Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
THE BITS…
Today is Friday the 13th. You could be in for an unlucky day if Russian president
Vladimir Putin writes to the New York Times about you.
Today is Friday the 13th. They say it could be bad luck today if Jimmy Kimmel
asks you to be in a twerking video.
Today is Friday the 13th. They say today could be unlucky for you if George
Zimmerman asks to borrow your iPad.
Today is Friday the 13th. It looks like it could be an unlucky day for Miley Cyrus.
She broke a mirror with her wrecking ball.
A New Hampshire man was arrested for allegedly robbing a bank while wearing a
President Obama mask. Republicans are already calling for impeachment.
A New Hampshire man was arrested for allegedly robbing a bank while wearing a
President Obama mask. They could tell it really wasn’t Obama because his plan
was clear and concise and he had an exit strategy.
Buckingham palace has announced that Prince William will be leaving the Royal
Air Force to focus on his royal duties. It was a stunning announcement. People
were stunned that royals have duties.
Buckingham palace has announced that Prince William will be leaving the Royal
Air Force to focus on his royal duties. As usual, his royal duties will involve
awaking at the crack of noon and vigorously waving to crowds until tea time.
A huge fire broke out yesterday on the Jersey Shore. They say it was caused by
Governor Chris Christie’s thighs rubbing together.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
SON OF THE BITS…
Miley Cyrus says she’s tried touching her nose with her tongue, but can’t quite do
it. You have to figure her nose is about the only thing Miley hasn’t touched with
her tongue.
Scooby Doo is 44 years old today. He plans to celebrate quietly by having some
Scooby snacks with longtime companion Snoopy.
NASA has announced that its Voyager 1 spacecraft, which was launched in 1977,
is now in interstellar space. Coincidentally, they said the same thing about
Courtney Love.
NASA has announced that its Voyager 1 spacecraft, which was launched in 1977,
is now in interstellar space. They could tell Voyager was interstellar space when it
sent back pictures of a Wookie.
NASA says that its Voyager 1 spacecraft, which was launched in 1977, is now in
interstellar space. It’s amazing that after all the time and distance Voyager still
communicates with NASA and the messages are still being monitored by the NSA
A Pennsylvania judge has ordered a halt to the issuing of gay marriage licenses.
Not only that, the judge also ordered them to stop issuing gay driver’s licenses.
A British Columbia man says he found the world’s oldest message in a bottle. It’s
dated 1906 and is a request for more vodka signed by Keith Richards.
The man that invented the Dolby audio noise reduction system has passed away.
On the bright side, he’s now completely silent.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
TODAY’S AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have reality fun with Big Brother
and The X Factor, plus late night fun with Conan, Arsenio and Jon
Stewart with Guest Billy Crystal.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
The Talk co-host JULIE CHEN revealed that she had plastic surgery years ago
when she was first starting out in television because her boss said she looked "too
Chinese." Chen was working as a TV reporter in Dayton, Ohio when she asked the
news director if she could fill in when the anchors went on vacation. The news
director told her it wasn’t going to happen because the city didn’t have a large
Asian population and they wouldn’t relate to her. She said he also told her that
because of her Asian eyes, when she was on camera interviewing someone, she
looked disinterested and bored because her eyes were so small. Before and after
photos showed Julie also had some other work done and the reaction online has
been mixed. Some slammed her for selling out, while others said they felt badly for
her for being discriminated against. (See photos here)
In a blistering new expose from The Hollywood Reporter, industry insiders say
KATHERINE HEIGL has torpedoed her career with her bad attitude. They cite
Heigl slamming her first big movie, Knocked Up, as “sexist” and announcing that
she wasn’t seeking an Emmy for her role on Grey’s Anatomy because the writing
wasn’t good enough. Others say she was just a general pain on the set, complaining
about everything and making diva-like demands and that her mother was even
worse when she visited! Heigl herself doesn’t deny it as she says, “I’ve never
really been America’s sweetheart, but for a minute, I think that’s what
they wanted me to be. And I had ‘em for a second thinking maybe I was. And then
I opened my mouth and it was clear I wasn’t.”
