
Who do you love?

What is love?

Why do fools fall in love?

Will you love me forever?

Let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning (Meatloaf, 1978).
1





Proximity – geographical nearness
 mere exposure
 anticipation of interaction
Attractiveness – “what is beautiful is good”
Similarity – attitudes, personality.
Reinforcement – liking for a person will result under conditions in which a person experiences positive or negative reinforcement in the presence of that person.
2


Types of love:

I. Passionate vs. Companionate love

Companionate love is the strong affection we have for those with whom our lives are deeply involved.

Passionate love is a state of intense absorption in someone. It involves arousal and intense desire and often has a swift onset.

The Bridge Study
3


II. Sternberg’s Triangle Model

3 ingredients of consummate love:

Intimacy- feelings of closeness, affection, and connectedness

Passion- motivational drives relating to sex, physical closeness and romance

Decision/commitment- initial thought of love and longterm determination to maintain that love
4

Intimacy (Liking)
Romantic Love
(Intimacy + passion)
Passion
(Infatuation)
Consummate
Love
(Intimacy +
Passion + commitment
Companionate Love
(Intimacy + commitment)
Decision/Commitment
Fatuous Love
(Empty love)
(Passion + commitment)
5


Gender

Women rate financial independence/career as more important in a mate than men; men rate physical attractiveness as more important than women.

Women tend to prefer older men; men tend to prefer younger women.

Women report more emotional jealousy; men report more sexual jealousy
(Buss).
6


Attachment Theory—children learn relationship behaviors that are modeled by parents.

Secure attachment-child learns to nurture intimacy, feels secure in relationships with others.


Avoidant attachment-child learns to starve intimacy by being emotionally distant, avoids commitment and closeness in relationships with others.
Anxious/ambivalent attachment-child learns to smother intimacy by being possessive, jealous, and emotionally demanding.
7


Self-Esteem

In the face of a relationship threat, LSE’s distance themselves from their partner; HSE’s increase closeness.
(Murray & Holmes).

SE is negatively correlated with relationship social comparisons.
(Smith-LeBeau & Buckingham).
8


I. Equity Theory-
Your benefits
Your contributions
= Your Partner’s Benefits
Your Partner’s Contributions
9


II. Investment model-
Satisfaction +
Investment +  Commitment  Relationship
CLalt Stability


Satisfaction is based on costs and rewards.
CLalt is the comparison level for alternative relationships.
10