True or False?
 The breadth of information you self disclose
is related to the person with whom you are
talking.
 The depth of information you self disclose is
related to the reason you are disclosing and
the level of intimacy in the relationship.
Relationships
 STAGES
 Initiating
 Experimenting
 Intensifying
 Integrating
 Bonding
 Differentiating
 Circumscribing
 Stagnating
 Avoiding
 Terminating
 Are always changing
 Movement is always to
a new place
REVIEW
 How do listening skills relate to healthy
relationships?
 What can happen when there are
differences in communication styles and
listening styles in relationships?
Four Personal Listening Styles
 CONTENT ORIENTED: Focus on issues and
arguments
 PEOPLE ORIENTED: Focus on feelings and
emotions
 ACTION ORIENTED: Impatient and often
finish speakers’ thoughts – tend to second
guess
 TIME ORIENTED: Prefer bulleted talking
points quickly and briefly.
FAULTY LISTENING
 Yes you can go to the
concert, but I want you
to call me when you get
there, and I want you to
take out the trash
before you go, and you
need to be home before
11:00 p.m.
 I don’t think you
understand what I’m
saying.
 I heard you.
 I heard you say that you
want me home by 11:00
p.m.
 I heard what you said.
 Here we go again with
the trash!
 Uh huh.
 I heard exactly what
you said.
LISTENING
 What do good listeners look like?
 Verbally
 Nonverbally
 Listening is not a natural process.
 Listening requires effort (active not passive)
 All listeners do not receive the same
message.


We hear uniquely different messages
Physiological factors, social roles, cultural
background, personal interests, and needs.
Listening Stages
 Attending –Mindfulness.
 Understanding/Interpreting
 Responding
 Remembering
INTIMACY
IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Male and female intimacy styles
Cultural influences on intimacy
Intimacy
 Physical intimacy
 Intellectual exchanges
 Emotional disclosure
 Shared activities
Characteristics of Self-Disclosure
 Influenced by Culture
 Usually occurs in dyads
 Usually symmetrical
 Occurs incrementally
 FEW transactions involve high levels of self-
disclosure
Reasons for Self-Disclosure
 Catharsis
 Self-Clarification
 Self-Validation
 Reciprocity
 Impression management
 Relationship maintenance and enhancement
 Control
Alternatives to Self-Disclosure
 Lies

White Lies
 Equivocation
 Hinting

Face Saving
Perspectives & Tensions
Connection
Autonomy
Predictability
Novelty
Openness
Privacy
Guidelines for Appropriate SelfDisclosure
 Is the other person important to you?
 Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?
 Are the amount and type of disclosure
appropriate?
 Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at
hand?
 Is the disclosure reciprocated?
 Will the effect be constructive?
 Is the the self-disclosure clear and
understandable?
CHARACTERISTICS OF
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Metacommunication
 Messages (usually relational) that refer to
other messages: communication about
communication.
SELF-DISCLOSURE IN
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
A Helical
Model of
Relational
Cycles
(figure 6-3)
CLASS ACTIVITIES:
Self-Disclosure
Johari Window