Dealing with Difficult People
(Working interdependently
through conflict)
Think back to the most difficult person you ever
had to deal with. Get a mental picture of them.
Did they look like this!
How about this?
No? Well how about this?
Difficult People
• The truth is, the difficult people we all
have to “deal” or work with look just like
us.
• Have you ever been a difficult person?
• No coffee!!!
• This can make me a very difficult person
to deal with.
Difficult People
Trading Cards: Once the music starts you
will move around the room trading cards.
When it stops find someone with a card
that is a different color than yours. While
the music is playing ponder the most
difficult person you ever had to deal with.
Dealing with difficult people.
• Okay, take a moment and answer these
questions in response to the difficult
person you had to deal with.
• Was it professional or personal?
• How did you feel?
• How do you think they felt?
Dealing with Difficult People
• How did the situation turn out? (Was it a
win/win, win/lose, lose/win, or lose/lose?)
• What did you learn from the situation?
• What, if anything, would you (did you) do
differently after that encounter?
Situations
• A planned meeting.
• A spontaneous meeting.
• An ambush!
People we encounter.
• Students
• Parents
• Relatives
• Sales People
• Peers
• Administrators (Not any of ours of
course!)
Communicative Intelligence
• It is very important and helpful to get to
know those we work with. Knowing what
motivates them, what their needs are, and
what their goals are can be very beneficial
in helping work with difficult people.
Characteristics/Variables of
Difficult People
• Personality
• : the collection of emotional and
behavioral traits that characterize a
person.
Kahler’s Six Personality Types
(From Kahler, T. (1982). Personality pattern inventory validation studies. Little Rock, AR: Kahler
Communications, Inc., and Kahler, T. (1996) Personality Pattern Inventory.
• Reactor
• Workaholic
• Persister
• Dreamer
• Rebel
• Promoter
Personality Types
Type
Character Strengths
Reactor
compassionate, sensitive, warm
Workaholic responsible, logical, organized
Persister conscientious, dedicated, observant
Dreamer
reflective, imaginative, calm
Rebel
creative, spontaneous, playful
Promoter resourcesful, adaptable, charming
Perception
Emotions
Thoughts
Opinions
Inaction
Reactions
Actions
Motivational Needs of Personality Types
Type
Reactor
Workaholic
Persister
Dreamer
Rebel
Promoter
Needs Recognition
of person/sensory stimulation
for ability to think clearly, work time structure
for work, convictions, and commitment
(solitude)
(playful contact)
(incidence, excitement)
Placemat Consensus
• Okay, everyone get into groups of four
(each color should be represented).
• In working with difficult people, what are
positive absolutes (necessary to effectively
work with difficult people)?
Placemat Consensus
• Okay, now brainstorm negative absolutes
(what things cannot be present because
they hinder collaboration and successful
resolution of conflict)?
The LAST Principle:
LISTEN
• Listen: to pay attention in order to hear.
• Hear: to gain knowledge of by hearing, to
heed, to learn, to attend to.
• It is very difficult to really listen when
thinking about your next verbal flurry
(Real men learn to listen.)
APOLOGIZE
• Apoligize: to express regret.
• Empathize: to experience as one’s own the
feelings of another.
• (Empathy defuses very volatile situations,
but doesn’t necessarily mean concession.)
SOLVE
• Solve: to find an answer for or solution to.
• It doesn’t mean they are always going to
like it!
THANK
• Thank: to express gratitude; conscious of
benefit received.
• Must be genuine. Don’t patronize! You
can get better at this with practice.
Enough is Enough
• You don’t have to put up with abuse in
any situation. If the person you are
dealing with is vulgar, threatening, loud, in
need of deodorant or belligerent, calmly
let them know that the meeting is over
and thank them for coming.
• Okay, just kidding about the deodorant,
but how many of you can relate?
Practice
• The next time you encounter a difficult
person try to remember the LAST principle
and implement it.
• Reflect on your interaction and learn and
grow from it.
• Remember forgiveness sets you free.