Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
THE BITS…
Last night in New York, the Tony Awards were handed out. Once again, California
Chrome came up empty.
A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder was the big winner at last night’s Tony
Awards. In fact, it picked up more Tonys than Madonna at an Italian restaurant.
Last night in New York, the Tony Awards were handed out. It was the latest in a
string of victories for gay marriage advocates.
Kanye West celebrated his 37th birthday yesterday. Kanye was lavished with
attention and showered with gifts. In other words, he had nothing special planned.
Kanye West celebrated his 37th birthday yesterday. Kanye received presents from
the love of his life, although there’s no word on what he bought for himself.
Jennifer Lopez and boyfriend Casper Smart have broken up after over two years
together. Unfortunately, that means the divorce is off.
Jennifer Lopez and boyfriend Casper Smart have broken up after over two years
together. Rumor has it he was seeing someone behind her butt.
Donald Duck is 80 years old today. Donald plans to celebrate with some Grey
Goose…and then he may have a drink.
Justin Bieber has reportedly turned to religion in the midst of his video scandal. In
fact, over the weekend, Bieber egged a church.
Justin Bieber has reportedly turned to religion in the midst of his video scandal. In
fact, yesterday Bieber went to church and had his bodyguard beat up a priest.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
SON OF THE BITS…
Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, won the Miss USA pageant last night. Unfortunately,
after the pageant, Miss Nevada went home and lost her tiara at a blackjack table.
Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, won the Miss USA pageant. She has a fourth-degree
black belt and for her talent she beat up Miss Congeniality.
Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, won the Miss USA pageant. Afterwards, the owner of
California Chrome called her a coward.
California Chrome lost the Belmont Stakes on Saturday and failed in his attempt to
win horse racing’s Triple Crown. California Chrome would’ve been the first horse
to win the Triple Crown since Mr. Ed.
California Chrome lost the Belmont Stakes on Saturday and failed in his attempt to
win horse racing’s Triple Crown. On the bright side, California Chrome didn’t get
leg cramps and have to be carried out.
Following reports that captured American soldier Bowe Bergdahl was tortured, the
Taliban says that while in captivity he played soccer and read books. So apparently
he was tortured.
The Taliban is denying reports that captured American soldier Bowe Bergdahl was
tortured. If you can’t trust the Taliban to tell the truth, who can you trust?
Wisconsin has legalized gay marriage. Many people in Wisconsin are upset
because they believe that marriage should only be between two cheese heads.
Egypt has sworn in its new president, Abdel Fattah el-Sissi. El-Sissi says his first
official act as president will be to redecorate the presidential palace.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
TODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have clips from Orange is the New
Black and Tony Awards, plus the final calls of the Belmont Stakes and
the Miss USA Pageant.
Plus more from Pamela Furr and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
TRACY MORGAN was critically injured in a car accident in New Jersey early
Saturday morning when a big rig smashed into the back of his chauffeured
Mercedes limo bus. Two other passengers were also hurt in the crash and Tracy’s
comedy writer, James "Jimmy Mack" McNair was killed. The driver of the WalMart truck was charged with death by auto and four counts of assault by auto after
he apparently failed to slow for traffic and swerved at the last minute to try and
avoid a crash, but struck the limo. Morgan’s driver, Tyrone Gale, says he was
disoriented after the vehicle flipped over and could hear Tracy screaming for help.
Wal-Mart President Bill Simon said in a statement that the company "will take full
responsibility" if authorities determine its vehicle caused the accident. Morgan was
returning from a standup performance in Delaware when the crash occurred and
doctors say they expect he’ll be hospitalized for several weeks with injuries
including a broken femur, a broken nose and several broken ribs.
CASEY KASEM remains hospitalized in Gig Harbor, Washington and a
spokesman for his daughter Kerri Kasem says his health is declining and he "won't
be with us much longer." Meanwhile, the battle between Casey’s kids and his wife
is escalating with Kerri saying that Jean Kasem “tortured” her father by putting
Ensure into his feeding tube and withholding pain medication. While Jean’s
attorney says Kerri’s details are mixed with mostly fiction and some facts, Casey’s
daughter also says Jean took an ailing Casey to Las Vegas, Arizona, back to Las
Vegas, and then to Washington in an apparent attempt to hide him from his
children. Kerri also claims that when Casey finally arrived at the hospital in
Washington, he had a large ulcer and painful muscle contractures and was moaning
and crying due to a lack of pain medication. Kerri also accused Jean of hastening
her father's death.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
JUSTIN BIEBER has turned to religion in the midst of his video scandal. Pastor
Carl Lentz tells TMZ he spent a week doing intense Bible study with Justin last
month as he was being extorted over the videos and performed a baptism on Bieber
in the bathtub of a friend. Bieber wanted a church baptism, but his cover was
blown every time and he wanted to keep the whole thing private. Britain’s Daily
Mail also says Bieber has been 'non-stop crying' since the videos surfaced. Despite
all the controversy, Usher is standing by Bieber, even posting a photo on Instagram
of the two together and saying he “is unequivocally not a racist."
