Title: People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better
Author: Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton
Year Published: 1996
Reviewer: Marilyn Ming, University of Nevada Cooperative Extension
Date of Review: December 31, 2009
Other people are crucial to our success. Even with the advancement of technology, virtually every
position involves more contact with people than a few decades ago. The ability to relate well to people
has become a critical factor for success in nearly every position in the modern organization as well as our
personal life.
The authors note that “it’s a widespread opinion that there’s no predicting other people.” Luckily, that
statement is not true and the authors begin to explain how prediction is a major determinant of behavior.
The Social Style Model™ was developed to do just that. What is a style? Simply, style is the way other
people see us behave. Two key elements in our style are patterns (traits) and habits (second nature
actions).
The authors explained that there are only two dimensions to focus on—assertiveness and
responsiveness. For the purpose of this analysis, assertiveness and responsiveness refer directly to a
person’s behavior—actions that other people can see or hear, not what is going on inside the person.
Unfortunately, a necessary evil of determining styles is labeling the style. One must realize that each
style is an indication of typical levels of assertiveness and responsiveness. Although everyone has a
dominant style, it is also true that we are a four-style person. So, labeling us with just one style would be
inaccurate. Our acceptance of each of the styles enables us to make this model work for us rather than
against us.
As the chapters progress, the authors explained backup behavior styles. The backup behavior style
comes into play when we are under an overload of stress. The switch from normal to backup behavior is
not a conscious choice, it’s automatic. In backup mode, people become inflexible. They respond not to
what the interpersonal situation calls for but to the stress they’re feeling regardless of the wishes or
feelings of others. Backup behavior styles don’t bring much good news, but there is some and it’s
important. A backup style helps prevent stress from surging to levels that are dangerous to one’s physical
and emotional health.
Halfway through the book, the attention turns away from our individual style behavior to finding
common ground with people and realizing and identifying their style. The author’s point of view is that
although it’s sometimes difficult to bridge the gap between different working styles, no style is
incompatible with any other style. When people of two styles don’t get along, the problem isn’t
incompatibility; it’s inflexibility. Remember as with our own behavior style, it is important to observe
what another person does (facial expressions, voice, gestures, etc.) that can be seen and heard to
determine their behavior style.
When inflexibility happens, style flex comes into play. Style flex is our temporary adjustment of a
few behaviors to improve results of an interaction. It is about changing our actions, not the other person.
After we evaluate and determine the style-based differences, we must flex a few behaviors—body
language, words, etc. It is not necessary—and not wise—to style flex every situation. Style flex is a
temporary adjustment of a few behaviors.
If style flex is such a contributor to productive interactions, then the obvious question is, How do you
do it? The last part of the book outlines the steps of style flex to achieve better relationships. Step one,
identify—note our own style and identify the other person’s style. Step two, plan—as we gain experience
we are more apt to plan on the spur of the moment, but this takes practice. Step three, implement—
monitor whether or not the style flex change we’ve made is having a positive effect on the interaction.
And step four, evaluate—as with any situation, take a moment after-the-fact to critique the interaction.
As I chose the book, People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good
Relationships Better, I was hoping to find an easy solution to some difficult situations I deal with in my
supervisory position. Instead, what I found was insight into my own “people style” and how I can make it
applicable to my supervisory responsibilities.