
Try to tune into your child’s emotions. Is your child really
being stubborn or is it frustration?

Help your child understand what he may be feeling.
Give him words for the emotion. “You seem really frustrated
because you can’t finish building.”

Set clear limits for your child. “Even though you are angry,
you can not hurt people.”

Recognize change is difficult for spirited children. Say
things like, “you are learning to be flexible.” Allow time for change
from one activity to another. Warn your child of what is coming.

keep your eyes open for safety concerns. Tell your child things like,
“I wish I had your energy or you need to wiggle and move”.

Take care of yourself so you have the energy to help
your child. Highly spirited kids are more vulnerable to spillover
tantrums, a flood of emotions that overwhelms them. Stay near
your child, but reduce stimulation. Recognize your child is
overwhelmed, and not trying to embarrass you or make you angry.
Living with Your Spirited Child
Some children are just MORE. They get more
excited, happier, intense, more physical, and more
upset than other children do. Because they feel
emotions intensely, it can be a challenge for
parents to teach these spirited kids how to
manage the flood of feelings they have
every day.
When you are trying to get your child to stop
playing and start cleaning up toys, it’s hard to
remember single-mindedness can be a valuable trait. While having
strong emotions about the way things are can be an asset, getting upset
because the soup does not have curly noodles can drive a good parent
crazy.
Sources: Mary Sheedy Kucinka, Raising Your Spirited Child and John
Gottman and Joan DeClaire, The Heart of Parenting
Some tips for living with a child of strong emotions:
Revised: Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator, Springfield Center, Spring 2007


Beware of negative labels such as picky, stubborn or
wild. Recognize how these emotions can become strengths when a
child learns to manage them. Our view affects how our child views
himself and how we respond to him. Remember when your child
grows up, being selective, determined and energetic can help him
accomplish much.
Use emotional outbursts as opportunities to teach your
child a better way to handle strong emotions. “When I
feel like screaming, I do something to calm myself down, like take a
walk. Then I can think and talk about it without screaming.”
For more information contact:
Angela Reinhart, Family Life Educator
University of Illinois Extension, Champaign County Unit
801 N Country Fair Drive, Suite D
Champaign, IL 61821
217-333-7672
areinhrt@uiuc.edu
www.extension.uiuc.edu/champaign
University of Illinois  US Dept of Agriculture
Local Extension Councils Cooperating
University of Illinois Extension provides equal opportunities in programs and employment.
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