Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
THE BITS…
Justin Bieber was arrested for DUI, drag racing, resisting arrest without violence
and driving on an expired license. The good news is Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is
now only the second most embarrassing Canadian.
Justin Bieber was arrested for DUI yesterday. Bieber was told he had the right to
remain silent. The officers weren’t advising him of his rights, they were advising
Bieber that they didn’t like his music.
Justin Bieber was busted for DUI yesterday and he now has an arrest record. On
the bright side for Justin, this is the first time in a long while that anyone has been
interested in one of his records.
Justin Bieber was arrested for DUI yesterday. They say Justin was pretty upset
during his arrest because police refused to answer him when he asked whether he
could pass ‘Go’ and collect $200.
Justin Bieber was busted for DUI yesterday. Police say Bieber smelled of alcohol,
had bloodshot eyes, was in a stupor and blew a .04. That must’ve been one strong
Shirley Temple.
A California teenager convicted of stealing celebrity chef Guy Fieri's Lamborghini
has been sentenced to life in prison. It could’ve been worse. He could’ve been
forced to eat at one of Fieri’s restaurants.
A California teenager convicted of stealing celebrity chef Guy Fieri's Lamborghini
has been sentenced to life in prison. The incident left Guy so frightened that his
hair is still standing on end.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
SON OF THE BITS…
The Miami Heat have unveiled new throwback jerseys. Not only that, plans have
been announced for the New Orleans Pelicans old timers’ game.
The Miami Heat have unveiled new throwback jerseys. The good news is they’re
stain-resistant so LeBron James’ jersey won’t get dirty when he flops.
The NHL’s Anaheim Ducks and Los Angeles Kings will play hockey outdoors
tomorrow night at Dodger Stadium. Fans attending the game are urged to bundle
up because temperatures are expected to plunge to the low 70’s.
Pope Francis now says that the Internet is a gift from God. That may explain why
you see so many naked people on the Internet screaming, ‘Oh God, yes!’
Pope Francis now says that the Internet is a gift from God. Apparently the pope has
never seen Facebook.
Norwegian scientists now say that women have better memories than men do. This
was already obvious to every man who’s ever argued with his wife.
The co-founder of health company Navigenics says people can improve their
physical condition by getting naked. I tried doing that, but they kicked me out of
Applebees.
According to a new report, U.S. butter consumption is at its highest level in 40
years. They say it’s because fewer people are using margarine and Paula Deen.
Scientists say that a diet rich in fish can improve your brain. They may have a
point. After all, when is the last time a trout forgot where it left its car keys?
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
TODAY’S AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have reality fun with American Idol
and Honey Boo-Boo, plus the new Greg Kinnear legal drama Rake and a
late night round up with Jay, Dave, Craig, Conan and the Jimmys.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at
BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at
BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne
Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
amunos@unitedstations.com
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
By now you know that JUSTIN BIEBER officially has an arrest record. Justin was
busted for DUI, drag racing, resisting arrest without violence and driving on an
expired license yesterday in Miami. Justin had been out partying when he and
singer Khalil, who was also arrested, decided to race in their rented sports cars.
Bieber’s people blocked off the street for them, although it apparently wasn’t a
very fast race as cops say they were driving between 55 and 60 in a 30 zone.
Bieber reportedly yelled at the officers and dropped numerous F-bombs during the
arrest and police say he smelled of alcohol, had bloodshot eyes, slow deliberate
movements and looked to be in a stupor. Despite that, Bieber only blew a .04.
Normally that’s well below DUI levels, but since he’s under 21 the legal limit is
only .02 and that’s grounds for an automatic license suspension. Bieber supposedly
told officers he’d consumed some alcohol, smoked marijuana and took some
prescription medication. After posing for mug shots, Bieber posted a $2,500 bond
and waved to fans on his way out of jail. Bieber had planned to be courtside at last
night’s Miami Heat game, but the team pulled the tickets and asked that he not
attend. (See arrest video here)
It’s reported that JUSTIN BIEBER was partying with his father before he was
arrested and his dad was one of the people that helped block the street for his drag
race. Not only that, father and son were seen drinking beer after the incident.
