Chapter 8
Marriage
Bridging the gap
 See many broken marriages
 “I’ll never be like that”
 Many choose to do this by avoiding marriage
 Others look to God’s intention and beautiful
plan
 Jesus, “For your hardness of heart Moses
allowed you to divorce your wives, but in the
beginning it was not so”
 Marriage of Adam and Eve was perfect in
the beginning
 Lost the likeness of divinity that it once had
 But Jesus did not come to condemn our
world- but to liberate it
 He teaches us how to imitate Him and his
love for the Church (us)
To the core
 Marriage and family life is a school of
love
 It is the best place of earth to learn how to
sacrifice for the sake of the other while often
denying one’s own desires for the greater
good of the other
 Francis de Sales – mortification – subduing
one’s own bodily desires
 Spousal Analogy
 Christ’s love for the Church is the key to
understanding the sacramentality of
marriage
 OT- faithfulness of God to Israel. His spouseunfaithful wife
 Ephesians 5
 Teaches us 2 things
 Nature of love relationship between Christ and the
Church
 Essence of marriage to which Christians are called
 It is an analogy
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Why didn’t I see that before?
Verses often misunderstood
“wives be subject to your hands…”(22-23)
Mutual submission of both out of reverence for Christ
(21)
“husbands loves your wives as Christ loved the Church
and gave himself up for her” (25)
Christ gave all he had for her seving her until the very
end
Submission – (sub – under; mission-purpose)
Under the mission of Christ
 Primordial sacrament
 Easy to think that marriage is nothing more than
a contract on a piece of paper
 Marriage was and is God’s idea
 JPII – primordial sacrament – the original
sacrament
 God reveals Himself to the world through
marriage
 Civilizations throughout history have been built
upon marriages and families
 “For this reason a man leaves his father and
mother and cleaves to his wife”
 God wants us to choose love which will bring us
much joy
 Marriage is a rollercoaster ride filled with joy and
sacrifice- take the front seat, hands in the air
through all the twists and turns and held in only
to the safety bar of Christ’s love
 Many young married couples – unwilling to
surrender
 When the infatuation fades and stressful times
occur – they are left with the real person they
have chosen to marry
 Many run from the challenge
 Family of giving and forgiving
 Who knows your faults the best?
 Family – sees the best and worst
 Faults not often seen during the dating process
or overlooked
 Marriage is not based upon finding the perfect
person but upon loving the imperfect person you
have chosen to marry
 Practice with your family
 From fear to faithfulness
 Some even have no desire to get married
because they fear it won’t work
 Tobias & Sarah on wedding night
 Her father was digging a grave for Tobias –
Sarah’s previous 7 husbands had died on the
wedding night
 God protected Tobias – long life with his bride
 Maybe you have experienced divorce
 Be the one to turn the tide
 Avg. couple spends 200 hours getting ready for
the wedding
 Very little time preparing for the marriage
Four stages of marital conflict that increase
marital discord
Have It Your Way
 Couples who are newly married and haven't
learned how to successfully resolve their
differences tend to try to settle things by
avoiding confrontation. They give in to each
other without ever discussing the heart of the
problem. If you find yourself giving in whenever
you have an argument with your husband/wife,
eventually you will find that you are tired of this
pattern and will begin shifting your attitude
toward the next stage.
Have It My Way
 After couples have exhausted themselves by
ignoring their own needs, they often turn the
opposite way and begin demanding that their
needs are now met. A wife who has kept her
opinions to herself may suddenly realize that
this has contributed to her misery and may
start voicing her thoughts and attitudes at
every opportunity. But unfortunately, this stage
doesn't work either as husband and wife begin
butting heads.
Have It Our Way
 The third phase involves compromising and
negotiating with each other. At first, the couple
may be enthusiastic at their newfound
communication style, but eventually the
eagerness fades. About this time in a marriage,
couples are facing more time demands and
stresses from their parenting responsibilities,
financial concerns and hectic schedules.
Between an ineffective conflict resolution style
and the growing pressures of life, couples may
start to doubt their compatibility during this
stage.
Have It Any Way You Want
 This stage marks a sense of resignation.
Couples in this stage are exhausted over
the unending conflicts and might even
feel hopeless that all the unresolved
issues will ever be worked out. If you
find yourself in this stage, you need
expert marriage guidance. OR…..
Digging deeper:
contraception
 Most think birth control was invented in
1950s
 Actually over 4000 years old – linen, animal
skins, potions, even alligator dung
 Practiced in Roman Empire
 Rejected by Christians
 Later rejected by Protestants – until 1930s
 Despite the widespread use of
contraception, the Catholic Church holds to
the teaching of historic Christianity
 Pope Paul VI – Humanae Vitae
 Increase in marital infidelity
 Lowering of morality – esp. among the young
 Separating sex from the gift of life
 Make women a mere instrument of enjoyment
 Strange since our society is so obsessed
with “natural living”
 Another solution – Natural Family Planning
 Natural
 Effective –estimated 98%
 No side effects
Artificial Contraception
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Diaphragm – 81-97% effective
Condom – 90-97% effective
Spermicides – 82-97%
The Pill -99% effective
 Disadvantages – possible side effects esp.
when used at an early age & continue to use
for 2 years or more
 Withdrawal – 0-30 % effective
Natural Family Planning
 NFP – 99%
 Advantages
 Safe with no side effects
 Not costly
 MORALLY ACCEPTABLE
 Involves both partners