JENNIFER LOPEZ and Casper Smart have split after over two years together,
although the timeline of their breakup seems to be in question. One report says
they split nearly two months ago, but kept quiet about it. However, another report
says J.Lo didn't call things off until two weeks ago. That would seem to be more
likely as they appeared together at the Billboard Music Awards a few weeks ago
and she even thanked Smart in her acceptance speech for the Icon Award. Still, a
third story says J.Lo called Smart over the weekend telling him that they were
over. The split follows reports, which Smart denies, that he’d been sexting with a
transsexual he met through Instagram. The reasons for the breakup also vary as
some say it was because of the sexting, while others cite her busy schedule or just
growing apart. In any case, it seems to be amicable.
MELANIE GRIFFITH and ANTONIO BANDERAS have announced plans to
divorce. Rumors of marriage trouble and cheating have been circulating about
them for years. They met on the set of the 1995 movie Two Much and have a 17year-old daughter together. They released a statement saying: "We have
thoughtfully and consensually decided to finalize our almost 20 years' marriage in
a loving and friendly manner, honoring and respecting each other, our family and
friends and the beautiful time we have spent together." The marriage was Griffith's
fourth, two of which were to Don Johnson. Griffith cited irreconcilable differences
and Banderas is asking for spousal support.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
RITA ORA and DJ/producer Calvin Harris have broken up. On Friday, Harris
tweeted: “To address speculation - myself and Rita ended our relationship some
time ago. She is a beautiful, talented woman & I wish her all the best.” There were
rumors of a breakup for a couple weeks after both were spotted out with other
people. The dirt is that JUSTIN BIEBER played a role in the breakup as sources
say word got back to Harris that Justin and Rita got "touchy feely" with each other
while recording together over the last few months. Harris was told they were very
affectionate and that she would sit on his lap and he would rub her back and such.
Both Bieber and Rita were down in Mexico the last few days and while Harris
produced a few songs for Rita, he supposedly won't allow them to be released.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN confirmed rumors that she and Scott Disick are
expecting another baby. Of course, Kourtney waited to break the news until last
night on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Rumors of Kourtney’s pregnancy had
been circulating for a little while and she’d been spotted wearing baggy clothing.
L’Wren Scott’s sister is lashing out at MICK JAGGER after photos surfaced
showing him already cozying up to a young brunette, just two and a half months
after Scott committed suicide. It should be noted that L’Wren and her sister were
estranged at the time of her death, but she tells Britain’s Sunday People that Mick
didn’t look very distraught at losing his girlfriend adding, “And people wonder
why L’Wren was so depressed?” However, another person says it’s just how Mick
deals with things, saying sex is like a coping mechanism for him and “This is just
Mick being Mick and moving on the only way he knows how.”
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 4…
CHRIS BROWN had quite the get out of jail party last week. He was led into the
Beverly Hills party blindfolded by girlfriend Kerrueche Tran and once inside he
partied with porn stars including Kimberly Kendall, Alexis Texas, Bonnie Rotten,
Alektra Blue and Sarah Jessie. One thing that they didn’t have at the party was
weed as Brown banned it from the premises. Brown feels pot was part of his past
problems and his jail stint has reportedly scared him straight.
A man allegedly broke into SANDRA BULLOCK'S home early yesterday
morning while she was inside. Police arrived and arrested the guy and Sandra
wasn’t hurt. Police are investigating as to whether it was just a straight burglary or
whether the suspect is a stalker, given Bullock's celebrity status. The break-in
occurred just hours after Bullock was presented with the Decade of Hotness Award
at the Guys' Choice Awards Saturday night.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
This Weekend’s Top 10 Movies…
1. "The Fault in Our Stars," $48.2 million
2. "Maleficent," $33.5 million
3. "Edge of Tomorrow," $29.1 million
4. "X-Men: Days of Future Past," $14.7 million
5. "A Million Ways to Die in the West," $7.2 million
6. "Godzilla," $6 million
7. "Neighbors," $5.2 million
8. "Blended," $4.1 million.
