Lesson 7 - Love and
Intimacy
Robert Wonser
Factors That Influence our Choices
 Three factors influence whom we
select:
1. Our daily routines make some more
accessible.
2. Proximity makes it more rewarding to
interact with some people rather than
others.
3. Familiarity produces a positive attitude
toward those with whom we repeatedly
come into contact.

Mere exposure effect = repeated exposure
to the same novel stimulus is sufficient to
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The Determinants of Liking

How much we like someone is determined by
three factors:
1. The greater the proportion of similar attitudes,
the more they like each other.
2. Shared activities become an important
influence on our liking for another person as
we spend time with them.
3. Reciprocal liking (we like those who like us) As
we experience positive feedback from another
person, it increases our liking for them.
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Love
In groups, write down a definition of love.
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Love, Intimacy, and Attraction
 Love is the physical, emotional, sexual,
intellectual, or social affection one person holds
for another. Concepts related to love include:
adore, desire, prefer, possess, care for, serve,
and even worship.
 Intimacy, on the other hand, is a close
relationship where mutual acceptance,
nurturance, and trust are shared at some level.
 An attachment is an emotional and social bond
that forms between one person and another .
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The Growth of Relationships
 As relationships grow, they change on three
dimensions.
1. There may be a gradual increase in the
disclosure of intimate information (self
disclosure).
2. Trust in the other person increases as
relationships develop.
3. Interdependence for various gratifications
also increases, often accompanied by a
decline in reliance on relationships with
others.
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Dyadic Withdrawal
 Increasing reliance on one person for
gratifications and decreasing reliance on
others.
One study of 750 men and women illustrates
the extent to which such withdrawal occurs.
The more intimate his or her current
heterosexual relationship, the smaller the
number of friends listed by the respondent.
As the degree of involvement increased, the
proportion of mutual friends of the couple also
increase.
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Self-Disclosure
Getting to know some one is a process of
disclosing who you are.
Self-disclosure is the process of revealing the
true nature of oneself to another person.
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Unrequited Love
The Cyrano Style
 the “love” is so strong that it doesn’t matter that
the love will never be returned
The Giselle Style
 thinking that the relationship will grow into a
mutual loving relationship
The Don Quixote Style
 strong desire to BE in love regardless of who the
love object is
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How do you distinguish a mature love
relationship from an addictive relationship
1. Do you each value yourself?
2. Are you both better people as a result of this
relationship?
3. Do you both have serious interests outside
the relationship?
4. Is the relationship not the totality of your
life?
5. Is neither of you possessive of your partner?
6. Are you best friends?
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How does cohabitation af fect future marriage What does the research say?
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Are you a romantic or a realist?
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