Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
THE BITS…
Texas Senator Ted Cruz staged a filibuster against Obamacare and pledged to
speak on the Senate floor until he was no longer able to stand. They’re calling it
the longest, most boring performance since the Emmys.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz staged a filibuster against Obamacare and pledged to
speak on the Senate floor until he was no longer able to stand. Let’s just hope he
has a good health care plan.
Experts examining a photo taken at the Gettysburg Address are trying to determine
which person in the crowd is Abraham Lincoln. They say it could be a man seen on
horseback, a figure near the speaker’s stand, or the guy next to Barbara Walters.
Miley Cyrus is featured in the new issue of Rolling Stone magazine and to
celebrate she got the words ‘Rolling’ and ‘Stone’ tattooed on the bottom of her
feet. It’s lucky she wasn’t featured in the New England Journal of Medicine.
Charlie Sheen reported for jury duty in Los Angeles yesterday. It was the first time
a juror has pleaded insanity.
Actor Michael Douglas is 69 years old today. Douglas is planning a quiet, romantic
evening with Matt Damon.
Pamela Anderson says she plans on running her first marathon six weeks from
now. This will be the first marathon that Pam has participated in that will involve
wearing clothes.
Pamela Anderson says she plans on running her first marathon six weeks from
now. Pam says it’ll be her greatest test of physical endurance since her sex video.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
SON OF THE BITS…
Internet sensation Grumpy Cat has landed an endorsement deal with Friskies cat
food. Unfortunately, the celebrity lifestyle has already affected Grumpy Cat as he
and Miley Cyrus were photographed smoking catnip.
Burger King has introduced new lower calorie French fries. That’s good news for
all the health conscious people that eat at Burger King.
Burger King has introduced new lower calorie French fries. You’ll be able to
watch the pounds melt away when you order the low calorie fries with your triple
Whopper with cheese and chocolate shake.
A line of Fifty Shades of Grey wines have gone on sale. They’re for people who
like to tie one on.
A line of Fifty Shades of Grey wines have gone on sale. Fifty Shades fans are
reminded to have a corkscrew handy…and something to open the wine with.
China's richest man plans to spend $8 billion to build his country's version of
Hollywood, He says $100,000 will be used to build studios and the rest of the
money will go towards plastic surgery for every woman in China.
China's richest man plans to spend $8 billion to build his country's version of
Hollywood. He says he’s looking forward to the Chinese finally being able to
pirate their own movies.
The man who gained notoriety a few years ago after a condition turned his skin a
deep blue has died. He leaves behind a wife and several Smurfs.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
TODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have reality fun with The Voice, the
new superhero series Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., laughs with The Goldbergs
and late night fun with Conan and Stephen Colbert with his guests,
Metallica.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
JUSTIN BIEBER has kicked his pals Lil Twist and Lil Za to the curb after some of
his expensive jewelry went missing from his Calabasas mansion. Justin noticed the
jewelry and other items were missing earlier this month and was said to be furious.
Bieber doesn’t necessarily think Twist and Za took the stuff, but they did throw
numerous parties at his place and he’s holding them responsible for whoever may
have walked off with the goods. Justin posted an Instagram message saying,
"Don't listen to ‘em. I still got all my jewelry." However, TMZ says Justin was
lying to cover for his possibly former friends and he took the message down after
about a half hour. They also say Justin is privately saying he knows he's been on a
bad path, and is apparently taking steps to get his act together.
MILEY CYRUS is on the cover of the new issue of Rolling Stone magazine
without the benefit of clothing, although arms are strategically placed. Miley even
did part of the interview while getting the words "Rolling Stone" tattooed on the
bottom of her feet. Among the tidbits…About that tongue: Now people expect me
to come out and twerk with my tongue out all the time. I'll probably never do that
(expletive) again." She said neighbor Steve Carell isn’t really a fan saying, "He
always gives me the stank-eye because I drive so fast." On her MTV Video Music
Awards performance: "No one is talking about the man behind the (derriere). It
was a lot of 'Miley twerks on Robin Thicke,' but never, 'Robin Thicke grinds up on
Miley.' They're only talking about the one that bent over. So obviously there's a
double standard." She said the tears she shed during her Wrecking Ball video were
real because her dog had just died. On Justin Bieber, who she sort of mentors:
"People don't take him seriously, but he really can play the drums, he really can
play guitar, he really can sing. I just don't want to see him f**k that up, to where
people think he's Vanilla Ice…But the thing is, I think boys are, like, seven years
behind. So in his head, he's really, like, 12."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
This should come as no surprise, but AMANDA BYNES is unfit to stand trial.
