Assessment of Example 4:
A Perfectly Lovely Time; by Robin Klein
“Jasper and Roderick peered through the azalea shrubbery at the terrace,
where their treacherous mother was pouring tea for the minister’s wife. They
didn’t really mind the minister’s wife, who was as kindly and innocuous as a
cow browsing in a river meadow. You could get away with a smile, a quick
‘Good afternoon, Mrs. Robey’, a secret snatch at a raisin scone, another smile,
and then melt safely back into the garden. She would just gaze at you
indulgently and say things like ‘Boys will be boys, especially twins’. But today
was different. Today, by their mother’s invitation, Mrs. Robey had brought her
small grand-daughter, aged nine.
Criteria A: Imagination
 Unique
 Original
 Can be fantasy or Real
0- The writings idea is copied from
another piece and shows no
originality whatsoever.
1- The piece shows some creativity
and originality within the ideas.
2- The piece is adequately creative
and original, but could be
improved.
3- The piece shows a lot of creativity
and originality and needs some
improvement.
4- The piece is entirely creative and
original and only needs one or two
or no minute changes to be made.
This excerpt from the story demonstrates the creativity that was put into
this story and in my opinion it needs no improvements to be made, so I give it
a four for criterion a.
Criterion B: Grammar
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Must include clauses
Spelling must be accurate
Numbers must be written correctly
Proper use of articles
Sentence structure
Subject and verb agreement
0- The piece has no clauses and/or
sentence structure. It doesn’t have a
proper use of articles and subject and
verb agreement. Finally the piece has
many spelling mistakes and all the
numbers are not written properly.
1- 1- The piece has some clauses and/or
sentence structure. It has some proper
use of articles and subject and verb
agreement. Finally the piece has quite a
lot of spelling mistakes and the most of
the numbers are not written properly.
0- 2- The piece has quite a bit of clauses and
sentence structure but only about half of
it actually does. It uses quite a bit of
proper use of articles and subject and
verb agreement. Finally the piece has
many spelling mistakes and half of the
numbers are written properly.
10- 3- The piece has quite a lot of clauses and
sentence structure. It has a proper use of
articles and subject and verb agreement
most of the time. Finally the piece barely
has any spelling mistakes and the
numbers are written properly.
4- The piece uses clauses and proper
sentence structure correctly. It has a
proper use of articles and subject and
verb agreement all the time. Finally the
piece has no spelling mistakes at all and
all the numbers are all written properly.
The piece uses clauses, sentence structure, articles and subject and verb
agreement properly all the time throughout the short story. The piece also
doesn’t have any spelling mistakes with words or numbers.
Criterion C: Language
 Advanced Adjectives
 Grammar
 Syntax
0- 0- The piece shows no advanced
adjectives, grammar or syntax at all.
0- 1- The piece shows a limited range of
advanced adjectives and limited
grammar and syntax use.
0- 2- The piece shows a satisfactory
range of advanced adjectives and
satisfactory grammar and syntax use.
0- 3- The piece shows a great range of
advanced adjectives and great
grammar and syntax use.
0- 4- The piece shows an excellent range
of advanced adjectives and excellent
grammar and syntax use.
The piece has only one or two advanced adjectives depending on how
you look at them:
“Jasper and Roderick peered through the azalea shrubbery at the terrace, where their
treacherous mother was pouring tea for the minister’s wife. They didn’t really mind the
minister’s wife, who was as kindly and innocuous as a cow browsing in a river meadow.”
But it makes up for that with its excellent grammar and syntax use. In
the end I give the piece a two because even though the average is like a 2.5 I
still think the adjectives are more important because they are what keeps the
reader excited.