Social Styles
Raising self awareness and enhancing your influence
Professor Robert Bontempo
Columbia University Graduate School of Business
ASSERTIVENESS - is a measure of
the degree to which you see yourself
as tending to ask or as tending to tell
as you interact with others.
.
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE
cautious and
reserved about
sharing
opinions;
questioning;
low-key, quiet
opinionated,
forceful; makes
statements and
declarations;
directs actions
of others
Assertiveness
ME
ASKS
Ask Assertive
• Slower pace
• Fewer Statements
• Quieter Volume
• Non-Directive/Relaxed
Use of Hands
• Leans Back
• Indirect Eye Contact
TELLS
Tell Assertive
• Faster Pace
• More statements
• Louder Volume
• Directive Use of
Hands/Points for
Emphasis
• Leans forward
• Direct Eye Contact
RESPONSIVENESS - is a measure of
the degree to which you see yourself
as tending to control - i.e. keep your
feelings and emotions inside - or, it is
the degree to which you emote - i.e.
outward display your feelings and
emotions with others.
CONTROL
focus on ideas, things, data
and tasks; tend not to share
feelings publicly
EMOTE
readily shares feelings;
expresses anger, joy
happiness, hurt feelings
Responsiveness
EMOTES
CONTROLS
More Controlling
• Monotone
• Task Subjects
• Facts/Data
• Less Use of Hands
• Rigid Posture
ME
• Controlled Facial
Expressions
More Emoting
• Inflections
• People Subjects
• Opinions/Stories
• More Use of Hands
• Casual Posture
• Animated Facial
Expressions
CONTROL
focus on ideas, things, data
and tasks; tend not to share
feelings publicly
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE
cautious and
reserved about
sharing
opinions;
questioning;
low-key, quiet
opinionated,
forceful; makes
statements and
declarations;
directs actions
of others
EMOTE
readily shares feelings;
expresses anger, joy
happiness, hurt feelings
Verbal and Non-Verbal Cues
ASKS
TELLS
EMOTES
1. Slower Pace
2. Fewer Statements
3. Quieter Volume
4. Non-directive/Relaxed
Use of Hands
5. Leans Back
6. Indirect Eye Contact
CONTROLS
1. Monotone
2. Task Subjects
3. Facts/Data
4. Less Hand Movement
5. Rigid Posture
6. Controlled Facial Expressions
1. Inflections
2. People Subjects
3. Opinions/Stories
4. More Hand Movement
5. Casual Posture
6. Animated Facial Expressions
1. Faster Pace
2. More Statements
3. Louder Volume
4. Directive Use of
Hands/Points
for Emphasis
5. Leans Forward
6. Direct Eye Contact
Analytical
CONTROLS
Social Styles
ASKS
TELLS
EMOTES
Amiable
Driving
Expressive
Analytical
Driving
Logical
Serious
Systematic
Prudent
CONTROLS
Thorough
Cooperative
Supportive
Diplomatic
Efficient
Decisive
Candid
Independent
TELLS
EMOTES
ASKS
Amiable
Pragmatic
Expressive
Enthusiastic
Spontaneous
Outgoing
Patient
Fun loving
Loyal
Persuasive
Driving Style
More Telling + More Controlled Behavior
CONTROL
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE
EMOTE
•Swift action
•Maximum effort to control
•Minimum concern for
caution in relationships
•Present time frame
•Direct action
•Tends to avoid
inaction
Expressive Style
More Telling + More Emoting Behavior
CONTROL
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE
EMOTE
•Rapid action
•Maximum effort to involve
•Minimum concern for
routine
•Future time frame
•Impulsive action
•Tends to avoid
isolation
Amiable Style
More Asking + More Emoting Behavior
CONTROL
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE
EMOTE
•Unhurried action
•Maximum effort to relate
•Minimum concern for
affecting change
•Present time frame
•Supportive action
•Tends to avoid
conflict
Analytical Style
More Asking + More Controlled Behavior
CONTROL
ASK ASSERTIVE
TELL ASSERTIVE
•Historical time frame
•Slow action
•Maximum effort to organize •Cautious action
•Tends to avoid
•Minimum concern for
personal involvement
relationships
EMOTE
Style
Strength
Risk
Analytical