Bieber also threw his mom under the bus, telling police she was the one who gave
him the prescription medication. In any case, this would seem to confirm earlier
gossip that police found a bunch of drugs in Bieber’s place when they searched his
house over the egg-tossing incident. Word is that Bieber’s manager Scooter Braun
has given him an ultimatum that either he gets help, or he’s walking. (More on
Bieber in Dateline Hollywood and Music Notes)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
As had been rumored, TORI SPELLING’S husband, DEAN MCDERMOTT, has
entered rehab for health and personal issues. McDermott said in a statement to
People magazine that he’s truly sorry for the mistakes he’s made and for the pain
he’s caused his family. While he didn’t come right out and confirm recent cheating
rumors, this would seem to back those stories up. McDermott is also in trouble
over a cookbook deal. He hosts a cooking show in Canada and got a $250,000 deal
to write The Gourmet Dad. The problem is he stiffed everyone that worked on the
book with him and they want their money. They’re also steamed because they let
Dean live in their homes and fed him for free while working on the book. Now
they’re calling him "The biggest mooch in Toronto."
Bachelor contestants SEAN LOWE and CATHERINE GIUDICI are getting
married on TV Sunday and they’re pretty anxious about it. It’s not just the cake
and the rice, but you may recall they decided to abstain from sex until marriage
and Catherine says, "We made a really good decision for us, and we're excited to
consummate as husband and wife." Catherine added that the theme of their
wedding is "grown sexy," adding "[It'll be] just a sexy day."
He may be a couple of months late for the bandwagon, but porn star RON
JEREMY has revealed his own parody of Miley Cyrus's 'Wrecking Ball'. The 60year-old Jeremy re-enacts the sexiest scenes from Miley’s video, even licking a
sledgehammer. Jeremy doesn’t appear fully naked in the video, but if you really
want to see that you don’t have to look very far. (See video here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
New Movies in Theatres…
I, Frankenstein - Two centuries after his creation, Dr. Frankenstein’s creature still
walks the earth and now finds himself in the middle of a war over the fate of
humanity. Starring: Aaron Eckhart. PG-13 (for sequences of intense fantasy action
and violence throughout) (See trailer here)
It’s not news, it’s JUSTIN BIEBER. CNN will air the special Justin Bieber's Wild
Ride tonight at 10:30. The network says the special will "take a look at the rollercoaster life of the pop star, from his No. 1 hits to his tabloid exploits and recent
brushes with the law, culminating in Thursday's arrest in Miami."
COLIN JOST will take over as anchor of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’S Weekend
Update when Seth Meyers leaves to host Late Night. Starting March 1st, Jost will
join Cecily Strong. Jost has been head writer at SNL since 2012.
It looks like GREY'S ANATOMY will be around at least a couple more seasons
as ELLEN POMPEO and PATRICK DEMPSEY have both signed new two-year
contracts. While they’ve agreed to return for seasons 11 and 12, the show hasn’t
officially been renewed beyond its tenth season.
There’ll be a MORK AND MINDY reunion on The Crazy Ones. ROBIN
WILLIAMS will reunite with former co-star PAM DAWBER on an upcoming
episode of his new CBS sitcom.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES…
Want to be a member of JUSTIN BIEBER’S posse? First, you’ll need a cool name
and thanks to the Justin Bieber posse name generator, now you can have one! Just
use the first letters of your first and last name to find out yours: (Here)
Aberdeen, Washington has announced that they’ll hold an annual KURT COBAIN
day on the anniversary of his February 20th birth date. The proclamation reads:
"Aberdeen residents may justifiably take pride in the role our community played in
the life of Kurt Cobain and the international recognition our community has gained
from its connections with Kurt Cobain and his artistic achievements."
U2 will premiere a new song called "Invisible" in a Super Bowl commercial for
BONO’S RED charity and Bank of America. The song will be on their upcoming
album and will be available as a limited-edition free download on iTunes for the
first 24 hours after the commercial airs.
