2014
Welcome!
Staff:
Camp Director- Traci Straley
Social Workers-Meredith Carpe & Pam
Pohlman
Nurse-Kelley Hall and Tracy Daniels
Camp Assistant-Chris Killian
Welcome!
THANK YOU for volunteering your service to State of
the Heart Hospice Camp BEARable.
You have taken the time to assist a child work through
the emotions and challenges of losing a loved one.
Volunteers in the past have found this a meaningful and
rewarding experience.
Location
Maria Stein Spiritual Retreat Center
2365 St. Johns Rd.
Maria Stein, Ohio 45860
http://spiritualcenter.net/
Phone#419-925-7625
Why a grief camp?
The idea behind a camp for grieving children is not new or
unique to State of the Heart. Many grief camps are held
throughout the country.
Children often feel isolated in grief, like they are the only
ones going through the loss. Camps are intended to
provide a safe place for children to gather to share their
thoughts and feelings with others of the same age who have
similar experiences.
This breaks the feeling of isolation and “otherness”. Children
discover their feelings are normal and other children as
well as camp counselors are there to support them.
Camp BEARable History
 Marlene Black, Bereavement Specialist first thought of
the idea for a camp.
 Much research was done before planning the first
camp. Other camps were visited, seminars attended,
and the internet searched.
 The first camp was in 2000 (14 children attended).
 Last two camps-64 children & almost as many buddies.
 Over the last 13 years, approximately 45o children have
attended camp BEARable.
Camp BEARable
 Staffed by Hospice social workers, nurses, and chaplains
for the entire weekend.
 The staff will wear blue shirts.
 The nurses will wear red shirts.
 Group leaders will wear orange shirts.
 Adult volunteers (buddies) will wear fuchsia.
 Campers will wear green shirts.
Camp BEARable
 Kids are divided into age groups.
 Each group has a group leader and an assistant.
 Each child has an adult trained buddy.
 The buddy does all the activities with the child.
 Volunteers must have a state and federal background
check.
 We try to pair a buddy with a child who has had a
similar loss (for example, both child and buddy lost a
parent).
Camp BEARable Objectives
DEATH
 Provide a learning environment where questions and
concerns about death can be safely addressed.
 Acknowledge that death is a loss that children may
have many questions, concerns, and curiosity about.
 Correct children’s misconceptions about death.
Camp BEARable Objectives
GRIEF
 Normalize grief by an increased understanding of how
people commonly think, feel, and behave when
someone they loved has died.
 Introduce the concept of grief as the natural response
to a significant loss.
 Increase the acceptance of different patterns of grief.
 Grief is encouraged or invited, but not pushed or
demanded. It is acceptable to “pass”.
Camp BEARable Objectives
GRIEF
 Increase awareness that grief affects the person
emotionally, physically, cognitively, behaviorally, and
spiritually.
 Help children find ways they can help themselves
through grief.
 Help children find ways they can help others through
grief.
Camp BEARable Objectives
FEELINGS
 Acknowledge and validate that the feelings related to
grief may be varied and difficult to have or to share.
 Honor and validate children by accepting their feelings
as normal and valuable.
 Provide validation and awareness that feelings about
loss may be varied, intense, and difficult to bear.
Camp BEARable Objectives
COPING
 Help children learn and experience what helps people
who are suffering.
 Increase children’s coping skills.
 Assist children in recognizing personal strengths &
weaknesses.
Camp BEARable Objectives
HOPE
 Increase hope by validating the potential for healing
and growth following a loss.
 Increase hope that painful losses can be grieved,
integrated into life, and provide opportunities to gain
skills and attitudes that enhance life.
Camp BEARable
 Variety of activities
 Memory boxes, affirmation bags, music therapy, balloon
launch
 Ask a professional-panel group (doctor, minister, funeral
director) kids are able to ask whatever questions they
want of these professionals.
