Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
THE BITS…
Republicans were the big winners in yesterday’s elections. In fact, it was the worst
night for Democrats since they canceled West Wing.
Republicans were the big winners in last night’s elections. That means we’ll finally
have fresh blood in Washington who will bring with them new ideas and new ways
of not getting anything done.
Former American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken lost his congressional election bid in
North Carolina yesterday. So, congratulations to new North Carolina Congressman
Reuben Studdard.
Republicans were the big winners in yesterday’s elections. Exit polls showed that
Americans were upset with exit polls.
The mid-term elections were held last night and it’s being viewed as a big setback
for President Obama. That’s really a shame because up until now the Obama
presidency has been one big victory after another.
Yesterday was Election Day around the country and most all the incumbents in
Congress retained their jobs. It’s reassuring that American saw through the lies and
the attack ads and threw the bums back in.
During yesterday’s elections, Missouri Governor Jay Nixon tweeted a photo of a
woman voting while wearing jeans that were so low they exposed her butt. Finally
- a campaign message that voters are eager to get behind.
Celebrity Ben Stein is calling President Obama the most racist president in U.S.
history. He has a point. After all, Obama’s top advisors are almost all white.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
SON OF THE BITS…
Oprah Winfrey has released the annual list of her Favorite Things. Oprah says she
tasted, tested, sniffed, touched, lotioned, potioned, snuggled, shared, dared, and
then did it all again. No word if she did that with her favorite things or Steadman.
Oprah Winfrey has released the annual list of her Favorite Things. Once again this
year Oprah’s favorite thing is Oprah.
Reality TV star Kris Jenner is 59 today. Kris is planning to celebrate by having a
spa day with the girls, getting facials, manicures and pedicures. No, wait, that’s
how Bruce Jenner plans to spend the day.
Voting is now underway for the 2015 People's Choice Awards. Finally, Americans
have something important to vote for instead of this pointless political stuff.
Voting is now underway for the 2015 People's Choice Awards. Unfortunately,
Republicans changed the rules this year so that people can’t vote unless they have
a photo ID.
Amanda Bynes sent out a tweet yesterday saying she’s bi-polar. However, Amanda
thinks that means she likes both male and female polar bears.
In honor of Veteran’s Day, Baskin-Robbins has created a new camouflage ice
cream flavor. It’s part of their Operation Dessert Storm.
Alaska State Troopers say human remains have been found in the North Pole area.
Troopers say they plan to question several elves.
Firefighters in Switzerland have rescued a donkey that was found stuck in an
uncovered manhole. Of course, that would then make it an as-…oh, never mind.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
TODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have clips from Sons of Anarchy,
Master Chef, election coverage from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert,
plus a late night round up with Dave, The Jimmys, Craig, Seth and
Conan.
It’s all at www.BitmanComedy.com
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
AMANDA BYNES sent out a tweet yesterday morning saying she’s bi-polar and
manic-depressive. While that’s no surprise, it is surprising she’s finally
acknowledging it. Amanda also said she was taking medications to deal with it and
that she was fine. Of course, that part remains to be seen as she later went on
another Twitter rant saying, "I'm so mad at my parents. They are with holding my
belongings and money from me so I don't have new clothes or enough money to
rent an apartment." Amanda went on to say that she and her parents aren't speaking
and "So until I get a different conservator I’ll look terrible because I don't have
enough to get new clothes or anything I need." Amanda has been staying with her
hair stylist and a couple other girls in a West Hollywood apartment for the last few
days, but she needs something more permanent.
HONEY BOO BOO’S Anna “Chickadee” Cardwell is now claiming that her
mother “Mama June” Shannon removed $30,000 from her trust fund to purchase a
vehicle for sex offender Mark McDaniel, the same man who molested her when
she was just 8. However, Mama June denies the accusations. There were also
reports that Uncle Poodle would be getting his own reality show that would have
him relocating to New York, but apparently that’s not happening.
BRITNEY SPEARS reportedly has a new man in her life. That would be producer
and writer Charlie Ebersol. If the name sounds familiar, he’s the son of veteran TV
producer Dick Ebersol. They’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks after
meeting through friends and a source says they’re very much enjoying getting to
know one another and are both very happy and having fun. Ebersol has previously
been romantically linked to Maria Sharapova and Sophia Bush.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
You may have seen those DirecTV commercials with ROB LOWE and his lesser
self appearing on camera together. In one of the commercials, Rob appears with a
"Painfully awkward" Lowe wearing a fanny pack with his hair parted in the
middle, who says he can't urinate in public. Yes, someone has a problem with that,
namely Steve Soifer, CEO of the International Paruresis Association, which
estimates that some 7 percent of Americans have some form of "shy bladder
syndrome." Soifer said the ad is in poor taste and ridicules a serious problem,
although he added, "We don't mind if people have a little fun with it," which
apparently he does. DirecTV suggests its critics should be able to take a joke.
