Criticism and Confrontation
Nurturing Parenting
Section 10.5
GOAL
To Increase Parent’s Ability to Use
Confrontation Instead of Criticism
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OBJECTIVES
To Help Parent’s Realize Destructive
Effects of Criticism.
To Help Parent’s Learn To Confront
Instead of Criticize.
To Provide Practice in Confrontation for
Parents.
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Differences Between Criticism and Confrontation a.
Criticism leaves a person feeling badly about themselves.
b.
The person feels worthless, terrible, and inadequate as an entire person.
c.
Confrontation leaves a person knowing they have done something you don’t like, but still feels positive about themselves.
3

Differences Between Criticism and Confrontation (cont) d.
The difference between criticism and confrontation is the feelings the person is left with.
e.
Criticism uses blaming “You
Messages.”
4

Let’s Practice a.
All adults form into pairs.
b.
Each person will get a chance to experience being confronted and criticism by the other.
c.
Have one person identify themselves as
Person A, the other as Person B.
d.
Have each pair identify an issue that is a problem for them, as the basis for practicing criticism and confrontation.
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Let’s Practice (cont) e.
First, Person A should criticize Person
B.
f.
The person being criticized cannot say anything back or defend themselves.
g.
The criticism should go on for 15 seconds.
6

Let’s Practice (cont) h.
When Person A is finished criticizing
Person B, switch roles.
i.
Person B criticizes Person A for the same issue.
j.
Again, conduct the exercise for 15 seconds.
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How Did You Feel?
a.
How did you feel about being criticized?
b.
How did you feel about criticizing?
c.
Was there a position, criticizing or being criticized, easier than the other?
d.
Please relate an experience at home where you were criticized and was criticized by someone else.
e.
Share the feelings of both experiences.
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Let’s Practice again on
Confrontation a.
All adults form into pairs.
b.
Each person will get a chance to experience being confronted by the other.
c.
Have one person identify themselves as
Person A, the other as Person B.
d.
Have each pair identify an issue that is a problem for them, as the basis for practicing confrontation.
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Let’s Practice (cont) e.
First, Person A should confront Person
B.
f.
Remember, confrontation does not tear people down.
g.
One way to confront someone is to use the “I statement” and to take ownership of one’s feelings.
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I Statements
“I statements” do not blame someone else for the way a person feels.
“I statements” communicate a thought or feeling that you have, that is yours and yours alone.
You own everything you say and blame on one.
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Each parent fill in the missing words by writing the Following:
I Feel _______ (state a feeling) when _______ (describe the exact behavior) because ______ (state the need that relates to that feeling and any thought or belief related to it).
What I want is ________ (describe the exact behavior that would meet the need).
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Let’s Practice (cont) h.
When Person A is finished confronting
Person B, switch roles.
i.
Person B confronts Person A for the same issue.
j.
Again, conduct the exercise for 15 seconds.
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How Did You Feel?
a.
How did you feel about being confronted?
b.
How did you feel about confronting someone else?
c.
As opposed to being criticized?
d.
Was one approach easier or more difficult than the other?
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Self Growth Lesson: Criticism, confrontation, and Rules for Fair Fighting
Use Parent Handbook, page 109.
Arguments can quickly get out of hand when people use blaming “You
Messages.”
To ensure that neither person in the argument emotionally hurts the other person, follow the rules given below:
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Rules of Engagement
Decide upon a time limit before you begin and STICK TO IT.
Decide how many “zaps” you will permit before you (or the other person) walk out.
Choose one problem per session.
Try to stay in the present.
Stick to the point.
Own your own feelings.
Listen to the other person.
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If people never confront others, bad things happen to them, such as getting walked all over, blowing up at their kids when they are angry at someone else, and not getting their own needs met.
If people always confront others, bad things happen, such as not having any friends or anyone who even dares to be around you. So, a balance is necessary.
PICK YOUR BATTLES!
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