Amanda was due in court yesterday to answer to DUI charges from her arrest last
April. Amanda didn’t make it to court, but her lawyer claimed she wouldn't be able
to fully understand the court proceedings. The judge apparently agreed and passed
the case on to the mental health court.
DINA LOHAN showed up at New York courthouse in a chauffeur-driven Rolls
Royce yesterday where she entered a not guilty plea on speeding and DUI charges.
Dina’s license was suspended and she’s due back in court October 23rd.
LAMAR ODOM’S father, Joe, tells Radar Online the Kardashian family is to
blame for his son’s troubles and that marrying Khloe was the worst mistake he
ever made. Joe also said the Kardashians have ruined his career and that the
pressures of their reality show forced him to turn to drugs. Joe also called Kris
Jenner an “an evil b*tch” and dismisses Kim as a “porn star.” Joe also says he
thinks Lamar needs to dump Khloe, adding: “They don’t give a f*ck about my son.
It’s more about the damage they do to the Kardashian brand.” However, Lamar
fired back at his dad saying, "How can a man who has not once called me to check
on my well being have the nerve to talk so recklessly about his own son. He is my
downfall!" Lamar goes on to call his dad an absentee father and said the
Kardashians were the only family that has loved him without expecting anything in
return and the only ones that have been there for him during this ‘dark time.’
The unlikely Twitter feud between LADY GAGA and ADAM LEVINE continues.
After Levine tweeted about recycling old art for a younger generation not making
you an artist, Lady Gaga took it as a jab at her and responded with: "uh oh guys the
art police is here." The latest comes from Levine, who responds: "by the way, I’m
not an artist. I sing in a band and I make music with my friends." He then added,
"while we're at it we should call the grammar police." That’s apparently a reference
to Gaga using the word "is" and not "are" regarding ‘the art police.’
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
CHARLIE SHEEN reported for jury duty in Los Angeles yesterday. Charlie said
he was hoping for something interesting like a multiple homicide case, although he
admitted that he didn't know if he'd be selected to sit on a jury because he might be
too much of a distraction. During the lunch break, Sheen tweeted a picture of
himself, flashing his juror badge and wrote, "I took one look at the guy, and knew
immediately: mistrial." Charlie was, in fact, dismissed and never even made it into
the courtroom as a prospective juror. Charlie spent the day in the Jury Assembly
Room, organizing his bets for the World Series and taking pictures with fans.
NICOLAS CAGE and his son Weston were hanging out backstage with Vince Neil
at the Motley Crue show at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas Sunday night when
TOMMY LEE tried entering his dressing room. Apparently Weston had the
misfortune of standing in the doorway and blocking Tommy’s path. TMZ says
Tommy tried to shove past Weston, telling him to get the f**k out of his way.
Weston went nuclear, screaming and swearing at Tommy and challenging him to a
fight. Tommy then got in Weston's face and started screaming, but security stepped
in before anyone got pummeled. It was probably a good thing for Weston because
you may remember a few years back in New Orleans he got beaten to a pulp.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY injured his knee while performing on
DANCING WITH THE STARS Monday night and may need surgery. No word
yet on if he’ll be forced to bow out.
GRETCHEN ROSSI and ALEXIS BELLINO are reportedly getting fired from
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY. Producers want fresh faces.
CBS may expand NCIS to New Orleans. A two-part episode on NCIS this season
will introduce a New Orleans cast and it could become its own series.