The Parents Television Council is blasting ABC for showing a racy sex scene on
SCANDAL right after the family friendly It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
last Thursday. The PTC said, "Shame on ABC for putting a peep show next to a
playground. In less than 26 seconds we were taken from the Peanuts pumpkin
patch to a steamy Scandal sex scene." However, that may be a bit of a fib as the E
Channel timed the transition and came up with 56 seconds. A rep for the PTC says
that their video was not edited and was taken from the East Coast feed, however E
says there’s was also taken from the same feed.
OPRAH WINFREY has released the list of her Favorite Things for 2014. Oprah
says, "I tasted, I tested, I sniffed, I touched, I lotioned, I potioned, I snuggled, I
brewed, I steeped, I read, I shared, I dared, and then I did it all again…and
again…and again!" Items on the list include $700 Golden Beats by Dre
headphones, a copper tray and mug set for $365, the Yoga Tablet 2 Pro designed
by Ashton Kutcher for Lenovo at $500, an Electra Loft 7D Ladies' Bike costing
$550 and Cushy dog beds for $445.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
The cast of the next season of CELEBRITY APPRENTICE has been announced.
Competing this time around will be Kate Gosselin, Kevin Jonas, Keshia Knight
Pulliam, Ian Ziering, Geraldo Rivera, "Deadliest Catch's" Sig Hansen, Olympian
Jamie Anderson, Lorenzo Lamas, Johnny Damon, Gilbert Gottfried, Shawn
Johnson, Leeza Gibbons, Vivica A. Fox, Terrell Owens and two "Real
Housewives" stars – Atlanta's Kenya Moore and Beverly Hills' Brandi Glanville.
The new season begins with a two-night premiere January 4th and 5th on NBC.
KATHY GRIFFIN has confirmed that she was offered the late JOAN RIVERS
spot on "FASHION POLICE". However, Kathy says it may not be the right time
for her to take the gig.
CAMERON DIAZ will host the November 22nd episode of SATURDAY NIGHT
LIVE with MARK RONSON and BRUNO MARS as the musical guests. This will
be the fourth time Diaz has hosted the show.
This coming season will be the last for THE MENTALIST. The final 13-episode
run will begin November 30th, temporarily taking over the Sunday night slot from
The Good Wife, concluding with a two-hour final on February 18th. There is a
slight chance another network could pick up the show if it does well this season.
Nominees for the 2015 PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS have been announced.
Shailene Woodley leads individual nominees with four, while Grey's Anatomy,
Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries lead the list of TV nominees with five each.
Voting is open through December 4th on the awards website and on Facebook.
Anna Faris and Allison Janney will host the awards on January 7th on CBS.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES…
The latest band to sign up for a week-long late night TV run is U2. The Tonight
Show Starring Jimmy Fallon will have U2 for the entire week of November 17th.
A mix tape KURT COBAIN created in 1988 using some pretty off-the-wall tunes
has surfaced online. The tape was made on a 4-track cassette recorder using cuts
from Cobain's own record collection, the radio, band demos and sounds he made or
recorded himself. Cobain's tunes range from Iron Maiden to Sammy Davis, Jr.
(Hear here)
An unreleased QUEEN track featuring FREDDIE MERCURY called ‘Let Me Be
in Your Heart Again’ will be released to help raise funds for the Red campaign to
fight AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria. The track will also be featured on the group's
upcoming Queen Forever compilation. It was recorded during sessions for Queen's
1984 album, The Works, and Roger Taylor and Brian May added a few backing
vocals. (Hear here)
BOB WEIR and PHIL LESH have officially discontinued their band Furthur.
However, they’ve hinted about doing something for THE GRATEFUL DEAD'S
50th anniversary next year, but they wouldn’t say what that was.
PAUL SIMON has agreed to cooperate with author and music critic Robert
Hilburn on a biography. Publisher Simon & Schuster says the book was still
untitled and didn’t yet have a release date.
It turns out that the rumors of a new BEYONCE album are true, although fans
might be disappointed. The "Beyonce Platinum Edition" Box Set will be out on
November 24th, but it’ll contain just two new songs, "7/11” and “Ring Off,” and
four new and unreleased remixes. The set will also include a DVD of 10 live
performances from the "Mrs. Carter Show World Tour".
