THE BITS…
This was the weekend we turned our clocks back one hour. A survey finds 10
percent used their extra hour for sleep, 5 percent said they spent it having sex and
the other 85 percent used the extra hour to set all their clocks back one hour.
This was the weekend we turned our clocks back one hour. I got an extra three
hours of sleep this weekend – one from the time change and the other two while
watching the Last Vegas movie.
Justin Bieber was photographed leaving a brothel in Rio de Janeiro over the
weekend. You really can’t blame Justin. He’s young, his hormones are raging and
it’s tough for him to find girls that are interested in him.
Justin Bieber was photographed leaving a brothel in Rio de Janeiro over the
weekend. Bieber had a lovely Brazilian…and then after they got done shaving him
he had sex with one of the girls.
Pamela Anderson ran in the New York City Marathon yesterday. Pam was
running to raise awareness of breast implants.
Pamela Anderson ran in the New York City Marathon yesterday. Pam says the
hardest part of running the marathon was trying to look down to see if her shoes
were still tied.
Teenager Courtney Stodden and 53-year-old actor Doug Hutchinson are ending
their three-year marriage. However, Doug says he will continue to love and cherish
Courtney’s breasts.
Teenager Courtney Stodden and 53-year-old actor Doug Hutchinson are ending
their three-year marriage. Apparently she wants to seek publicity with other people
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
SON OF THE BITS…
Reality TV star Kendall Jenner turned 18 years old yesterday. That means it’s time
for her to renew her fake I.D.
Heidi Montag has gone under the knife again, this time to reduce her bra size from
an "F" to a "D." That means the only big boob Heidi has is Spencer Pratt.
Houston Texans coach Gary Kubiak collapsed on the field at halftime of last
night’s game against the Indianapolis Colts. The Texans later collapsed on the
field in the fourth quarter.
President Obama has fallen to second place in Forbes magazine's annual list of the
most powerful people in the world. The good news is they say the most interesting
man in the world is still the Most Interesting Man In The World.
Mitt Romney has left Senator Ted Cruz off his list of electable Republican
presidential candidates in 2016. Of course, Mitt was left off the list of electable
Republican presidential candidates in 2012.
The IRS warns that scammers are calling taxpayers and saying they owe money
and must pay immediately or they could be jailed, deported or have their driver's
license revoked. You can tell it’s not really the IRS because they’re not that nice.
Kenyans swept the New York City Marathon yesterday. Donald Trump was
waiting at the finish line demanding to see their birth certificates.
A Cirque du Soleil performer in Las Vegas was hospitalized after falling during a
performance called the "Wheel of Death." Officials took immediate action and
have renamed the show Wheel of Injury.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
TODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have clips from Saturday Night
Live, The Amazing Race, The Walking Dead, and Sunday Night
Football’s final call.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
JUSTIN BIEBER was photographed leaving the Centaurus brothel in Rio de
Janeiro over the weekend. Someone tipped off the paparazzi that he was there and
his people had to smuggle him out under a sheet, but he was easily identified by his
gray wraparound wrist tattoo, which is visible in some photos, and his signature
sneakers. Word is Bieber was at the brothel for three hours and had a few girls sent
to his hotel room after he left. It was also reported that Bieber had been kicked out
of his hotel for breaking rules after partying, doing drugs and disturbing people for
several days. However, another source insisted that Bieber left because hordes of
fans mobbed the place, creating a “security issue.’’ (See pictures here)
CHARLIE SHEEN went on another rant and it could cost him custody of his
children, or even jail time! Charlie tore into the LA County Department of
Children and Family Services on his blog, calling them “inept and retarded doosh
[sic] bags” and the legal process “an abhorrent d**k dance that has NOTHING to
do protecting any child” and that they were “swayed by the evil and pathetic über
loser wh*re that calls herself Brooke,” referring to his ex-wife Brooke Mueller.
