Confronting Well
Caring Enough to Confront
Confront
Counsel (pagpayuhan/ bagbagaan)
 Correct (itama ang asal/ tarimaanen ti
tignay)
 Advise (pagpayuhan/ paligmaanan)
 Admonish/reprove (pagsabihan/
babalawen)
 Rebuke (isisi/ pabasolen)
 Discipline (disciplinahin/ surwan)

Confrontation…
… is directed towards a negative behavior
of another in any relationship.
(family, work, team, classmates, friends)
More to do with sin and negative behavior
than issues…
Why do we avoid confrontation?
Fear of being disliked or rejected
 Mistaken assumption that confrontation
will make matters worse

<When a person’s behavior is
inappropriate, avoiding confrontation
always worsens the situation.>
What happens if we do not
confront inappropriate behaviors?
Group suffers
 Each group member suffers
 The individual is robbed of opportunity
to learn and grow.

Proper attitude for confronting
Unselfish (in motive)
 Desire for win-win result
 Seeking people development
 NOT while angry
 Other’s best interest at heart

Guidelines in Confronting
Confront ASAP
Separate the person from their
actions
3. Only confront what the person can
change
4. Give person the benefit of the doubt
5. Be specific
6. Avoid sarcasm
1.
2.
7. Avoid words like ‘always’ and
‘never’
8. Express feelings
9. Give a “game plan”
10. Affirm the person
<Guidelines by John Maxwell>
A.I.R. Method for Confronting
Step 1. Awareness (may
kaalaman/ ammo)
Step 2.
Impact/
Consequence/
Cause and
Effect
(epekto)
QuickTime™ and a
decompressor
are needed to see this picture.
Step 3. Request
(makiusap/ ipakisuyo)
And if it’s a sticky problem and
you’re not sure of the solution,
invite collaboration.
“What are our options?”
“How can we resolve this?”
Receiving Confrontation
Responding Wisely to Correction
Refer to Handout, “Receiving
Confrontation Well”
Confrontation done in a loving and gentle
manner yields a positive response.
Confrontation done poorly results in
anger, hurt, and/or defensiveness.
10 Biblical Ways to Defuse
Attack when Confrontation has
gone Awry
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Keep Silent (Isaiah 53:7)
Think Before You React (James 1:19-20)
Really Listen (James 1:19)
Respond Gently (Proverbs 15:1)
Agree with whatever is true
-in principle
-with the possibility of truth
(Matthew 5:25)
10 Biblical Principles… (cont.)
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Give caring feedback (I Peter 3:9)
Bless the person (Romans 12:14)
Avoid quarrelling (Ephesians 4:31)
Offer to help (Luke 6:27)
Ask for forgiveness (Psalm 51:3-4)
Case Study

King David confronted by his court
prophet. (II Samuel 12)

King David’s Response (Psalm 51)
The 4 R’s of Forgiveness/ Repentance
Take RESPONSIBILITY
 Demonstrate REMORSE/REGRET
 RESOLVE to change now
 REPAIR the damage

“When someone goes through these 4 R’s with
sincerity. We have the obligation to forgive even
if the trust is not yet re-established.
As to that trust, here is an old Arabic saying:
“Forgive, but tie up your camel.”