What to Expect
 Spiritual Center of Maria Stein is a Christian facility
that “provides opportunity for spiritual growth, social
development, and community service”
 Meeting and conference rooms for camp activities
 Dining room and dorm rooms w/ bunk beds (for
campers and buddies)
 87 acres with open areas, woods, pond, walkways, and
campfire site.
What to expect
 Camp starts Friday Night July 11th at 5pm. (Eat before
you come!)
 Breakfast, lunch, and dinner included on Saturday.
 Breakfast and lunch included on Sunday.
 Breakfast and lunch will be divided younger then older
children. Dinner is a combined meal.
 Concludes Sunday afternoon July 13th around 2 pm.
 Boys and girls sleep in separate bunk rooms.
 Saturday-campers and buddies wear their camp t-
shirts.
What to expect
 Kids are divided into separate age groups. Each
age group has a Group Leader, who is in charge of
campers and buddies.
 The Group Leader is an experienced camp helper
(usually a past buddy).
 Your Group Leader is your “go to” person for
questions
In Case of EMERGENCY
 FIRE-gather in the parking lot at the side of the
building near the trees.
 ILLNESS- seek the camp nurse
 CHILD’S GRIEF beyond your capabilities-seek a social
worker.
 If child divulges abuse or wanting to harm himself or
herself, seek a social worker.
Medical Emergency Procedure
 A registered nurse will be present at camp at all times.
 Prescription medication as well as any over the counter
medications will be in a secured area and will only be
dispensed and documented by the camp nurse (for all
campers and volunteers).
Medical Emergency Procedure
 In the event a child becomes ill or injured and it is the
opinion of the camp nurse that emergency medical
attention is needed, the rescue squad will be called.
 The child will be transported to Mercer Health
Hospital in Coldwater (nearest hospital).
 The emergency contact person on the child’s
permission slip will be immediately notified.
 Any additional medical information should be given to
the Camp Nurse and Director prior to camp or during
Friday’s registration.
Camp Rules
Buddies & Campers
 Stick together. Buddies always know where
their camper is.
 Respect the facility and clean up after
themselves.
 NO foul language or name calling.
 Follow directions of group leaders and staff.
Camp Rules
Buddies & Campers
 Participate in activities safely.
 If discipline problems arise, staff &
volunteers will attempt to resolve problem.
If they are unable, the Camp Director will
resolve problem. If the problem continues,
the parent/guardian will be contacted.
Camp Rules
Buddies & Campers
 Do Not bring electronics (cell phone, ipad,
ipod, etc). They are distracting from the
campers and their goal to share a safe
environment.
 Do Not bring money, food, or drink. All
meals, drinks, and snacks are provided.
 Are responsible for your own personal
belongings.
Camp Safety Measures
 Any adult helping in any way with camp is
required to have a criminal background
check.
 Agency staff will be present at all times.
 An adult volunteer is assigned to a particular
child at camp and is with them the entire
weekend, knowing where the child is at all
times.
Camp Safety Measures
 Boys and girls sleep in separate dorms.
 Adult volunteers sleep in the beds closest to the
doorways.
 An adult volunteer patrols the hallways where the
children sleep from 11pm-6am.
 There are night lights in the dorm rooms and hallway
is lit. The restroom is next door to the bedrooms and
there is a night light in the restroom.
 All doors to the facility will be locked at 10pm each
night.
Packing list
 Sleeping bag or blanket & pillow
 Clothing
 Jacket, sweater, or sweatshirt
 2 shirts, 2 shorts, 2 pair socks, 2 pair underwear, 1 pair sleepwear
 Toiletries
 Toothbrush, toothpaste, soap (in plastic bag), towel, washcloth,
comb/brush
 Other items
 Favorite stuffed animal, insect repellant, shower shoes, picture of
deceased loved one.
*Siblings should bring separate toiletries because they may be assigned to
different sleeping areas.
Remember-no money or electronics.
Camp BEARable Song
Sometimes I’m happy
Sometimes I’m sad
Sometimes I’m lonely
I’m angry, glad or mad.