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES 2…
IGGY AZALEA and RITA ORA were offered $200,000 to do two shows at the
Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas. While they would’ve had to split the money, it
still works out to 100-grand each. It’s not chump change, but it’s well below the
$475,000 per show Britney Spears and Celine Dion pull in, so they turned it down.
IGGY AZALEA and boyfriend Nick Young just bought a house together and Nick
says they've started talking about marriage. They’ve only been dating for about a
year, but when Nick was asked if the two have talked about getting married, he
replied, "It’s come up a couple times."
RIHANNA just rejoined Instagram after getting booted for posting racy photos and
now she’s posted more racy photos! She posted shots from her recent Esquire U.K.
December cover shoot. (See here)
Yesterday was Election Day and LIL JON went out of his way to vote – like about
2,000 miles! Lil Jon shared on Instagram yesterday morning that he was flying to
Atlanta from Los Angeles because he never received his absentee ballot. Lil Jon
was the face of a 2014 Rock the Vote campaign that encouraged voters to "Turn
Out For What," using a get-out-the-vote remix of his song "Turn Down for What."
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Keith Urban performs; Miranda Lambert; Anne Hathaway
CBS This Morning: Musician Mick Fleetwood
Today: Cynthia Nixon; singer Naomi Judd
Kelly & Michael: Anne Hathaway
The View: Stevie Wonder performs; boxer Oscar de la Hoya
The Talk: Jane Fonda
Ellen: Howie Mandel
Primetime:
ABC: Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood host the CMA Awards
CBS: On Survivor, one castaway considers giving up while the impending merge
shakes up alliances
Fox: Hell’s Kitchen teams meet new members before heading into a team
challenge
MTV: The final season premiere of Snooki & JWoww
TV Land: The season premieres of Hot in Cleveland and The Exes
ESPN: NBA Pacers at Wizards and Clippers at Warriors
ESPN2: College football Northern Illinois at Ball State
NBC Sports: Hockey with the Red Wings at Rangers
Late Night:
Jimmy Kimmel: CMA Awards post show; Florida Georgia Line performs
David Letterman: Jennifer Lopez; Kimbra performs
Jimmy Fallon: Jim Gaffigan; Bette Midler performs
Craig Ferguson: Bob Newhart
Seth Meyers: Ella Henderson performs
Conan: Howie Mandel; physician Deepak Chopra; Bleachers perform
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Wednesday,
May 29th,5th,
2009
November
2014
THE WATERCOOLER…
It turns out that viral "Alex from Target" social media thing was bogus. The
company behind it called it "one of the most amazing social media experiments
ever." They say that in two days the hash tag Alex from Target was tweeted 1.5
million times. They say Target wasn’t in on it and they just took a picture of Alex,
who agreed to take part. The company says, "We wanted to see how powerful the
fan girl demographic was by taking an unknown good-looking kid and Target
employee from Texas to overnight viral internet sensation."
If you purchased a Pentium 4 computer system between November 20, 2000 and
June 30, 2002 Intel will send you a check for $15. Intel has agreed to settle a class
action lawsuit that accused the company of manipulating data to make its new
Pentium 4 chip seem faster than AMD’s Athlon. You don’t need a receipt, but you
do have to provide the model number of the system you bought and do so under
penalty of perjury.
If you’ve ever wanted to go on a free around-the-world trip, here’s your chance.
Yes, there is a catch – you have to be a Canadian named Elizabeth Gallagher.
Toronto Reddit user Jordan Axani booked the trip earlier this year before he and
girlfriend Elizabeth Gallagher broke up. The 28-year-old Jordan wrote: "In March I
booked a fairly wicked trip around the world for this Christmas for my ex and I.
While our relationship has come to a close, I am still planning on going on the trip
and she is not (naturally)." Jordan added, "I am not looking for anything in return, I
am not looking for companionship, romance, drugs, a trade, or to take selfies with
you in front the Christmas Market in Prague. If you feel compelled to toss me a
couple hundred bucks, great…the only thing I ask for is that you enjoy this trip and
that it bring you happiness." Jordan has heard from one Elizabeth Gallagher, who
says she’s old enough to be his mom. She says her girls encouraged her to do it and
that they wish now that they had her name.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Wednesday,
May 29th,5th,
2009
November
2014
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
You may remember those limited edition all-you-can-eat passes that Olive Garden
sold for $100 each. Burlington, North Carolina’s Alan Martin has been wearing his
"Never Ending Pasta Pass" out! Over the last six weeks he’s had 95 meals there
that would’ve cost him $1,510. Alan plans to continue eating at Olive Garden
every day, twice a day, until the pass expires this Sunday. Alan says, "I would love
to be the person that ate the most of the 1,000 people. That would be a good
contest to win because that means I got the most value out of the card of anyone in
the United States." No word on Alan’s before and after weight.
