Tips for Improving Interpersonal
Relationships in the
Rehearsal and Classroom
Who was your
favorite teacher?
What made him/her special?
Skills of Successful
Music Teachers
Content Knowledge & Skills
Pedagogical Knowledge & Skills
Interpersonal Skills
Why are
interpersonal
relationships
important in
the music
classroom?
“I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that
creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a
child’s life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an
instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt, or heal.
In all situations it is my response that decides
whether a crisis will be escalated, and a child
humanized
or de-humanized.”
~Haim Ginott
What does research say?
 Teachers participate in as many as 1000 interpersonal
interactions every day!
 People can trace their successes and failures in their lives to
their most significant relationships. (Maxwell, 2007, p 211)
 Strong positive relationships with teachers have been shown to
positively affect students’ self- efficacy, motivation, behavior,
and achievement. (Ryan & Grolnick, 1986)
 Students who perceived their teachers as caring exhibited
greater social abilities, ability to attain goals, and higher
achievement. Students want teachers to care for them both
as learners and as people. (Wentzel, 2003)
 Students attributed increased motivation to interpersonal
relationships; personal attention from adults in school, support
for student input, support for diverse learning styles. Personal
attention included demonstrations of interest in students’
personal lives (Cohen, 2006, p212)
According to psychologist, Carl Rogers:
Learning rests not upon teaching skills of
the instructor but upon his/her ability to
engage and create a relationship with the
students.
TIP #1: Know & Be Yourself
Be a real person –
don’t present a front
or façade
Be self-aware –
know your own
personality traits,
communication style,
listening style &
emotional triggers
Be aware of how
others see you
Communication Styles
Passive communication involves
the inability or unwillingness to
express thoughts and feelings
Aggressive style of communication
involves overreaction, blaming
and criticizing
Passive-aggressive is a combination
of the first two styles - they avoid
confrontations (passive), but will be
manipulative to get what they
want (aggressive)
Assertive Assertive people will say
what they think and stand
up for their beliefs without
hurting others. Assertiveness
means taking the initiative or
first steps to deal with a
problem in a constructive,
self-protective manner,
including standing up for oneself.
Assertive people attack the
problem, not the person;
while aggressive people attack
the other person rather than
the problem. This is an effective
style for teachers.
How do we communicate?
Time percentage
9%
45%
16%
Writing
Reading
Speaking
Listening
30%
Listening Styles
Action-Oriented Listening
Prefers information to be wellorganized, brief, and error free
(“get to the point”)
Time-Oriented Listening
Likes the message very brief,
keenly aware of time
(“drive by listener”)
Content–Oriented Listening
More comfortable listening to
complex, detailed information
(judges & lawyers)
People-Oriented Listening
Comfortable with and
skilled at listening and
recognizing people’s
feelings and emotions
TIP #2: Know Your Students
(and Colleagues)
•Learn & use names
•See students as people,
not instruments
•Ask others’
opinions
•Learn about your
students and
colleagues
TIP #3: Be Aware of Perceptions –
Yours and Others!
Do you believe what you see or see
what you believe?
Self-fulfilling
prophesy?
Perceptions
Process of experiencing
your world and making sense out
of what you experience
Interpersonal perceptions
Process by which you decide what
people are like and give meaning to
their actions
Problem with Perceptions –
Are your
deceiving you?
TIP #4: Keep Your Emotions in
TIP #5: Be Understanding
and Empathetic!
Try to see the world through the student’s eyes
Remember that every student is an individual
with feelings, opinions, experiences,
and potential
Try not to
criticize &
judge
Become “other” oriented!
TIP #6: Improve Communication
and Listening Skills
Verbal
Communication
Non-verbal
Communication
•Eye Contact
•Word Choice
•Facial Expression
•Be positive
•Body Posture
•Think before you
speak
•Vocal Cues
•Converse, don’t
compete
•Proximity
•Hand Gestures
Listening Skills
•Active vs passive
listening
•Pay attention
•Be patient
•Let the other finish
•Provide feedback
when appropriate
Proximity changes how we relate
TIP #7: Trust and
Respect Others
“I have to trust them to do their job,
so I can do mine.”
~Vince Lombardi
“Trust happens when someone
else believes in him and is
willing to trust him”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
TIP #8: Care!!!
“Students don’t care how much you know
until they know how much you care!!”
~unknown
“…music is made by human beings. A love of
community and care for each singer is paramount
to any music-making activity.”
~James Jordan
What do the students want from
their teachers?
•The teacher should trust the students
•The teacher should have a sense of humor
•The teacher should be friendly
•Teacher should be enthusiastic about the subject
•The teacher should take personal interest in the students
•The teacher should have high standards
•The teacher should be someone the students feel they can depend on
•The teacher should be willing to listen to students’ ideas
What the students don’t want from
their teachers
•The teacher should not get angry often in class
•The teacher should not be manipulative
•The teacher should not be impatient
•The teacher should not intimidate or scare students
•The teacher should not allow students to goof off in class
•The teacher should not be sarcastic or tease
the students
•The teacher should not have “favorites”
Interpersonal relationships
are reciprocal and constantly evolving
Students and teachers both contribute to the
interpersonal relationships in the rehearsal and
classroom. Teachers have the power to influence
them for good or for bad. However, it is important
to remember this…
You can only change yourself and your
actions, others will change as a result
of your behavior and example. You
cannot change someone else!
“Throughout a lifetime, people are in contact with
thousands of people in varying forms of relationship.
Most have a very limited impact on us. But a few
relationships have such a tremendous impact that they
changed they course of our lives.”
~John Maxwell
“Interpersonal relationships are important because
people count – the way we interact with others is
key to releasing human potential! Only teachers acting
like people in their relationships with their students
can even begin to make a dent in the problems in
education.”
~Carl Rogers
Dr. Natalie Steele Royston
Asst. Professor of Music Education
Iowa State University
207 Music Hall
Ames, IA 50011
(515)294-6829
nasteele@iastate.edu
http://nataliesteeleroyston.weebly.com