9. "Chef," $2.6 million.
10. "The Amazing Spider-Man 2," $1.9 million
“GAMES OF THRONES” creator George R.R. Martin is offering two fans the
chance to die in an upcoming book. For a $20,000 donation toward building a wolf
sanctuary in Santa Fe, New Mexico, he or she will get to choose their “character’s
station in the world” with the promise of a “grisly death.” Prizeo.com has details.
Former “FACTS OF LIFE” co-stars KIM FIELDS and LISA WHELCHEL are
reuniting for a new TV movie called “For Better or For Worse.” The film will air
on the Hallmark Channel on July 19th.
George Jung, the real life character played by JOHNNY DEPP in the movie
BLOW, was recently released from prison and while he was behind bars he wrote a
sequel to the book and word is a movie deal is in the works. The new book is
called "Heavy" and it features some of the same "Blow" characters.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
Select 2014 Tony Awards Winners…
Best Performance by an Actor in a Featured Role in a Play: Mark Rylance,
"Twelfth Night."
Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Musical: Lena Hall,
"Hedwig and the Angry Inch."
Best Direction of a Musical: Darko Tresnjak, "A Gentleman's Guide to Love &
Murder."
Best Direction of a Play: Kenny Leon, "A Raisin in the Sun."
Best Score: Jason Robert Brown, "The Bridges of Madison County."
Best Performance by an Actor in a Featured Role in a Musical: James Monroe
Iglehart "Aladdin."
Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Play: Sophie Okonedo, "A
Raisin in the Sun."
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Play: Audra McDonald,
"Lady Day at Emerson's Bar & Grill."
Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Play: Bryan Cranston, "All
the Way."
Best Play: "All The Way."
Best Revival of a Play: "A Raisin in the Sun."
Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Musical: Neil Patrick Harris,
"Hedwig and the Angry Inch."
Best Revival of a Musical: "Hedwig and the Angry Inch."
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Musical: Jessie Mueller,
"Beautiful: The Carole King Musical."
Best Musical: "A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES…
CHRIS DAUGHTRY is apologizing after an appearance on Friday’s Fox &
Friends. Daughtry performed on the show and when asked by the hosts to sing a
patriotic song in honor of the D-Day anniversary, he responded by saying, "I'm off
the clock. I'm going to watch 'y'all" and left the stage adding, "This is where I'll
bail." Daughtry said, "Everyone has a moment in their life that they regret very
deeply, and this is at the top of my list. It hurts my heart to know that I have
disrespected the men and women fighting every day." (See apology video here)
WILL.I.AM says THE BLACK EYED PEAS will only re-group if they can do
something original. He added that they’re currently in the process of deciding
where to go next saying, "I know we have to either emerge with something from
the underground or do something no-one has thought of. Either it's amazing or I
don't get it. If it doesn't spark that conversation, then there isn't any point."
LIONEL RICHIE is working on a sequel to his 2012 Tuskegee album. The project
is still in the early stages and Lionel hasn’t said who he’ll be collaborating with
this time, but did say Luke Bryan and Keith Urban are on his ‘wish list.’
A feud has broken out between the surviving members of TLC and RIHANNA. TBoz dissed Rihanna saying, "Every time I see you, you don’t have to be naked. It’s
easy to sell sex." Chilli added: "We became the biggest girl selling group of all
time with our clothes on and that says a lot. We could go around too with booby
cakes out all day long." Apparently they did, because Rihanna responded by
posting an old photo of TLC posing topless covering their breasts with their hands.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES 2…
THE BAND PERRY has been working on their next album in between stop as the
opening act on Blake Shelton's Ten Times Crazier tour. No word on when the
album might be out, but they say they’ve been trying out some of the new songs on
the road.
GEORGE STRAIT warped up his Cowboy Rides Away tour on Saturday in
Arlington, Texas, where he played to a record-breaking crowd of 104,793 at
AT&T Stadium. Strait shattered the indoor concert attendance record for North
America set by the Rolling Stones in 1981 when they drew 87,500 to the Louisiana
Superdome. Among the gusts joining Strait were Jason Aldean, Kenny Chesney,
Eric Church, Vince Gill, Alan Jackson, Miranda Lambert and Martina McBride.
Look for WILLIE NELSON on QVC this Thursday night. He’ll play songs from
his upcoming album "Band of Brothers." Viewers will be able to order the album,
plus an exclusive bonus disc.