CHARLIE SHEEN was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno the other night and
explained why Selma Blair was no longer on Anger Management. In Charlie’s
version of the story, Blair was not cut loose because she complained about him to
the producers, but because the show was just going in a new direction. Of course,
that seems sort of like Charlie leaving Two and a Half Men because the show was
going in a new direction. (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
JUSTIN BIEBER was with some pals at a Toronto restaurant when he suddenly
unloaded on some guy staring at him. The National Enquirer says Bieber
screamed, “What the f*** are you looking at, dude? Can’t I even relax without
some f****** p**** staring at me?” As the whole restaurant started looking over,
Bieber turned to his friends and said, “What the f*** is wrong with this loser?”
Finally, the guy spoke up and said, “Are you high or something? I’m just trying to
watch the game!” He then pointed at the TV set, which was behind Bieber’s head.
Bieber apologized and even offered to buy the guy’s dinner, but he turned him
down and left. Another story has it that when Justin and his pals showed up to their
private jet and they opened the doors to their SUV on the tarmac, so much
marijuana smoke billowed out that the pilot says he almost had to put on an oxygen
mask. The pilot says Justin was so "baked out of his mind" that when he was asked
to sign a credit card authorization he asked, “Who am I signing this for?”
NICOLE KIDMAN had a too close encounter with a photographer while returning
to her New York hotel yesterday. The guy was riding a bicycle when he knocked
Nicole down. The guy’s name is Carl Wu and he’s apparently had run-ins with
other celebrities because there’s even a Tumblr account called, "F**k You Carl
Wu." Nicole didn’t have any visible injuries, but said she wants to press charges.
For now, police wrote him a ticket for riding his bike on the sidewalk.
It wasn’t that long ago that JON GOSSELIN and wife Kate were the hottest thing
on reality TV. Word has it he’s now waiting and bussing tables at Emily’s pub in
Beckersville, Pennsylvania and has hit rock bottom.
BETH BEHRS from 2 Broke Girls was attacked by her neighbor's dog this week.
Luckily, Beth wasn’t hurt, but the neighbor's pit bull mix did bite off a chunk of
her sweater. Beth called Animal Control and the neighbor was fined and ordered to
keep the dog under better control.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
New Movies in Theatres…
The Family - A mafia boss and his family blow their cover after being relocated to
a sleepy town in France under the witness protection program. Starring: Michelle
Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro, Tommy Lee Jones, and Dianna Agron. R (for violence,
language and brief sexuality.)
Insidious: Chapter 2 - The haunted Lambert family return to uncover the
mysterious childhood secret that has left them dangerously connected to the spirit
world. Starring: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Lin Shaye, Ty Simpkins. PG-13 (for
intense sequences of terror and violence, and thematic elements)
LUKE BRYAN, ICONA POP and JOSH GROBAN will perform on the
AMERICA'S GOT TALENT season finale next Wednesday. The finalists include
operatic group Forte, singers Cami Bradley and Jimmy Rose, comic Taylor
Williamson, magician Collins Key and dancer Kenichi Ebina.
NBC's TODAY SHOW is getting a makeover. They’ll have a new set on Monday
and they’re adding CARSON DALY as a permanent member of the show. Daly
will monitor trending topics and interact with viewers via social media, which
means he’ll be leaving his Last Call show. NBC has yet to decide if Last Call lives
on with a new host or gets the ax.
Word has it that LAURA PREPON will only be returning to ORANGE IS THE
NEW BLACK for one episode next season to wrap up her storyline. However,
neither Laura nor producers will confirm or deny.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD 2…
CBS has announced that BIG BROTHER will be back for another season in the
summer of 2014. Big Brother: After Dark will also return to the TV Guide
Network.