The department got even by telling Denise Richards, who has temporary
guardianship over twins Bob and Max, that she wasn’t allowed to take them to
Charlie's house for a scheduled weekend visit. Unfortunately, there was a gag order
in the case and now Brooke’s legal team says they’ll ask the judge to sanction him
for allegedly violating the order, although that doesn’t seem to bother Charlie, who
told TMZ, "If this is what they want, bring it 'cause I'll burn the house down."
Charlie added, "If I actually go to jail for talking, I'll do interviews in jail. The only
person more idiotic than Brooke in this case is the judge. The Dishonorable Judge
Douchebag." Charlie also said, "He [the judge] wants to put me in jail for trying to
save my boys? Go for it, fatty. I'll eat his lunch from jail." (Hear here - preview)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
ROBERT PATTINSON and KRISTEN STEWART may not be hooking up again
after all. A source close to Pattinson says they simply met up recently to discuss
the two dogs that they share. However, it must’ve been a lengthy discussion, as
they reportedly spent four hours together at his place. They were also spotted
celebrating the Mexican version of Halloween at Hollywood Forever Cemetery in
Los Angeles on Saturday.
It was more treat than trick for MILEY CYRUS on Halloween as she was seen
making out with musician BENJI MADDEN at Hollywood hotspot Bootsy
Bellows. They were also seen leaving the club together with a group of pals later
on. Adam Lambert was also there and at one point lit up what looked to be a joint
and handed it to Miley.
LAMAR ODOM fell off the wagon last week at Beacher's Madhouse in
Hollywood. Lamar was doing shots of Patron and for the next three hours he
constantly had a glass of champagne in his hand. On the bright side, sources say
Lamar was just drunk and didn't seem like he was on drugs. However, it doesn’t
seem to matter as far as his marriage goes as sources say Khloe Kardashian has
already decided to divorce him.
COURTNEY STODDEN and DOUG HUTCHINSON are reportedly ending their
three-year marriage. It was a creepy romance to begin with as the then-16-year-old
Courtney had to get parental permission to marry Hutchinson, who was 50 at the
time, and they even appeared on the reality show "Couples Therapy" to defend the
relationship and to try and score publicity. Radar Online says it was Courtney that
pulled the plug and Doug is totally heartbroken. Courtney recently had a boob job
to increase her breasts to a size DD and while she hasn’t officially announced the
split, sources say it’s over.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
RYAN GOSLING and EVA MENDES may soon become free agents. A source
close to Gosling tells Us Weekly that Eva's "jealousy" is coming between them,
explaining that "He can be moody, and she's insecure. She sees a text from a
mystery number and assumes he's talking to other girls." They also say Eva "shuts
down anyone who brings up Ryan. It's clear something is wrong."
THE TANNING MOM has filed for divorce from her husband. This comes just
three weeks after Patricia Krentcil made fun of his alleged shortcomings during her
disastrous stand-up comedy debut. Tan Mom says she hit her husband with the
papers after he failed a lie detector test about infidelity on a TV show called "The
Test." (See routine here – preview)
LINDSAY LOHAN was paid over $50,000 to host a Halloween party at the
Foxwoods casino in Connecticut, but now they want a chunk of their money back.
Lindsay was paid to show up to at 10pm, but she didn't arrive until 11:43pm. When
she finally did show up, Lindsay blew off the red carpet where she was supposed
to pose for photos and talk to fans and walked straight into the party.
JOSH BROLIN closed up O’Brien’s Irish Pub in Santa Monica, but he wasn’t
ready to go home. When one of the bouncers escorted Josh outside, he started
throwing some drunken punches and, after failing to connect, the guy put Brolin in
a bear hug before Josh broke free and ran away. (See here)
HEIDI MONTAG has gone under the knife again, this time to reduce her bra size
from an "F" to a "D." Back in 2010, she claimed to have undergone 10 cosmetic
surgery procedures in just one day, but later said she regretted it. Word is the breast
reduction was for health reasons.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 4…
KATIE HOLMES is reportedly sexing herself up in an effort to land the role of
Elena Lincoln in the film version of “50 Shades of Grey.” If you haven’t read the
book, she’s the older woman who introduces Christian Grey to the world of
bondage and sado-masochism. Katie has also reportedly been hitting the gym to
tone herself up for the part.
