FRONTIER 19
SUNDAY OCTOBER 4 2015
ask woody
Advice from David Wood to help
you muddle your way through the
confusing territory that comes
with the Territory
Dear Woody, My aircon is broken and I
can’t afford to fix it. I thought I’d push
through and also save money on my
power bill, but it’s only the beginning of
the build-up and already I am
considering selling my body to raise the
money to have it mended. The problem
with that is it is too hot for the
horizontal tango sans aircon anyway.
Have you any tips on how I can cool off
in the build-up?
We have been picture framing for 13 years and a year ago we moved a few doors down from the old shop and opened a gallery as well
— we haven’t really had time to advertise it, we’ve been so busy framing. We do a lot of framing for defence. The gallery has a lot of
work from overseas and some local stuff done by me and friends. ‘Bespoke’ is the trend at the moment so we’re going in that direction,
you know, genuine, handmade and custom works. I work in mixed media, I love doing everything.
FORGOTTEN TERRITORY
LEARN THE LINGO
HESITANT: When you need to
stand after being seated for a
while in public during the buildup, and you realise you’ve not
worn sweat-concealing pants.
Grey and light blue are the most
ill-advised colours for this.
POPE Francis has been grabbing headlines for his recent US visit, but 29 years ago it was a papal
visit to the Territory that had the masses in a flutter. Pope John Paul II hit Alice Springs on
November 29, 1986, where he delivered a speech to indigenous people. Amid a difficult political
climate, the big guy reaffirmed the importance of indigenous Australians. “For thousands of years
you have lived in this land and fashioned a culture that endures to this day. And during all this
time, the spirit of God has been with you,” he said, according to The Catholic Leader. “Your
‘Dreaming’ which influences your lives so strongly that, no matter what happens, you remain
forever people of your culture, is your own way of touching the mystery of God’s spirit in you and
in creation.” On the way to his appearance at Blatherskite Park, the Popemobile overheated, and
the Pope had to be transferred briefly to a bus carrying bishops, politicians and officials.
Bishop Ted Collins of Darwin hosted JP2’s visit, which also included a stop in at the
Darwin Showgrounds (pictured).
THE
NUMBERS
GAME
RAPID: The speed at which
you learn to consume ice cream
in the tropics.
Does Territory etiquette have you scratching
your sweaty noggin? Woody is here to help.
Email your questions to frontier@news.com.au
Follow Woody on Twitter @djwoodeye
54 223 75
MILLION
V1 - NTNE01Z01MA
PRINCIPLES: Something you
uphold until the troppo season
when anything goes.
Dear Hot and Bothered, It’s now considered
something a six-year-old with developmental difficulties would know: that
constant dewpoint depression provides
practically constant relative humidity.
In 1906 when Willis Haviland Carrier
patented his “Apparatus for Treating Air”
based on that principle, inventing the airconditioner, it was considered smart stuff.
His Rational Psychrometric Formulae, known
as the Magna Carta of Psychometrics, is
probably more of a seven-year-old thing.
Sturt’s Desert Rose should be ripped off
the NT flag and Willis’s face bunged on.
In this situation you need to ask yourself,
what would Willis do?
He’d hide in an oversized envelope in the
post office at closing time. The Darwin GPO
has held the title of Coldest Air-Con in
Darwin since the Chief Min was a little boy.
It’s cold as a bitch’s wit in there and you’ll
need a blanket and a hot water bottle to
avoid frostbite while you cop zeds. If you get
bored, you can organise your new
commemorative coin collection.
The NT Library has Melbourne-in-winter
air-conditioning and complimentary copies
of the NT News and the gutter sleaze rag,
The Oz. But it’s dangerously close to one
Territory politician in particular who might
be tempted to give you a slap and make a
citizen’s arrest if he finds you wilfully
stealing state-cooled air.
The government might also introduce a
library entry fee, like it did when they
realised that pensioners and homeless
people were recklessly gadding around on
Darwin buses in air-conditioned comfort at
taxpayers’ expense. Who’s ever heard of a
poor person needing to be cool?
You could fake a life-threatening illness
and spend months on a trolley in the airconditioned hallways of RDH. But you’ll
probably catch a superbug.
However, this is crap advice that doesn’t
make up for a working aircon.
How much do you think you will charge?
Advice columns don’t pay much.
Dollars the cruise
ship industry injected in to the NT
economy in
2014-15. Visiting
ships in that
period included
luxury liner, the
Queen Mary 2
Length of the Larapinta Trail in km
Barra tagged in the
NT’s Million Dollar
Fish promotion that
could win you
$10,000. The comp
kicked off this month,
with one fish that will
win one lucky angler
$1 million