J.K. ROWLING is returning to the world of HARRY POTTER…sort of. Rowling
is writing her first screenplay based on a book mentioned in “Harry Potter and the
Sorcerer’s Stone.” The book is called “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,”
and it appeared on the Hogwart’s reading list in the first movie. They’re intending
to make it a series of movies, but Rowling says it’s neither a prequel nor a sequel
to the Harry Potter series.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES…
MUMFORD & SONS were reportedly kicked out of Atlanta's Clermont Lounge
strip club this week. After performing a few songs during the club’s karaoke night,
they took photos and videos of each other on their phones inside the club and
caused a scene when they were told to stop.
The BON JOVI tour is on a temporary hold after drummer Tico Torres had to have
an emergency appendectomy in Mexico City. The band is scheduled to return to
the road a week from tonight in Rio De Janeiro.
Stan Robinson, the father of THE BLACK CROWES’ Chris and Rich Robinson,
passed away at his home in Atlanta. Stan actually had his own Hot 100 hit back in
1959 with a song called "Boom-A-Dip-Dip."
NEIL YOUNG was playing in his wife Pegi's backing band at the 300-seat Johnny
D's in Somerville, Massachusetts this week when he surprised the crowd by
debuting a new song, apparently titled "Drive My Car." (See here)
PAUL MCCARTNEY has released a video of he and his band performing an
impromptu acoustic version of his latest song, "New." (See here)
CARLOS SANTANA and BILLY JOEL will be among those receiving this year’s
Kennedy Center Honors. They’ll receive the honors during a gala performance in
Washington, DC on December 8th that’ll be taped for broadcast on CBS on
December 29th.
We have more details about that new collection of THE BEATLES' BBC sessions.
This set will be out on November 11th and will include 63 tracks on two discs. It’ll
have 23 dialogue tracks featuring interviews, and studio banter and 40 songs,
including recordings of some of their biggest early hits.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES 2…
JOHN LEGEND and fiancée Chrissy Teigen were nice enough to share a topless
photo of themselves in bed. It was taken on the set of the video for All of Me.
Teigen also Tweeted the photo, but must’ve gotten some grief because she
followed up with: "Literally everyone has a nipple. Get over it." (See here)
An unnamed ONE DIRECTION fan reportedly killed her pet dog after members of
the group ignored her requests for a Twitter reply. A fan using the Twitter handle
@illumivato begged them to follow her on Twitter or she would break her dog’s
neck and included a photo of the dog pinned to the ground, with her hand around
its neck. She later wrote: “I love you. Follow me. My dog has just died" and
included a photo of a dog that appeared to be dead.
MILEY CYRUS says she plans to stop sticking her tongue out while performing
and in her music videos. Miley told a French interviewer that it's getting a little old
and she’s going to have to retire it. She added: "For as long as it is, you would
think that I could touch my nose! I mean I've tried it, I can't! I'm so close!"
Meanwhile, a naked middle-aged man has recreated her Wrecking Ball video on
Vine! (See here)
LADY GAGA tells Elle magazine she feels tortured at times and explains why she
changed her name by saying, "I am, Stefani is, a perpetually tortured artist. That's
why I changed my name. I can't be her in public. She would be a mess!"
It turns out the rumors of KANYE WEST and MILEY CYRUS hitting the studio
after the MTV awards was true. They did a remix of "Black Skinhead," but there’s
no word on when it’ll see the light of day. Meanwhile, Kanye went on another
expletive-laden rant at a listening party for his pal Pusha T in Manhattan the other
night and admitted he'd been hittin' the Grey Goose.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES 3…
NICKI MINAJ is being sued over her song "Starships." A guy named Clive
Tanaka is saying Nicki’s tune is a rip off of a song he did in 2011 called "Neu
Chicago." (Hear here)
LIL' KIM has a new mix tape on the way. Hard Core 2K13: Back 2 Da Streets' will
surface on October 31st.
JASON ALDEAN'S first concert film, Night Train to Georgia, will be released on
DVD on October 15th. It was filmed in April when he played to more than 66,000
fans during a sold-out show at the University of Georgia's Sanford Stadium.
