The Early Years Opportunity: Relationship
and Serve and Return Interactions Hosting Notes
1. Parents and caregivers will have the
opportunity to examine and share ideas about
the building of a strong brain foundation during the early years of a
child’s life.
This conversation is an opportunity to build awareness and capacity of parents and caregivers
in support of early childhood development through:
 strengthened awareness of “the core story” and the early years opportunities.
 fostering relationships, connections and mutual support by bringing people
together in dialogue.
 validating the current knowledge and capacity of parents and caregivers by
creating a space for sharing of successes and challenges.
 highlighting and sharing available resources and supports.
 learning together to support capacity building that inspires further learning and
action.
2. Welcome and Introductions
Welcome!
The fact that you’re here shows you love and care for your child…
Welcome parents and commend them on taking the time for the conversations. Parenthood is
a journey we can share, a time of learning and discovery. Once again, invite parents to be
active participants in this opportunity to reflect and learn from one another.
Explore:
Did you try anything new since our last conversation?
How did that go?
Suggestions:
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Commend participants on their efforts to learn and try something new.
Make a point of letting all parents be heard.
Validate parents’ efforts and commitment to their child by being here.
Emphasize the shared interest among the group in their children – talking with
other adults offers a great support and chance to share knowledge and experience.
Consider the wealth of knowledge and experience that the group possesses!
3. For you, what was most important about our last conversation?
Explore:
Did you share anything with another parent or caregiver?
Creating a summary of key points from the last discussion is an opportunity to clarify
questions, reinforce key points and summarize for parents that weren’t part of the first
discussion. Suggestions:
 What made the biggest impression? What sparked you to try something new? Did
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you have the chance to share this information with others?
Collecting the ideas that parents felt were most important as well as ways that they
have integrated ideas and responded can spark further discussion and exchange.
Recording these ideas can be helpful for further reflection and is very important for
monitoring the impact of the conversations.
You may want to review the short video, particularly if there were parents that were not at
the first conversation: How Brains are built: The Core Story of Brain Development
as a starting point for the conversation.
Note: You might show only the introductory clip, before moving on to the Serve and Return
clip as an introduction to the Serve and Return Interactions Shape Brain Architecture (#7.)
Reviewing the key points from “The Core Story”:
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Brains are born and then built, based on our experiences. While our genes
determine the timing and sequencing of brain development, our experiences and
environment will shape how this unfolds
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Brains are built from the bottom up, with early skills supporting later more complex
skills, so its easier to get it “right the first time”. The “foundation” of the brain is
built in the early years of a child’s life and impacts development in all areas.
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Stress can cause changes to the brain that leave a child at risk for behavioral and
learning challenges and as well as physical health concerns throughout their life.
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Serve and return interactions between a child and caregiver are the bricks to build
a healthy brain foundation! Development happens in the context of relationship!
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A child’s “air traffic control system”, their executive function and self-regulations
skills need to be up and running as soon as possible.
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For children to reach their developmental potential they need the support of
parents and caregivers, along with communities, organizations, institutions and
governments. Together we can.
Additional suggested resources:
Alberta Family Wellness Initiative: Resources for Families and Individuals
Harvard Center on the Developing Child:
Experiences Build Brain Architecture
The Timing and Quality of Early Experiences Combine to Shape Brain Architecture
In Brief: The Science of Early Childhood Development
From the BBC: Early Brain Development 01
4. Conversation Overview
Introduce the topic of Relationship and Serve and Return Interactions, perhaps sharing the
kinds of questions and how the conversation might flow from the overview.
The conversation guide is offered with questions in a numbered, ordered series
only as a suggested flow to the conversation (see below). Conversations are best when
they are allowed to be organic. The suggestions are provided as a tool for the host keep the
conversation flowing and to offer quality resources when participants wish to explore topics
further.
Are there particular questions about early years development you would like to
discuss?
Make a point of asking if there are any burning questions around early development that
participants would like to discuss. Recording questions on flipchart/blackboard/newsprint on
table, creating a “parking lot” for questions, allows the host to check back in with parents to
make sure they had a chance to discuss or address topics of interest. Depending on your
group and nature of the questions you may choose to “park” particular questions into future
conversations.