Just when I think
Life is really just unfair
I know there’s always someone
who will listen and will care.
Camp BEARable is safe.
It’s a warm and fuzzy place.
I can laugh, I can cry.
I can even ask, “But why?”
I can be just exactly who I need to be.
Spiritual Center of Maria Stein Youth Policies
1.
2.
Participation: a child may participate in an organized program
sponsored by a group, church, or school only with written consent of
the child’s parent or guardian. Such consent provides for emergency
care of the child, as warranted. It is expected that participants will
remain with their group or chaperone at all times. At no time should
a youth leave his or her group without specific permission from an
adult chaperone.
Chaperones/Leaders: at least 2 adults must be present for any
activity for children sponsored by a group, church, or school.
Moreover, the number of adults is to be in proportion to the age and
number of participants and the duration and difficulty of the activity.
When possible, one adult should be a parent of the participant. For
the purposes of this policy, “adult” excludes 18 or 19 years not yet
graduated from high school.
Spiritual Center of Maria Stein Youth Policies
3.
4.
Overnight chaperones/leaders: for mixed gender-overnight
events, a minimum of 2 male and 2 female adults are mandatory.
When possible, one adult should be a parent of the participant. For
the purposes of this policy, “adult” excludes 18 or 19 years not yet
graduated from high school. If you fail to have the mandatory
chaperones for an overnight stay, your activity may be cancelled and
your deposit lost.
Dorms: Please DO NOT allow anyone to jump or move from bed to
bed throughout the dormitories. Dorm bunks will be provided with
bed sheets (pillow case, fitted sheets, and bed sheet) that are to be
pulled off the beds and replaced to help our housekeeping staff.
Please leave mattress pad on the mattress.
Spiritual Center of Maria Stein Youth Policies
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Discipline: No child may be disciplined corporally or corrected with
abusive language.
Quiet time: Please observe the 11pm-7am quiet time to respect
others in our facility.
Appropriate dress: All participants are expected to dress in a
fashion appropriate for a retreat setting. Health laws require youth
to be dressed properly while in the dining room. SHOES ARE
REQUIRED in public areas, including the dining room.
Speech: Participants are expected to use positive and up-building
speech during the event. Crude language is not appropriate.
Alcohol & Drugs: Possession and consumption of alcohol and
drugs are not permitted at any time. This facility is a smoke-fee
building.
Spiritual Center of Maria Stein Youth Policies
10. Food: Food may be served in the snack bar area, kitchenette,
11.
Montini Hall, and in the Dining room. No food is permitted
elsewhere in the building.
Facility: Please abide by all signs posted. It is important that the
furnishings remain where they are, unless given special permission
by the Spiritual Center Staff.
Thank you for your cooperation!
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Children are children, not little adults.
 Their grief may at times look similar to the grief of
adults, but a child’s situation is different in many
significant ways.
 Recognizing the differences in how adults and children
grieve can help you be more in tune with the children
you care for.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
A child’s loss may disrupt basic development tasks.
 Those who have studied child development have found
that children acquire various abilities and understandings
during different time periods of their early life.
 Like building blocks laid to create a sturdy foundation
these developmental blocks are how children learn to feel
capable and safe.
 Significant losses that happen during key periods of a
child’s life can change the stability of the child’s foundation
or disrupt how he or she thrives and grows.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Children are sensitive about being different.
 The intense thoughts and feelings of grief may make
children feel different from their friends.
 They may be singled out by others and given special
treatment and attention.
 Other children who are uncomfortable with the loss
may ridicule or shun them.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Children have a limited ability to put their feelings
into words.
 Young children often can’t describe their fears or other
strong feelings.
 Children depend on adults to teach them what words
go with the feeling they have.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Children have a limited tolerance for emotional
pain.
 Children often grieve in brief, but intense spurts.
 Their explosive or sudden outbursts may be alarming
or unacceptable. They may disguise or cover up their
feelings or distract themselves by withdrawing or
pretending.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Children are quick to blame themselves.