LEANN RIMES had to cancel a show in Dublin, Ireland this week and instead
made an appearance in the local ER due to a bad cough. LeAnn tweeted: "Never
thought I'd see the ER in Dublin. I have coughed myself into pain. The spasm is
intense. Being human sucks sometimes." Her rep says LeAnn had a "resurgence of
a viral infection that she has been struggling with the past two weeks."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Cookie Monster previews the new season of ``Sesame Street.''
CBS This Morning: Sports broadcaster Jim Nantz
Today: Robert De Niro; The Golden Sisters; Janelle Monae performs
Kelly & Michael: Top 10 best moments of Kelly and Michael's first year together
The View: Robert De Niro; actor Isaiah Washington
The Talk: Lisa Marie Presley performs; chef Marcela Valladolid
Ellen: Andy Samberg; Mel B (America's Got Talent); WWE wrestler Darren
Young
Primetime:
ABC: Last Man Standing, Neighbors, and Shark Tank reruns and a new 20/20
CBS: Undercover Boss, Hawaii Five-0 and Blue Bloods reruns
Fox: The So You Think You Can Dance finale repeat
NBC: Million Second Quiz and Dateline are new
CW: New and old Perfect Score and a new America’s Next Top Model
ESPN: College football with Air Force at Boise State
Late Night:
Jay Leno: Zooey Deschanel; actor Terry Crews; Buena Vista Social Club performs
David Letterman: Dr. Phil McGraw; comic Tom Dreesen
Jimmy Kimmel: Actor Bill Hader; Richard Simmons; Alpine performs
Jimmy Fallon: Scarlett Johansson; Drake performs
Craig Ferguson: Seth Green; comic Andi Osho; Johnnyswim performs
Carson Daly: Michael Shannon; Josh Rushing; Foals perform
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
TUBULAR WEEKEND…
Saturday:
ABC: College football with Notre Dame at Purdue
CBS: Mike & Molly, 2.5 Men, Under the Dome and 48 Hours repeats
Fox: College football with Ohio State at California
NBC: Million Second Quiz and American Ninja Warriors are new
ESPN: College football with Vanderbilt at South Carolina and Wisconsin at
Arizona State
ESPN2: College football with Mississippi State at Auburn
Saturday Night Live: Justin Timberlake hosts and performs (rerun)
Sunday:
ABC: An America’s Funniest Home Videos rerun, plus a new 20/20 and the Miss
America pageant
CBS: 60 Minutes, plus a new Big Brother and Good Wife and a Mentalist repeats
Fox: American Dad, Simpsons, Bob’s Burgers and Family Guy repeats
NBC: NFL Football with the 49ers at Seahawks
ESPN: Baseball with the Yankees at Red Sox
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Friday,
May
29th,
2009
September
13th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER…
NASA has announced that its Voyager 1 spacecraft, which launched in 1977, is
now in interstellar space. They say it actually reached interstellar space on August
25th of 2012, but they were just now able to check and double-check data and
complete all of the verifications. Voyager is the first human-made object to leave
our solar system.
Charleston, South Carolina’s Benjamin and Hope Jordan hired 22-year-old Alexis
Khan as a babysitter for their newborn son. Alexis has now pleaded guilty to
assault and battery after she was caught abusing the boy. It turns out the Jordan’s
have their dog to thank for making the discovery. After about five months the dog
was very defensive of their son when Alexis would arrive and even started getting
aggressive towards her. The Jordans got suspicious and placed a hidden iPhone to
record what happened while they were at work. They caught Alexis abusing their
son and say had their dog not alerted them to it something worse might’ve
happened to their boy. Alexis will serve one to three years in prison and be placed
on a child abuse registry, preventing her from ever working with children again.
Have you ever left something on an airplane? What would you guess are the most
coming items left behind? A survey of flight crews finds that the most common
items are passports (24%), phones (23%) and books (21%). However, some crew
members reported finding such bizarre items as a falcon, frog, tortoise, parrot,
dentures, underwear, a glass eye and a prosthetic leg.