THE BEATLES and Vans footwear are teaming up for a line of shoes featuring
artwork from Yellow Submarine. The shoes will sell for between $65 and $75.
When NEIL YOUNG said his upcoming album, A Letter Home, was one one of
the lowest-tech experiences he’s ever had, he wasn’t kidding. The album will be
released on Jack White's Third Man Records and was recorded on a 1947 Voice-oGraph machine at the label’s Nashville headquarters. That’s a booth where people
would go in and pay a few bucks to record themselves and then take the recording
home on a vinyl record.
ONE DIRECTION will appear on Sesame Street this fall. They'll be singing about
their favorite letter — "U," as in What Makes U Beautiful. However, it’ll be a new
version with many words that begin with the vowel. (See clip here)
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
MUSIC NOTES 2…
AVICII will launch his North American #TRUETOUR on April 10th in Boston.
The arena tour promises to "showcase an all new, world class production."
JENNIFER LOPEZ and PITBULL will team up with Brazilian singer Claudia
Leitte to perform the official World Cup song for this year's tournament. The song
was written and co-produced by Pitbull.
The father of singer MARY J. BLIGE was critically injured yesterday morning in
Battle Creek, Michigan. Police say he was stabbed in the neck during a domestic
dispute with his former girlfriend. Thomas Blige remained in critical condition
yesterday afternoon, while the girlfriend was arrested on a charge of assault with
intent to murder.
THE BAND PERRY and PHILLIP PHILLIPS will perform during the Super Bowl
pre-game show. Part of their performances will be televised live on Fox Super
Bowl Sunday.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Ty Pennington; chef Emeril Lagasse
CBS: This Morning: TV host Nancy O'Dell
Today: Birdy performs
Kelly & Michael: Actor James Purefoy; co-host Anderson Cooper
The View: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt
The Talk: Actors Jack Wagner and Cameron Mathison
Queen Latifah: Aaron Eckhart (``I, Frankenstein''); Michelle Monaghan (``True
Detective'')
Ellen: Neil Patrick Harris (``How I Met Your Mother''); Hunter Hayes performs
Primetime:
NBC: A serial killer who targets and scalps police officers is on the loose in
Portland on Grimm
CW: Carrie and her pals attend their senior prom on The Carrie Diaries
ESPN: NBA hoops Clippers at Bulls and Winter X Games
Late Night:
Jay Leno: Terry Bradshaw; Darius Rucker performs
David Letterman: Kevin Bacon; comic Pat McGann; Devon Avenue performs
Jimmy Kimmel: Meryl Streep; Joseph Gordon-Levitt; Jonny Lang performs (R)
Jimmy Fallon: Mitt Romney; SchoolBoy Q and Mark Rivera perform
Craig Ferguson: Christina Ricci
Arsenio: Rapper Chuck D.; rapper Luther Campbell; Rapper's Delight performs
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
TUBULAR WEEKEND…
Saturday:
Fox: UFC Benson Henderson vs. Josh Thomson
NBC: Shaun White: Russia Calling follows the snowboarder as he prepares for the
Winter Olympics
ESPN2: College hoops LSU at Alabama and BYU at Gonzaga
NBC Sports: NHL hockey Ducks and Kings outdoors at Dodger Stadium
Saturday Night Live: Host Jonah Hill; Bastille performs (new)
Sunday:
ABC: Former contestants Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici tie the knot on a
special installment of The Bachelor
CBS: LL Cool J hosts the Grammy Awards
NBC: NFL Pro Bowl from Aloha Stadium in Honolulu
ESPN: NBA hoops Nets at Celtics and Winter X Games
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Friday,
May
29th,
2009
January
24th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER…
Researchers at Princeton have devised a model that predicts Facebook will lose
80% of its users by 2017. They compare Facebook's rapid rise and the proliferation
of an infectious disease, which spreads quickly before eventually dying out. Their
data also reflects the number of times "Facebook" has been typed into Google as a
search term, which reached a peak in December of 2012, before leveling off.
