Other Important Information
References
13-18 Years
nd
Adolescents’ new ability to reflect on their
own thoughts, combined with the physical
changes of puberty, result in them thinking
more about themselves. This results in two
specific consequences: increased
selfishness, and the idea that they are the
focus of everyone else’s attention, bringing
about self-consciousness. Therefore, every
small detail is extremely important to them.
In addition, in interacting with your child,
be mindful that teenage girls are driven
more by emotional response, while boys
mature on average 2 years later than girls.
Berk, L. E. (2 Ed.). (1996).
Be mindful of your comments to your
adolescent. Try to place yourself back into
your teen years. Remember how every
pimple made you feel like you were
definitely going to die? Adolescents are
highly critical of themselves during this time
period. As a result, you should be sensitive
to this fact. Instead of saying “That dress
makes you look a little chubby”, it would be
more sensitive to say “why don’t we try on
a different dress that’s more flattering”.
Levine, L. E. & Munsch, J.
Additionally, if you do not openly discuss
topics of sex, substance use, and
delinquent and risky behaviors with your
adolescent, in response to their curiosity,
they will seek answers from other
sources.
Adolescence
Infants, Children, and
Adolescents. Needham
Heights, MA: Simon &
Schuster.
Berk, L. E. (7th Ed.). (2006).
Child Development. Boston,
MA: Pearson.
(2011). Child Development:
An Active Learning
Approach. Thousand Oaks,
Being a teen is hard. For example, at age
15, you’re right in between 10 (being
treated like a child) and 20 (being treated
like an adult). Your entire world is changing
around you…your voice is different, your
body is changing, and people expect so
much more out of you now.
During no other stage of life, except infancy,
do so many physical changes take place:
adolescents add almost 10 inches in
height and about 40 pounds in weight
(leading to a dramatic increase in food intake
and necessary increase in nutrition). In
addition, internal stresses and the social
expectations to move away from childish
behaviors, to develop new relationships, and
to take on greater responsibility are likely to
prompt uncertainty, self-doubt, and
disappointment. Your adolescent has
absolutely no control over these changes,
and this lack of control can manifest itself in
frustration and acting out…It’s not easy to
adjust.
CA: SAGE.
Sponsored by the UNT Center for Parent Education
Written by Kimberly Pedoto
Peer Importance
Your adolescent is developing his own
identity. Throughout his childhood he has
already gained a firm understanding of
what his family thinks of him, and now
the opinion of his peers is becoming
increasingly important. He is learning
what others value in a person, and what they
think about him. He is learning social norms,
what is acceptable and what is not and
therefore becoming socially competent. In
order to effectively develop an identity of his
own, it is important to allow your adolescent
to spend increasing amounts of time with his
peers while still letting him know that he has
a secure and loving home base with you.
Thus your teen will feel unconditionally
accepted, therefore reducing the
pressure to compromise his values in
order to attain peer acceptance.
His new ability to think abstractly also permits
the thought of an ideal and perfect world.
Adolescents may then insist that reality submit
itself to this ideal and may make no room for
daily short-comings, becoming aware that
against the “ideal perfect family” their real
family doesn’t measure up. Therefore, they
become highly critical and wish to spend less
time with family. Be tolerant of their natural
criticism and remind them that all people have
imperfections and virtues.
There exists a gap between the idealistic views
of teens and the adult view developed by life
experiences. Therefore, it is important to allow
your adolescent to make his own mistakes.
Discipline
Because adolescents look more like adults,
we expect them to behave as adults when
they are not cognitively able to do so. The
prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that is
in charge of impulse control) does not fully
develop until around 24 years of age. This is why
adolescents do not fully understand the
consequences of their actions. Adolescents are
instead driven by their amygdala (the
emotional center of the brain), helping to explain
that their irrational behaviors and high emotional
responses are not a choice but rather caused by
biology.
In addition, adolescents are experiencing a
period of increased argumentativeness due to
their newly attained powers of reasoning:
prior to adolescence, due to brain
development, children gain the ability to
think abstractly and properly evaluate the
logic of propositions (for instance, they are
now able to perform higher order mathematics
equations). Now that they are able to logically
and abstractly evaluate situations, they use
these new abilities in evaluating family rules
and conversations, resulting in a period of
storm and stress.
It is highly important to explain rules and the
reasoning behind those rules, instead of just
setting them “and that’s that”. Because
adolescents are focused on themselves, and
have never been into a car accident themselves,
it is difficult for them to comprehend the
possibility of actually getting into one. Therefore,
you need to explain to them, for example that
they have to go the speed limit because it gives
them more time to slow down if something
suddenly happens in front of them than they
would be able to if they were speeding.
Autonomy
It is a natural response to puberty that as
adolescents are becoming more mature, they
instinctually crave more independence. A
consequence of withholding autonomy and
flexibility from your child is that she may seek
even more autonomy in sometimes dangerous
ways. Therefore, the most important task for the
caregiver of an adolescent is to balance
granting increasing independence through
flexible negotiation [letting your teen have some
sort of control and input in her own life] with
setting consistent boundaries which stem
from your love for her. The particular balance
set depends on the particular temperament and
individual characteristics of the specific adolescent.
Boundaries should be adjusted from earlier years,
becoming more flexible; as with increasing maturity
should come increasing autonomy. For example,
increasing curfew an hour, and instead of requiring her
to text you every hour, require her to text you only
when she is on her way home. If your teen feels that
she has no control over her parent’s rules which govern
her, she may begin to attempt to control other things in
her life such as her eating habits. Being able to
contribute to the creation of rules also helps to raise an
adolescent’s self-esteem. There will be many battles,
therefore it is important to choose yours.
Teens often feel overwhelmed by the many
possibilities that lay before them, and as a result
they may act on impulse or not make a decision at
all. For ex: “there are so many ways to start this
paper!” This overwhelming scope of options may
then lead to procrastination.