ARMY WIVES are shipping out as Lifetime has canceled the show. What turned
out to be the final episode aired on June 9th, but Lifetime is planning a two-hour
retrospective special with cast members that’ll air early next year.
Filming has begun on DUMB AND DUMBER TO. JEFF DANIELS tweeted a
photo of himself and JIM CARREY in character from the set yesterday. The movie
is due out sometime next year. (See here)
JIM CARREY’S first children's book, How Roland Rolls, is now in stores. It tells
the story of a wave named Roland who's afraid his life will be over on the day he
hits the beach. (See Carrey recording e-book here)
DANIEL RADCLIFFE is reportedly under consideration to star in that biopic of
late Queen frontman FREDDIE MERCURY. Sacha Baron Cohen was previously
attached to the project, but pulled out earlier this year. Queen's Roger Taylor said
he and Brian May weren’t too sorry to see Cohen's depart because they were afraid
he might try and make it too humorous.
SELENA GOMEZ and DEMI LOVATO are said to be battling it out to star in a
big-screen biopic about singer LINDA RONSTADT.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES…
It turns out that U2’S BONO does a pretty good impression of Bill Clinton. Bono
tried out his act while in New York City for the Clinton Global Initiative this week.
(See here)
ELTON JOHN was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and weighed in on MILEY
CYRUS’ MTV VMA performance. Elton said Miley “flattened the opposition,”
although he thought it was a “weird performance.” Although, Elton didn’t care for
her tongue wagging saying, "That was just the thing I just could not...it wasn't the
dancing or anything or touching Robin Thicke's what’s it." While Elton said Miley
is a terrific girl, he added, "I'll take her old boyfriend though."
The 2014 nominees for the America’s Pop Music Hall of Fame have been
announced. THE BEE GEES, THE MONKEES, THE SUPREMES, THREE DOG
NIGHT and CHICAGO are among the 25 nominees. Fans are allowed to vote
online at AmericasPopMusicHallOfFame.org. Voting ends October 31st and the
inductees will be announced in December.
An exhibit of BOB DYLAN'S iron sculptures will open this November at the
Halcyon Gallery in London. Dylan said, "I was born and raised in iron ore country
– where you could breathe it and smell it every day. And I've always worked with
it in one form or another."
ONE DIRECTION’S LOUIS TOMLINSON took a tumble during their opening
show in Adelaide, Australia. Of course, the clip has made it to YouTube, showing
Tomlinson falling, dusting himself off, and then getting back to performing the
song “Kiss You.” (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES 2…
ARIANA GRANDE is officially dating THE WANTED'S NATHAN SYKES.
Yesterday Nathan tweeted: "So, I guess it's obvious now" while Ariana added, "we
hesitated saying anything as people can be a bit insensitive but thank u. we value
all of your happiness, thank you for valuing ours."
LEONA LEWIS will make her big-screen debut in the movie "Holiday!" It’s a
British musical that tells the story of a holiday romance love triangle, an upcoming
wedding and old flames set to music of the 80’s.
CEE LO GREEN was sporting a major head tattoo on the season premiere of "The
Voice" but, if you don’t like it, don’t worry. Word is that it’s probably a
temporary job as photos from upcoming episodes don’t show it.
The video for JASON DERULO’S Marry Me is out and it co-stars his real life
girlfriend JORDIN SPARKS. The video shows them cuddling in bed and him
proposing to her. But, are they engaged in real life? So far, they’re not saying.
(See here)
DRAKE was on Chelsea Handler’s show and she asked: “Are you still penetrating
Rihanna?” If you’re wondering, Drake responded: “We’re way past that,” adding:
“I need somebody new to penetrate, by the way.”
SEAN "DIDDY" COMBS tops Forbes' list of Highest-Paid Hip-Hop Stars as he
pulled down $50 million in the past year. Coming in second place was Jay Z, who
raked in $43 million. Last year’s richest, Dr. Dre, fell to third place this year with
$40 million, followed by the only lady on the list, Nicki Minaj, at $29 million.