Plugging these figures into a modified data program for the spread of infectious
disease, they show Facebook losing 80% of its peak user base between 2015 and
2017. They also tested their theory by comparing Google search query data for
"My Space" and the numbers added up.
If you’re daydreaming ahead to summer barbecues…don’t! Researchers now say
that grilling meats may cause cancer. They say that combusting wood, gas, or
charcoal emits chemicals known as polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons and
exposure to them is known to cause skin, liver, stomach, and several other types of
cancer in lab animals, which are no doubt tasty when grilled. However, when
those chemicals from a flame mingle with nitrogen from a slab of meat, the
chemicals become even more carcinogenic. They say the reasonable conclusion is
that grilling meat may be hazardous to your health.
Norwegian scientists say that when it comes to memory, men and women are
different. They found that men have more problems than women do in
remembering dates, faces or conversations. They asked 48,000 people how often
they had problems remembering things, whether they had problems with
remembering names and dates, if they could remember what they did one year ago
and if they were able to remember details from conversations. Men reported the
most problems for eight out of nine questions. They also found that men are just as
forgetful whether they are 30 or 60 years old. As for why it is, researchers said it
was still an unsolved mystery.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Friday,
May
29th,
2009
January
24th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
There are a few simple steps you can take to improve your love life. For one, make
eye contact. In an experiment called “mutual gazing,” complete strangers were
paired off and instructed to look into each other’s eyes for an extended period of
time. Afterwards, the subjects who had made eye contact said that they had
stronger feelings for the other person than those who looked at other body parts.
Also, heat things up! In another study, participants were given either a cup of hot
tea or a frosty mug to hold as they met with a complete stranger. The subjects with
the warm object in their hands reported an increased level of emotional connection
with the stranger. When you make your move, approach from the right side and try
to speak into their right ear. Both men and women are more likely to respond
favorably to a request if it’s made into the right ear than into the left, especially in
a noisy location like a bar or club. If you get to the kissing stage, the central ridge
of the upper lip sends a signal to the brain to produce the pleasure hormone
oxytocin, which helps form emotional bonds with people. The tip of the tongue is
also a trigger point for oxytocin release. If you get even further, they say a man’s
testosterone levels peak at about 8 AM, so do it in the morning. Guys may also
want to take up yoga as those who did report they were able to last up to three
times as long as they previously were able to.
The makers of Jelly Belly have added a wacky new flavor. They’ve introduced a
draft beer-flavored jelly bean that tastes like a Hefeweizen-inspired ale. While
there’s no alcohol in the beer jelly beans, they say it took them three years to
develop. The company says it receives a steady stream of ideas from customers
and beer has been on that list for many years. Draft beer joins the list of other
offbeat Jelly Belly flavors including Dirt, Vomit, Grass, Earthworm, Rotten egg,
Sausage, Soap and Booger.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Friday,
May
29th,
2009
January
24th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER 3…
For a limited time only you can get Shrimp Mayonnaise Doritos! It’s part of their
line of “gourmet” Doritos, but the bad news is they’re only available in Japan. In
the past, the gourmet line has included flavors such as corn soup, Hokkaido
camembert cheese and sukiyaki flavor, and mushrooms with butter and soy sauce.
Now you can cruise in Oscar Meyer’s famed Wienermobile! Oscar Mayer has
launched a campaign that lets fans lease the vehicle for a day. To be considered,
you have to tweet a few words about why you deserve to win with the hashtag
#Tweet2Lease. Winners will be able to cruise virtually anywhere they want to go
for eight hours, although you won't actually get to actually drive. You can
follow @wienermobile on Twitter for updates. (See here)
A cat café will open later this year in San Francisco. No, you won’t be waited on or
even eat cats. KitTea will rent cats to people who like kitties, but don’t have the
time, money, or cat-friendly landlords. They’ve been a thing in Korea and Japan
since 2005 and have begun to spread worldwide with locations springing up in
Budapest, Vienna, Paris, Munich, Madrid, and London in the last two years.
