Snow White and the Seven Disco Dwarfs
Play Chic – “Le Freak”. Cast dance on. – Track 1
Introduction – Narrator 1 M1
Ladies and gentlemen, lads and lasses, welcome to the Westfield, class of 2013, year 6
summer show! Applause / bow
Please note the fire exit to my right.
Narrator 2 M2 Please ensure your mobiles are switched off or on silent, especially i-phones
as they interfere with our digital sound system. This is particularly important if you have a
ring tone that mirrors the sound of the walkie-talkies at Robinwood, because for the class of
2013 that noise can mean only one thing….. squirrels, and upon hearing it year 6 are
programmed to respond in one way, and one way only, which would be really annoying for
the whole of the next hour. You just watch; Mrs Moss, cue ring tone
Kim plays signal and both sides stand up and make squirrel sign - Track 2
See what I mean?
Narrator 3 M3 The script writer would like to point out that the script is based on an old
Disney, 20th century children’s cartoon classic, but it has been adapted to appeal to a 21st
century adult audience, so some of the material may cause offence to those of a very sensitive
disposition. If you think that might be you, and you forgot to bring your sense of humour
with you this evening, now’s your last chance to escape.
Narrator 4 M4 The most risqué gag of the night was so dodgy, Mrs Ralph did a bit of
market research and ran it by Amy’s mum, and Mrs Knight thought it was okay, so if you’ve
got any complaints, please direct them to Mrs Knight in the first instance.
Isn’t home-school partnership a wonderful thing? All sigh
Narrator 1 M1 We really hope that you enjoy the show! Bow
Music Maestro! Play “Dancing Queen”, the queen dances on - Track 3
Act 1, Scene 1 – The Queen and the Mirror
Queen M5: Slave in the Magic Mirror, come from the farthest space,
I summon thee speak, let me see thy face…
Play Michael Jackson – “Man in the Mirror”, MJ impersonation, moonwalk etc Track 4
Mirror enters
Mirror M6: Alright love? D’ ya want me for owt?
Queen M5: I most certainly do! Clears throat
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Slave in the Magic Mirror, come from the farthest space,
I summon thee speak, let me see thy face…
Mirror M6: Ooh I’m sorry love, I might have passed the new year 6 spelling and grammar
test, but I’m still a Yorkshire man. If you’re goin to want any sense out of me tha’ll have to
speak in plain English.
Queen M5: How dare you! Have you any idea who you’re speaking to?
Mirror M6: Not really love, who are you?
Side right “who are ya?” side left “who are ya?”
Queen M5: I’m the queen of the Kingdom of Westfield, Snow White’s wicked step mother,
and in act 2, be warned, I’ll turn into the wicked witch. ha ha cackling laugh. Boo hiss sides.
In fact, my character’s transformation is so remarkable, you might think I’m being played by
a completely different child (winks to audience)
Mirror M6: Ooh yeah, I’ve heard all about you! I first heard about you from parents in
Chappy right back in 2009. Having a right go they were. Oh yeah, I’ve marked your card
love. You’re that wicked witch of Westfield aren’t you, the one that stopped school discos!!
Boo, hiss.
Queen M5: I think you’re confusing me with the headteacher at Westfield, but as far as I
know, she thinks there’s a time and place for all things, but in school teaching and learning
and raising standards must come first. Up here for thinking, down there for dancing she says,
but now that our year 6 have got their fantastic SATs results under their belts, I don’t think
she’s got a problem with them disco dancing, in fact she’s written the whole script around
seventies disco classics, so on with the show! All cheer, whistle, applause
Mirror M6: Well in that case love, in answer to your question I have to say, I’m sure in
your hey-day you were chuffin gorgeous, but the most beautiful babe in the kingdom of
Westfield today, has lips as red as the rose, hair as black as ebony, skin as white as snow, and
they call her Snow White!
Queen M5: No!!!!!!!!!! no no no echoes crowd
Baldrick, Blackadder… I mean Mirror, I have a cunning plan. Send for the huntsman.
Ha ha cackling laugh. Boo hiss sides
Cymbals clash
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Act 1, scene 2 – Snow White / disco divas and the Handsome Prince
Play Tramps – “Burn Baby Burn, Disco Inferno” Track 5
Snow White enters with disco divas.