 Children often think their thoughts or wishes made
something happen. They may blame themselves for a
loss, thinking they could/should have done something
to prevent the loss from happening.
 Children may lack the ability to correct such faulty
thinking and may not ever say words to let you know
they are feeling this way.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Young children may not understand that a loss is
final, irreversible or certain.
 Their ability to grieve and grow through a loss may be
delayed into later developmental periods.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Children lack experience and social skills.
 Like adults, children are more comfortable when they
feel in control.
 Their outbursts and behaviors may surprise and
embarrass them.
 They may behave so strongly that adults and friends
respond to them with anger or punishment rather than
calmness and comfort.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Children may sacrifice their personal needs.
 To gain the approval of their parents or to make
caregivers feel better or less concerned, children
often sacrifice or disown their feelings or their
needs.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Some adults don’t think a child’s grief is real or
important.
 Children have been called the forgotten grievers.
Family members, teachers, and neighbors may fail to
validate a child’s grief because they don’t believe
children really are affected by a loss.
Do Children & Adults Grieve the Same Way?
Care-giving adults may lack patience or energy.
 Often when a child is grieving a loss, so are their
parents or care-giving adults. These adults may fail to
recognize a child’s grief.
 They may lack the patience and energy to attend to the
child’s needs.
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
 Usually understand death fully, unlike younger siblings
who see death as temporary and unreal; 6-9 yr olds
know that it is permanent and real.
 May not be able to comprehend what the death means
to their life and this may become a sense of turmoil for
them.
 The following are some typical responses that children
this age have to death.
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
 Denial: A common response in this age is to deny that the
death ever happened. Some children even seem happier
and more playful after learning about the death of a loved
one as if they are unaffected.
 Denial indicates the presence of a lot of hurt, so much that
the child tries to build a wall to keep it out. The happier
they are and the harder they play, the farther away the pain
seems to go.
 Children in denial need opportunities to grieve, and they
may need permission to grieve. Adults give permission
when they encourage children to talk about the deceased
and their feelings about the loss and when they themselves
model the feelings and behaviors of grieving.
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
 Idealization: Sometimes children this age respond to
death by idealizing the deceased. They may insist that
“my mom was the smartest woman in the world” or
“my dad was the strongest man in the world” or “my
sister was perfect.” This allows them to maintain a
fantasy relationship with the person who has died.
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
 Guilt: Among 6-9 year olds, guilt is a common
response to death, especially if they are unable to
express their sadness about the loss.
 If the deceased ever made casual statements like
“you’ll be the death of me” children may think that
their misbehavior contributed to or even caused the
death.
 Children, this age, think their thoughts and wishes
can make actions come true. “It’s my fault. I was mad
at her and wished she’d die.”
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
 Fear and Vulnerability: Children in this age
understandably react with fear and vulnerability at a
death and want to hide these feelings, especially from
their peers because they don’t want to appear different.
If a parent has died, children may fear for the survival
of the remaining parent and experience separation
anxiety.
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
 Caretaking: 6-9 year olds who are grieving the death
of a parent may assume the role of the deceased
mother or father.
 They might suddenly become the caretaker of younger
siblings or take on chores that were previously
performed by the deceased parent.
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
What you can do and say
 Give children as much information as you think they can
comprehend and be honest about the death.
 Encourage children to speak about the death and allow
them to react as they wish. Children who have experienced
a death often feel powerless and helpless; talking about the
death in a supportive, safe setting with someone who cares
is important to recovery.
 Children need comforted and given permission to grieve
and it’s important to let them know they can share.
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
What you can do and say
 Be alert to signs children are idealizing the deceased.
Encourage them to talk about the loved one as he or
she really was.
 Searching for the deceased is a normal response to a
severe loss. Children in this age group know that they
will not really find the person alive, but the act of
searching helps them break through the shock. Allow
them to search as needed and offer reassurance that
their pain and loneliness will gradually lessen.