Fifth place on the list goes to Birdman ($21 million), followed by Kanye West at
sixth ($20 million), Lil Wayne at seventh ($16 million), Wiz Khalifa at eighth ($14
million), Ludacris at ninth ($12 million) and Pitbull at tenth ($11 million).
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
MUSIC NOTES 3…
TOBY KEITH will make his first-ever concert appearances in Australia next year
with his "Hammer Down Under Tour." Guests on the tour will be ELI YOUNG
BAND and KELLIE PICKLER.
CARRIE UNDERWOOD says she received a personal note from PAUL
MCCARTNEY giving her permission to perform his song Yesterday at the Emmy
Awards. Carrie tweeted, “The coolest thing about singing Yesterday on the Emmys
is the sweet letter I got from Paul McCartney giving me his blessing to sing it!”
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Elton John; actor James Caan; TV host Nick Carter; the hosts of The Chew
CBS This Morning: Actor Bill Hader
Today: Michael J. Fox; musician Blake Shelton; chef Jamie Deen; actor Bill Hader
Kelly & Michael: Michael J. Fox (``The Michael J. Fox Show''); Sofia Vergara
(``Modern Family''); Blake Shelton (``The Voice'').
The View: James Caan; actors Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan
The Talk: Eva Mendes; chef Dean Sheremet
Ellen: Lauren Graham (``Parenthood''); Elton John performs; guest DJ Nicole
``Snooki'' Polizzi
Primetime:
ABC: The Middle, Modern Family and Nashville season premieres, plus Maggie
Lawson’s new single mom moving back in with dad sitcom Back in the Game
CBS: Survivor is new, plus the Criminal Minds and CSI season premieres
Fox: X Factor is new
NBC: Revolution and Law & Order SVU season premieres
CW: An Arrow repeat and a new Capture
ESPN: Baseball with the Rays at Yankees and Dodgers at Giants
Late Night:
Jay Leno: Dana Carvey; Cee Lo Green and Goodie Mob perform
David Letterman: Robin Williams; Icona Pop performs
Jimmy Kimmel: Jon Hamm; animal trainer Dave Salmoni; Sons of the Sea
Conan: Seth Green; Lizzy Caplan; Sammy Obeid
Jimmy Fallon: Michael J. Fox; musician Blake Shelton; Kings of Leon perform
Craig Ferguson: Actress Julia Stiles; actress Keke Palmer
Arsenio: Chef Gordon Ramsay (``Hell's Kitchen''); Laila Ali (``All In With Laila
Ali''); comic Louie Anderson
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Wednesday,
May 29th,
2009
September
25th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER…
You may have noticed that gas prices are on the way down. They’ve been falling
for about three weeks now that the summer driving season is over. The national
average is $3.46 a gallon, which is the lowest since January, and 35 cents less than
a year ago. Prices are expected to drop another 20 to 25 cents in the coming
weeks. On the downside, gas prices have been above $3 for 1,000 consecutive
days, which has never happened before.
For the second week in a row, an old car has surfaced from the deep with bodies
inside that may solve a decades-old cold case. This time it was in South Dakota
where skeletal remains inside an old Studebaker are likely those of two then-17year-old girls. Cheryl Miller and Pamela Jackson were last seen May 29th, 1971,
driving a beige 1960 Studebaker on their way to a party. High spring water levels
followed by a drought this summer exposed the car and authorities recovered a
hubcap and a license plate matching the car once owned by Miller's grandfather.
The last Volkswagen Micro Bus will roll off the assembly line in Brazil on
December 31st. Brazil is the last place in the world where the bus is still made, but
new safety regulations have spelled the end to the classic VW. Over 10 million
have been built since it was introduced 63 years ago in Germany. A VW plant in
Mexico stopped producing the bus in 1995, while production in Germany was
halted in 1979 because it no longer met European safety requirements.
