Chapter 9
Personal Relationships
Personal Relationships
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Three basic characteristics
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Frequent interaction over a long period
of time
Many different kinds of activities
Strong mutual influence
Interdependence Theory

Analyzes the exchange and
coordination of outcomes between
interdependent partners
Interdependence Theory

A reward is anything a person gains
from an interaction


Particular or universal, symbolic or
concrete
Basic types of rewards:
Love
Money
Status
Information
Goods
Services
Interdependence Theory

A cost is any negative consequence
that occurs in an interaction or
relationship
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Time
Energy
Conflict
Others’ Disapproval
Opportunity Cost
Interdependence Theory
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Outcome = Rewards – Costs
We evaluate outcomes with standards

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Profitability
Comparison level

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Based on past experience
Comparison level of alternatives

Based on other currently available relationships
Interdependence Theory

In relationships, we need to
coordinate outcomes to maximize
benefits to both partners

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Easier to do when partners are similar
In case of conflicts of interest, partners
must negotiate a settlement

Social norms and social roles help provide
solutions to some coordination problems
Interdependence Theory

People are most content when they
perceive their relationships to be fair

Rules for Fairness
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Equality Rule
“To Each According to Need”
Equity Rule: profits proportional to inputs

P’s outcome
P’s contributions
=
O’s outcome
O’s contributions
Interdependence Theory

Basic Assumptions of Equity theory

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Individuals try to maximize their outcomes in a
relationship.
Rewards can be maximized by evolving rules or
norms about fairness.
Perceived inequity fosters distress.
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For both the under-benefited and the over-benefited
People who perceive inequity will try to restore
equity.

Either actual or perceived equity may be restored.
Interdependence Theory

Research on Equity Theory


Concerns with fairness may be highest
at the beginning of a relationship, and in
a long-term relationship when it
encounters stressful changes
Equity is less important to happiness
than the absolute level of rewards
Interdependence Theory
Exchange Relationships
People give benefits
expecting a return of
benefits soon after
Strangers & Casual
Acquaintances
Clark & Mills (1979)
Communal Relationships
People feel responsible for
meeting their partner’s
needs
Family, Friends, Romantic
Partners
Including other in self
means that benefiting
partner benefits self too
Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure is a special type of
conversation in which we share
intimate information and feelings
with another person.
Self-Disclosure

Reasons we disclose
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Social Approval
Relationship Development
Self-Expression
Self-Clarification
Social Control
Self-Disclosure
Liking

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Self-Disclosure
In general, we most like people whose selfdisclosure is reciprocal and gradual.
The impact of self-disclosure on liking
depends on the nature of the relationship.

E.g., an intimate self-disclosure by one’s roommate may
be received very differently than an intimate selfdisclosure by a random stranger in a lecture hall.
Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure also entails risks:
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Indifference
Rejection
Loss of Control
Betrayal
Because of the risks of selfdisclosure, we sometimes conceal our
deepest feelings and keep secrets
Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure varies by culture and by
gender
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E.g., Japanese are less self-disclosing than
Americans across relationships
Women reveal somewhat more than men,
particularly in same-sex relationships in the
U.S.
Men may be more revealing in same-sex
relationships in cultures that encourage this
Intimacy

Intimacy results not just from selfdisclosure, but when self-disclosure
evokes a response that makes a
person feel understood, validated,
and care for.
Gender and Intimacy


Men and women do not define
intimacy differently.
However, men experience less
intimacy than women in their samesex interactions (there are no
difference in cross-sex interactions)

Cultural norms may explain this.
The Balance of Power

Social power = a person’s ability to
influence deliberately the behavior,
thoughts, or feelings of another.

In some relationships, power is balanced,
in others, one person has more power
than the other.
The Balance of Power
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Heterosexual couples in the U.S.:
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Equal power
Male-dominant
Female-dominant
64%
27%
9%
Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983
Equal power can mean shared or “separate
but equal” decision-making
Consensus between partners is generally
the key to happiness

However, female-dominant relationships are less
satisfying
The Balance of Power

Three things determine whether a
relationship is equal in power:
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Social Norms and Attitudes
Relative Resources
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Especially if the one with greater resources is a man
The Principle of Least Interest

The person who is least dependent on the relationship
has the most power (Waller, 1938)
Conflict

The process that occurs when the
actions of one person interfere with
the actions of another

The potential for conflict increases as
interdependence increases
Conflict

Three types of problems

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specific behaviors
norms and roles
personal dispositions
Conflict

Conflict can help or hurt a relationship,
depending on how it is resolved.
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On the one hand, it can lead to defensiveness,
withdrawal, even threats and violence.
On the other, it can provide opportunity for
clarification of agreements, to discover their
depth of feeling for each other, and renew
efforts to create a satisfying relationship.
Satisfaction & Commitment

Satisfaction = an individual’s subjective
evaluation of the quality of a relationship.
Better when:
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Rewards > Costs
Outcome > C.L.
Happy couples spend more time in joint
activities, use more humor, engage in more
affectionate touching, and in less criticism,
hostility, & arguing
Satisfaction & Commitment

Commitment = all the forces, positive &
negative, that act to keep a person in a
relationship.
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Increased by
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Satisfaction
Values & morals
Barriers that make it costly to leave
Investments
Decreased by

C.L. alt (available alternatives)
Satisfaction & Commitment
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Generally, there is a close relationship
between satisfaction & commitment
However, sometimes couples stay together
despite low satisfaction. Why?
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Higher investments
Lack of alternatives
Moral commitments
Low feelings of personal control
Satisfaction & Commitment

Factors that help in understanding
commitment in heterosexual
relationships are generally useful in
understanding homosexual
relationships as well.

The major difference is fewer barriers to
breaking up for homosexual relationships.
Satisfaction & Commitment

Factors that increase commitment:
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Positive Illusions about Relationships
Misremembering the Past
Forgoing Tempting Alternative Partners
Explaining a Partner’s Behavior in a
charitable fashion
Willingness to Sacrifice
Accommodation & Forgiveness
Satisfaction & Commitment

Reactions to Dissatisfaction:
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Voice
Loyalty
Neglect
Exit
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Rusbult, 1987