Managing complexity
- common challenges for
academic writers
- Mark Phillips BA Communication Studies with
Biological Sciences, English Language Editor, STAKES
the big idea
the big idea
Recognise complexity and you
will manage it better
What I’m going to do today:
What I’m going to do today:
• Say a few things about language editing
What I’m going to do today:
• Say a few things about language editing
• Tell you a bit about complexity and mental
processing
What I’m going to do today:
• Say a few things about language editing
• Tell you a bit about complexity and mental
processing
• Show you some words that add complexity
to a sentence – the ‘little beasts’ of English
What I’m going to do today:
• Say a few things about language editing
• Tell you a bit about complexity and mental
processing
• Show you some words that add complexity
to a sentence – the ‘little beasts’ of English
• Give concrete examples of those words in
action
What I’m going to do today:
• Say a few things about language editing
• Tell you a bit about complexity and mental
processing
• Show you some words that add complexity
to a sentence – the ‘little beasts’ of English
• Give concrete examples of those words in
action
• Give you an exercise to practice what you
have learnt
English Language Editing
English Language Editing
• Non-native work is rarely 100% error-free
English Language Editing
• Non-native work is rarely 100% error-free
• If possible, work should pass through the
hands of a native language editor/reviser
English Language Editing
• Non-native work is rarely 100% error-free
• If possible, work should pass through the
hands of a native language editor/reviser
• A language editor will focus on:
– Accuracy
– Clarity
– Readability
English Language Editing
• Non-native work is rarely 100% error-free
• If possible, work should pass through the
hands of a native language editor/reviser
• A language editor will focus on:
– Accuracy
– Clarity
– Readability
• Language editing is a negotiated process
Complexity
Complexity
• Complexity in academic writing is
unavoidable
Complexity
• Complexity in academic writing is
unavoidable
• Too many bits leads to confusion – i.e.
making it unclear, unreadable and even
inaccurate
Complexity
• Complexity in academic writing is
unavoidable
• Too many bits leads to confusion – i.e.
making it unclear, unreadable and even
inaccurate
• The complex can be made simple! If you
can pack it, you can unpack it!
Complexity
• Complexity in academic writing is
unavoidable
• Too many bits leads to confusion – i.e.
making it unclear, unreadable and even
inaccurate
• The complex can be made simple! If you
can pack it, you can unpack it!
• Keywords: length & clarity (1+1+1+1)
Complexity (2)
Complexity (2)
• Simple: A does B (to/in/for/behind C)
Complexity (2)
• Simple: A does B (to/in/for/behind C)
• Complex: A + B = C (logical
arguments)
Complexity (2)
• Simple: A does B (to/in/for/behind C)
• Complex: A + B = C (logical
arguments)
• Very complex: A (fixed) + B (varying)
= C (yes, if conditions D and E are
also true, but no if condition F is true)
Processing (1)
Processing (1)
• Processing begins e.g. ? + ? = ?
Processing (1)
• Processing begins e.g. ? + ? = ?
• However, imagine if you had a sum
?+13+6+4= , you wouldn’t get very far with
the answer.
Processing (1)
• Processing begins e.g. ? + ? = ?
• However, imagine if you had a sum
?+13+6+4= , you wouldn’t get very far with
the answer.
• So, are your terms clear?
Processing (1)
• Processing begins e.g. ? + ? = ?
• However, imagine if you had a sum
?+13+6+4= , you wouldn’t get very far with
the answer.
• So, are your terms clear?
• The reader of academic writing also
questions the idea of the sentence. Is it
true that A + B = C?
Processing (2)
• So, when processing a sentence, we hold in
memory:
Processing (2)
• So, when processing a sentence, we hold in
memory:
– the sentence parts
Processing (2)
• So, when processing a sentence, we hold in
memory:
– the sentence parts
– the possible meanings of each
Processing (2)
• So, when processing a sentence, we hold in
memory:
– the sentence parts
– the possible meanings of each
– the perceived truth of those meanings
Processing (2)
• So, when processing a sentence, we hold in
memory:
– the sentence parts
– the possible meanings of each
– the perceived truth of those meanings
…until we are happy we have found both the
author’s intended meaning and our response
to it.
Processing (2)
• So, when processing a sentence, we hold in
memory:
– the sentence parts
– the possible meanings of each
– the perceived truth of those meanings
…until we are happy we have found both the
author’s intended meaning and our response
to it.
• We are not usually efficient at remembering
more than 5–7 items at a time
The reader ‘stumble’
We often ‘stumble’ as we read. A stumble is
when we say to ourselves ‘maybe the author
means this?’
“For a sub-editor, saying, "I don’t understand
this" is not an admission of failure or
inadequacy; it is a vital first step in turning the
article into something that is easily understood"
Peter – Managing Editor, Nature.
The reader ‘stumble’
We often ‘stumble’ as we read. A stumble is
when we say to ourselves ‘maybe the author
means this?’
“For a sub-editor, saying, "I don’t understand
this" is not an admission of failure or
inadequacy; it is a vital first step in turning the
article into something that is easily understood"
Peter Wrobel – Managing Editor, Nature.
