Love
Quips and Quotes
A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how
much you are loved by others.
The Wizard of Oz
“Love is what makes the world go round.” This lesson
addresses what is likely the most important and
powerful, albeit misunderstood and undefinable, of all
human emotions, love.
Lesson Objectives




What is love?
What are the different types of love?
How is liking someone different than loving someone?
What influence does culture have on our notions of love?
Suggested
Instructional
Strategies

Research study: Gender differences and love
o How do males and females define love? Are there different types of
love? How do you know if you are in love? Is there any validity to the
saying, “Love at first sight”? Does the meaning and type of love differ
with age? Is love universal?
Research/Construction: How is love represented in literature, poetry, art,
sculpture and music?
o Create an anthology, or portfolio of different portrayals of love.
o Create a poster, three-panel display, or computer-based presentation on
love.
Discussion: What does love mean?
o Based on the passage from Corinthians (refer to Teacher Information)
discuss what it means to love someone.
o Create an anthology of definitions or quotes that define love.
Creative dance/music: Love
o Create a dance to music that portrays the theme of love.
Research/Discussion: Love and the mass media
o How are love, intimacy and romance depicted or portrayed in the media?
o What value messages are being communicated?





Direct
Independent
Interactive
Indirect
Experiential








Resources


Discussion: Love and marriage
o Do you need to love someone to have a successful, longterm marriage?
Discussion/Construction: Sternberg’s model of love
o Using Sternberg’s triangular model of love (intimacy, commitment,
passion), discuss how this model may account for all the varieties of love
(liking, romantic, infatuation and companionate).
o Are there any aspects to Sternberg’s model that are inaccurate or
incomplete?
o Construct your own “Model of Love”.
Research: Making marriages last
o On the basis of Schlesinger’s list of the ten most important criteria for a
lasting marriage (See Interactions, Strengths in Families), interview or
survey married couples to compare their comments and feedback.
Discussion: Quotations
o The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost (G. K.
Chesterton).
o ○ Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time; for that’s the stuff life
is made of (Benjamin Franklin).
Interactions : Strengths in Families: Accentuating the Positives
Interactions : Dear Pat, “Lovestruck in Lucky Lake”
Lesson 4.3.2: Teacher Information
What does it mean, to be in love?
Love can assume many forms and varieties, such as the love of one's mate, brother or sister, child, parent or grandparent, friend, or
country. Further, love can evolve or change over time, such as when the passionate love of the honeymoon becomes companionate
love. How can we conceptualize love as a state? Sternberg (1986) has proposed a triangular model of love representing the varieties
of love. All love experiences consist of three components, represented as points on a triangle. These components are:
1. intimacy, the closeness or bond between the two people, including communication, self-disclosure, and a desire to care for the
loved one
2. passion, the emotional arousal and physical drives in the love relationship. While physical attraction and sexuality may be
prominent, especially in the early phases of the relationship, other intense feelings such as need for self-esteem, nurturance and
dominance may also contribute to the experience of passion
3. decision/commitment, which represents not only the decision to love someone, but also the commitment to maintain that
loving relationship (Alcock et al., 1998, p. 221).
What are the different types of love?
Varieties of love experiences can be described in terms of the relative importance of the three components of intimacy, passion and
decision/commitment:




Liking involves intimacy in the absence of passion or decision/commitment; in this sense, liking does not include feelings
towards casual acquaintances, but refers to friendships in which one feels closeness, bondedness and warmth toward the other.
Infatuation consists of passion without intimacy or decision/commitment.
Romantic love derives from a combination of intimacy and passion without commitment; or liking with the addition of
physical arousal and attraction.
Companionate love involves intimacy and decision/commitment in which the passion, at least in the physical sense, has
subsided (Adler et al., 2001, p. 222).
How is liking someone different than loving someone?
What seems clear is that loving is not simply an extreme form of liking. In reviewing the research, Berscheid (1985) suggests several
ways in which liking and loving differ:



Liking is relatively stable over time, whereas romantic love tends to be more fragile and volatile.
Liking is strongly influenced by the actual exchange of rewards, whereas romantic love is influenced more by what we
anticipate in the future.
Liking is influenced in a logical way by rewards (we like people more who reward us more), whereas romantic love is often
unrelated or even intensified by frustration or rejection (Alcock et al., 1998, p. 223).
What influence does culture have on our notions of love?
One of the main dimensions on which cultures differ is individualism-collectivism. Individualism places greater emphasis on personal
achievement and self-reliance. Collectivism, by contrast, places priority on the welfare and unity of the group. Goodwin (1995)
argues that love, at least in its passionate stomach churning Hollywood manifestation, is largely a Western and individualistic
phenomenon and that in Western cultures, marriage is seen as the culmination of a loving relationship. In cultures where arranged
marriages occur, the relationship between love and marriage is the other way around, and marriage is seen as the basis on which to
explore a loving relationship. The cultural background in which people have learned about love is important in shaping their concept
of it (Gross and McIlveen, 1998, p. 485).