Veteran’s Day is coming up next Tuesday and to celebrate Baskin-Robbins has
created a new camouflage ice cream flavor and matching waffle cone. Of course,
they get the brown from chocolate ice cream, while salted caramel provides the
light brown and cake is the green shade. The flavor is now on sale and they’re
donating a portion of all sales to the USO.
If you like to play a quick round of golf, we’ve found the cart for you! The Plum
Quick Racing Team has broken their own record by building a golf cart that ran the
quarter mile at Darlington Dragway in South Carolina at 118.76 mph! The team
said the modified cart is still composed of "90 percent stock" parts. (See here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
SPORTS SHIRT…
Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson cut a plea deal yesterday in
Texas over those child abuse charges. Peterson pleaded no contest to a reduced
charge of misdemeanor reckless assault and will avoid jail time and instead pay a
$4,000 fine, court costs and do 80 hours of community service. No word on when
Peterson might be cleared to resume playing.
Free agent third baseman Pablo Sandoval has rejected the San Francisco Giants
one-year qualifying offer of $15.3 million. The offer was largely a formality to
ensure the Giants receive a compensatory draft pick if Sandoval signs elsewhere.
Alfonso Soriano has announced his retirement from Major League Baseball. The
seven-time All-Star was released by the New York Yankees in July. Soriano said,
"Although I consider myself in great shape, my mind is not focused on baseball."
NASCAR has handed penalties over Sunday's post-race incident at Texas Motor
Speedway. None of the drivers were fined, but Kenny Francis, the crew chief of
Kasey Kahne's team, and Alan Gustafson, Jeff Gordon's crew chief, were each
fined $50,000 and placed on probation for six races. Several crew members for
those teams were also fined $25,000 and suspended for six races.
Oregon has moved into the College Football Playoff rankings, joining Mississippi
State, Florida State and Auburn in the top four.
The family of hockey great Gordie Howe says he’s been "recovering at a
remarkable rate" from the stroke he had last month. They said Howe's speech had
improved and he’s able to walk with the assistance of a walker.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
Scoreboard
NBA:
Milwaukee 87 Indiana 81 Final
Houston 108 Miami 91 Final
Washington 98 New York 83 Final
Toronto 100 Oklahoma City 88 Final
Chicago 98 Orlando 90 Final
New Orleans 100 Charlotte 91 Final
Portland 101 Cleveland 82 Final
Phoenix 112 L.A. Lakers 106 Final
NHL:
Boston 2 Florida 1 Final OT
Philadelphia 4 Edmonton 1 Final
Calgary 4 Washington 3 Final OT
Carolina 4 Columbus 2 Final
St. Louis 1 New Jersey 0 Final
Chicago 5 Montreal 0 Final
Ottawa 3 Detroit 1 Final
Pittsburgh 4 Minnesota 1 Final
Winnipeg 3 Nashville 1 Final
Los Angeles 3 Dallas 1 Final
Vancouver 5 Colorado 2 Final
Arizona 3 Toronto 2 Final
Today’s Games
NBA:
Miami at Charlotte (7:00 PM)
Orlando at Philadelphia (7:00 PM)
Toronto at Boston (7:30 PM)
Minnesota at Brooklyn (7:30 PM)
New York at Detroit (7:30 PM)
Chicago at Milwaukee (8:00 PM)
Indiana at Washington (8:00 PM)
Atlanta at San Antonio (8:30 PM)
Memphis at Phoenix (9:00 PM)
Cleveland at Utah (9:00 PM)
Denver at Sacramento (10:00 PM)
L.A. Clippers at Golden State (10:30 PM)
NHL:
Montreal at Buffalo (7:30 PM)
Detroit at N.Y. Rangers (8:00 PM)
N.Y. Islanders at Anaheim (10:30 PM)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
DUH…
Kenneth Desormes was pulled over by police early Sunday morning after he was
caught speeding on Interstate 95 in Port Chester, New York. Suspecting Kenneth
had been drinking; the officer brought him back to the station to give him a
breathalyzer test. Apparently fearing bad news, while the results were printing,
Kenneth grabbed the paperwork and tried to eat it. That attempt failed as the results
showed he had a blood alcohol content of 0.13 percent and, in addition to DUI, he
was charged with obstructing governmental administration and criminal tampering.
