Inter-Act,
th
13
Edition
Chapter 6
Relationships
•1
Chapter Objectives
Discuss the functions of communication
in relationships
 Describe how relationships differ and are
categorized
 Explain how relationships change during
their life cycles
 Identify the issues in each stage of the life
cycle that require effective
communication

•2
Relationship – a set of expectations
two people have for their behavior based
on the pattern of interaction between them
Good relationship –
interactions are satisfying to and
healthy for those involved
Abusive relationship –
interactions are physically,
mentally, or emotionally harmful
•3
Functions of Relationships
1. Constitutive function – Relationships come about
through interactions
2. Instrumental function – Communication is a way to
“get things done” in the relationship
3. Indexical function – The “thermometer” of a
relationship; measures who is in control, how much
partners trust each other, and the level of intimacy
in the relationship
•4
How Relationships Differ
• Impersonal vs. Personal
• Voluntary vs. Involuntary
• Platonic vs. Romantic
•5
Types of Relationships
1.
2.
3.
Acquaintances – people we know by name and
talk with when the opportunity arises, but with
whom our interactions are limited
Friends – people with whom we have voluntarily
negotiated more personal relationships
Close friends or intimates – those with whom
we share a deep commitment, trust,
interdependence, disclosure, and affection
•6
Class Activity
In groups of 3-4, identify the different
expectations you have for acquaintances,
friends, “best friends,” and lovers
 What happens when two people have
different expectations? How do you
progress from one type of relationship to
another? Do we sometimes have
unrealistic expectations of people?

•7
Gender Differences
Women develop close
friendships through:
Men develop close
friendships through:
Talking
 Disclosing personal
history
 Sharing personal feelings


Joint activities
 Doing favors for each
other
 Successive tests of
dependability
•8
Dimensions of Relationships
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Interdependence
Depth
Breadth
Commitment
Understanding and Predictability
Communication Coding
Sharing Social Networks
As dimensions increase, relationships develop;
as they decrease, relationships deteriorate.
•9
Self-disclosure & Feedback:
The Johari Window
Known
to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known
to self
Open
Blind
Secret
Unknown
V / V, ch.3
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The Role of Self-Disclosure
Social Penetration Theory:
Self-disclosure is integral to all stages of relationships,
but changes over time.
 The nature and type of self-disclosure change as
people become more intimate.
 When disclosure is reciprocated, the relationship
becomes intimate.

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Self-Disclosure Guidelines
Disclose information that you want others to disclose to you.
 Disclose information appropriate for the type of relationship.
 Disclose intimate information only when it represents an
acceptable risk.
 Be sensitive to your partner’s ability to absorb your disclosure.
 Reserve intimate or very personal disclosures for ongoing
relationships.
 Continue intimate self-disclosure only when it is reciprocated.

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Extra Credit Opportunity

Do you have problems either disclosing
personal information or providing your
relationship partner with feedback? Write
a communication improvement plan (for
assistance see worksheet at
www.oup.com/us/verderber ) and follow
the Assignment Rubric
•13
Relationship Life Cycles
Relationships move through identifiable
stages.
 Turning points:

Events that mark a transition from one stage to
another
Lead to greater intimacy or to deterioration of
relationship
Happen at all stages in a relationship
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Extra Credit Opportunity
Observe and Analyze (p173)
 Select one long-term relationship, identify
the turning points, indicate whether each
was a positive event that strengthened
the relationship or negative event that
weakened relationship intimacy. Discuss
these with the other person and describe
the outcome.

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Relationship Stages
Beginning
Developing
Sustaining
Declining
•16
Beginning Relationships
Communication focuses on:



Increasing knowledge of the other
Reducing uncertainty
Increasing interaction
Predicted Outcome Value Theory:

We gather information to predict whether the benefits of
future interactions will outweigh the costs.
Stages of Beginning Relationships:



Entry
Personal
Exit
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Developing Relationships




Increasing disclosure
Keeping a relationship at a particular level of closeness or
intimacy
Frequent communication
Emerging interdependence
Interpersonal Needs Theory:

Relationship depends on how well each person meets the
interpersonal needs of the other.
◦ Affection
◦ Inclusion
◦ Control
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Exchange Theory:

Relationships understood in terms of exchange of rewards and
costs during interactions
 Cost/Reward ratio
Rewards – needs met
Costs – time and energy spent developing relationship

Relationships develop and are sustained when partners choose
to meet each other’s needs.
•19
Sustaining Relationships






Use pro-social behaviors.
Observe ceremonial occasions.
Spend time together as a couple and with mutual
friends.
Communicate frequently.
Words and actions reassure continuing affection,
discretion, trustworthiness.
Share tasks.
•20
Relational Dialectics
•
The conflicting pulls that exist in relationships as well
as within each individual in a relationship
Autonomy/Connection
•
I need my own space. I want to be close.
Openness/Closedness
• I like sharing so
Novelty/Predictability
•
We need to do
There are some
things I don’t want
to talk about.
I like the familiar
rhythms we have.
•21
Managing Dialectical Tensions:
Temporal selection
 Topical segmentation
 Neutralization
 Reframing

•22
Relationship Decline
The communication in declining relationships
is marked by three stages:



Recognition of dissatisfaction
Process of repairing or disengaging from relationship
Ending
Termination Strategies:



Manipulation/Withdrawal/Avoidance
Direct/Open/Honest
Relationship Transformation
•23