Intimacy and Distance in
Relationships
9
Looking Out/Looking In
Thirteenth Edition
Intimacy in Relationships
• What is Intimacy?
• A state of “close union, contact, association, or
acquaintance.”
• When college students were asked to identify their
“closest, deepest, most involved relationship”
• 47% said their romantic partner
• 36% said a close friend
• 14% cited a family member
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Dimensions of Intimacy
• Physical
• Intellectual
• Emotional
• Shared Activities
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Masculine and Feminine Styles
• Research shows that woman are somewhat
more willing than men to share their feelings
• In terms of amount and depth:
• Female – Female were at the top
• Male – Female came in second
• Male – Male had the least disclosure
• Generalizations do not apply to every person
• Biological sex is not as important as the
chosen gender role when expressing emotion
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Cultural Influences on Intimacy
• Notions of public and private selves have
changed over time
• Collectivist cultures
• Generally do not reach out to outsiders, often
waiting until they are properly introduced before
entering into conversation
• Individualistic cultures
• Make fewer distinctions between personal
relationships and casual ones
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Intimacy in Mediated
Communication
• Studies show that intimacy may develop more
quickly through mediated channels
• Instant messaging, emailing and text
messages offer more constant contact with
friends, family and partners
• Communicators chose varying levels of selfdisclosure
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The Limits of Intimacy
• It is impossible to have a close relationship
with everyone
• Obsession with intimacy can lead to less
satisfying relationships
• Intimacy is rewarding but it isn’t the only way
of relating to others
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Self-Disclosure in Relationships
• Self-Disclosure
• The process of deliberately revealing
information about oneself that is significant
and would not normally be known by others
• Characteristics of Self-Disclosure
•
•
•
•
Usually occurs in dyads
Incremental
Relatively scarce
Best in context of positive relationships
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Self-Disclosure in Relationships
• A Model of Self-Disclosure
• Johari Window
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Benefits of Self-Disclosure
• Catharsis (get it off your chest)
• Self-Validation (get listeners approval)
• Identity Management
• Relationship Maintenance and Enhancement
• Reciprocity (Self-disclosure often begets another)
• Self-Clarification (clarify your beliefs, opinions…)
• Social Influence (may increase control over other a
situation, etc.)
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Risks of Self-Disclosure
• Decrease in Relational Satisfaction
• Loss of Influence
• Hurting the Other Person
• Rejection
• Negative Impression
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Guidelines for Self-Disclosure
• Do you have a moral obligation to disclose?
• Is the other person important to you?
• Are the amount and type of disclosures
appropriate?
• Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?
• Is the disclosure relevant to the situation?
• Will the effect be constructive?
• Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable?
• Is the self-disclosure reciprocated?
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Alternatives to Self-Disclosure
• Silence
• Lying
• To save face, avoid tension or conflict, guide social
interaction, expand or reduce relationships, gain
power
• Hinting
• Equivocating - Language that has two or more
equally plausible meanings
• A lazy worker: “You will be lucky to get this person
to work for you.”
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