5. What are your hopes and dreams for your relationship with your
adult child?
Begin with the end in mind…
The hope for positive relationships with our children is universal. By looking ahead to what
we hope our relationship will be like in years to come we might inspire a shift in perspective.
The everyday opportunities that we have to connect and build relationship might be seen as
more valuable.
Some examples:
 I want an open and loving relationship with my child
 I want my child to be able to come to me when they have problems
 I want a relationship of support and mutual respect.
 Others…
Explore: How can you support and build this key relationship?
From the time you get up, what can you be doing?
If we are (or become) what we repeat, what we do again and again matters.
There are many ways that parents support and build healthy relationship with
their child:
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Consistent, nurturing caregiving is a necessity for all young children.
Taking time to give full attention enables us to engage in a nonverbal, emotional
exchange. In this way, caregivers communicate with a child, even before they can
speak, and help them feel secure and understood. Nonverbal cues remain
important ways of communicating with children.
As children develop their verbal skills we begin to use language to understand and
communicate. To really build relationship we need to really listen, and take time to
“talk to” rather then just “talk at”. One study reported parents spend only minutes
each week in real conversation rather than directional language (source: Staying
Connected).
Remembering to “connect before correcting”
Spending time, sharing a favorite activity (reading, singing, playing) and sharing in
their interests will convey to a child that we value them for who they are.
Of course, having fun together is great for all our relationships. Enjoy the company
of your child and remember to PLAY!
“Think of your relationship as a bank account. In more challenging times you might need to
make a withdrawal. Take advantage of opportunities to make deposits whenever possible.”“In real estate it is ‘Location, location, location’; in child development it is ‘Relationship,
relationship, relationship!’’”
Suggestion: Share and discuss Winning ways to talk to young people.
-Washington State Department of Health and Social Issues.
6. How does your relationship with your child support their
development?
Explore:
Some people refer to relationships as the “active ingredient” for early childhood development!
Relationships with parents and caregivers contribute to healthy development…
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Young children develop in an environment of relationship. Nurturing and stable
relationships with caring adults are essential to healthy human development
beginning from birth.
During sensitive periods of brain development relationships actually shape the
architecture of the brain, in this way impacting all development that follows.
Relationship and secure attachment will impact self-confidence and independence,
feelings of security and a lower reactivity to stress. This allows children to explore
and learn.
Promoting social and emotional development they will influence other relationships
throughout life, from relationships with playmates and peers, to teachers at school,
employers at work and future life partners.
A loving, consistent caregiver can buffer a child from the negative impacts of
stress. We know that stress can have negative effects on a developing brain but
the consistent, positive caregiving in an environment of relationship and
attachment can buffer a child from this toxic influence! (More on this in another
conversation.)
Providing a safe and secure environment, with good nutrition, protection from
harm, toxins, preventable injury…
“A positive, nurturing relationship with a caregiver is one of the most important ways
to promote and support the healthy social, emotional, and cognitive development of a
young child!” Virtually all aspects of development will be touched by these relationships.
“Think of it as brain food!”
Suggested Additional Resources:
Young Children Develop in an Environment of Relationships Working Paper #1, Center on the
Developing Child, Harvard University
Let’s Talk About the Early Years, Alberta Health and Wellness, Office of the Chief Medical
Officer of Health (2011). Pages 11-13
Staying Connected: Child and family therapist Jennifer Kolari explains how positive parenting
stimulates the production of oxytocin in a child's brain and benefits the child and parents.
Science in Seconds: Early Brain Development from the Alberta Family Wellness Initiative site
provides a summary of how relationships build brains and can protect young children from
the effects of toxic stress. This video may be appropriate to share during your conversation.
Circle of Security International Connection Video
7. Explore together a short video from the Center on the Developing
Child, Harvard University:
Serve and Return Interaction Shapes Brain Architecture OR
from Alberta Family Wellness Initiative:
Building Better Brains: Serve and Return
Explore:
What are your reactions?
