Analytical topic sentence that explains
it is historically important
Use of specific enriching details that develop your explanation/definition of the term
One lengthy paragraph - approximately 7-10 sentences
- these answers are arranged to show a progression to the best answer.
This was the first age of the Egyptian empire. It was important because it was the beginning of Egyptian history, which would last 3,000 years.
The Old Kingdom was the first of three historical periods in Ancient Egypt. The
Old Kingdom came about after Menes united Egypt and was the first sign of a true organization in Egypt. Trade was established and social connections came into being with other civilizations.
This was the period of time in Egyptian history in which the pyramids were built, and the Egyptians made many other cultural advances. The great pharaoh Khufu ordered pyramids built at Giza. This period was important as it showed the power of the pharaohs to build them and also showed how advanced they were at this early age. They had records and a writing system called hieroglyphics and were
able to use geometry to build the pyramids. They were also able to tell the time of year from the flood of the Nile and could predict things like flooding and became familiar with the stars.
During the Old Kingdom, powerful pharaohs founded a wealthy state in the Nile
River valley that united Egypt and established some of the key elements of
Egyptian civilization, including pyramids, religion and written records. Menes united Upper and Lower Egypt, beginning the first dynasty of Egyptian kings.
With the annual and predictable flooding of the Nile, Egypt developed an economic surplus that gave the kingdom both stability and wealth. Ancient
Egyptians believed their pharaohs were living gods, one key component of their polytheistic beliefs. As a result, the society mobilized to build grand pyramids, which they believed provided the pharaoh with safe passage to the afterlife. For example, the Pharaoh Khufu ordered the Great Pyramid at Giza built to serve as his tomb. This entailed harnessing all aspects of Egyptian society, demonstrating the significance of the pharaoh and religion to the people. Pharaohs began to keep written records of their accomplishments. To this end, one respected class of society were the scribes trained to read and write in hieroglyphics. Finally deciphered via the Rosetta Stone, scholars today have carefully examined hieroglyphics and interpreted the history of the Old Kingdom. Ultimately, the
Old Kingdom declined when priests and nobles challenged the power of the pharaohs.
This answer lacks an analytical topic sentence. It is also much too brief and fails to show that the writer is aware of major characteristics of the period.
This topic sentence is primarily a statement of fact, rather than an analytical topic sentence establishing the significance of the Old Kingdom. The writer does identify some important trends that occurred during the time period, such as the unification of Egypt and the establishment of trade. However, other important aspects of the Old Kingdom have been omitted.
This topic sentence offers some analysis; however, “many other cultural advances” is too vague. The writer offers some strong historical details, including Khufu as the builder of the Great Pyramid. In addition, the writer uses the factual details to support analytic conclusions. For example, she points out that the construction of the pyramids illustrates the power of the pharaoh. However, some significant historical details have been overlooked, such as the unification of Upper and Lower Egypt by Menes and the decline of the Old Kingdom to bring closure to the paragraph.
This answer includes a specific analytical topic sentence that reflects the historical significance of the Old Kingdom. The writer includes a wide range of factual detail and consistently links this evidence to the ideas in the topic sentence. In addition, it brings effective closure to the paragraph by explaining the decline of the Old Kingdom.
Analytical topic sentence that fully answers the question in serves as the essay’s thesis
Sufficient supporting evidence/examples
ONE lengthy paragraph – approximately 10-12 sentences in length