Precise, systematic
Inflexible, nit picking
Amiable
Supportive, easygoing
Conforming, permissive
Expressive
Enthusastic, imaginative
Overbearing, unrealistic
Driver
Determined, objective
Domineering, unfeeling
Style
Risk
Advice
Analytical
Inflexible, nit picking
Decide, take a stand
Amiable
Conforming, permissive
Set/achieve goals, challenge
others to do their best
Expressive
Overbearing, unrealistic
Restrain yourself
Driver
Domineering, unfeeling
Listen to others
Analytical
DECISION
Uses Facts
MAKING
Historical Evidence
Data, and Experience
Cost Benefit Analysis
Pushing to Conclusion
Avoids Risks
Takes Risks
Relationship Based
Trust and Reassurance
Amiable
Driver
Vivid Dramatic
Testimony
Uses Opinions
Reference: Williams and Miller (2002). Change the Way You Persuade, HBR.
Expressive
If you are a…Driver
Analyticals
Relate to your efficiency, logic,
command of data, and task
orientation.
Question your haste, bossiness,
decisiveness, competitiveness, risk-taking.
1.
2.
And they
are …
3.
To work better with
Analyticals:
Bring them detailed facts and
logic in writing.
Be patient while they evaluate
and check the accuracy of the
data.
Help them come to conclusions by getting them to set
deadlines after you have provided time for review.
Relate to your efficiency and discipline.
Question your lack of feeling,
tough-mindedness, bottomline orientation, impatience,
secretiveness.
To work better with
Amiables:
1. Show concern for them and
their families, interests, etc.
2. Slow down, and provide detail and specifics on how to
accomplish objectives.
3. Support efforts and accomplishments with personal
attention.
Other Drivers
They see you as action oriented,
in a hurry, bossy, commanding, efficient, stubborn, disciplined, tough, independent,
secretive, logical, demanding,
nonlistening, quick, decisive,
unfeeling.
To work better with
fellow Drivers:
Agree in advance on specific
goals, and provide freedom
to work within these limits. An
unproductive deadlock can
occur when there is too much
dominance and no allowance
for independence and individuality.
Relate to your accomplishments,
independence, decisiveness.
Question your coldness, lack of
playfulness, critical nature,
discipline.
To work better with
Expressives:
1. Be more open about self,
feelings, gossip, opinions.
2. Relax time constraints within
structure, give incentives.
3. Provide public recognition for
accomplishments-let them
win in front of others.
*Working with this style will require you to exercise your
versatility.
Amiables*
Expressives
If you are… an Expressive
Analyticals*
And they
are …
Drivers
Relate to your imaginative,
stimulating, thought-provoking nature.
Question your ability to perform
as stated, follow-through, and
loud, flashy, emotional side.
Relate to your outgoing, imaginative, competitive and
personable aspects.
Question your rah-rah, demonstrative, impulsive,
emotional side.
To work better with
Analyticals:
1. Talk facts, not opinions, and
break down component
parts, preferably in writing.
2. Back up your facts with proof
from authoritative sources.
3. Be quietly patient while they
discover for themselves what
you already know.
To work better with
Drivers:
1. Back up your enthusiasm
with actual results; demonstrate that your ideas
work.
2. Be on time, and keep within
agreed-upon limits, provide
materials promptly.
3. Provide choices of action
where possible, and let the
Driver select course of
action.
*Working with this style will require you to exercise your
versatility.
Relate to your warmth, en
thusiasm, and your stimulating and personable nature.
Question your outgoing, loud,
dramatic, impulsive side.
To work better with
Amiables:
1. Slow down the pace and volume, allow time to build a relationship.
2. Work on one item at a time,
in detail; avoid the confusion
of too many tasks or ideas at
one time.
