Positive Parent Interaction
&
Dealing with Difficult People
(Creating a culture of cooperation
and collaboration.)
Presented By Mark Foster
George Bailey
Talk with the person next to you about
George.
1. What type of person is George Bailey?
2. What happened that caused George to
react out of character?
3. What are the implications for schools
when working with parents?
Home-School Relations (First Generation)
The First Generation:
In the effective school parents understand
and support the school’s basic mission and are
given the opportunity to play an important role
in helping the school to achieve this mission.
Home-School Relations (2nd Generation)
During the first generation, the role of parents in
the education of their children was always
somewhat unclear. Schools often gave “lip
service” to having parents more actively involved
in the schooling of their children.
Unfortunately, when pressed, many educators
were willing to admit that they really did not
know how to deal effectively with increased
levels of parent involvement in the schools.
In the second generation, the relationship
between parents and the school must be an
authentic partnership between the school and
home. Many teachers believed that parents, if
they truly valued education, knew how to get
their children to behave in the ways that the
school desired. It is now clear to both teachers
and parents that the parent involvement issue is
not that simple. Parents are often as perplexed
as the teachers about the best way to inspire
students to learn what the school teaches.
The best hope for effectively confronting the
problem—and not each other—is to build
enough trust and enough communication to
realize that both teachers and parents have the
same goal—an effective school and home for
all children!
Positive Parent Interaction
Think back to the worst encounter you
have ever had with a parent?
 Did the parent have horns, a bifurcated
tail, and a pitchfork?

Difficult Parents
The truth is, the difficult parents we all
have to “deal” or work with look just like
us.
 Have you ever been a difficult person?
 No coffee!!!
 This can make me a very difficult person
to deal with.

Difficult People
Trading Cards: Once the music starts you
will move around the room trading cards.
When it stops find someone with a card
that is a different color than yours. While
the music is playing think back to the
encounter you pondered a moment ago.
Dealing with difficult parents.
Okay, take a moment and answer these
questions in response to the difficult
person you had to deal with.
 Had previous encounters been used to
build trust, rapport, and respect?
 How did you feel?
 How do you think the parent felt?

Dealing with Difficult Parents
How did the situation turn out? (Was it a
win/win, win/lose, lose/win, or lose/lose?)
 What did you learn from the situation?
 What, if anything, would you (did you) do
differently after that encounter?

Situations
A planned meeting.
 A spontaneous meeting.
 An ambush!

People we encounter
Great parents having a bad day.
 Over-protective parents who enable their
children.
 Parents with no skills.
 Parents going through tragedy.
 Parents with substance abuse issues.
 Bad parents, abusive parents, and nuts.

Communicative Intelligence

It is very important and helpful to get to
know the difficult parents we work with.
Knowing what motivates them, what their
needs are, and what their goals are can
be very beneficial in helping build positive
relationships.
Characteristics/Variables of
Difficult People

Personality: the collection of emotional
and behavioral traits that characterize a
person.
Kahler’s Six Personality Types
(From Kahler, T. (1982). Personality pattern inventory validation studies. Little Rock, AR: Kahler
Communications, Inc., and Kahler, T. (1996) Personality Pattern Inventory.
Reactor
 Workaholic
 Persister
 Dreamer
 Rebel
 Promoter

Personality Types
Type
Character Strengths
Reactor
compassionate, sensitive, warm
Workaholic responsible, logical, organized
Persister conscientious, dedicated, observant
Dreamer
reflective, imaginative, calm
Rebel
creative, spontaneous, playful
Promoter resourceful, adaptable, charming
Perception
Emotions
Thoughts
Opinions
Inaction
Reactions
Actions
Motivational Needs of Personality
Types
Type
Reactor
Workaholic
Persister
Dreamer
Rebel
Promoter
Needs Recognition
of person/sensory stimulation
for ability to think clearly, work time structure
for work, convictions, and commitment
(solitude)
(playful contact)
(incidence, excitement)
Placemat Consensus
Okay, everyone get into groups of four
(each color should be represented).
 In working with difficult people, what are
positive absolutes (necessary to effectively
work with difficult people)?

Placemat Consensus

Okay, now brainstorm negative absolutes
(what things cannot be present because
they hinder collaboration and successful
resolution of conflict)?
The LAST Principle:
LISTEN
Listen: to pay attention in order to hear.
 Hear: to gain knowledge of by hearing, to
heed, to learn, to attend to.
 It is very difficult to really listen when
thinking about your next verbal flurry
(Real men learn to listen.)

APOLOGIZE
Apoligize: to express regret.
 Empathize: to experience as one’s own
the feelings of another.
 (Empathy defuses very volatile situations,
but doesn’t necessarily mean concession.)

SOLVE
Solve: to find an answer for or solution to.
 It doesn’t mean they are always going to
like it!

THANK
Thank: to express gratitude; conscious of
benefit received.
 Must be genuine. Don’t patronize! You
can get better at this with practice.

Enough is Enough
You don’t have to put up with abuse in
any situation. If the person you are
dealing with is vulgar, threatening, loud,
in need of deodorant or belligerent, calmly
let them know that the meeting is over
and thank them for coming.
 Okay, just kidding about the deodorant,
but how many of you can relate?

Developing Self
It is very important to interact and
communicate intelligently with parents in
order to build a positive relationship.
 It is equally important to meta-cognitively
prepare ourselves for interactions with
parents, students, colleagues, and
patrons.

The Four Agreements
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.
 (Never promise things you cannot deliver;
when something happens that doesn’t
allow you to keep your word, apologize
ahead of time.)
 Being impeccable with your word builds
trust.

The Four Agreements
2. Don’t take things personally.
 (Know who you are, what you believe,
and be strong.)
 When people start taking things personally
it breeds paranoia.
 Rude, inconsiderate people who say mean
things are speaking of themselves not
others.

The Four Agreements
3. Don’t make assumptions.
 (Perception becomes reality.)
 Always try to give others the benefit of
the doubt.
 We operate on paradigms in a world that
breaks paradigms everyday.

The Four Agreements
4. Always do your best.
 (We can always do our best. Our best
looks different from day to day.)
 When we do our best our good starts
becoming great.

Johnny the Bagger

http://www.stservicemovie.com/
Works Cited
Lezotte, Lawrence W. Correlates of Effective
Schools: The First and Second Generation.
Effective Schools Product ltd., Okemos, MI,
1991.
 Ruiz, Don Miguel. The Four Agreements: A
Toltec Wisdom Book. Amber-Allen Publishing,
Inc., San Rafael, CA, 1997.