KitTea founders say the café will let patrons “sit back, take a deep breath and relax
with a cat on your lap and a kettle of tea steeping by your side.” Another similar
café is being planned for Boston.
Every year they talk about how much money employers lose when employees fill
out NCAA brackets on the job. However, according to research from online
infidelity dating site Victoria Milan, companies around the world lose $17 million
a day due to cheating employees. The survey found that employees use office time
to find and connect with lovers online. They found that on average employees
spend 1.17 hours of work time looking for illicit love online, with 68% saying they
interact with their side dish during work hours using their PC or smart phone.
Bitman
Bitman
By
David
By David Evjen
Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
Friday,
May
29th,
2009
January
24th,
2014
THE WATERCOOLER 4…
Here’s another good reason to turn the phone off when you leave the office. A pair
of studies found that people who monitored their smart phones for business
purposes after 9 p.m. were more tired and less engaged the following day on the
job. Researchers said smart phones are almost perfectly designed to disrupt sleep
because they keep us mentally engaged late into the evening and make it hard to
detach from work so we can relax and fall asleep. They say that there may be times
when putting off work until the next day isn’t a good thing and using your smart
phone is worth the negative effects, but most times you should shut it off.
Austin, Texas mom Ashley Clawson had just spent $150 at Victoria’s Secret when
her four-month-old son started acting up and she asked a clerk if she could breast
feed her baby in a dressing room. Ashley didn’t think it would be a big deal, but
apparently the clerk did as Ashley was told to go to an outside alley with her baby.
Ashley eventually used a public restroom and later went on Facebook to tell her
story. Soon she was hearing from women all over the country who were outraged.
Incidentally, Texas law states that a mother is allowed to breastfeed anywhere.
Others saw the irony in a company that advertises half-naked women wearing
push-up bras not allowing a woman to breast feed. After filing a complaint with
Victoria’s Secret, they promised Ashley a $150 gift certificate and issued a
statement apologizing and noted that they have a longstanding policy permitting
mothers to nurse children in their stores.
A south Alabama jury has decided a farm owner should pay a former worker $4
million in damages for an on-the-job accident. Back in 2010 Gerald Lymon was
holding onto the boom of a hole digger that was being driven by another man.
When the drill bit hit a hard piece of ground, Lymon lost his footing and his pants
got tangled in the rotating drill. The machine’s force pulled at his clothes until his
genitals became entangled and his skin was ripped off. Jurors agreed the farm
owner failed to provide a safe workplace.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
SPORTS SHIRT…
The Cleveland Browns have named Buffalo Bills defensive coordinator Mike
Pettine as their new head coach.
Greg Maddux, who won three Cy Young Awards and reached the postseason 10
times with the Atlanta Braves, has announced that he won’t go into the Baseball
Hall of Fame as an Atlanta Brave, opting for no team logo. Maddux says he grew
up as a baseball fan in Chicago and couldn’t leave his allegiance behind. Tony La
Russa will also wear no logo on his Hall of Fame plaque, although he won
championships with both the A’s and Cardinals.
Stephen Curry, Kevin Love, Paul George and Kyrie Irving were voted NBA AllStars yesterday, putting four first-time starters in the game. Kobe Bryant was
elected by fans to his 16th All-Star Game, second-most in NBA history. Overall,
LeBron James was the leading vote-getter with 1.4 million and his Miami
teammate Dwyane Wade also was voted in yesterday.
Li Na will face Dominika Cibulkova in the women’s final of the Australian Open.
On the men’s side, Stanislas Wawrinka defeated Tomas Berdych to advance to the
finals where he’ll face the winner of the Rafael Nadal - Roger Federer match.
Stewart Cink leads after the first round of the Farmers Insurance Open at Torrey
Pines. Tiger Woods is eight shots back.