We’re learning a little more about the winner of last week's $400 million Powerball
jackpot. It turns out he stopped to get gas at a Murphy Express in Columbia, South
Carolina the day of the drawing last Wednesday. While there, his wife called and
asked him to buy some hot dog buns. He went inside and found there were no
buns, but he saw the $400 million prize and bought $20 in tickets. He said it was
only his second time playing the lottery and when he found out he won, he told the
only living being around - his dog. The man has chosen to remain anonymous.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Wednesday,
May 29th,
2009
September
25th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
A powerful 7.7-magnitude earthquake hit southwestern Pakistan yesterday. Over
200 people died, but the weird thing is that it created a new island about half a mile
off the coast of Gwadar. Locals flocked to see the new island, which is said to have
a mountainous terrain rising up to a hundred feet.
The $400,000 Lamborghini Aventador is designed to break apart easily on impact
in order to dissipate energy and protect the occupants. The good news for one
Brooklyn man is that the car did just that. The bad news for one Brooklyn man is
that the car did just that. While traveling down a street at a high rate of speed, the
car hit a sedan and then a tree before coming to a rest. It was filmed by the security
camera of a nearby home and has become a popular YouTube video. (See here)
Apparently those e-cigarettes really can be dangerous for you! Utah mother Kinzie
Barlow says she was driving in Provo with her 3-year-old son, Khonor, when she
noticed a strange smell. That was followed by a big bang, a flash, and then there
was smoke everywhere. Barlow said her e-cigarette had exploded in its charger,
shooting out a white-hot copper coil that bounced off the ceiling and landed in her
son's car seat, setting it on fire. Barlow tried to put the fire out with her shirt sleeve,
but that also caught fire and she finally doused the flames with an iced coffee. A
local fire marshal backs her story and Barlow says she has no intention of buying
another e-cigarette, saying: "Seeing your child on fire and hearing them scream
'Help me!' is pretty terrifying." The boy received first- and second-degree burns.
You’re going to have something else to blame your toxic emissions on. Stink bugs
are making a comeback in the lower 48, but especially in the East. The bugs are
only about the size of pumpkin seeds, but cause a big stink when crushed. You
have Asia to thank, as they arrived from there in the mid 1990s.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Wednesday,
May 29th,
2009
September
25th,
2013
THE WATERCOOLER 3…
In Georgia, the daughter of Willie and Carol Fowler canceled her wedding with
just 40 days' notice. Since the venue, food, and entertainment were already paid
for, Willie had an idea. They decided to team up with a group that helps homeless
people and host a catered party for those in need. At first the charity thought it was
some sort of hoax that homeless people would be invited to such a ritzy location.
However, some 200 guests were bused to the swanky venue for a four-course meal
complete with coconut shrimp and salmon. The family hopes to get sponsors and
make it an annual event.
Restaurants around the country have begun banning cell phones, but the Bedivere
Eatery & Tavern in Beirut, Lebanon, has an alternative: They’ll give you a 10
percent discount if you leave your phone with them and socialize and it’s starting
to catch on around the world. (Would you take the offer?)
Author E L James has partnered with a California winery to produce a line of Fifty
Shades of Grey Wines. The wines come in Red Satin and White Silk. James notes,
“Wine plays an important role in Fifty Shades of Grey, adding to the sensuality
that pervades a number of scenes…I hope my readers curl up with a glass as they
enjoy the romance between Anastasia and Christian.” The wines can be bought at
FiftyShadesWine.com for $17.99.
Most moms have snuggled a baby and described them as “delicious” and “yummy”
and saying things like, “You’re so cute! I could gobble you up!” It turns out it’s
part of the maternal instinct. Scientists at the University of Montreal found that a
newborn’s scent causes the release of dopamine and activates the same part of a
woman’s brain that causes the craving of certain foods. The researchers found that
women had the same feeling even when they were holding a baby who wasn’t their
own. While it doesn’t actually trigger a desire to eat the baby, it shows that the
odor of newborns elicits maternal care functions such as breastfeeding.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
SPORTS SHIRT…
St. Louis Cardinals rookie Michael Wacha lost his no-hit bid with two outs in the
ninth when Ryan Zimmerman hit an infield single off Wacha’s glove.
