Week 3 - Courtship
Review
• Attraction (Finding the right type of person)
• Dating (Edification and observation)
Courtship
Definition: “A period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship, with a
view towards marriage.”
History of…
In earlier 1800s, young adults were expected to court with the intention of finding a
marriage partner, rather than for social reasons. In America, in the 1820s, the
phrase "date" was most closely associated with prostitution.
However, by the Jazz Age of the 1920s, dating for fun was becoming a cultural
expectation, and by the 1930s, it was assumed that any popular young person would
have lots of dates. This form of dating, though, was usually more modest than what
is seen today, since pre-marital sex was not considered the norm.
After the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, this "old-fashioned" form of
dating waned in popularity. Couples became more likely to "hook up" or "hang out"
with large groups than to go on an old-fashioned date, and frequently went from
"hanging out" to an exclusive relationship without engaging in what their parents or
grandparents might have called dating.
Why Courtship is Different
• Ends in marriage or ends in heartache (the levels of commitment are so
high!)
• I’ve dated a lot of women in life (around 15, my brother dated 3 girls
and courted!)… but I’ve only courted 2! The first courtship ended in
heartache and my second ended in marriage. The only time I’ve
personally ever felt suicidal was after the first courtship ended. I was
18.
• Should be taken very seriously
• Should only happen with someone who has potential for marriage
• Sometimes you end up dating someone and you realize that there is
no way you could have a long-term relationship…
• Shouldn’t happen until your ready for marriage
• What’s the point of entering into a serious relationship if you are not
ready to get married!
• Someone who does all the work to get a license but then is afraid to
drive. OR someone who sees a puppy in the pet store and it looks so
cute so they buy it and take it home, and love it… for a week. Then
they sit the puppy down and say, “I think we went a little fast in this
relationship, from now on your going to have to fend for yourself.”
Courtship according to the Song of Songs
Woman Speaking
2:12-13 “The flowers have already appeared in the land; the time has arrived
for pruning the vines, and the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our
land.”
“The fig tree has ripened its figs and the vines in blossom have given forth
their fragrance.”
“Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along!”
(Go Right to Next Slide)
• What season is it?
• Springtime!
• Springtime represents a deepening in the relationship
• “The fig tree has ripened its figs… the vines are in blossom” The
relationship is maturing.
• It is exciting but there is risk…
Man Speaking
v. 14 “O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep
pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice…”
(stay on this slide)
 She is described as a dove in hiding in the clefts of the rocks… she is a
vulnerable creature in a hostile situation. He is recognizing that they are in a
serious relationship! This couple is no longer dating and they know it.
(Next slide)
 There is great trust between this couple. They have decided that they are
mature enough for dating and that one another are the right type of person
and they have measured one another through a period of dating and found
that the other person edified them and uplifted them and now they are ready
to enter courtship.
 End’s in marriage or ends in heartache. The Flagpole Principle.
o Your heart is so bound to this other person that it’s like having your
tongue touch a flagpole on a cold day. It is not coming off without
leaving a little bit of yourself behind.
o Typically, this kind of bond is formed over months of growing
commitment but it can also be formed VERY quickly through
premarital sex.
o This is the nature of sex. Sex was designed by God to create intimacy
between two people. In Hebrew the first time Adam and Eve have sex
the word YDAH is used. It means “To Know” So the verse actually
reads “and Adam knew his wife eve… and she became pregnant.”
o Sex is the ultimate physical act of vulnerability between two people
and it is meant for marriage ONLY. And you know what Solomon
knew it.
Man Speaking
v. 15 “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while
our vineyards are in blossom.”


This couple has committed to one another to not have sex until they are
married. In order to protect eachother!
The Fox analogy
o Flower -> Bud -> Grape
o One or two foxes can ruin an entire vineyard
o The fox is premarital sex
Final Thoughts
• Be resolved in your commitment to wait!
• Ask someone to keep you accountable.
• Get a promise ring.
• Trust God with your virginity.