Promoting Resiliency:
Student Success from Crayons
To College and Career Ready
June 11, 2014
Linda Graham, MFT
www.lindagraham-mft.net
linda@lindagraham-mft.net
Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain
For Maximum Resilience and Well-Being
I arise in the morning
Torn between the desire
To save the world
And a desire to savor the world.
This makes it hard to plan the day.
- E.B. White
Self Care: Antidote to Compassion Fatigue
 Overwhelm of care for others
 Self-care drops off the radar
 Educators are vehicles for concern and care
 Self-care: replenish and resource self
 Energy and bandwidth to care for others
7 R’s of Self-Care
 Replenish
 Recognize
 Regulate
 Reflect
 Resource
 Re-Frame
 Re-Wire
Replenish
 Sleep
 Nutrition
 Movement-Exercise
 Laughter
 Learn Something New
 Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
Sleep
 Housekeeping
 Reset nervous system
 Consolidate learning
 Take mental breaks
How to Sleep Well
 Stick to a sleep schedule
 Pay attention to what you eat and drink
 Create a bedtime ritual
 Get comfortable
 Limit daytime naps
 Include physical activity in your daily routine
 Manage stress

- Mayo Clinic
Take Mental Breaks
 Focus on something else (positive is good)
 Talk to someone else (resonant is good)
 Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)
 Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue
Nutrition
 Less Caffeine
 Less Sugar
 More Protein
Movement - Exercise
 Oxygen – brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20%
of body’s oxygen
 Endorphins – feel good hormones, brighten
the mind
 Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) grow new brain cells, will migrate to where
needed
Laughter
 Increases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of
heart disease and stroke
 Releases endorphins – body’s natural pain killer
 Reduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood
pressure
 Triggers catecholamines, heightens alertness in
brain
 Releases tension in body, balances nervous
system
Laughter
 Promotes work productivity
 Reduces stress
 Promotes creativity and problem-solving
 Reduces mistakes, increases efficiency
Promotes group cohesion
 Promotes learning (through play)
 Eases loss, grief, trauma
How to Promote Laughter
 Humor
 A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs – jolted by every pebble in the
road. - Henry Ward Beecher
 Play
 Play, in short, prepares the brain to handle the
unexpected. – Lee Alan Dugatkin
 Playful resonance
 Laughter is the closest distance between two
people. – Victor Borge
Learn Something New
 Speak a foreign language
 Play a musical instrument
 Juggle
 Play chess
 Crossword puzzles when you don’t know the
words
Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
 Brain is social organ; matures and learns best
in interactions with other brains
 Social engagement regulates nervous system
 Resonant interactions prime the brain’s
neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growth
Recognize Need for:
 Mindful Self-Compassion
 Awareness of what’s happening
 (and our reaction to what’s happening)
 Acceptance of what’s happening
 (and acceptance of our reaction)
 Brain stays plastic, open to learning
Self-Compassion Break
 Notice-recognize: this is a moment of suffering
 Ouch! This hurts! This is hard!
 Pause, breathe, hand on heart or cheek
 Oh sweetheart!
 Self-empathy
 Of course this is painful, and I’m not the only one; I’m
not alone
 Drop into calm; hold moment with awareness; breathe
in compassion and care
 May I be free of suffering and the causes of suffering
 Share experience with resonant other
Compassion for Others - Self
 Remember moment of compassion and care
for another
 Evoke felt sense of compassion in your body
 When flow of compassion is steady…
 Place yourself in flow of compassion, care,
concern
Regulate: Keep Calm and Carry On
Serenity if not freedom from the storm
but peace amidst the storm.
- author unknown
Hand on the Heart
 Touch
 Deep breathing
 Positive Emotions
 Brakes on survival responses
 Oxytocin – safety and trust
 Relationships as resources
Oxytocin
 Hormone of safety and trust, bonding and
belonging, calm and connect
 Brain’s direct and immediate antidote to stress
hormone cortisol
 Can pre-empt stress response altogether
Calm through the Body
 Hand on the Heart
 Body Scan
 Progressive Muscle Relaxation
 Movement Opposite
Calm – Friendly Body Scan
 Awareness
 Breathing gently into tension
 Hello! and gratitude
 Release tension, reduce trauma
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
 Body cannot be tense and relaxed at the
same time
 Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15
 Focused attention calms the mind
Calm through Movement
 Body inhabits posture of difficult emotion (40
seconds
 Body moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)
 Body returns to first posture (20 seconds)
 Body returns to second posture (20 seconds)
 Body finds posture in the middle (30 seconds
 Reflect on experience
 “Power posing”
Reflection
Mindfulness comes to West:
Focused attention on
present moment experience
without judgment or resistance.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Reflection and Resonance
Awareness of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Acceptance of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Mindfulness and empathy : two most powerful
agents of brain change known to science
Mindfulness
 Pause, become present
 Notice and name
 Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
 Catch the moment; make a choice
 Shift perspectives; shift states
 Discern options
 Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome,
cultivate wholesome
Notice and Name
 Thoughts as thoughts
 Patterns of thoughts as patterns of thoughts
 Cascades of emotions as cascades of emotions
 States of mind as states of mind
 Belief systems and identities as…
 Mental contents, patterns of neural firing
Between a stimulus and a response there is a
space. In that space is our power to choose
our response. In our response lies our growth
and our freedom. The last of human freedoms
is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of
circumstances.
- Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist, survivor
of Auschwitz
Resource
 Practices
 Places
 People
Positive Emotions
Gratitude
Awe
Generosity
Compassion
Delight
Serenity
Love
Curiosity
Kindness
Joy
Trust
Positive Emotions
 Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness
 More friendships, social support, collaboration
 Shift in perspectives, more optimism
 More creativity, productivity
 Better health, better sleep
 Live on average 7-9 years longer
 Resilience is direct outcome
Kindness is more important than wisdom,
And the recognition of that is the beginning of
wisdom.
- Theodore Rubin
Neuroscience of Sharing Positive
Emotions
 Social engagement system
 Dyadic regulation
 Vagal brake
 Fusiform gyrus regulates amygdala
 Emotional communication is 93% non-verbal
 Restores equilibrium
Gratitude
 2-minute free write
 Gratitude journal
 Gratitude buddy
 Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Positivity Portfolio
 Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails
expressing appreciation of you
 Assemble phrases on piece of paper
 Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor,
carry in wallet or purse
 Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days
 Savor and appreciate
Circle of Support
 Call to mind people who have been supportive
of you; who have “had your back”
 Currently, in the past, in imagination
 Imagine them gathered around you, or behind
you, lending you their faith in you, and their
strengths in coping
 Imagine your circle of support present with
you as you face difficult people or situations
Take in the Good
 Notice: in the moment or in memory
 Enrich: the intensity, duration, novelty,
personal relevance, multi-modality
 Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in
body
Places as Resources
 Nature as refuge – re-Source
 We can create and notice shifts in perspective
 Improve cognitive functioning and memory
Shifting Perspectives in Nature
 BELLY BOTANY
 Find a one square foot patch of earth.
Observe for two minutes.
 (light and shadow, movement and stillness,
beauty and decay, life and death)
 Shift your view to the larger landscape, all the
way to the horizon.
 Reflect on shift in perspective.
People as Resources
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled
by the spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep
gratitude of those who have lighted the flame
within us.
- Albert Schweitzer
I have learned that people
will forget what you said
and people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
Attachment Styles - Secure
 Parenting is attuned, empathic, responsive,
comforting, soothing, helpful
 Attachment develops safety and trust, and
inner secure base
 Stable and flexible focus and functioning
 Open to learning
 inner secure base provides buffer against
stress, trauma, and psychopathology
Insecure-Avoidant
 Parenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical,
rejecting
 Attachment is compulsively self-reliant
 Stable, but not flexible
 Focus on self or world, not others or emotions
 Rigid, defensive, not open to learning
 Neural cement
Insecure-Anxious
 Parenting is inconsistent, unpredictable
 Attachment is compulsive caregiving
 Flexible, but not stable
 Focus on other, not on self-world,
 Less able to retain learning
 Neural swamp
Disorganized
 Parenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is
“checked out,” not “there”
 Attachment is fright without solution
 Lack of focus
 Moments of dissociation
 Compartmentalization of trauma
Attachment Styles
 Secure –safety and trust, stable and flexible focus
and functioning, open to learning, inner secure
base provides buffer against stress, trauma
 Insecure-avoidant – stable, not flexible, focus on
self-world, not on other or emotions, rigid,
defensive, not open to learning, neural cement
 Insecure-anxious – flexible, not stable, focus on
other, not on self-world, less able to retain
learning, neural swamp
 Disorganized – lack of focus, moments of
dissociation, compartmentalization of trauma
True Other to True Self
The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt
sense of being held in the heart and mind of an
empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.
- Diana Fosha, PhD
To see and be seen: that is the question, and
that is the answer.
- Ken Benau, PhD
Shame De-Rails Resilience
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or
experience of believing we are flawed and
therefore unworthy of acceptance and
belonging.
Shame erodes the part of ourselves that
believes we are capable of change. We cannot
change and grow when we are in shame, and
we can’t use shame to change ourselves or
others.
Reconditioning
 Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
 “Light up” neural networks of problematic memory
 Cause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and
instantly rewire by:
 Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts
or disconfirms;
 Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories
held in simultaneous dual awareness
 Causes the falling apart and the rewiring
Reconditioning
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Anchor in present moment awareness
Resource with acceptance and goodness
Start with small negative memory
“Light up the networks”
Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)
Refresh and strengthen positive
Let go of negative
Rest in, savor positive
Reflect on shifts in perspective
Wished for Outcome
 Evoke memory of what did happen
 Imagine new behaviors, new players, new
resolution
 Hold new outcome in awareness,
strengthening and refreshing
 Notice shift in perspective of experience, of
self
Re-frame
 Regrettable Moment – Teachable Moment
 What’s Right with this Wrong?
 What’s the Lesson?
 What’s the Cue to Act Differently?
 Find the Gift in the Mistake
Coherent Narrative
 This is what happened.
 This is what I did.
 This has been the cost.
 This is what I’ve learned.
 This is what I would do differently going
forward
You can’t stop the waves,
but you can learn to surf.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Linda Graham, MFT
www.lindagraham-mft.net
lindagraham2@earthlink.net