What strikes you the most?
Note: Alternatively, you may wish to focus on the serve and return clip from the Alberta
Family Wellness Initiative Core Story video.
Examples:
•“I’m surprised that simple exchanges are so important.”
•“I thought we were just playing.”
• Others?
Key points:
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Serve and return interactions between children and significant adults in their lives
are key to building and strengthening brain architecture and relationships!
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Young children reach out instinctively, “serving” with babbling, facial expressions
and gestures.
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New neural connections in the brain are formed and strengthened when adults
return the serve, responding in a directed, meaningful way.
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When caregivers are sensitive and responsive to a young child’s signals and needs,
they provide an environment rich in serve and return experiences.
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This back-and-forth process is fundamental to the wiring of the brain, especially in
the earliest years. Neural connections between different areas of the brain are
formed, supporting the development of communication, social, emotional and
thinking skills.
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These interactions form the foundation of brain architecture upon which future
development will be built, supporting all future learning, behavior and health!
“When we respond appropriately, the child learns to form secure attachments, explore her
world, control emotions and care about other people. At the same time, we learn about our
children by watching how they respond to new experiences, new people and new places.”
-Report by the Chief Medical Officer of Health “Let’s talk about the Early Years”
Suggested additional resources:
Explore the Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University:
Serve and Return Interaction Shapes Brain Circuitry
Key Concepts: Serve and Return
From the Alberta Family Wellness Initiative, the article Early Experiences & Gene Expression
relates serve and return interactions to how genes our expressed.
8. We know “serve and return” interactions between a child and
caregiver are essential for building a healthy brain.
What’s different about them? What makes them so special?
“Serve and return” interactions are essential and unique because they…
 Are a key ingredient in forming relationships between young children, their parents
and other caregivers, promoting healthy social, emotional, and cognitive
development.
 Are part of an ongoing caregiver – child relationship.
 Are responsive to the child reaching out. They are essential and expected!
 Provide what nothing else in the world can, responsive to the individual child,
meeting their developmental needs and unique personality, interests, initiative and
capabilities. The child’s experiences are affirmed and new abilities nurtured.
 Shape the child’s self-awareness and sense of who they are in the world
 Buffer a child from stress response.
 Are an essential prerequisite for the development of healthy brain circuits and more
complex skills! They are expected and required for development.
“Serve and return, the back and forth interactions and communication that happen through
eye contact, touch, singing, talking and games between a child and a caregiver, repeated
over time, actually provide the ‘bricks’ to build and strengthen brain architecture and a
healthy foundation for future development!”
Explore with parents:
Think about a time when you returned a serve from your child.
What did this look like?
Some examples:
 During bath time we were making faces
 When changing her diaper she was smiling and I was smiling back
 We were playing peek-a-boo and making funny expressions
*Try Ellen Galinsky’s “An Exercise: An Experiment in the Still Face” to discover more.
In her book, Mind in the Making, Ellen Galinsky suggests we try “An Exercise: An Experiment
in the Still Face” to see just how expected and critical normal give-and-take interactions are
to relating with another person. Based on the Still-Face studies by Edward Tronick, this
exercise calls for two participants to work together, with instructions given to each in private.
The first, the speaker, is asked to share something happy that happened to them or
something that caused them great sadness. The second, the listener, is asked to take on a
“still-face”, to keep eye contact with the speaker, but not to respond through expression, or
comments. Ask the participants how it felt for them.
Suggested Additional Resources:
Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Young Child Needs, by Ellen
Galinsky
Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Troncik
9. Technology is everywhere.
How can technology impact your interactions and relationship with
your child?
Technology can impact our interactions and relationships with children by …
Examples:
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Distracting us from one another and missing our child’s “serves”.
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Taking time away from interactions and building relationship
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Helping us to connect, sharing a game or talking with grandparents over Skype.
Much has changed in the last decade. Media and “screens” are now pervasive in our society.