3. Encourage suggestions, participation on team activities,
supportive roles.
Amiables
They see you as outgoing, enthusiastic, warm, opinionated, talkative, intuitive, emotional, stimulating, imaginative, impulsive, excitable,
loud, flashy, dramatic, personale, competitive, caring.
To work better with
Fellow expressives:
Provide the discipline in this relationship, or all the fun and
creativity may accomplish
nothing. Keep on track and
emphasize the basics, allowing carefully limited experimentation as a reward for
results.
Others Expressives
If you are an …Amiable
Analyticals
s
Relate to your cooperative, careful, quiet, thoughtful and willing ways.
Question yhour soft-hearted,
easygoing nature, emotional
responses and compliance
with others.
And they
are …
To work better with
Analyticals:
1. Stress the need for facts and
data rather than emotion, to
build a case, but let them do
the workup with a time limit.
2. Provide added opportunities
for classwork and study in
return for meeting activity
standards.
3. Build confidence in the
relationship through demonstrated technical competence.
They see you as supportive,
quiet, friendly, shy, retiring,
team oriented, helpful, kind,
thoughtful, slow to act,
nonthreatening, soft-hearted,
easy-going, complying, responsive, open, willing, careful, cooperative.
To work better with
Fellow Amiables:
Being hardnosed, insistent, and
directive is an uncomfortable role
but a necessary one in
this situation. Otherwise, it is
likely that no one will take the
necessary initiative and the
end result will be unsatisfactory.
Other Amiables
Drivers*
Relate to your supportive, helpful, team-oriented, careful
nature.
Question your lack of initiative,
need for detail, small thinking,
responsive side.
To work better with
Drivers:
1. Be business like, let them tell
you how to help, what they
want. Don’t try to build a
relationship/friendship.
2. Stay on schedule, stick to the
agenda, provide factual
summaries.
3. Let them make decisions
based on options you
provide.
*Working with this style will require you to exercise your
versatility.
Relate to your supportive,
friendly, responsive, helpful
characteristics.
Question your slowness to act,
and careful, complying, noncompetitive stance.
To work better with
Expressives:
1. Try to bring them definite
opinions, backed by thirdparty endorsement-don’t
waver.
2. Publicly recognize and praise
their accomplishments.
3. Stand your ground when
challenged on rules and
previously established procedures.
Expressives
If you are…an Analytical
Other Analyticals
They see you as thoughtful,
wanting more facts, conservetive, quiet, critical, logical,
cool toward others, thorough,
cooperative, distant, reserved, stern, austere, dependable, accurate.
And they
are …
To work better with
Fellow Analyticals:
Recognize the need for making
timetables and for reaching
decisions. reinforcing each
other’s desire for more information may form a selfperpetuating cycle that
doesn’t bring results.
Drivers
Relate to your logic, command of
data, accuracy, dependability.
Question your overabundance of
facts, lack of decisiveness,
and lack of risk-taking.
To work better with
Drivers:
1. Summarize facts with various
outcomes; let them decide.
2. Depend on self-discipline
rather than excessive reports, precise instructions.
3. Recognize results with
monetary rewards.
Relate to your cooperative, conservative nature, accuracy,
patience.
Question your lack of warmth
and close relationships, dependence on figures.
Relate to your cooperativeness,
dependability.
Question your dependence on
facts, critical, stuffy nature,
impersonal approach, lack of
fun.
To work better with
Amiables:
1. Show your interest in them
as people, rather than as
workers.
2. Use their skills as mediators
to build relationships inside
the organization.
3. Help them see the big picture
and how they relate to it.
To work better with
Expressives:
1. Spend “informal” time with
them.
2. Recognize their need for
package sales, incentives,
contests.
3. Ask for their opinions and
input on a noncritical, accepting basis.
*Working with this style will
require you to exercise your
versatility.
Amiables
Expressives*