CHRIS YOUNG had to cancel several appearances after he cut his hand with a
kitchen knife Thursday night while preparing a late dinner after returning home
from hosting his annual fan club party. Young underwent surgery at a Nashville
hospital on Friday to repair damaged tendons in his hand.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Midnight Red performs
Today: The cast of ``Jersey Boys''; musician Ringo Starr
Kelly & Michael: Nicki Minaj; Colbie Caillat performs
The View: Austin Mahone performs
The Talk: Guest co-host Marie Osmond; singer CeeLo Green
Queen Latifah: Joey Lawrence (``Melissa & Joey'')
Ellen: Jim Carrey; Nick Cannon performs (R)
Primetime:
ABC: The Bachelorette has a recap episode; plus Diane Sawyer interviews Hillary
Clinton
Fox: Master Chef contestants feed troops on a desert Army base
NBC: Last Comic Standing has its final round of invitationals; American Ninja
Warrior has St. Louis qualifying
ESPN: MLB baseball Dodgers at Reds
NBC Sports: Stanley Cup Final Kings at Rangers
Late Night:
Jimmy Kimmel: Dr. Phil McGraw; Mý performs (R)
David Letterman: Kelsey Grammer; Willie Nelson performs
Jimmy Fallon: Clint Eastwood; Jack White performs
Craig Ferguson: Comic Dennis Miller
Seth Meyers: Actor Steve Buscemi; Sia performs
Conan: Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill; Grouplove performs
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May
2009
June29th,
9th, 2014
THE WATERCOOLER…
Soldier Bowe Bergdahl has reportedly told people treating him at a military
hospital in Germany that he was tortured, beaten and held in a cage by his Taliban
captors after he tried to escape. However, a Taliban spokesman said Bergdahl was
held under "good conditions." Doctors say that while Bergdahl is physically able to
travel he's not yet emotionally prepared to be reunited with his family and hasn’t
spoken to them yet. Meanwhile, Bergdahl's family has received death threats
following reports that he may have deserted.
Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, who has a fourth-degree black belt in Taekwondo, was
crowned Miss USA 2014 last night. Miss North Dakota, Audra Mari, was first
runner-up. (See here)
Nearly two decades after ending his Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, creator Bill
Watterson came out of retirement…and you may have seen some of his work.
Stephan Pastis, who does the comic strip Pearls Before Swine, has revealed that
Watterson collaborated with him on several Pearls installments that were published
over the past week. The collaboration came to be after he made fun of his own
drawing abilities in a strip last year with a joke about picking up women by
pretending to be the Calvin and Hobbes creator. He sent the strip to Watterson,
who responded with a proposal to collaborate.
Wednesday was the final day of school for students at Anderson County High
School in Kentucky and they celebrated by surprising school janitor Ricky
Spaulding. Told there was a spill needing to be cleaned up, he was sent to the gym
where students had gathered for a pep rally. However, instead of a mess, they gave
Spaulding a bag of money containing $1,900 so he could visit his son stationed in
Italy. The secret fundraising started when staff members heard Spaulding hadn't
seen his son in a year and had never met his new grandson.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May
2009
June29th,
9th, 2014
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
Astronaut Reid Wiseman has posted the first Vine video from space! The sixsecond clip shows the sun appearing to move through the sky over Earth, but never
setting. (See here)
According to Forbes, Bill Gates is the world’s richest person with $77.5 billion. To
give you an idea how much money that is, Gates could buy all 114,212 singlefamily homes, condos and townhouses in the entire city of Boston and still have
nearly a billion dollars left over. However, Wal-Mart’s Walton Family is even
richer as they could do the same in either Seattle, Dallas, Miami, Las Vegas or
Washington, D.C. Other notables included Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, whose
$26.8 billion could buy all the homes in St. Paul, Minnesota; Designer Ralph
Lauren’s $7.1 billion could buy Worcester, Massachusetts; Star Wars creator
George Lucas’$5.0 billion is enough for Homestead, Florida; fellow director
Steven Spielberg has $3.4 billion, enough for Sun City West, Arizona; Oprah
Winfrey’s $2.9 billion could get her Mokena, Illinois and even before selling the
L.A. Clippers, Donald Sterling’s $1.9 billion could buy Randallstown, Maryland.
According to a survey by British airline Easy Jet, the most popular seat on an
airplane is 7F, a window seat located on the right side of the plane. Of those
surveyed, 59 percent favored a window seat, with rows 6-7 selling out fastest.