KENDALL JENNER celebrated her 18th birthday yesterday by receiving several
offers to do porn, including one for $1.8 million! Kendall has been showing off her
assets for years and she wouldn’t be the first one in the family to do a sex tape, but
don’t hold your breath.
Has BRITNEY SPEARS sold out her gay fans? During a recent Twitter Q and A
session, she was asked what her favorite book is and Britney answered, “Anything
by Max Lucado.” Max is a bestselling preacher and author from Texas known for
his anti-gay views. Just last month Britney said her song “Work B***h” is a tribute
to gay fans, explaining: “It’s kind of like a respect to the gays as a term of
endearment.”
Several celebrities were at Los Angeles International Airport when gunfire opened
up on Friday and a TSA agent was killed. MYTHBUSTERS stars TORY
BELLECI and GRANT IMAHARA were inside the terminal at the time of the
shooting and Tory tweeted: "Something crazy is going down at LAX…People
running everywhere…We just got evacuated…Shooters in #LAX That was
f***ing terrifying…We are being shuttled away from the terminal now.
Eyewitness said the shooter had an assault rifle." JAMES FRANCO was sitting on
a plane while the shooting took place. He snapped a photo on Instagram with the
caption, "At #lax Some s**tbag shot up the place." CHRIS HARRISON was also
there and he tweeted. "This place was locked tight w precision quickly. God bless
first responders!"
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
This Weekend’s Top 10 Movies…
1. Ender's Game: $28 million
2. Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa: $20.5 million
3. Last Vegas: $16.5 million
4. Free Birds: $16.2 million
5. Gravity: $13.1 million
6. Captain Phillips: $8.5 million
7. 12 Years a Slave: $4.6 million
8. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2: $4.2 million
9. Carrie: $3.4 million
10. The Counselor: $3.2 million
Lifetime has canceled the JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT series THE CLIENT LIST
after two seasons. It was about a mother of two who takes a job at a day spa after
being abandoned by her husband, only to find out illicit activities are taking place.
Season 1 SURVIVOR contestant B.B. ANDERSON has died at the age of 77 after
battling brain cancer. Anderson competed on the show at the age of 63, but was
voted out second.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES…
The first YOUTUBE MUSIC AWARDS were held last night. Eminem was named
artist of the year; Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble" won YouTube
phenomenon and Macklemore and Lewis won YouTube breakthrough. Among the
highlights were Lady Gaga performing without makeup in a plaid shirt and a
trucker's cap and Win Butler jokingly interrupting as a group of Taylor Swift fans
accepted her award saying, "I'm gonna let you finish. Not Taylor Swift. The
YouTube phenomenon of the year was definitely the Harlem Shake. I don't know.
No disrespect, but everybody knows that if you've ever been on YouTube."
THE FOO FIGHTERS will play two dates in Mexico City next month. It’ll be their
first concerts since going on a hiatus. No word on when the Foo Fighters' next
album will show up.
At PHISH’S Halloween show they debuted a new song called “Wombat” and had a
man in a wombat suit dancing on stage. Trey Anastasio told the crowd it was Abe
Vigoda in the suit, and after a quick body double switch, the man in the wombat
suit hobbled back on stage and revealed himself to be Abe Vigoda! (See here)
N’SYNC reunited again, this time for CHRIS KIRKPATRICK’S wedding to
longtime girlfriend Karly Skladany in Orlando on Saturday. However, this time
there was no performance.
ED SHEERAN taped an episode of ‘Sesame Street’ and posted photos to his
Instagram feed. No word on when his episode will air.