How Children Grieve: Ages 6-9
What you can do and say
 Children grieve in spurts. They may seem fine one day
and have periods of yearning, crying or clinging the
next. Often these grief bursts coincide with a holiday
or birthday. Try to anticipate this and talk to the child
ahead of time.
How Children Grieve: Ages 10-12
 Children of this age are going through many changes and
feel the need to develop their own identity. Some are eager
to make the change toward adulthood and others are
disconcerted by the changes happening to them and want
to remain children. Children, age 10-12, put a high value on
group status and not being “different.”
 The death of a loved one is often something that brands
them as different. They may fear that expressing their grief
will be seen as a sign of weakness. Children may hold off
any outward signs of grief, trying to remain above the
emotional pain. However, at some point this pain emerges
and in this age group, their grief may surface well after the
rest of family has moved on.
How Children Grieve: Ages 10-12
 Children in this age group may exhibit caretaking. If
they are grieving the death of a parent they may
assume the role of the deceased mother or father.
They might suddenly become the caretaker of younger
siblings or take on chores that were previously
performed by the deceased parent.
 Anger, in the form of aggressiveness, bullying and
rebelling are common responses. Children often feel
cheated out of the love, guidance and support of the
loved one. Their future plans and hopes have been
interrupted.
How Children Grieve: Ages 10-12
 Fear is also common after the loss of a loved one; fear
of dying themselves or another loved one dying.
 The fear could be expressed as physical complaints like
nausea, moodiness, sleeplessness, eating problems or
lack of interest in school.
How Children Grieve: Ages 10-12
Things to do
 For children who seem fearful, take special care to
acknowledge their fears. For those who are angry, be
patient with their unwillingness to express grief in a
healthy way at this time. Create a supportive, loving
environment.
 Encourage them to spend time with their peers. Let
them know it’s ok to go to dances, parties, or be with
friends. Children need to maintain social ties.
How Children Grieve: Ages 10-12
Things to do
 Children grieve in spurts. They may seem fine one day
and have periods of yearning, crying or clinging the
next. Often these grief bursts coincide with a holiday
or birthday. Try to anticipate this and talk to the child
ahead of time.
 Encourage children to speak about the death and allow
them to react as they wish. Children who have
experienced a death often feel powerless and helpless;
talking about the death in a supportive, safe setting
with someone who cares is important to recovery.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
 Children in this age group understand that death is
permanent.
 Each year thousands of teenagers experience the death
of someone they love. When a parent, sibling, friend or
relative dies, teens feel the overwhelming loss of
someone who helped shape their fragile self-identities.
 They understand the death has changed their life
forever. And these feelings about the death become an
on-going part of their lives.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
 Caring adults, whether parents, teachers, counselors,
or friends, can help teens during this time.
 If adults are open, honest, and loving, experiencing
the loss of someone loved can be a chance for young
people to learn about both the joy and pain that comes
from caring deeply for others.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
Many Teens Are Told To “Be Strong”
 Many adults, who lack understanding of their experience,
discourage teens from sharing their grief.
 Bereaved teens give out all kinds of signs that they are
struggling with complex feelings, yet are often pressured to
act as if they are doing better than they really are.
 When a parent dies, many teens are told to “be strong” and
“carry on” for the surviving parent. They may not know if
they will survive themselves let alone be able to support
someone else. Obviously, these kinds of conflicts hinder
the “work of mourning”.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
Teen Years Can Be Naturally Difficult
 Teens are no longer children, yet neither are they adults.
Leaving the security of childhood, the adolescent begins
the process of separation from parents.
 The death of a parent or sibling can be a particularly
devastating experience during this already difficult period.
 At the same time the bereaved teen is confronted by the
death of someone loved, he or she also faces psychological,
developmental, and academic pressures.
 While teens may begin to look physically more mature,
physical development does not always equal emotional
maturity.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
Teens Often Experience Sudden Deaths
 The grief that teens experience often comes suddenly
and unexpectedly. A parent may die of a sudden heart
attack, a brother or sister may be killed in an auto
accident, or a friend may commit suicide.