Disco diva 1 M1: Weren’t the Olympics fantastic girls, and Yorkshire really did the country
proud. My heroine is Jess Ennis.
Disco diva 7 M8: I loved Nicola Adams; fancy being the first British woman ever to win
gold in your sport?
Disco diva 6 M9: Oh come on girls, this is cycling City York. You’ve gotta love Lizzie
Armistead, a fine Otley girl
Disco diva 1 M1: Ooh it’s Gods own country is Yorkshire! Do you realise if Yorkshire’d
been a country we’d have finished 12th in the medal tables?
Disco diva 5 M10: I know. Mr. McGann’s heroes the Brownlee brothers did well, but he’s a
cycling fanatic too is Mr. McGann you know. He’s so excited about the Tour de France
coming to York, he’s hoping to be a York games maker. Imagine if he gets to meet Wiggo?
Disco diva 3 M11: I thought Mr. McGann’s sideburns were getting longer…
Disco diva 2 M12: I wonder when we’ll have our first weggie Olympian? The Fentiman
brothers have got to be in with a shout for karate. Did you know Mikey was the youngest
Yorkshire lad ever to get his black belt, and the third youngest in the whole country?
Snow White M7: Yeah, but sometimes your sporting skills develop later than primary
school, so we’ve all got the potential to win gold one day.
Disco diva 5 M10: Yeah, that’s why we’re really lucky to be going to York High, as apart
from being a brilliant school it’s also a specialist sports college, so we’ll get to try loads of
new sports, and we might discover a future Olympian in the class of 2013.
Disco diva 2 M12: Well if there’s a hint of sporting talent in any one of us, Mr. “legacy”
Ellis will find it!
Disco diva 3 M11: Yeah, have you seen Energise since it’s been done up? It’s mint. I can’t
wait for September so we can get to York High
Snow White M7: I’m a bit nervous about going to York High. I’ve loved Westfield, and I
feel really safe here. I don’t want to leave
Disco diva 4 M2: Don’t worry. We’ll soon find our way around York High and we’ll make
loads of new friends
Snow White M7: I’m perfectly happy with my old friends, and what if there are bullies
there?
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Disco diva 5 M10: There won’t be, but don’t worry because the Children’s Champions will
be there anyway. They go to York High every morning throughout September to help us
settle in, so if you have a problem you can go and tell them just like you would here.
They’ve got Children’s Champions at York High too. I don’t think they call them that, but
that’s what they are. Mrs McLeod and Mrs Eland talk to them all the time so they can help
us too, and our own Children’s Champions won’t leave us at York High until they’re sure
we’re all settled and happy.
Disco Diva 1 M1: I know, Mrs Ralph says they can stay til October half term, or even
Christmas, for as long as it takes til we’re all happy
Disco Diva 3 M11: Aah she says that every year, but it never does take that long. In fact
they don’t always make it til the end of September, because once everyone is settled in
there’s no point, and it usually only takes two or three weeks.
Disco Diva 5 M10: What about Serena? Isn’t she going to Manor?
Disco Diva 4 M2: That’s okay the Children’s Champions split up when that happens. Do
you remember when Alex McKenna went to Manor last year? Mrs McLeod was walking
down Becky Lane on her way to Manor when Mr. McKenna drove past her in his taxi!
Disco Diva 6 M9: Anyway Tom’s been going to Manor all year for maths with year 8, so
he’ll look out for her, and so will Alex, and there’ll be other weggies there in September,
Amy’s going and Emily.
Snow White M7: I’m really going to miss Mrs Eland and Mrs McLeod.
Disco diva 7 M8: Well York High’s only up the road, and they said we can always come
back
Disco Diva 4 M2: Yeah, I remember at Easter I was just leaving French club at about quarter
past 4 when I saw three year 8 weggies on their way down to the Children’s Champions’
room. They came in with a problem and Mrs Eland was straight on the case. She phoned
one of their mums and Mrs James at York High and it was all sorted.
Disco Diva 2 M12: Yes, Mrs Ralph is always telling us that the staff at Westfield really love
the children here, and that’s not just whilst we’re here either. Once you’re a weggie they love
you for life!
Disco Diva 7 M8: Talking of love, can you see who I see?