ARETHA FRANKLIN will return to the concert stage with a performance next
month in her hometown of Detroit. It’ll be Aretha’s first live performance since her
mystery illness and she says she's "glad to be back."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES 2…
LANA DEL REY wants everyone to know that she didn’t turn down Kanye West's
request for her to perform at his proposal to Kim Kardashian. Lana said, “I would
never deny his request." (See here)
MILEY CYRUS has reportedly been offered over $3.8 million to appear in a Super
Bowl commercial for Wonderful Pistachios. That’s how much they paid PSY to
appear in last year’s ad.
EMINEM’S Marshall Mathers LP 2 will be out tomorrow, but if you just can’t
wait it’s currently streaming on iTunes.
M.I.A.'S album Matangi will be out tomorrow, but if you just can’t wait it’s
currently streaming on her VEVO account.
ZAC BROWN is set to become a father for the fifth time. Zac’s wife, Shelly, is
due in early 2014.
PARMALEE will release their debut album, called Feels Like Carolina, on
December 10th. The album will include their single “Carolina.”
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: The Wanted performs; actor Corey Feldman
CBS This Morning: Oprah Winfrey; football player Tom Brady; author Amy Tan
Today: Fifth Harmony performs
Kelly & Michael: Jason Statham (Homefront); Pharrell Williams (Styled to Rock)
The View: Guest co-host Brad Garrett; actor Seth Green; reality-TV stars Lisa
Vanderpump and Kyle Richards
The Talk: Guest co-host Marie Osmond; actor Zachary Levi
Ellen: Melissa McCarthy (``Mike & Molly''); Sophia Grace and Rosie
Primetime:
ABC: Dancing with the Stars and Castle are new
CBS: How I Met Your Mother, Two Broke Girls, Mike & Molly, Mom and
Hostages are new
Fox: Bones and Sleepy Hollow are new
NBC: The Voice (Christina Aguilera and Flo Rida perform); The Blacklist are new
CW: Hart of Dixie and Beauty and the Beast are new
ESPN: Football with the Bears at Packers
NBC Sports: Hockey with the Ducks at Rangers
Late Night:
Jay Leno: Anthony Hopkins; Sting performs
David Letterman: World Series MVP David Ortiz; Woody Harrelson; The Wanted
Jimmy Kimmel: Chris Hemsworth; comic Artie Lange; Jane's Addiction performs
Conan: Kevin Kline; Brie Larson; King Krule
Jimmy Fallon: Simon Baker; Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.); Dismemberment Plan
Craig Ferguson: Lauren Graham; actor Eugenio Derbez
Carson Daly: Strfkr performs; singer Caitlin Crosby
Arsenio: Michael Weatherly (``NCIS''); Janelle Monae performs
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May 29th,4th,
2009
November
2013
THE WATERCOOLER…
Changing our clocks may be a pain in the butt for some, but it’s a pain in the head
for others. Doctors say the time change causes cluster headaches in some people
that usually start a few days after the daylight savings time change and can last
anywhere from six weeks to three months. Experts say the headaches are more
likely to occur in men than women and while there are medications to alleviate
cluster headaches, some specialists recommend melatonin to prevent their onset
and other patients are often given an oxygen tank and a mask to relieve their pain.
A soldier stationed in Southwest Asia was video chatting with his pregnant wife
back home at Fort Bliss when he saw her being attacked by a man with a knife,
who had been hiding in their home. Rachel Poole managed to scream out her
assailant’s name and she was later rushed to the hospital in critical condition. The
suspect has been caught and Rachel remains in critical condition. The good news is
she’s expected to recover and doctors performed a successful cesarean section and
the baby is listed in good condition.
