Inter-Act,
th
13
Edition
Ch 13:Intimate
Relationships
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Chapter Objectives:
Describe the characteristics of intimate conversations
and relationships
 Discuss the aspects of parental communication,
including dimensions, types of attachment, and parenting
styles
 Discuss the aspects of intergenerational family
communication
 Describe communication process between siblings
 Identify ways to improve family communication
 Discuss the aspects and characteristics of successful
friendships and long-term relationships

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Intimacy
A pattern of self-disclosure and
supportive messages between partners
 May have many friends, but only a handful
of intimate relationships
 Intimacy resides in the “inter-action”
between partners.

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Intimate Conversations

Emotional disclosures: reveal sensitive, private, and
personally risky information, signaling a desire for
intimacy

Mutual understanding: comprehending your own and
your partner’s point of view

Warm feelings: positive feelings you have about
yourself and your partner during and immediately after
an interaction

Verbal and nonverbal messages signal closeness.
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Intimate Relationship
Relationship in which partners share
regular intimate interactions, feel
affection for each other, trust each
other, and are cohesive
Mutual Affection
Trust
Cohesiveness
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Family
A network of people who share their
lives over long periods of time bound
by ties of marriage, blood, or
commitment, legal or otherwise, who
consider themselves a family, and who
share a significant history and
anticipated future of functioning in a
family relationship (Galvin, Bylund, & Brommel, 2003)
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Common Family Structures
Traditional
•2 oppositesex parents
•Married
•Children
Single-Parent
•1 parent lives
with children
•1 parent not
present, may or
may not be
actively parenting
SharedCustody
•Divorced
parents
•Children
switch
residences
CommonLaw
•2 oppositesex parents
•Unmarried
•Children
Gay and Lesbian
Extended
•2 same-sex
•Multiple
partners
generations of
related people
•Children
living together
Blended
•2 adults
•1 or more
children from
previous
relationships
Communal
•Cooperative
living
arrangement
among
unmarried
people
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Parent–Child Communication
Nurturing parental communication: parental
messages that encourage a child’s physical,
social, emotional, and intellectual development
 Controlling parental communication: parental
messages that attempt to influence or regulate
a child’s behavior

Good parenting requires a balance of nurturing and
controlling messages.
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Infant Attachment Styles
Secure
•Worthy of care
•Others are
trusted to
provide care
Anxious-Ambivalent
Avoidant
•Not worthy of care
•Worthy of care
•Others cannot be
•Others not
trusted to provide care trusted to provide
care
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Adult Attachment Styles
Secure
•High selfworth
•Trusts
others
Preoccupied
•High self-worth
•Low trust in
others
Fearful
•Low selfworth
•High trust in
others
Dismissive
•Low selfworth
•Low trust in
others
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Providing Discipline
Permissive parenting style: moderate to high
levels of nurturing but little control over
children’s behavior
 Authoritarian parenting style: high levels of
control with low levels of nurturing
 Authoritative parenting style: firm control
balanced with ample nurturing

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Improving Family Communication
Create opportunities for intimate
communication.
 Respect individual interests and
accomplishments.
 Recognize and adapt to change.

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Friendships
Voluntary, platonic relationships
characterized by equality and reciprocity
 Likely to form between people who have
frequent contact and similar demographic
traits and engage in the same activities

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Male–Male
Relationships
Female–Female
Relationships
Relationships are based
on shared activities.
 Talk about topics rather
than feelings
 Use covert intimacy to
show closeness:


◦ Mild insults
◦ Competition
◦ Put-downs
Conversations focus on
topics as well as
relationships.
 Intimacy is based on
mutual self-disclosure of
feelings, secrets, and
insights.
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Intimate Relationships
Platonic
Relationship
Romantic
Relationship
Partners are not
sexually attracted
to each other or
choose not
to act on their
attraction
Partners do
act on their
sexual attraction
to each other
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Types of Long-Term Committed
Relationships
Traditional – share a traditional ideology but
maintain some independence, engage in
conflict
 Independent – share an ideology that
embraces change and uncertainty, but are
interdependent and engage in conflict
 Separate – share traditional ideology, but are
independent and avoid conflict

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Characteristics of Intimate Relationships
Mutual respect: treating each other with
dignity
 Presence of a shared plan or life vision:
agreeing on long-term goals
 Comfortable level of closeness: spending
a mutually satisfying amount of time with
each other

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Keys to Successful Long-Term
Relationships
Show your affection.
 Use symbols and rituals to display your
commitment.
 Talk about sex.
Microsoft Photo

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The Dark Side of Intimacy

Relational uncertainty – feeling of doubt about
the nature of the relationship
– Unsure if relationship is platonic or romantic
– Concern about future
– Tension between closeness and separation

Possessiveness – desire to control another
person to ensure exclusivity
– Caused by jealousy
– Can occur in platonic and family relationships as
well as romantic ones
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Digital Communication Skills
Media multiplexity: using more than one form
of social media to communicate in
relationships
 Strong social media ties: friends, romantic
partners, and family members
 Weak social media ties: casual contacts loosely
connected to social networks

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Initiating Relationships Online

Social Information Processing (SIP) theory
explains how relationships evolve online.
◦ Revealing and seeking personal information reduces
uncertainty.
◦ Online relationships require more time to develop.
◦ Digital interaction can be intense and overly
intimate (hyperpersonal).
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