Synthesis Essay #1: Larry and Hazel Thoughts and Suggestions You are going to be given an opportunity to re-­‐write your essay with the following suggestions in mind. The re-­‐write will occur tomorrow in the computer lab. You will need to hand in an edited essay by the end of class tomorrow, so please complete any necessary prep work tonight. What?!?!?!?!? • No paragraphs? o Paragraphs not indented? • Not double-­‐spaced? Hooks • Some of you had them. Some of you didn’t. Thesis Statements • Generally well done. • Remember that you must make a statement that you will prove. o It is not a secret. o Some of you hid your point until the ends of your paragraph, or even the end of your essay. o State what you are going to prove, and then prove it. • Your thesis statement must include the names of the characters and the passages they are from. o Proper names are capitalized – Larry and Hazel o The titles are put in quotation marks and all important words are capitalized – “Raymond’s Run” and “Laurence (Larry) Lemieux Lifesaver”. • Your thesis statement must make a statement about who learned more. Therefore, your thesis statement must have the word learn or learned in it. Body Paragraphs • These were VERY problematic. • There was a lot of plot summary. I don’t want you to tell me what passages were about. I already know. • You need to make statements that can be proven. You will use what happened in the story to prove your statements to be true. o Your statements will often be ideas connected to the story that are not explicitly stated. You will use what happened in the story (plot summary) to prove your statements to be true. o Statement. Plot Summary. o Plot Summary, Statement. o Plot Summary. Statement. • Good examples: o Larry learned that hard work and dedication to a goal can pay off. It took him many years of training and a few setbacks, but he eventually achieved his goal of competing in the Olympics. o The many years of training it took for Larry to reach his goal of competing in the Olympics taught him the importance of hard work and dedication. Statement or Plot Summary? 1. Larry trained for many years in order to reach his goal of racing in the Olympics. 2. Larry’s hard work paid off. 3. Larry is a man of high morals. 4. Larry gave up his dream of winning an Olympic medal in order to save two other sailors who were in distress. Connection between thesis and topic sentences • Each topic sentence should be a statement, that relates directly to your thesis. • Under no circumstances should your topic sentences be plot summary. Example Thesis Both Larry from “Laurence (Larry) Lemieux Lifesaver” and Hazel from “Raymond’s Run” learn a number of lessons from their experiences in competitive sports. Larry, however, learns more because he has spent more time competing. Which of the following topic sentences directly relates to the thesis? 1. Hazel was a rather young girl when she started running. 2. Hazel learns a lot from one race. 3. Larry trains for years to be able to achieve his final goal. 4. Hazel learns a lot of things that make here a better person. 5. They both learned to focus on a goal. 6. Hazel is a proud, strong-­‐willed young girl about to compete in a track and field 50m sprint.