On the NFL injury front: Dallas Cowboys defensive end Anthony Spencer will
undergo season-ending surgery on his left knee and is expected to be 100 percent
by January or February…Detroit Lions receiver Nate Burleson broke both bones in
his forearm. It wasn’t on the field, but in a single-car accident in which he crashed
his SUV into a median when he became distracted by pizza falling off his front
seat…The Arizona Cardinals’ Rashad Johnson tweeted a photo of his severed
finger with the message: "Blessed to be able to still go out and do what I love this
season." (See here)
He’s not planning yet another comeback, but Brett Favre’s agent says, “His arms
look like a blacksmith’s arms. He rides a bike probably 30-50 miles a day. He runs
4 or 5 miles a day. He’s coaching at the high school, and they’re undefeated. His
body fat is 7.5%, and he weighs 225 pounds. He could play today, better than a lot
of them out there today.”
The NBA says the Miami Heat and Brooklyn Nets might use player nicknames on
the backs of their jerseys for at least one of their four matchups this season.
The 2015 NBA All-Star weekend will be held in New York. Madison Square
Garden will host the game and the skills events will take place at the Barclays
Center in Brooklyn. Word is the 2016 event will head to Canada for the first time
with the Toronto Raptors hosting at the Air Canada Centre.
The NCAA has announced it would gradually restore football scholarships to Penn
State University due to their "continued progress toward ensuring athletics
integrity." It’s also reported that their postseason football ban may be shortened
because of the school's continued progress.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
Scoreboard
MLB
Toronto 3 Baltimore 2 Final 10
Tampa Bay 7 N.Y. Yankees 0 Final
Cleveland 5 Chi. White Sox 4 Final
Texas 3 Houston 2 Final
Detroit 4 Minnesota 2 Final
L.A. Angels 3 Oakland 0 Final
Seattle 4 Kansas City 0 Final
Atlanta 3 Milwaukee 2 Final
Philadelphia 2 Miami 1 Final
N.Y. Mets 4 Cincinnati 2 Final
Pittsburgh 8 Chi. Cubs 2 Final
St. Louis 2 Washington 0 Final
Arizona 2 San Diego 1 Final 12
L.A. Dodgers 2 San Francisco 1 Final
Colorado 8 Boston 3 Final
Today’s Games
MLB
Oakland at L.A. Angels (3:35 PM)
Toronto at Baltimore (7:05 PM)
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Yankees (7:05 PM)
Chi. White Sox at Cleveland (7:05 PM)
Houston at Texas (8:05 PM)
Detroit at Minnesota (8:10 PM)
Kansas City at Seattle (10:10 PM)
N.Y. Mets at Cincinnati (12:35 PM)
Washington at St. Louis (1:45 PM)
Pittsburgh at Chi. Cubs (2:20 PM)
Milwaukee at Atlanta (7:10 PM)
Philadelphia at Miami (7:10 PM)
Arizona at San Diego (10:10 PM)
L.A. Dodgers at San Francisco (10:15
PM)
Boston at Colorado (8:40 PM)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
DUH…
Virginia Beach, Virginia seventh-grade student Khalid Caraballo could be expelled
for the rest of the school year for shooting a gun. However, the 12-year-old Khalid
didn’t bring the gun to school, nor was it a real gun. It seems that Khalid fired an
air soft gun with a friend in his own yard as they waited for the school bus to come.
Khalid and his friend, Aidan, were both suspended for “possession, handling and
use of a firearm.” Khalid’s mother, Angel, said the punishment was “pretty harsh”
for a toy that she bought for $25.
A bad mother will leave their 7-year-old son in the back seat of a vehicle while
they go inside to party. A terrible mother will leave that child in the car with the
sunroof open. However, Newport News, Virginia’s 23-year-old Tranesha Terry
found herself in Joan Crawford territory when she left her kid in the car with the
sunroof open during a rainstorm. Police responded to calls about a loud party and a
crying child and, after initially refusing to identify herself as the child’s mother,
Tranesha was arrested on child neglect charges.