Meanwhile, the most unpopular seat was 19C. They’re not sure why, but it is near
the middle of the plane and doesn’t offer very good access to toilets or exits. They
also found that younger or nervous travelers prefer the window seat while older
fliers like the aisle seats due to the extra space and the ease of getting up.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Monday,
May
2009
June29th,
9th, 2014
THE WATERCOOLER 3…
Researchers at William Paterson University in New Jersey have come out with a
list of 41 “powerhouse fruits and vegetables” ranked by the amounts of 17 critical
nutrients they contain, including such things as fiber, potassium, protein, calcium,
and various vitamins. Unfortunately, you may not find them too appealing.
Topping the list was watercress, followed by Chinese cabbage, chard, beet greens,
spinach and chicory. Vegetables ranked much higher than fruits on the list and
raspberries, tangerines, cranberries and blueberries didn’t even rank.
Butlers are back in demand among the super-rich and it’s being credited to the TV
show Downton Abbey. They say that 35 years ago there were only a few hundred
butlers left in Britain, but today there are about 10,000, plus thousands more
abroad. They say that while most employers already have housekeepers or servants
at home, having a proper British butler is now a status symbol. Butlers in the U.S.
and Britain start at around $30,000 a year, before quickly moving up to several
hundred thousand dollars per year. However, in countries where they’re in high
demand, like Dubai or parts of China, butlers can start at $60,000. Unlike in TV or
the movies, nowadays, butlers don't tend to stay with the same household for life
and move to where the money is, although that bothers the old school butlers, who
value loyalty to an employer.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
SPORTS SHIRT…
Rafael Nadal won a record ninth French Open championship by defeating Novak
Djokovic. Nadal also became the first man to win five consecutive French Open
titles. Nadal now has 14 Grand Slam titles, tying him for second with Pete
Sampras, trailing only Roger Federer’s 17. On the women’s side Maria Sharapova
held off Simona Halep for her second French Open win in three years.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. passed Brad Keselowski with five laps to go to win the
NASCAR race at Pocono Raceway. Keselowski dominated the race, but had to
settle for second place with debris on his grille and an overheating engine.
Red Bull’s Daniel Ricciardo passed Nico Rosberg with two laps to go and won the
Canadian Grand Prix for his first career Formula One victory. It was the first race
of the season not won by Mercedes.
The Texas Rangers say Mitch Moreland will miss about three months to undergo
ankle surgery, meaning he could be finished for the season.
Just call him Johnny Baseball! The San Diego Padres drafted Cleveland Browns
quarterback Johnny Manziel with the 837th pick of the 2014 MLB Draft. Manziel
played baseball in high school and is listed as a shortstop.
LeBron James' NBA Finals Game 1 leg cramp has become a meme called
"LeBroning." Fans are sharing Twitter photos of themselves being carried using
the hashtag #LeBroning. (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
Scoreboard
Today’s Games
MLB:
American League
Oakland 11 Baltimore 1 Final
Seattle 5 Tampa Bay 0 Final
Houston 14 Minnesota 5 Final
Kansas City 2 N.Y. Yankees 1 Final
Cleveland 3 Texas 2 Final
L.A. Angels 4 Chi. White Sox 2 Final
Boston 5 Detroit 3 Final
MLB:
American League
Seattle at Tampa Bay (1:10 PM)
Boston at Baltimore (7:05 PM)
Minnesota at Toronto (7:07 PM)
Cleveland at Texas (8:05 PM)
N.Y. Yankees at Kansas City (8:10 PM)
Detroit at Chi. White Sox (8:10 PM)
Oakland at L.A. Angels (10:05 PM)
National League
Cincinnati 4 Philadelphia 1 Final
Milwaukee 1 Pittsburgh 0 Final
Miami 4 Chi. Cubs 3 Final
San Francisco 6 N.Y. Mets 4 Final
Arizona 6 Atlanta 5 Final
Washington 6 San Diego 0 Final
L.A. Dodgers 6 Colorado 1 Final
National League
Chi. Cubs at Pittsburgh (7:05 PM)
L.A. Dodgers at Cincinnati (7:10 PM)
Atlanta at Colorado (8:40 PM)
Washington at San Francisco (10:15 PM)
Interleague
St. Louis 5 Toronto 0 Final
NHL:
Los Angeles at N.Y. Rangers (8:00 PM)
Kings lead series 2-0
NBA:
Miami 98 San Antonio 96 Final
Series tied 1-1
Interleague
Houston at Arizona (9:40 PM)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
DUH…
An unnamed 26-year-old Seattle man wanted to get closer to God and nearly got
closer than he intended. Instead of going to church, our religious friend decided to
get closer to Him by climbing up a building housing a Banana Republic store.