Parents today must make choices about how, when and how much media they and their child
will consume. With iPods, iPads and other personal devices, children can consume hours of
media each day, from a very young age. Parents are generally motivated with best intentions,
but studies have yet to show that educational videos support language or other learning.
They have shown that screen time can affect the number of words a child learns by Grade 1,
and for every hour of passive (non-interactive) screen time, children understand and use
fewer and fewer words (AHS - Healthy Parents Healthy Children). Media images can also be
over-stimulating for children and can be stressful for young children, some even making links
between media and the development of attention challenges.
The Canadian Pediatric Society’s recommends no screen time for children under 2 and
less than 1 hour per day for children 2-4 years of age. This is in stark contrast to the amount
of screen time many children are now consuming. The CPS sedentary behavior guidelines
also recommend we minimize the time infants, toddlers and preschoolers spend being
sedentary for more than 1 hour at a time. Entertaining, captivating media can promote
sedentary behavior and make it difficult for children to reach the CPS Physical Activity
guidelines for healthy growth and development. See: Healthy Parents Healthy Children –
Screen Time, Alberta Health Services
How adults use technology also impacts how they connect with children! Parents and
caregivers absorbed in their own devices will be unlikely to “catch” a young child’s serve!
While some skills and knowledge may be built and supported using media, we know that real
life serve and return interactions are the most important influence on early brain
development. We don’t want technology to “get in the way” of what we know contributes to
healthy brain architecture and development: opportunities for active exploration, physical
activity and of course serve and return interactions and relationship.
When technology is used with older children, it is best to ensure that it is a learning asset by:
 Sharing the experience with your child and talking about it
 Ensuring it is developmentally appropriate
 Using media for entertainment “wisely”, including making plans and setting limits.
Suggested Additional Resources:
Let’s Talk About the Early Years, Techno Babies, page 14
Media and Children TED talk by Dr.Dimitri Christakis exploring brain development and media.
Infants, Toddlers and Television, The Urban Child Institute
10. Reflecting on what we have discussed today…
What do think was the most important thing that you did for your
child today?
We know that parents want the best for their child! This can be an opportunity to have
parents make a connection between their day to day activities and interactions and validate
how they are already supporting their child’s healthy development. Hearing ideas and
responses from others can help parents and caregivers can be motivating and build
confidence and capacity.
Examples:
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Sang together while making breakfast.
Played “peak-a-boo” while changing their diaper.
Stayed for a few minutes to calm my child when they arrived at child care.
Took a deep breath before responding when I felt frustrated.
Others?
Parents support the healthy development of their child in so many ways! They
impact their child through their relationships, the environment they support and create,
providing for physical needs to be met and of course opportunities for rich experiences and
interactions. Some examples that parents might share include:
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Providing an environment that meets the physical needs of the child, is secure
and predicable and includes a consistent, loving caregiver
- Examples: nap times, bed time routines, healthy food…
Providing a caring, stable relationship, with consistent, positive interactions,
responding to the child’s needs
- Examples: comforting a crying child, spending time together…
Providing opportunities for learning through “serve and return” interactions
and exploration and play
- Examples: playing peek-a-boo, babbling back and forth, taking turns, answering
“why” questions, “floor time”, going for a walk and talking about what you see…
Suggested Resource:
View Promoting Healthy Brain Development: You can Make a Difference for further examples
and background information for the host.
11. After our discussion today, what will you try that is new to you?
What would you like to share with another parent or caregiver?
Encourage parents to take an idea or insight from the conversation and put it into action.
This might come in the form of a goal for the days ahead, something they wish to further
investigate or share with others, or a specific activity or action.
Great ideas from parents:
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I will limit my child’s screen time and be more mindful of my own technology use.
Check out the Harvard’s Center for the Developing Child.
I will think more about my relationship with my child and practice serve and return.
Share the video with my family and childcare provider.
Others?
Reminder: provide any follow up information requested and remind participants of
upcoming conversations.
Remember:
“It takes a community to raise a child. The first 2000 days of a child's life is a time of
tremendous growth and learning. The early years set the course for a child's future and we
want that future to be the brightest possible!”
source: Ready 4 Learning