On November 15th the city of San Francisco will be transformed into Gotham
City. It’s the doing of the Make-A-Wish Foundation for a 5-year-old boy named
Miles, who’s fighting leukemia. Miles will play Batman and will start his day with
a ride in the Batmobile. A breaking news story will have Gotham City’s Police
Chief asking if anyone knows the whereabouts of Batman because he needs his
help solving crime and bringing the bad guys to justice. Miles will then rescue a
damsel in distress from the cable car tracks on Nob Hill and capture the Riddler in
the act of robbing a downtown vault. While having lunch, Miles will get a call on
his Bat Phone to go to the window where he’ll see a huge group of people asking
for Batman’s help after the Penguin kidnaps a famous Gotham City mascot. After
catching the Penguin, Batman will go to City Hall, where the Mayor and the Police
Chief of Gotham City will thank him and give him the key to the city.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May 29th,4th,
2009
November
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
The Internal Revenue Service is warning about a telephone scam in which
taxpayers are told they owe money and must pay up immediately or they could go
to jail, be deported or have their driver's license revoked. The scammers then hang
up and another person soon calls back claiming to be from the local police or
Department of Motor Vehicles office. The scammers are pretty slick because they
have the last four digits of victims’ Social Security numbers and can spoof the
agency's toll-free number on caller ID. The scammers also send fake e-mails to
support their claims and use fake names and IRS badge numbers.
The mystery of the Google floating barges has apparently been solved. As
suspected, the barges will be luxury showrooms to market Google Glass and other
gadgets to invitation-only clients. It’s Google's attempt to upstage rival Apple and
its chain of retail stores. A source who’s been onboard the barge said the first three
floors are designed to serve as "dazzling showrooms" that can be outfitted with
chrome features and floor lighting. There is an upper "party deck" with bars and
lanais for its upscale customers. The building is made of interchangeable 40-foot
shipping containers that can be placed on barges, trucks or rail cars and taken
anywhere in the world.
It turns out there are some people who love Obamacare. An Obamacare
registration drive was recently held in San Francisco called "Healthy Ho's Party."
Yes, it’s what it sounds like and it was organized by a Bay Area sex worker known
as "Siouxsie Q." Nearly 40 men and women attended the event and almost all of
them filed enrollment paperwork. Siouxsie says that before Obamacare a joint
health care plan for and her partner would’ve cost between $400 and $500 a
month, which they couldn’t afford, but under the new plan they found coverage for
between $175 and $200. Although, Siouxsie says that the first few times she went
to the government healthcare website it, ahem, went down.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May 29th,4th,
2009
November
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 3…
A Harvard study has found that women age 50 to 77 who eat more red meat, soda,
and refined grains, like pasta, white bread, and chips, were 29 to 41 percent more
likely to be depressed than those who consumed more wine, coffee, and leafy
greens. However, it’s also pointed out that those suffering from depression may
head to comfort foods, like pasta, which could account for part of the results. But,
they say it may also be that carb-rich diets lead to more inflammation, something
that has already been found as a possible link to depression. Researchers say a
Mediterranean-style diet, heavy in olive oil, fish, and veggies may cheer you up.
Having a cup of coffee first thing in the morning may not be the best time if you
want to take full advantage of that caffeine jolt. Experts say our cortisol levels are
at their highest between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m., and also spike between noon and 1 p.m.
and between 5:30 p.m. and 6:30 p.m. If we drink coffee during those times, we risk
developing a tolerance to caffeine. They also say if you have a cup of coffee
between the hours of 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. it could end up being just a waste because
you’re already approaching your maximum level of alertness naturally. Experts say
the best time to have coffee is between 9:30 a.m. and 11:30 a.m. and to try to keep
it under a cup an hour.
