LEADERSHIP AND LIFESTYLE FORUM
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND
INFLUENCE PEOPLE
PRESENTED BY DR.SEBASTIAN
NDEGE(MD,PGDIRM)
OVERVIEW OF PRESENTATION
Defining Friendship and influence
 The Behavioral change vicious Circle
 Creating influence
 Few tips on Winning
 Few tips on changing people
 Conclusion

DEFINING FRIENDSHIP AND
INFLUENCE
 Friendship
is a type of relationship between
two people who care about each other.
 A friend is the first person you want to call
when you hear good news. A friend remembers
that you like chachandu on your Mishikaki.
 A friend will accompany you on the most
boring of errands and make them seem fun.
FRIENDSHIP ELEMENTS
 The
tendency to desire what is best for the
other
 Sympathy and empathy
 Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may
be difficult for others to speak the truth,
especially in terms of pointing out the
perceived faults of one's counterpart
FRIENDSHIP PILLARS
 Mutual
understanding and compassion
 Trust
in one another (able to express
feelings - including in relation to the
other's actions - without the fear of being
judged); able to go to each other for
emotional support
 Positive
reciprocity - a relationship is
based on equal give and take between the
two parties.
INFLUENCE DEFINED
 Social
influence
occurs when an
individual's thoughts, feelings or actions are
affected by other people.
 Social influence takes many forms and can
be seen in conformity, socialization, peer
pressure, obedience, leadership, persuasion,
sales, and marketing.
 In 1958, Harvard psychologist, Herbert
Kelman identified three broad varieties of
social influence.
INFLUENCE
 Compliance
is when people appear to
agree with others, but actually keep their
dissenting opinions private.
 Identification
is when people are
influenced by someone who is liked and
respected, such as a famous celebrity or a
favorite uncle.
 Internalization is when people accept a
belief or behavior and agree both publicly
and privately.
BEHAVIOURAL VICIOUS CIRCLE
INFORMATION
 BELIEF
 ATTITUDE
Positive
Negative
 ACTIONS
A totality of actions is what formulate a
BEHAVIOUR
I simple terms, WE ARE WHAT WE
KNOW,BELIEVE AND ACT.

WORKING WITH PEOPLE
 Ask
the successful CEOs of major
corporations, entrepreneurs, top
salespeople, and pastors
what characteristic is most needed for
success in leadership positions, and they’ll
tell you—it’s the ability to work with
people.
Some people are born with great
relationship skills, but those who are not
can learn to improve them.
KEY QUESTIONS
Readiness: Are we prepared for
relationships?
 Connection: Are we willing to focus on
others?
 Trust: Can we build mutual trust?
 Investment: Are we willing to invest in
others?
 Synergy: Can we create a win-win
relationship?
 Are we ready to nurture?

INFLUENCE
 Morton
Deutsch and Harold Gerard
described two psychological needs that
lead humans to conform to the
expectations of others.
 These include
-our need to be right
(informational social influence
-our need to be liked
(normative social influence).
INFLUENCE
 Informational
influence is an influence to
accept information from another as
evidence about reality. Informational
influence comes into play when people are
uncertain, either because stimuli are
intrinsically ambiguous or because there
is social disagreement.
INFLUENCE
 Normative
influence is an influence to
conform to the positive expectations of
others.
 Normative
influence leads to public
compliance,
whereas
informational
influence
leads
to
private
acceptance.(Kelmans Typology)
HOW TO CREATE INFLUENCE
 Be
a good listener
-different from active listening
-ask more questions
-listen to complaints to ease tensions
 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
-find out about their interests
-ask ?s about their interests
 Make the other person feel important &
appreciated
-recognize tangible contributions
 Lead the way..
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO
YOUR WAY OF THINKING
 Begin
in a friendly way
-start the conversation with sincere
praise.
-A pleasant tone of voice can make a big
difference!
 Try to honestly see things from the other
person’s point of view
-Ask yourself, why would he/she want to
do what I ask?
-Where do our opinions on the topic differ?
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO
YOUR WAY OF THINKING
 Get
the other person to say “yes, yes”
ASAP
-Environment saturated with info.
-Emphasize what both parties agree on
-momentum of the conversation
 Appeal to nobler motives
-People take actions…
-one or more
HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE…
 Call
attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
-Harsh criticism can discourage others
-Ex. Ask him/her to consider other points-ofview
 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
-Effect this has
-Ex. Would it make sense to call the client
first? What do you think?
HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE…
 Let
the other person save face
-Help others avoid embarrassment
-If you must give criticism, do so in
private!
- Ex. Demotion/title change
CONCLUSION
It's not how much you accomplish in life
that really counts,
but how much you give to other.
It's not how high you build your dreams
that makes a difference,
but how high your faith can climb.
It's not how many goals you reach,
but how many lives you touch.
It's not who you know that matters,
but who you are inside.
Believe in the impossible,
hold tight to the incredible,
and live each day to its fullest potential.
You can make a difference
in your world.(Rebecca Barlow)
END ………………QUESTIONS?