Simple words that add complexity
Words
if
no/not/un-/but
on/in/with
and/also
by
Instensibility*
Effect
conditional
negate
expand
connect
agency
abstract
Examples
Examples
• For each of these words, I will give an
example – a monster sentence.
Examples
• For each of these words, I will give an
example – a monster sentence.
• Then we will look at tips for improving that
sentence.
Examples
• For each of these words, I will give an
example – a monster sentence.
• Then we will look at tips for improving that
sentence.
• All these tips are on a separate handout
for you
Example – if
“If you take a sentence as being made up of
a series of parts and you were to analyse
the complicating effect of those parts
separately, then you would see that the
more parts you have, and the more
complicated those parts are, the more
complex is the sentence and the more
potentially difficult it is to understand that
sentence, although it is not just about the
length, it is also often about the kinds of
structures that you are using.”
Example – if
Suggestions: Is the if-clause really necessary? Remove weak ‘to be’
verbs; keep your main point clear and uncluttered; where possible,
avoid mixing complicated parts in the same sentence, e.g. ‘if-clauses’,
negatives, comparatives, that-clauses, etc., an example goes a long
way to helping your reader understand.
“Longer sentences are potentially more
complicated and difficult to understand.
Some words naturally add to the complexity
of the sentence, such as ‘if-then-but’.
Example – no/not/un“In spite of the fact that there were unconvincing
reasons for less attention being paid to the lack
of funding for the new development plans, the
implementation of the plans was not anyhow
unsuccessful.”
Example – no/not/unSuggestions: remove unnecessary parts, replace weak ‘to be’
verbs (there is/are/were etc.), turn negatives into positives
where possible (from 5 to 1), avoid unnecessary
nominalisations.
“Although funding for the new development
plans was not given adequate attention, they
were still implemented successfully.”
Example – on/in/with
“While age progresses in a fixed way for all
people, diet can vary from one person to
another, although both factors can have an
impact on the level of health of individuals,
with the impact being positive in combination
with exercise and good genes, but not so
positive if combined with, e.g., a stressed
work life.)
Example – on/in/with
Suggestions: Split the sentence; reorganise the content,
make it shorter (some 40%), reduce prepositions (from 10 to
3); bring keywords nearer the front (i.e. health):
“Although health naturally deteriorates with
advancing age, the choice of a healthy diet
and regular exercise can improve health
prospects. Potential negative risks to health
include inherited factors and life stressors,
such as work-related stress.”
Example – and
“Other support structures were shared posts
between hospitals, health centres, universities and
polytechnics, regional workgroups and persons in
charge in organisations, educations and
collaboration practices. In the regions, strategic
plans and leadership, evidence-based practice,
know-how of personnel and regional collaboration
were developed.”
Example – and
Suggestions: reduce conjunctions (from 6 to 3); move keywords
closer to front; reduce length (managers); turn passive into active;
avoid preposition phrases (use inanimate agent); sequence the lists
from simplest to most complex.
“Support also took the form of training, collaboration
practices, regional workgroups for managers, and
shared posts between hospitals, health centres,
universities and polytechnics. Development at the
regional level focused on strategic plans, leadership,
evidence-based practice, knowledge enhancement, and
regional collaboration.”
Example – by
“As a result of the increasing pressure of an ageing
population in Finland, new models for the
integration of home care and home nursing
services, discharge practices from hospital to
home and use of confidential electronic patient
information records to share information between
agencies have had to be developed by policy
makers in Finland. This has brought about many
changes in the work practices for home care and
home nursing staff.”
Example – by
Suggestions: Turn passive into active; remove repetition (in
Finland); remove some information (don’t cram); clarify the pronoun
‘this’; simplify the list elements and noun clusters; remove
prepositions.
“With the increasing pressure of an ageing
population in Finland, policy makers have
developed new models for integrated home
care services, hospital discharge practices, and
electronic patient records. These new models
have led to changes in the work practices of
home care and home nursing staff.”
Example – Abstract
“The different mediated activities
constitute and perform the
organisation and its orders as a
continuous consequence.”
Example – Abstract
Suggestions: Split into two sentences; bring keywords to front
(organisation); reorganise content (perform and continuous are
natural partners). Make important and implicit concepts explicit (i.e.
mediated technology, and fixed entity) – less is not always more.
Remove complicating ideas until main idea has been made clear
(orders/hierarchy).
“An organisation is constituted through its
activities, which are mediated by technology.
The organisation is not a fixed entity, but a
continuous consequence of the different and
changing activities performed within it. The same
applies to the hierarchy within the organisation.”
Further Resources:
Online Academic Writing Lab
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/
Publishing Addiction Science
http://www.parint.org/isajewebsite/isajebook
2.htm
Group Activity
• In groups of 3 or 4, write a sentence
detailing some of the things you have
learnt today. TRY to make that sentence
as complicated as possible, using any
linguistic device you can.
• Rules:
– Make the sentence grammatical.
– Do not use more than five lines