However, the man eventually fell from a ledge above an awning some 15 feet
above the ground. You’ll likely not be surprised to hear that he told officers he’d
taken meth, pain killers and some other drug before climbing the building.
Wheeling, Illinois’ 52-year-old Lidia Zuradzka recently went out and grabbed a
beer. However, instead of going to a bar or a grocery store, Lidia entered a
stranger's home through an unlocked door while the female homeowner was
upstairs and grabbed a beer that had been left out on a table. When the homeowner
found Lidia and asked what she was doing, she replied: "I want beer." The
homeowner screamed and Lidia fled the scene, but was later arrested.
Cathy Sanchez was pulled over after police caught her driving erratically on
Highway 10 in Minnesota. You can probably guess that the next sentence is about
Cathy slurring her words, having bloodshot eyes, smelling of alcohol and failing a
series of sobriety tests. Further incriminating evidence against the 28-year-old
Cathy were the three Jell-O shots in her pockets. After giving a false name to
police, Cathy told the officer she’d already been busted for DUI five times. It turns
out Cathy overestimated as a check revealed only three DUI convictions and one
for concealed weapons and she was also driving on a suspended license.
An unnamed 33-year-old man stole an RV in Everett, Washington and led police
on a chase for more than an hour. During that time, our friend crashed into several
cars and a home in the city of Granite Falls. He then fled on foot, ditching his
clothes in the process. He told a resident he was running from the cops and needed
clothes, but was denied. The man eventually found a woman's T-shirt and jeans,
which he was putting on when police caught up with him. The man was still
wearing his new, if not somewhat feminine attire, when he was booked.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
MO’ DUH…
James Anthony McKenzie was driving down a Tennessee highway when he
somehow managed to shoot himself in the thigh with a .45 caliber handgun.
McKenzie pulled over to the side of the road and called authorities to inform them
of his plight. However, by the time deputies arrived, he’d apparently bled to death.
New Kensington, Pennsylvania’s 7-year-old Darin Simak left his regular book bag
at a friend's house, so his mom packed him another one, not realizing a toy gun
was inside. When Darin realized he brought the toy gun to school he did the right
thing by giving it to a teacher because he knew it was against the rules. Martin
School is now doing the wrong thing by suspending and threatening to expel him.
The Kentucky Higher Education Assistance Authority sent out books to every
junior in the state, outlining what they need to know while preparing for college.
Perhaps the Authority could use one of those books themselves. It seems the word
"Kentucky" is misspelled on the spine of the book. Several schools, parents, and
even state officials have let them know about the mistake, but it would cost about
$70,000 to reprint and redistribute the books, so the Authority has opted to just
"deal with the egg on our face."
The brother of Britain’s Luke Brown was working at a Burger King in a mall and
"wanted to go home early." The brother called Luke and asked him to make a call
to police and "make something up." Luke helped out his brother by calling 911 and
saying a bomb would go off in the mall in six hours. Eventually, the call was
determined to be a hoax, Luke was arrested and police called it "astonishing" in its
"stupidity." No word on whether Luke’s brother has a plan to get him out early
from the six months he’s serving in juvenile detention.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,
June 9th, 2014
HISTORY LESSON…
1934: Donald Duck made his debut in the film The Wise Little Hen
1963: Elizabeth Taylor's $40 million film Cleopatra opened in New York
1973: Secretariat won the Triple Crown by completing the sweep in the Belmont
Stakes
1980: Comedian Richard Pryor was burned while free-basing cocaine
1992: Ben Vereen was struck by a car driven by producer David Foster on the
Malibu Highway.
1993: Japanese Crown Prince Naruhito married commoner Masako Owada.
1994: TLC's Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes burned down the mansion of her boyfriend,
Atlanta Falcons wide receiver Andre Rison
2001: Patrick Roy of the Colorado Avalanche became the first NHL player to win
three Conn Smythe Trophies as the playoff MVP.
Birthday Partiers:
comedian Jackie Mason (Chicken Soup, Caddyshack 2, The Jerk) 80
basketball commentator Dick Vitale 75
actor Michael J. Fox (Spin City, Family Ties, Back to the Future) 53
actor Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean, Chocolat, Alice In Wonderland) 51
actress Gloria Reuben (ER's Jeanie Boulet) 49
actress Natalie Portman (Stars Wars Episode III, Cold Mountain, Thor) 33