Bouncing Back
Brain Care is Self Care
Linda Graham, MFT
linda@lindagraham-mft.net
www.lindagraham-mft.net
415-924-7765
Human Brain:
Evolutionary Masterpiece
 100 billion neurons
 Each neuron contains the entire human genome
 Neurons “fire” hundreds of time per second
 Neurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neurons
 Trillions of synaptic connections
 As many connections in single cubic centimeter of
brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxy
Practices as Resources
 Yoga, meditation, tai chi, chi gong
 Sleep
 Nutrition
 Movement-Exercise
 Laughter
 Learn Something New
 Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
Sleep
 Housekeeping
 Reset nervous system
 Consolidate learning
 Take mental breaks
Take Mental Breaks
 Focus on something else (positive is good)
 Talk to someone else (resonant is good)
 Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)
 Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue
Nutrition
 Less Caffeine
 Less Sugar
 More Protein
 More Water
Movement - Exercise
 Oxygen – brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20%
of body’s oxygen
 Endorphins – feel good hormones, brighten
the mind
 Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) grow new brain cells, will migrate to where
needed
Laughter
 Increases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of
heart disease and stroke
 Releases endorphins – body’s natural pain killer
 Reduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood
pressure
 Triggers catecholamines, heightens alertness in
brain
 Releases tension in body, balances nervous
system
Learn Something New
 Speak a foreign language
 Play a musical instrument
 Juggle
 Play chess
 Crossword puzzles when you don’t know the
words
Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
 Brain is social organ; matures and learns best
in interactions with other brains
 Social engagement regulates nervous system
 Resonant interactions prime the brain’s
neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growth
6 C’s of Coping
 Calm
 Compassion
 Clarity
 Connections to Resources
 Competence
 Courage
Fly video
Touch
 Hand on heart, hand on cheek
 Head rubs, foot rubs
 Massage back of neck
 Hold thumb as “inner child”
 Hugs – 20 second full bodied
Calm through the Body
 Hand on the Heart
 Body Scan
 Progressive Muscle Relaxation
 Movement Opposite
 Power Posing
Self-Compassion
 Powerful and immediate antidote to self-criticism, self-
loathing
 More effective in restoring well-being than self-esteem
 Practice not to feel better but because we feel bad
 Treat ourselves with care and understanding rather
than harsh judgment
 Putting own oxygen mask on first when other people
are not around
 Compassion leads to calm leads to clarity
 Emotional support needed for change and growth
Self-Compassion - Research
 Normalize vulnerability as part of human
condition
 Not weak or selfish; powerful motivator out of
care and wishes for well-being
 Less anxiety, depression, stress, rumination,
shame, fear of failure
 Greater responsibility for past mistakes
 More self-confidence and resilience
Compassion for Others - Self
 Remember moment of receiving compassion and
care from another
 Remember moment of offering compassion and
care to another
 Evoke felt sense of sending/receiving compassion
in your body
 When flow of compassion – open heart - is
steady…
 Place yourself in flow of compassion, care,
concern; send compassion to your self
One for Me; One for You
 Breathing in, “nourishing, nourishing”
 Breathing out, “soothing, soothing”
 In imagination, “nourishing for me, nourishing
for you, soothing for me, soothing for you”
 “One for me, one for you”
 Practice breathing “one for me, one for you”
when in conversation with someone
Mindfulness Comes to the West
 Mindful schools
 Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction
 Business – 2014 World Economic Forum
 Government – Tim Ryan in Congress
 Military – post-traumatic stress
 Sports – peak performance
 Cover of Time magazine, February 3, 2014
Mindfulness
 Pause, become present
 Notice and name
 Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
 Catch the moment; make a choice
 Shift perspectives; shift states
 Discern options
 Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome,
cultivate wholesome
Notice and Name
Increasingly complex objects of awareness:
 Sensations as sensations
 Emotions as emotions
 Cascades of emotions as cascades
 Thoughts as thoughts
 Patterns of thoughts as patterns
 States of mind as states of mind
 Identities, belief systems as identities and
 Mental contents, patterns of neural firing
Awareness itself – vast sky that storms pass through
Anything is a Cue to Practice
 Notice any moment of contraction
 Use contraction as cue to:
 Step back, come to center
 Use practice to come to equilibrium
 Discern options, choose wisely
Connections to Resources
 People
 Love guards the heart from the abyss. - Mozart
 Places
 …I rest in the grace of the world…. – Berry
 Practices
 As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an
archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood,
the wise shape their lives. - Buddha
Positive Emotions-Behaviors
 Brain hard-wired to notice and remember
negative and intense more than positive and
subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a
species
 Leads to tendency to avoid experience
 Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is
more open to approaching experience,
learning, and action
Gratitude
 2-minute free write
 Gratitude journal
 Gratitude buddy
 Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Take in the Good
 Notice: in the moment or in memory
 Enrich: the intensity, duration, novelty,
personal relevance, multi-modality
 Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in
body
Circle of Support
 Call to mind people who have been supportive
of you; who have “had your back”
 Currently, in the past, in imagination
 Imagine them gathered around you, or behind
you, lending you their faith in you, and their
strengths in coping
 Imagine your circle of support present with
you as you face difficult people or situations
Positivity Portfolio
 Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails
expressing appreciation of you
 Assemble phrases on piece of paper
 Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor,
carry in wallet or purse
 Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days
 Savor and appreciate
True Other to the True Self
The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt
sense of being held in the mind and heart of an
empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.
- Diana Fosha, PhD
To see and be seen: that is the questions, and
that is the answer.
- Ken Benau, PhD
Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us
 Imagine sitting across from someone who
loves you unconditionally
 Imagine switching places with them; see
yourself as they see you; feel why they love
you and delight in you; take in the good
 Imagine being yourself again; taking in the love
and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.
Shame De-Rails Resilience
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience
of believing we are flawed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes
we are capable of change. We cannot change and
grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use
shame to change ourselves or others.
- Brene Brown, PhD
Reconditioning
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Anchor in present moment awareness
Resource with acceptance and goodness
Start with small negative memory
“Light up the networks”
Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)
Refresh and strengthen positive
Let go of negative
Rest in, savor positive
Reflect on shifts in perspective
Wished for Outcome
 Evoke memory of what did happen
 Imagine new behaviors, new players, new
resolution
 Hold new outcome in awareness,
strengthening and refreshing
 Notice shift in perspective of experience, of
self
Relational Intelligence
 Setting limits and boundaries
 Negotiating change
 Resolving conflicts
 Repairing ruptures
 Forgiveness
Find the Gift in the Mistake
 Regrettable Moment – Teachable Moment
 What’s Right with this Wrong?
 What’s the Lesson?
 What’s the Cue to Act Differently?
 Find the Gift in the Mistake
Coherent Narrative
 This is what happened.
 This is what I did.
 This has been the cost.
 This is what I learned.
 This is what I would do differently going
forward.
Courage
A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships
are for.
- Grace Hopper
Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.
Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking
- Tim McMahon
Do One Scary Thing a Day
 Venture into New or Unknown
 Somatic marker of “Uh, oh”
 Dopamine disrupted
 Cross threshold into new
 Satisfaction, mastery
 Dopamine restored
Mastering the art of resilience does much more
than restore you to who you once thought you
were. Rather, you emerge from the experience
transformed into a truer expression of who you
were really meant to be.
- Carol Orsborn
Bouncing Back
Brain Care is Self Care
Linda Graham, MFT
linda@lindagraham-mft.net
www.lindagraham-mft.net
415-924-7765