Lance Armstrong may not be banned for life from cycling after all. The new
president of cycling's world body says the ban could be reduced if Lance squeals
for other doping investigations.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
Scoreboard
NBA:
Miami 109, LA Lakers 102
Portland 110, Denver 105
NHL:
Carolina 5, Buffalo 3
St. Louis 2, NY Rangers 1
Columbus 5, Philadelphia 2
Tampa Bay 4, Ottawa 3 (SO)
Pittsburgh 6, NY Islanders 4
Minnesota 2, Chicago 1
Dallas 7, Toronto 1
Nashville 2, Vancouver 1
Anaheim 2, Los Angeles 1
San Jose 1, Winnipeg 0
NCAAM:
(1) Arizona 69, Colorado 57
(6) Florida 68, Alabama 62
(15) Cincinnati 69, UCF 51
(17) Ohio State 62, Illinois 55
(23) Memphis 82, Houston 59
Today’s Games
NBA:
LA Lakers at Orlando
7:00 PM
Toronto at Philadelphia
7:00 PM
San Antonio at Atlanta
7:30 PM
Oklahoma City at Boston 7:30 PM
Dallas at Brooklyn 7:30 PM
Milwaukee at Cleveland 7:30 PM
New Orleans at Detroit
7:30 PM
Charlotte at New York
7:30 PM
LA Clippers at Chicago
8:00 PM
Memphis at Houston
8:00 PM
Washington at Phoenix
9:00 PM
Indiana at Sacramento
10:00 PM
Minnesota at Golden State 10:30 PM
NHL:
Washington at New Jersey 7:00 PM
Ottawa at Carolina Postponed
Montreal at Detroit 7:30 PM
Colorado at Florida 7:30 PM
Nashville at Calgary 9:00 PM
Phoenix at Edmonton 9:30 PM
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
DUH…
University of North Carolina at Greensboro student Symone Vannessa Brown
came up with a novel way to raise money for her tuition. Unfortunately, Symone’s
method was not exactly legal as she was arrested while trying to pass a counterfeit
$100 bill at a local Walgreen’s. In what may speak to the quality of education
students receive at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, the signature
on Symone’s bill was that of “Moe Money.” In all, police seized $12,882 of
counterfeit currency following Brown’s arrest.
A man wearing a ski mask entered a T.J. Maxx in Evesham, New Jersey armed
with a large landscaping rock, walked to the jewelry counter and smashed the
glass. While a more ambitious crook might attempt to steal precious gems from a
more upscale store such as Target, our friend ended up leaving empty handed.
After stuffing more than $25,000 worth of high-end watches in a bag, and who
knew T.J. Maxx had any of those, he headed for the exit. However, before he got
there, he was tackled by a U.S. Air Force serviceman who happened to be there.
After the ensuing struggle, the crook fled minus his mask and the bag of watches.
Charles E. Williams was sitting on a table at a Sarasota, Florida park when two
police officers approached. When the officers saw Williams drop a cigarette box
and told him he dropped his smokes, he replied, “I don't smoke cigarettes, I smoke
weed.” However, that was only one strike one. Officers opened the box to have a
look and what they found was not weed, but a baggie containing crack cocaine and
Williams was placed under arrest.
An unnamed woman in Germany recently went to the hospital for a liver
transplant. Apparently wanting to give her old liver a proper sendoff, the woman
brought a big bottle of vodka to the hospital and later admitted to boozing it up the
day before her operation. Unfortunately, the hospital is now in trouble because the
woman should never have received a new liver in the first place because patients
are supposed to be sober for at least six months before getting a transplant.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
MO’ DUH…
A New Jersey Transit employee found a shoebox containing a small black box
with wheels and a straw with a balloon attached to one end on one of their trains
this week. The employee notified authorities and, following a large police
response, the transit station and area homes were evacuated. After a joint
investigation by borough police, transit police and the New Jersey State Police
Bomb Squad, a transit police K-9 explosive detection dog inspected the package
and determined it was not an explosive device, but a student's science project that
had been mistakenly left on the train.