Sides sing “Do you see what I see”
Disco Diva 7 M8: It’s only the Handsome Prince! He looks as if he’s about to start strutting
his stuff. Cue music Mrs Moss!
Play Bee Gees “Staying Alive” – the Handsome Prince struts around the hall. Mirror gives
him a can of paint. - Track 6
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Handsome Prince M3: Alright girls. Hello Snow White. You look well reem. I wanted to
talk to you about the year 6 prom, have you heard about it?
Snow White M7: No, what’s that then?
Handsome Prince M3: Georgia’s mum asked Mrs Ralph a couple of years ago if the school
would organise a year 6 prom, and Mrs Ralph said they wouldn’t, but if the parents wanted to
organise it all themselves, the school would pay £100 towards it. That meant the teachers
were all off duty and could enjoy themselves too, and they didn’t have to clear up at the end
of the night, so that’s what they did last summer.
Disco Diva 3 M11: Sounds great!
Handsome Prince M3: Yeah, I heard they all had a great night! Max’s mum organised it all
and there was a magician and a photographer, and mocktails for all the children on arrival.
Disco Diva 2 M12: I bet the teachers enjoyed the mocktails.
Disco Diva 1 M1: Ooh they did, Mrs Douglas’ husband works in the Audi garage at Clifton
Moor, and on the Saturday morning after the prom all his customers were saying what a
brilliant send-off Mrs Bentley and all the parents and staff had given the class of 2012.
General opinion was that Westfield rocks!
Disco diva 7 M8: I heard the staff Ofsted night out was fantastic too, and there was plenty of
disco dancing that night from what I heard. By the time they moved on into town they
bumped into the Chair of Governors in Lucias, and then he joined in the fun too.
Disco Diva 4 M2: Well they deserved a great night, after struggling with Ofsted grades for
about 15 years, and then finally achieving an Ofsted judgement of GOOD! All cheer
Disco Diva 5 M10: Anyway what did you want to say to Snow White about the year 6
prom?
Handsome Prince M3: Well I wondered if she had anyone to go with? What do you reckon
love. Are you dancing?
Snow White M7: Are you asking
Handsome Prince M3: Absochuffinlutely!
Yvonne Ellerman – “If I Can’t Have You” Track 7
Act 1, scene 3 – Snow White and The Huntsman / Serena and the Serenettes
Queen enters, sides boo hiss
Huntsman M4: You called ma’am?
Queen M5: Yes lowly huntsman, I have a secret mission for you. Snow White is out with
her friends in Acomb Wood. I told her to call into Lidl on her way home to pick up some
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shopping, so once she leaves the group I need you to track her down. They left hours ago,
but there’s only ever one till open at Lidl so she’s probably still stuck in the queue.
Huntsman M4: What shall I do when I find her?
Queen M5: I told her not to walk up Gale Lane under the street lights, but to go the long way
home across Hob Moor
Huntsman M4: But we’ve always told our weggies never to go onto the moor on their own in
the dark.
Queen M5: I told her I would send you to walk her home, so she’ll be expecting you. I want
you to kill her, and to prove you’ve done it, you must cut out her heart and bring it back to
me ha ha ha cackling. Sides boo hiss
Huntsman / Snow White. Ring tone - Squirrel x 2 Track 8 + 9
Huntsman M4: I can’t do it! I’ve known you since you were in Cheeky Monkeys, I can’t
bring myself to hurt you. You must run away and hide. Don’t go back to the palace; it isn’t
safe
Snow White M7: But where can I go? I’ll be homeless
Huntsman M4: Don’t worry darl, Mrs Ralph was really worried that some weggies would be
at risk of homelessness with all these changes to the benefits system, so she asked housing
and the Citizens Advice Bureau to come and base themselves at Westfield. Make an
appointment with Peter, it’s all confidential so he won’t tell the queen, or you can go and see
Ashley at Sanderson Court, and between them they’ll help get you sorted
Serenettes / Serena enters
Serena M6: (Stretches) Hello Serenettes, I’ve just been working out. Since I climbed that
wall at Robinwood I can’t get enough of the climbing wall at energise. Hello Snow White,
are you alright? You look really upset
Snow White M7: I am upset, I’ve just been attacked! The Huntsman didn’t hurt me, but he
threatened to and I was really frightened
Serenette 1 M1: That’s terrible! Some of our weggies witnessed domestic violence you
know. I knew someone who had counselling at our school for that
Serenette 2 M4: So do I. There are two children’s counselling services at Westfield, and you
know what, both of them say that it is never, ever alright for a man to hit a woman
Serenette 3 M11: Too right!