 The very nature of these deaths often results in a
prolonged and heightened sense of unreality.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
Support May Be Lacking
 Many people assume that adolescents have supportive friends
and family who will be available to them, but this may not be
true. The lack of support often relates to the social expectations
placed on the teen. They are usually expected to be “grown up”
and support other members of the family, particularly a
surviving parent and/or younger siblings.
 Sometimes we assume that teenagers will find comfort from
their peers; but when it comes to death, this may not be true.
Unless friends have experienced grief themselves, they may
project their own feelings of helplessness by ignoring the subject
of loss entirely.
 Teen support groups can be particularly helpful in assisting teens
to know others have gone through similar experiences.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
Guilt
 As teens strive for their independence, relationship
conflicts with family members often occur. A normal,
though trying, way in which teens separate from their
parents is by going through a period of devaluation.
 If a parent dies while the adolescent is emotionally and
physically pushing the parent away, there is often a
sense of guilt and “unfinished business”.
 While the need to create distance is normal we can
easily see how this complicates the experience of
mourning.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
Signs a Teen May Need Extra Help
 There are many reasons why healthy grieving can be
especially difficult for teenagers. Some grieving teens may
even behave in ways that seem inappropriate or
frightening. Be on the watch for:
 symptoms of chronic depression, sleeping difficulties,



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restlessness and low self esteem
academic failure or indifference to school-related activities
deterioration of relationships with family and friends
risk-taking behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse,
fighting, and sexual experimentation
denying pain while at the same time acting overly strong or
mature.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
 To help a teen who is having a particularly hard time
with his or her loss, explore the full spectrum of
helping services in your community.
 School counselors, church groups and private
therapists are appropriates resources for some young
people, while others may just need a little more time
and attention from caring adults like you.
 The important thing is that you help the grieving teen
find safe and nurturing emotional outlets at this
difficult time.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
What you can do or say
 How adults respond when someone loved dies has a major
effect on the way teens react to the death. Sometimes
adults don’t want to talk about the death, assuming that by
doing so, young people will be spared some of the pain and
sadness.
 Caring adults need to communicate to children that this
feeling is not one to be ashamed of or hide. Instead, grief is
a natural reaction to a loss. With love and understanding,
adults can support teens through this vulnerable time and
help make the experience a valuable part of a teen’s
personal growth and development.
How Children Grieve: Ages 13-15
What you can do or say
 Teens need adults to confirm that it’s all right to be sad and
to feel a multitude of emotions when someone they love
dies.
 They also usually need help understanding that the hurt
they feel now won’t last forever. When ignored, teens may
suffer more from feeling isolated than from the actual
death itself. Worse yet, they feel all alone in their grief.
 Remember that the death of someone loved is a shattering
experience for an adolescent. As a result of this death, the
teen’s life is under reconstruction. Consider the
significance of the loss and be gentle and compassionate in
all of your helping efforts.
Questions to Ask
 How did you find out your person was dead?
 Why do you think they died?
 How did you feel?
 Which of your feelings was the most difficult to handle?
 What did you do?
 What did “They” (parents) do?
 What did you do that made you feel better?
 Do you think anyone is to blame?
 How long do you think you will remember your person?
Questions to Ask
 Who helped you the most at the time of death?
 What feeling do you remember the most?
 What is a way you could remember?
 What did someone else do that made you feel better?
 Who else do you think was affected by this death?
 Do you think they are still grieving?
 How do you know?
 What helped/helps them?
 Do you think they will be okay?
Questions to Ask
 Why do you think death can be frightening to think
about?
 What can people do to be less frightened of death?
 What did you like best about the person who died?
 What did you not like about the person who died?
Remember to sign and submit forms for
camp.
 Compliance plan form
 Sexual abuse form
 Confidentiality form
 Conflict of Interest form
 Medication Fact Sheet
Thank You for Volunteering!
Have an awesome time at
Camp BEARable.