If you’re looking to land a millionaire, book a flight on American Airlines. A new
survey by SeekingMillionaire.com of more than 47,000 millionaires who are single
and looking for a relationship found that an overwhelming majority of 30,496 flew
American Airlines most often. Distant runners up were Virgin Airlines with 5,091
millionaires and Delta Airlines with 4,327. They also found that 73.2 percent of
those eligible millionaires traveled alone while flying, 74 percent frequent an
airline lounge and 78 percent are top-tier members of an airline's mileage program,
so if you want to meet one, you’ll likely have to spring for a first class ticket.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
SPORTS SHIRT…
Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Nick Foles tied an NFL record with seven
touchdown passes in the team’s win over the Raiders yesterday. Foles became the
seventh passer in NFL history with seven TD tosses in a game.
Houston Texans coach Gary Kubiak collapsed on the field as he was leaving at
halftime of last night’s game against the Colts. Kubiak was taken to a local
hospital in an ambulance and was conscious. The team didn't say what was wrong,
but did say he didn't have a heart attack.
Denver Broncos head coach John Fox will undergo an aortic heart valve
replacement next week, which will keep him away from the team for at least
several weeks. Fox was taken to a hospital in the Charlotte area on Saturday after
feeling light-headed while playing golf.
The Detroit Tigers have hired former catcher Brad Ausmus as their new manager.
Ausmus has never managed at any level.
Jimmie Johnson dominated the Texas 500 NASCAR race and grabbed a seven
point lead in the standings over Matt Kenseth, who finished fourth.
Sebastian Vettel won the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix for his seventh straight victory
and 11th of the season.
Dustin Johnson won the HSBC Champions tournament in Shanghai and became
the first golfer since Tiger Woods to win U.S. PGA Tour titles in each of his first
seven seasons.
Kenyans swept the New York City Marathon yesterday with Geoffrey Mutai and
Priscah Jeptoo winning the men’s and women’s titles, respectively.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
Scoreboard
NFL
Carolina 34 Atlanta 10 Final
Dallas 27 Minnesota 23 Final
N.Y. Jets 26 New Orleans 20 Final
Tennessee 28 St. Louis 21 Final
Kansas City 23 Buffalo 13 Final
Washington 30 San Diego 24 Final OT
Philadelphia 49 Oakland 20 Final
Seattle 27 Tampa Bay 24 Final OT
Cleveland 24 Baltimore 18 Final
New England 55 Pittsburgh 31 Final
Indianapolis 27 Houston 24 Final
NBA:
Detroit 87 Boston 77 Final
Miami 103 Washington 93 Final
Orlando 107 Brooklyn 86 Final
Oklahoma City 103 Phoenix 96 Final
Minnesota 109 New York 100 Final
L.A. Lakers 105 Atlanta 103 Final
NHL:
Dallas 4 Ottawa 3 Final SO
Calgary 3 Chicago 2 Final OT
Minnesota 4 New Jersey 0 Final
Today’s Games
NFL
Chicago at Green Bay (8:40 PM)
NBA:
Minnesota at Cleveland (7:00 PM)
Golden State at Philadelphia (7:00 PM)
Boston at Memphis (8:00 PM)
Houston at L.A. Clippers (10:30 PM)
NHL
Anaheim at N.Y. Rangers (7:30 PM)
Detroit at Winnipeg (8:00 PM)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
DUH…
The girlfriend of Bismarck, North Dakota’s Christopher Loeppke called police to
report a domestic abuse incident after he threw a container at her. While this in
itself would’ve been a bonehead move, Christopher proved just what a tool he was
when police arrived and found that the container was filled with illegal drugs. A
search of the home also turned up $40,000 in cash, which Christopher told officers
was from 12 years of mowing lawns. Apparently when even he realized how lame
that sounded, Christopher admitted that some of the money could be proceeds of
drug transactions and that he sells MDMA to friends for $100 a gram.
Unfortunately for Christopher, he wasn’t allowed to use any of the money for bail.
Worcester, Massachusetts’ Michael Cesaitis recently sold heroin to Erica Tauras.
Unfortunately for the pair, someone observed the transaction. Even worse for the
pair is that someone recognized the two. Even worse than that is the person that
recognized Michael and Erica was a police detective that knew them because he
had just interviewed them at the police station regarding an unrelated matter.