Serenette 4 M12: (Excitedly) Guess what!! In the year 6 summer show, there’s always a
dance off between all the girls and all the boys. In Mamma Mia the boys did a Bollywood
dance to Jay-Ho, and in Grease they did zumba, and although I don’t know what the boys are
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planning this year, I’ve got just the dance for our year 6 girls! It’s the daddy of all disco
classics. Come on girls, let’s show the lads our girl power!
Gloria Gaynor - “I Will Survive” girls’ dance - Track 10
Snow White M7: Ooh I feel better already!
Serenette 3 M11: Good, and you don’t need to be all sad and worried about homelessness
after all Snow White, because we know about a special, fairy tale cottage where you can go
and stay. To get there you have to find a secret, magical portal that leads to a very special
bridge. It only appears when you are really loved, and it’s love that builds the bridge.
Sides: Love can build a bridge – Track 11
Serena M6: No, no , no that’s not my song. It’s called a bridge of light winks to the
audience. Come on serenettes, we’re on!
Pink – Bridge of Light
Serena M6: Thank you, thank you.
Serenette 2 M12: That was great Serena, well done you, but look Jane Angel’s crying again!
Let’s get the disco beat back up-tempo whilst Snow White disappears through the bridge of
light. Audience, our School Council got the eco award at Westfield, so we’ll need a bit of
wind power to fuel the bridge of light. That means you’re clapping too… get ready to rock
Serenette 1 M1: And I think we’ll have a show of girl power from all the ladies in the room,
so come on mums, nanas, aunties, teachers…. on your feet
Kool and the Gang – “Ladies Night” – girls dance off – Track 12
Act 2, scene 1 – The Disco Dwarfs
Track 13
Dig dig dig / hi ho hi ho All dwarfs but Bashful enter, Bashful stays at the back of the hall. Sleepy
goes to lie down, tosses and turns
Sneezy M3: Sneezing / counting dwarfs on stage ey up we’ve lost one. To bashful Aren’t you
coming?
Bashful M8: I can’t go up onto the stage, I’m too bashful
Doc M9: Oh don’t be so daft. I know they’re a paying audience, but they’re only friends and family.
I don’t think they’ll be heckling, or booing us off or owt.
Sleepy M10: I wouldn’t bank on it, we haven’t got to my line yet!
Sneezy M3: Dopey, sneezing since you can’t speak in the show, you can have a few extra actions and
make yourself useful. Can you get Bashful?
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Dopey starts looking all shy and embarrassed
Sneezy M3: No I don’t mean you start getting bashful, I mean can you go and get that Bashful
pointing
Dopey goes to get Bashful
Happy M11: I’d be very happy to go and get Bashful if it would help, or I’d be very happy to help
Dopey get him. to audience Can you guess which one I am?
Grumpy: M12 Oh stop being so happy. Mrs Moss, are you taking photos of this and getting them
onto the website now?
Doc M9: Oh don’t be so grumpy and give her a chance. Does she look like she’s got her feet up
doin nowt over there to you? to audience No problem guessing which one he is!
Sleepy M10: It’s no good I can’t sleep for worrying x 3 I’m worried sick!
Doc M9: Ooh you sound just like Mrs Ralph before the Ofsted. Never mind the Olympians, Mr.
Elam our Chair of Governors deserves a knighthood for putting up with all those stress texts from her
Sneezy M3: Sneezing Worrying about what?
Sleepy M10: Well first I was worrying about how Mrs Ralph was going to spell dwarfs, and now I’m
worrying that she’s calling us dwarfs at all. I mean Snow White was written in the fifties, I think in
2013 we should be called persons of small stature
Grumpy M12: Oh this is making me even more grumpy. World’s gone mad. Berwick Kaler’d go
out of business if you couldn’t have a bit of fun with a script
Doc M9: Anyway lads, enough of all that, it’ll be time to go back to the factory soon
Sleepy M10: Ooh that’s my cue! Mrs Moss, it’s the Disco Dwarfs bit, music please
Wham – “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” Track 14
Act 2, scene 2 – Snow White and the Disco Dwarfs
Dopey comes running up to doc and points wildly at the screen. Dwarfs go round and gasp at Snow
White
Sneezy M3: Who… who… achtchoo on earth are you?