It’s been a rough year for Men's Wearhouse. Not only did they oust their founder,
George Zimmer, they’re now reporting their net income fell 28 percent during the
fiscal second quarter. What’s the problem? Their CEO is putting at least part of
the blame on superstitious brides. They say the number 13 in the year 2013 is
causing a small, but meaningful number of brides to avoid getting married this
year. No brides mean no grooms and fewer tuxes going out the door.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Friday,
May
29th,
2009
September
13th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
We’ve all called customer service and got the automated voice mail, forcing us to
enter all sorts of numbers before talking to a real person, who ends up transferring
us to someone else. A man named Mark was the unlucky operator who ended up
taking a call from a man who’d been transferred and put on hold for 3 hours and
identified himself as “your worst nightmare.” The 8 minutes and 31 second irate
call was recorded for quality assurance purposes or some such reason four years
ago, but has finally surfaced online and is well worth the wait! (Here – NSFW-but
it’s worth some editing!) Apparently, the customer’s threats were taken seriously
and there was legal action to prevent him from ever calling again.
It turns out that a recession may be good for some companies. A new study has
found that workers increase their output and productivity during economic
downturns. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics says it’s because when the job
market is tight, workers fear they won’t be able to find another job and work
harder to keep the one they have. When looking at the performance of "star" and
"laggard" employees, everyone picked up their game, but it was the laggards that
made the biggest gains during tough times.
Have you ever had to be reminded of what you did while drunk? A man in
California put an ad on Craigslist under the title ‘Possibly stole someone’s cat
when I was drunk last night.’ The man describes the animal as ‘a very frisky black
cat [with] very sleepy eyes’. The post goes on to say, ‘If anyone is missing a cat
name Django…I stole him last night. Not on purpose, I was extremely intoxicated
and thought he was just some random stray I was rescuing. It was not until this
morning when I was haphazardly going for a glass of water that I remembered I
took the cat and noticed that he had a collar.’ It added: ‘If Django belongs to you I
would like to give him back…And sorry for stealing him.’
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Friday,
May
29th,
2009
September
13th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 3…
If you’re married, you no doubt know that spousal embarrassment is a thing and
you have stories to tell! While the scenarios are endless, they apparently fall into
four categories. Empathic embarrassment is when your S.O. humiliates them self
in a way that doesn’t affect you, such as spilling something. Reflective
embarrassment is something that reflects on you like when your partner gets into
an argument with someone and you imagine that person is judging you for
marrying a jerk. One-sided embarrassment is something your spouse is doing that
makes you want to disappear like speaking in a fake accent to the waiter in an
ethnic restaurant. Targeted embarrassment is when they single out something you
do, perhaps by revealing intimate details about your snoring or bathroom habits.
Look! In the plastic surgeon’s office! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Herbert Chavez!
The 25-year-old Herbert, from Calamba City, Philippines, has undergone 19
cosmetic surgery procedures over 16 years, including nose jobs, lip liposuction,
jaw realignment and pec implants, to make himself look like Superman. Herbert
doesn’t fly or fight crime, but he does take to the streets to promote good morals to
children. (See here)
Utah dad Scott Mackintosh tried to get his teenage daughter to follow the family
dress code of ‘nothing low cut, no midriff, no sleeveless shirts, except for "playing
sports or at the beach." Unable to enforce his dress code, Scott decided to teach her
a lesson by cutting off a pair of old pants with only about an inch of material below
his business, figuring his embarrassed daughter would stop him before they went
out on their weekly family fun night. However, the daughter was so focused on her
phone she didn't notice dad until they got to the restaurant. Scott’s daughter
managed to live through the funny looks both at dinner and while playing mini
golf. However, when they went to cap off the evening with milkshakes, his
daughter finally refused to go inside the ice cream place. Scott later said his
daughter has dressed a little bit better since then. (See dad here)
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Friday,
May
29th,
2009
September
13th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 4…
If you want a free pizza, just go to Drew's Pizza in Champaign, Illinois. Of course,
there are a couple of catches. They posted the offer on their Twitter and Facebook
pages offering a free pizza to women that came in and flashed their breasts to
employees. Drew’s is near the University of Illinois and employee Brice Hartman
explained that not only do employees enjoy it, but all the other customers get to
watch, too. Yes, there was outrage when the call for "more t**s" went out on
Twitter and Drew’s eventually had to shut down their social media accounts.