Michael and Erica might’ve avoided this embarrassing encounter had they not
conducted their drug deal in the police department parking lot. The twosome had
another interview with the detective as they were arrested.
An unnamed Des Moines woman had a visit from a friend on Friday night. When
the friend asked for a cigarette and was told she didn’t have any, the friend went
outside to collect used cigarettes and brought them back inside. Not knowing the
used cigarettes were her friend’s, the woman threw them away. When the friend
found out the smokes had been tossed, he experienced nicotine withdrawal of sorts
as he turned over an end table, broke some glass items, threw the woman’s
computer on the ground, grabbed her hair and put his hands around her neck.
When the woman was talking to an emergency dispatcher, the friend grabbed the
phone away from her and threw it off the balcony before arresting officers arrived.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
MO’ DUH…
West Boca Raton, Florida’s Heather McAuliffe sent an e-mail to her 6-yer-old
son’s teacher, saying she'd given him Adderall as an experiment and asked for
updates on any behavior changes. Heather ended the note with a thank you and
ended her day in jail as she nor her son had a prescription for Adderall.
Albany, New York police recently busted Ronald Dickens on charges of DUI and
public lewdness. This came after Dickens was observed by police parking his
vehicle at a highway rest area and emerging naked from his car. Dickens was the
sole occupant of the vehicle, although he likely shared a jail cell after he put on
some clothes and had a blood-alcohol level of almost twice the legal limit. This
was likely quite the topic of conversation at work for Dickens as he’s the deputy
director at the state Division of Criminal Justice Services.
Jorge Espinoza was driving an empty fuel tanker truck at 65 mph down an
interstate when he crashed into an Arizona Department of Public Safety vehicle,
killing its occupant. Jorge told investigators he didn't see the police cars because he
was looking in his mirror at a passing truck and that he never uses his phone while
driving because it's against company policy. However, a check of his cell phone
records showed that at the time of the crash he was looking at photographs of
scantily women in provocative positions. Despite the evidence against him, Jorge
has pleaded not guilty to 20 felony charges including second-degree murder.
A Manchester, England man, identified only as Tom, was ogling over some
lingerie photos of actress Kelly Brook and left a comment saying she was "so
sexy" he would gladly "leave my wife and kids for one night with her." As it turns
out, Tom is now available to do so. Tom’s wife later responded by saying, “My
idiot husband forgot his comments are linked to his Facebook account. You don't
deserve our beautiful kids and I hope your brother has room on his sofa because
I'm having the locks changed.”
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
November 4th, 2013
HISTORY LESSON…
1842: Abe Lincoln married Mary Todd
1846: The patent for the artificial leg was granted to Benjamin Palmer
1880: The cash register was patented.
1922: The entrance to King Tut's tomb was discovered in Egypt
1924: Nellie T. Ross of Wyoming was elected America's first woman governor
1939: Packard introduced the first car with air conditioning
1979: The Iranian hostage crisis began as militants stormed the U.S. Embassy in
Tehran
1980: Ronald Reagan was elected president
1980: Sadaharu Oh, of the Tokyo Giants, retired from baseball with a record 868
home runs
1996: Michael Jackson announced that he and Debbie Rowe were expecting a
child
2001: The first Harry Potter movie had its world premiere in London.
2008: Senator Barack Obama was elected as the first African-American president
of the United States.
Birthday Partiers:
actress Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond, Grandma's Boy, Remington
Steele) 83
actress Loretta Swit (MASH) 76
actress Markie Post (Night Court, There's Something About Mary) 63
comedian Kathy Griffin 53
actor Ralph Macchio (Karate Kid, My Cousin Vinny, The Outsiders) 51
TV host Jeff Probst (Survivor) 51
actor Matthew McConaughey (The Wedding Planner, Tropic Thunder, Magic
Mike) 44
rapper Sean "Diddy" Combs 43