Snow White M7: My name’s Snow White. I found my way here through a bridge of light, and
although I can’t afford to pay any rent, I had a bit of shopping with me from Lidl so I’ve made you all
some lunch towards my keep, and anyway my occupancy in your spare room might save you from the
bedroom tax
Grumpy M12: You won’t impress us with your fancy cooking love, we’re weggies, we’re used to
Sheila’s fantastic school dinners.
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Snow White M7: No it’s chicken, Sheila’s special mothers’ day lunch recipe, and thanks to Lauren
there’s hot chocolate to wash it all down with.
Grumpy M12: To audience Sheila’s dinners my… elbow. It’ll be horsemeat more like.
Doc M9: Ah thanks love, but I don’t think we’ll have time for hot dinners. We’ve to get back to the
factory
Snow White M7: What’s the factory called?
Sleepy M10: This is a disco show love, so we call it the hit factory, it’s called Stock, Aitken and
Watermans
Happy M11: It’s such a happy place to work.
Doc M9: They say staff morale is almost as high as it is at Westfield primary, but according to
Ofsted Westfield staff take some beating by that and any other measure
Sides cheer
Snow White M7: Well if you’re in such a hurry I’ll whip up some pack-ups. They won’t be a patch
on Sheila’s hot dinners, but they’ll be better than nowt. Line up boys
Donna Summer – Hot Stuff, Full Monty dance Track 15
Act 2, scene 3 - Magic Mirror / Queen / Wicked Witch / Snow White
Track 16
Queen M5: Slave in the Magic Mirror, come from the farthest space,
I summon thee speak, let me see thy face…
Mirror M6: Alright love, what can I do for you this time?
Queen M5: I want you to find the most amazing, effusive vocabulary to describe my exceptional
beauty.
Mirror M6: I’ve told you once love, plain English’ll do for me
Queen M5: Can you think of one word to describe me?
Mirror M6: I’ve got one! Mildew
Queen M5: Mildew! Do you mean mould?
Mirror M6: No, mother I’d like to dance with
Queen M5: I think we’d better stick to the original! Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of
them all?
Mirror M6: I’ve told you that one love, Snow White is
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Queen M5: No!!!!!!!! runs off
Anita Ward – Ring My Bell – Track 17
Snow White M7: I shouldn’t really answer the door to strangers
Wicked Witch M1: It’s alright, I came through the bridge of light, just like you did Snow White, you
can trust me. I want to make sure you’re having your five a day. Come and taste this juicy apple
Snow White M7: To audience What do you think, should I trust the stranger?
Sides – Stop in the name of love
Hit Factory worker M2: Hold on, hold on, I don’t think the Supremes are going to save the day. I
think we need a bit of poetic licence here to avoid a disco classic. Come on lads, I know Thatcher
was famous for breaking the unions, but I’m calling all the hit factory workers out for one last strike.
The girls had their big dance number with “I Will Survive” but there can only be one dance for the
boys in the class of 2013. Mrs Moss, cue Psy!
Psy – Gangnam Style, boys’ dance - Track 18
Handsome Prince M3: Oh Snow White, I am so happy that you didn’t trust that wicked
witch!
Snow White M7: Oh don’t worry, I’m a weggie, so I know all about keeping myself safe. I
was never going to answer the door to that stranger.
Handsome Prince M3: Well I think this calls for a “big finish” dance number
Snow White M7: Is the dance with the teachers too?
Handsome Prince M3: No, I’m afraid they’re as bashful as Bashful. They can only dance in
front of children at Christmas, and the Chair of Governors after Ofsted
Snow White M7: Well Westfield is proud to be a school where Children Come First, so it’s
only right and proper that the limelight rests squarely on us. Come on class of 2013, let’s go
out with a discotastic bang!
Saturday Night Fever – All Children Dance - Track 19
Children dance off and get ready for curtain call
Chic – Everybody Dance - Track 20
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