After Total Petroleum announced it would invest $18 million in Britain’s shale gas
industry, a group of environmental protesters opposed to fracking decided to make
their voices heard. Four anti-fracking activists did so by gluing their hands to
pumps at a Total gas station in Manchester, England, closing the business for
nearly six hours. Unfortunately, they had the wrong gas station. It seems this
particular Total station had been sold, but the signs had yet to be changed. The
stunt cost the new owners several thousand dollars in lost business and damages
and even the local Green Party chairman said he was “very annoyed” at the
activists, who were arrested for criminal damage and criminal trespass.
An unnamed 18-year-old female high school student was in the back of a
Pennsylvania school bus intimately entertaining a 13-year-old male student,
referred to in the report as the victim. It seems their amorous shenanigans hadn’t
gone unnoticed by another boy and when the girl emitted a ‘queef,’ which is
defined as an audible wind expulsion from the lady parts, the younger onlooker
“began to laugh and chuckle.” At that point the young woman turned her attention
away from the victim’s man parts and elbowed the onlooker in said location. The
onlooker was not seriously injured, but the girl was arrested.
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,
January 24th, 2014
HISTORY LESSON…
1848: Gold was discovered in California
1908: The first Boy Scout troop was organized in England by Robert BadenPowell
1922: Christian K. Nelson of Onawa, Iowa, patented the Eskimo Pie
1927: The first Alfred Hitchcock film, The Pleasure Garden, opened in London.
1935: Beer was sold in cans for the first time
1964: CBS acquired NFL TV rights for $14.1 million per year
1965: Winston Churchill died in London at the age of 90
1979: Coca Cola went on sale in China
1989: Serial killer Ted Bundy was sent to the electric chair in Florida
1998: Pope John Paul II began an unprecedented trip to Cuba.
2003: The U.S. Department of Homeland Security began operations.
Birthday Partiers:
singer Ray Stevens 75
singer Neil Diamond 73
singer Aaron Neville 73
comedian Yakov Smirnoff 63
actor Ed Helms (The Office, The Hangover, Evan Almighty) 40
actress Tatyana Ali (Kiss The Girls, Fresh Prince of Bel Air) 35
actress Mischa Barton (The OC, The Sixth Sense, Notting Hill) 28
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Saturday,
January 25th, 2014
SATURDAY IN HISTORY…
1915: Alexander Graham Bell inaugurated U.S. transcontinental telephone service
1947: Gangster Al Capone died at age 48.
1949: The first Emmy awards were presented
1959: American Airlines inaugurated transcontinental jet service from New York
to L.A.
1961: President Kennedy held the first presidential news conference carried live on
radio and television
1971: Charles Manson and his followers were convicted of murder in Los Angeles
1981: The 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived in the U.S.
1988: Vice President George Bush walked off the CBS News set when Dan Rather
questioned him about his role in the Iran-Contra affair.
1994: Michael Jackson settled a child molestation lawsuit against him for a
rumored $10 million.
Birthday Partiers:
actor Dean Jones (Jailhouse Rock, That Darn Cat, The Love Bug) 83
actress Dinah Manhoff (Empty Nest, Grease, Ordinary People) 56
actress Ana Ortiz (Ugly Betty, Hung) 43
singer Alicia Keys 33
Bitman
By David Evjen
Bitman1@aol.com
Sunday,
January 26th, 2014
SUNDAY IN HISTORY…
1875: George F. Green patented the electric dental drill
1911: Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful seaplane.
1934: The Apollo Theater opened in New York City
1956: Buddy Holly's first recording sessions took place in Decca's Nashville
studios
1961: President Kennedy appointed Dr. Janet Travell as the first woman to be a
personal physician to the President.
1984: Michael Jackson burned his scalp while filming a Pepsi commercial
1988: The Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Phantom of the Opera opened on
Broadway.
1998: President Clinton made his famous "I did not have sexual relations with that
woman" statement regarding Monica Lewinsky
2009: "Octomom" Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets
Birthday Partiers:
sportscaster Bob Uecker 79
musician Eddie Van Halen 57
TV host Ellen DeGeneres 56
singer Anita Baker 55
hockey's Wayne Gretzky 53
actress Sara Rue (The Ring, Less Than Perfect, Can't Hardly Wait) 35