Michael James Schneider stopped on the Florida Turnpike in Deerfield Beach to
rescue a cat on the roadway. Unfortunately, no one was able to rescue Michael
before he was hit by an oncoming car and found himself on its hood. That car soon
ran off the road and hit Michael’s parked truck, which ejected him off the hood and
into the grass shoulder. Michael was taken to a hospital in critical condition while
the driver of the car and the cat both perished.
Apparently having extricated all cats from area trees, 12 firefighters arrived in
three fire engines to London’s Finsbury Park to rescue a teenage girl who got stuck
in a swing. The girl slid herself into the child’s swing, but was unable to get out
without assistance. The team of firefighters was eventually able to free her after
removing the swing from its frame.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
MO’ DUH…
No slashing on the dance floor! An unnamed woman was on the dance floor of
Hartford’s Sunset Café during a birthday party when an attacker came up to her
and slashed the left side of her face with a sharp object. The woman later told
police that before the attack, she and the slasher spoke in the ladies room and that
the attacker said her lipstick color "did not look good on her."
Spring Hill, Florida’s 20-year-old Gabriel Marshall got upset when his mother
asked him to get off of the computer in the living room of their shared home.
Gabriel’s negative response upset his mother and a yelling match ensued, which
soon woke Gabriel's father. When dad tried to settle the beef, Gabriel pulled a
knife and put a slice in dad's arm measuring four by eight inches and requiring 55
stitches to close. No word on whether Gabriel has computer privileges in jail.
Murrysville, Pennsylvania’s Thomas Marrone was recently busted for DUI after a
police officer caught him with an open can of Coors Light and reeking of alcohol.
Thomas told the officer he was driving to his home some 6.4 miles away and the
arrest report noted he was behind the wheel of his riding lawn mower.
Six dealers of illegal pornography in western Japan have been arrested. The men
might still be free to peddle their smut had they not mailed catalogues of illegal
porn DVDs to potential customers and had one of those potential customers not
been the head of Osaka Police Department.
Hernando County, Florida teacher Cynthia Herr is under arrest following an
unauthorized sex education class with a 16-year-old student. The 35-year-old
Cynthia and her young paramour might still be enjoying their illicit affair had she
not told a co-worker about the relationship. The co-worker reported it to school
officials, which led to Cynthia becoming a prisoner of love. Perhaps it was worth it
for Cynthia as the boy admitted to having a consensual, intimate relationship with
her and that she took him to a motel where they did it four times in one day.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
September 25th, 2013
HISTORY LESSON…
1775: Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the Revolutionary War
1928: Henry Ford established the 40-hour, 5-day work week
1957: U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students were escorted to class
at Central High School in Little Rock
1965: 59-year-old Leroy "Satchel" Paige became the oldest man to ever appear in a
major league game, pitching three innings of scoreless baseball
1970: The Partridge Family TV series debuted on ABC
1979: The musical Evita opened on Broadway
1981: Sandra Day O'Connor was sworn in as the first female justice on the U.S.
Supreme Court
1992: An Orlando judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old Gregory Kingsley, who had
sought a divorce from his biological parents.
2001: Michael Jordan announced that he would return to the NBA as a player for
the Washington Wizards.
Birthday Partiers:
newswoman Barbara Walters (20/20, The View) 82
actor Michael Douglas (Basic Instinct, Wall Street, Traffic) 69
actor Anson Williams (Happy Days) 64
actor Mark Hamill (Star Wars, Corvette Summer) 61
actor Michael Madsen (Mulholland Falls, Reservoir Dogs, Sin City) 55
actress Heather Locklear (Spin City, Melrose Place, Dynasty) 52
actress Aida Turturro (The Sopranos, Deep Blue Sea, Junior) 51
actor Tate Donovan (The O.C., The Pacifier, Damages) 50
actor Will Smith (Men In Black, Independence Day, Hancock) 45
actress Catherine Zeta-Jones (Chicago, Ocean's 12, The Legend of Zorro) 44
actor Hal Sparks (Queer As Folk, Talk Soup, Dude Where's My Car) 44