Angela Maldano sent her 4-year-old son Daren off to his first day of prekindergarten at School 23 in Yonkers, New York. However, when mom returned in
the afternoon, the school had no idea of Daren’s whereabouts. In fact, the boy’s
teacher said she wasn’t aware of any student named Daren in her class. Angela
worked with school officials for two hours to find her son, but got little help from
the staff, who said he probably ran off. Finally, someone figured out that Daren
was mistakenly put on a school bus and when no one appeared at any bus stop to
pick him up, he was taken to a Board of Education office.
A new line of Hello Kitty alcoholic beverages have been released in China. They
have about half the alcohol content of beer, but come in six fruit flavors, including
lemon-lime, passion fruit and banana. Luckily for the world, they're only available
in China for now.
You can now get crabs from a vending machine! A Chinese entrepreneur has
come up with a vending machine that dispenses hairy crabs. They’re considered a
delicacy in that part of the world and the machines offer the crabs for $3.20 each.
The refrigerated machines keep the crabs alive but dormant, and any dead crabs are
immediately replaced. The crabs get their name from the yellowish hairs that hang
from the legs.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
SPORTS SHIRT…
The NFL has fined Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker Lavonte David $7,875 for
his out of bounds hit on New York Jets quarterback Geno Smith that also cost the
Bucs last Sunday’s game. David plans to appeal the fine.
Brandt Snedeker fired an 8-under-par 63 to lead after the first round of the BMW
Championship. Zach Johnson is one stroke back with Tiger Woods, Charl
Schwartzel, Steve Stricker and Kevin Streelman three behind.
Lance Armstrong has returned the Olympic bronze cycling medal he won at the
2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney. The International Olympic Committee vacated
the medal in January and Armstrong tweeted yesterday that he’d given it back.
A Texas A&M vanity license plate reading "12TH MAN" sold for $115,000 in an
online auction. It’s a record for a vanity plate sold by any state and the buyer was
attorney Tony Buzbee, who plans to give the plates to a decorated war veteran who
graduated from Texas A&M.
Some 30 former Oklahoma State football players have told Sports Illustrated that
drugs were everywhere throughout the program and some said they used even used
them before games. Players also claimed there were dealers on the team and that
the school helped keep stars eligible despite positive tests.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
Scoreboard
NFL
New England 13 N.Y. Jets 10 Final
MLB:
Oakland 8 Minnesota 2 Final
N.Y. Yankees 6 Baltimore 5 Final
L.A. Angels 4 Toronto 3 Final
Tampa Bay 4 Boston 3 Final
Cleveland 14 Chi. White Sox 3 Final
Atlanta 6 Miami 1 Final
Washington 7 N.Y. Mets 2 Final
Philadelphia 10 San Diego 5 Final
Pittsburgh 3 Chi. Cubs 1 Final
Milwaukee 5 St. Louis 3 Final
L.A. Dodgers 3 San Francisco 2 Final
10
Today’s Games
MLB
Cleveland at Chi. White Sox (2:10 PM)
Baltimore at Toronto (7:07 PM)
Kansas City at Detroit (7:08 PM)
N.Y. Yankees at Boston (7:10 PM)
Oakland at Texas (8:05 PM)
L.A. Angels at Houston (8:10 PM)
Tampa Bay at Minnesota (8:10 PM)
Philadelphia at Washington (7:05 PM
Chi. Cubs at Pittsburgh (7:05 PM)
Miami at N.Y. Mets (7:10 PM)
San Diego at Atlanta (7:30 PM)
Cincinnati at Milwaukee (8:10 PM)
Colorado at Arizona (9:40 PM)
San Francisco at L.A. Dodgers (10:10
PM)
Seattle at St. Louis (8:15 PM)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
DUH…
Deltona, Florida Burger King assistant manager Montrale Hamilton found a
deposit bag containing nearly $1,400 on the floor next to the safe. Montrale then
decided to teach the co-worker that mistakenly left it there a lesson by taking it
home with him. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it. When the owner noticed the
missing bag and threatened the employees with a polygraph, Montrale returned the
unopened bag with the cash and has been charged with grand theft.
