CHAPTER 7 – BECOMING A COUPLE
Themes that will be discussed:
• Theories of attraction
• Negotiation roles
• Factors that influence satisfaction in a marriage
• Factors that are harmful to a marriage
• Strategies to manage conflict
THEORIES OF ATTRACTION AND
MATE SELECTION
Social Homogamy
“Individuals are attracted to people from similar social
and cultural backgrounds so that they share similar social,
cultural, and economic values and lifestyle expectations”
THEORIES OF ATTRACTION AND
MATE SELECTION
Social Homogamy
Individual will seek a partner with SIMILAR:
• age/race
• ethnic background
• political views
• family values
• religion
• socio-economic background
• education
THEORIES OF ATTRACTION AND
MATE SELECTION
Ideal Mate Theory
“Everyone has an unconscious ideal with which they
compare a person to find him or her attractive or to
make the immediate judgement of the person as lovable”
THEORIES OF ATTRACTION AND
MATE SELECTION
Ideal Mate Theory
• Supports the idea of “love at first sight”
• Perceptions formed from experiences in the past
Individual already knows what they’re looking for in a
mate in terms of:
• physical appearance
• cultural beliefs
• socio-economic characteristics
THEORIES OF ATTRACTION AND
MATE SELECTION
Exchange Theory
“ Suggests that younger, more attractive women have
greater resources to offer older, successful men”
• Worldwide, older men marry younger women
• In Canada, age difference is 2 years (lowest worldwide)
• In Iran, age difference is 5 years (among the highest)
• Women now have increased financial potential and
extended fertility
activity
ACTIVITY
The top ten characteristics one looks for in
a partner Characteristic
Ranking
Communication
Religion
Values
Love
Honesty
Humour
Compatibility
Respect
Kindness
Dependability
ROMANTIC LOVE &
STERNBERG'S LOVE TRIANGLE
What is love?
Romantic love has 3 aspects:
1) Passion = strong feeling of sexual desire for another,
and develops the most quickly
2) Intimacy = each individual shares their experiences,
thoughts, and feelings with another and becomes
willing to meet the other’s psychological needs
3) Commitment = individuals accept reciprocal roles and
mutual interdependence
STERNBERG'S LOVE TRIANGLE
NON-LOVE
No aspects of passion, intimacy or
commitment. EX: a casual friend
ROMANTIC LOVE
Combination of intimacy and passion. Level
of commitment is lacking, and may be in its
early stages
FRIENDSHIP
A relationship based solely on intimacy:
Intimacy in the form of trust by sharing
personal thoughts and feelings
INFATUATION
Relationship based solely on sexual desire.
Individuals do not connect on an emotional
level.
COMPANIONATE LOVE
Passion has slowly disappeared or was
never present. EX: A marriage where
passion is no longer present OR A Best
Friend