Brenda Mabel Velasquez of Lufkin, Texas, recently went for a drive with her three
small children. At some point Brenda and the kids pulled over to take a nap.
Unfortunately they did so in the left turn lane of an intersection. When a patrol
officer noticed Brenda and the kids still parked there after 15 minutes, he went in
for a closer look and found that car was still running and that Brenda had puked on
the ground, her car door and herself. The officer also noticed an open beer bottle in
the cup holder and after he finally woke her up, Brenda failed several field sobriety
tests and puked again in the back of the patrol car on the way to jail.
A Vero Beach, Florida motorist was pulled over for a busted tail light. When the
officer asked for her license, the woman said she didn’t have it because she forgot
her purse, but identified herself as Christina R. Topp with a birth date of March
16th, 1992. Noticing the officer was suspicious because she appeared much older;
she told the cop she had a medical condition that makes her age faster. No, the cop
didn’t buy it and she admitted that her name was Jennifer R. Crosby and she used
her daughter’s name because her license was suspended. The 43-year-old Crosby
now faces additional charges of driving on a suspended license and providing a
false name. It wasn’t the first traffic rodeo for Crosby as she was arrested in June
for possession of crack cocaine, which she hid in a body orifice. While fishing it
out for cops, Crosby said “ouch, the foil is hurting the inside of my vagina.”
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
MO’ DUH…
Deland, Florida’s Amanda Weaver hit Anderson Cantres with her car and then fled
the scene of the accident. Anderson was taken to the hospital with multiple cuts
and scratches, but police soon tracked Amanda down at her home where they
found her car parked in front with a flat front tire. Amanda came out of the house
and told the cop she didn’t mean to hit him, but that she was upset with Anderson
because he was in the way as she tried to get around another car. Amanda also said
she had no intention of reporting the accident, perhaps fearing she might be
arrested, which she was.
Catoosa, Oklahoma teacher Heather Cagle wanted to pick up some snacks for her
students at Wells Middle School. However, instead of stopping somewhere on her
way to school, she went to Wal-Mart for snacks while class was in session. The
good news is that Heather didn’t leave the kids alone in the classroom. The bad
news is that Heather didn’t leave the kids alone in the classroom. Heather instead
piled 11 kids into her Honda Accord and hit the road, with two kids in the trunk
and the rest jammed inside without the benefit of seat belts. The school board has
set a December hearing for Heather to fight a possible firing.
A U.S. Postal Service worker in Carlsbad, California discovered a ticking package
on Saturday and notified police. The bomb squad was called and several homes
were evacuated. After a tense three hours, the package was placed in a grassy area
and blasted with the bomb disposal robot's water cannon. Officers discovered that
the package didn’t contain a bomb, but Mexican jumping beans.
An unnamed teenager approached 58-year-old Jesse Cortinez at an Abilene, Texas
convenience store. After a brief conversation Jesse walked away and the 16-yearold boy then struck and killed Jesse with his car. Police soon tracked the kid down
to his parents’ house and placed him under arrest. If you’re wondering why the kid
would run Jesse over, he apparently refused his request to buy him beer.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Wednesday,
November 5th, 2014
HISTORY LESSON…
1872: Susan B. Anthony was arrested and fined a hundred dollars for attempting to
vote in Rochester, New York
1895: George Selden of Rochester, New York, received the first U.S. patent for an
automobile
1912: Calbraith P. Rodgers completed the first transcontinental airplane flight,
landing in Pasadena after 49 days and 70 stops.
1935: FM Stereo was first demonstrated
1935: The board game Monopoly was introduced
1968: Richard M. Nixon was elected president
1984: The Supreme Court ruled that the NFL could not block future franchise
moves
1994: George Foreman became boxing's oldest heavyweight champion at age 45
after knocking out Michael Moorer
1994: Former President Reagan announced that he had Alzheimer's disease.
2006: Saddam Hussein was convicted and sentenced by the Iraqi High Tribunal to
hang for crimes against humanity
2011: Former Penn State football defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was
arrested on 40 counts of alleged sexual abuse.
Birthday Partiers:
singer Art Garfunkel 73
actor Sam Shepard (The Right Stuff, Black Hawk Down, Swordfish) 71
singer Peter Noone (Herman's Hermits) 67
reality TV's Kris Jenner 59
musician Bryan Adams 55
actress Tatum O'Neal (Paper Moon, Little Darlings, Rescue Me) 51
musician Ryan Adams 40
musician Kevin Jonas (Jonas Brothers) 27