An unnamed 51-year-old hunter in Utah brought down a 600-plus pound elk.
However, the elk managed to exact a bit of revenge after it had gone to that big
game preserve in the sky. As the hunter was trying to roll the animal over, its antler
stabbed him behind his jaw, puncturing his neck. The hunter called for help, saying
he was having trouble breathing and had to be flown to a hospital for surgery.
Lancaster, North Carolina felons Robert Hood and Demario Buchanon met the
other night regarding a gun transaction. Of course, it’s illegal for a felon to be in
possession of a firearm, but Hood doesn’t have to worry about going back to jail.
That’s because while the men were examining the weapon, it discharged, striking
Hood in the stomach and killing him. Demario was arrested and charged with
unlawful possession of a handgun and possession of stolen property.
The marijuana advocacy group NORML, has a handy guide on its website advising
what to do should you be pulled over by police with pot in your car. Tips include
hide the weed, refuse any warrantless search; be polite, and don't physically resist.
Apparently not visiting the website was 38-year-old Laketta Ransom and her
companion, who were stopped by Dallas police for a routine traffic violation.
When asked to exit the vehicle, Laketta refused and began arguing with the
officers. Laketta proceeded to kick an officer twice in a sensitive area before
throwing her bag of weed at him. Laketta was arrested for assaulting a public
servant and marijuana possession, while her companion, who complied with the
officers’ requests, was allowed to leave.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
MO’ DUH…
Peru, Indiana nursing student Brett Bishop told police he was concerned about his
drinking, since he was doing well in school and was up for a promotion at his job.
Unfortunately, Bishop was having this conversation after he allegedly went into his
neighbor's yard and cut down a U.S. flag, slashed the tires on a car, and stole a
bunch of frozen pork out of a freezer, before returning to his yard and burning the
flag. Bishop said he remembered burning his hand while trying to light something
with a cigarette lighter, but couldn’t remember what it was. Bishop is now up on
charges of burglary, theft, criminal mischief and flag desecration, but likely no
longer up for that promotion.
When Tampa police arrived at the apartment of 25-year-old Aisha Jean Clark, they
asked if she knew why they were there. Apparently she did as Aisha laughed, went
inside the apartment to get her iPad, pulled up her Instagram account, and showed
them the picture she posted of herself dangling her baby over a balcony. Aisha then
told them, “I was mad and I was making a point. I can do what I want with my
baby. Nobody can stop me.” Of course, she said that as police were arresting her.
Oldham, England party bus driver Bash Ali was pulled over for exceeding the
maximum allowable passengers. Bash’s defense was that one of the passengers
was a blow-up doll, not an actual human and therefore she shouldn’t be fined. In
addition to the embarrassing admission, Bash lost his case and was ordered to pay
a nearly $700 fine. Bash later said, "I have no faith in the justice system."
It wasn’t a lucky night at the Horseshoe Casino in Bossier City, Louisiana for
Courtney Cox. Courtney, presumably not the actress, had to be fished out of the
casino’s fountain where she was skinny dipping. Police offered Courtney the
chance to have a sober friend, presumably not Ross or Rachel, come and drive her
home, but she then began yelling and swearing at casino employees and hotel
guests and was arrested for disturbing the peace and, yes, public drunkenness.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
September 13th, 2013
HISTORY LESSON…
1949: The Ladies Professional Golf Association was founded
1960: The Federal Communications Commission banned payola
1969: The Scooby Doo cartoon series debuted
1971: The World Hockey Association was formed.
1974: The Freddie Prinze sitcom Chico and the Man and James Garner's The
Rockford Files premiered
1976: The Muppet Show made its TV debut
1986: Captain EO, a 17-minute, 3-D movie starring Michael Jackson premiered at
Disneyland
1989: Fay Vincent was named commissioner of Major League Baseball,
succeeding the late Bart Giamatti.
1990: The TV series Law and Order premiered
1993: Late Night with Conan O'Brien made its premiere on NBC.
1996: Rapper Tupac Shakur died after a drive-by shooting six days earlier.
2007: The NFL fined New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick $500,000 and the
team $250,000 for spying on the New York Jets
2009: Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the MTV Video
Awards, saying Beyonce should've won
Birthday Partiers:
actor Richard Kiel (Happy Gilmore, Inspector Gadget, The Spy Who Loved Me)
74
actress Jacqueline Bisset (The Deep, Dangerous Beauty, Wild Orchid) 69
actress Jean Smart (Designing Women, Garden State, 24) 54
designer Stella McCartney 41
singer Fiona Apple 36
actor Ben Savage (Boy Meets World) 33
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Saturday,
September 14th, 2013
SATURDAY IN HISTORY…
1814: Francis Scott Key wrote The Star Spangled Banner after witnessing the
British bomb Fort McHenry in Maryland during the War of 1812.
1901: President William McKinley died eight days after being shot in Buffalo,
New York
1959: The Soviet Lunik II became the first manmade object to reach the moon
1960: OPEC was founded by Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela.
1968: The Archies made their TV cartoon debut
1972: The Waltons premiered on CBS
1978: Robin Williams' TV series Mork & Mindy premiered on ABC
1982: Princess Grace of Monaco, formerly actress Grace Kelly, died from injuries
suffered in a car crash the day before.
1984: The first MTV Video Music Awards were presented at Radio City Music
Hall in New York with hosts Dan Aykroyd and Bette Midler
1994: Acting Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced the season was over
due to a players strike
1999: Disney World in Florida closed for the first time in its history due to the
approaching Hurricane Floyd.
Birthday Partiers:
actor Walter Koenig (Star Trek) 75
actor Sam Neill (Jurassic Park, The Hunt For Red October, The Tudors) 66
actress Faith Ford (Hope & Faith, The Pacifier, Murphy Brown) 49
director Tyler Perry (House of Payne, Meet the Browns, Madea's Big Happy
Family) 44
actress Kimberly Williams-Paisley (According to Jim, Father of the Bride) 42
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Sunday,
September 15th, 2013
SUNDAY IN HISTORY…
1944: Bandleader Glenn Miller's airplane disappeared over the English Channel
1949: The Lone Ranger premiered on ABC
1963: For the only time in major league baseball history three brothers played in
the same outfield as Felipe, Matty and Jesus Alou took the field for the San
Francisco Giants.
1963: Four black girls were killed when a bomb went off during Sunday services at
a Baptist church in Birmingham, Alabama
1965: The TV shows Lost in Space, Green Acres and I Spy premiered
1968: Richard Nixon appeared on Laugh In and uttered the immortal words "sock
it to me"
1971: Columbo debuted on NBC
1971: The environmental organization Greenpeace was founded
1977: The TV series Chips premiered
1978: Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World Heavyweight
Boxing title.
1982: USA Today was first published
2001: The U.S. named Osama bin Laden as the mastermind of the September 11th
attacks.
Birthday Partiers:
comedian Norm Crosby 86
musician Jimmy Gilmer 73
actor Tommy Lee Jones (Men in Black, Space Cowboys, Double Jeopardy) 67
director Oliver Stone (JFK, Alexander, Platoon) 67
actor Josh Charles (Sports Night, SWAT, The Good Wife) 42
Prince Harry of Wales 29
reality TV's Heidi Montag 27