Today you will apply various sentence
structure techniques in order to improve
the continuity of your drafts.
1. WORD OF THE DAY
2. SENTENCE STRUCTURE REVIEW
3. REVISIONS
4. WORK SESSION
HW: PRINTED DRAFT EVERY DAY IN
CLASS. APPLY REVISIONS TO
YOUR PAPER. NEXT WEEK WE
BEGIN PEER EDITING.
Works Cited Reminders: YOUR responsibility
Make sure it gets in your draft!
 Entries go in ABC order
 Periods go INSIDE “quotation marks.”
 Books, Magazines, Newspapers, TV/Movie Titles





Get Italicized
“Article Titles in Quotation Marks”
All Words Other Than Prepositions Get Capitalized
REVERSE/HANGING INDENT means the second
lines get tabbed over one
Double Spaced
If there is no date of publication, you write n.d.
Impede/Hinder/Thwart (verb)
 To stop progression with obstacles
 Slow, obstruct, almost stop, gets
in the way
 Continuity can be
impeded/thwarted/hindered through a lack
of transitions.
 Progress on pharmaceutical reforms has
been thwarted/impeded/hindered by many
companies’ unwillingness to give up profits
in the best interest of the patient.
What do you need to make a complete sentence?
 Who/what the sentence
is about
 The action being
performed/what the
who/what is DOING
 Sometimes what the
action is being done to
 The Subject
 The Predicate
 Verb
 The Direct Object
I am awesome.
The monster alien ate the senior’s paper before class.
Ms. Broccolino, our Seminar teacher, loves Ryan Gosling.
From SSG Somes’ Army Paper
The original paragraph
My helpful revision 
 The United States’ main goal in the
 The United States’ main goal in the
Vietnam War was undoubtedly to
stop the spread of communism. The
world believed in “The Domino
Theory,” which was the idea that if
one country was taken over by
communists, the other countries
around it would as well (O’Malley,
2011). The United States also believed
it must save Vietnam from the Viet
Cong to prevent the Domino Theory
from occurring, which would also
save it from the Soviet Union (Time
Magazine, 1965). The idea that South
Vietnam was virtually the only nation
that could stop the communists from
conquering the entire Pacific region
was in fact flawed, even though this
mentality fueled pro-Vietnam
sentiments back home.
Vietnam War was undoubtedly to stop
the spread of communism. Stemming
from fears of the Soviet Union and the
Cold War, much of the world believed in
“The Domino Theory,” the idea that if
one country fell to a communist regime,
it was only a matter of time before
countries surrounding it began to fall as
well (O’Malley, 2011). In order to
prevent this from occurring, the United
States believed it must save Vietnam
from the Viet Cong, thus also saving it
from the Soviet Union (Time Magazine,
1965). While this mentality may have
fueled the pro-Vietnam sentiments, the
idea that South Vietnam was virtually
the only nation that could stop the
communists from conquering the entire
Pacific region was in fact flawed.
Why do we vary sentence structure?
Don’t let your sentences become The Jersey Shore of
the senior project.
Combine these phrases into one sentence
Number One:
1. The pig burst
2. From under the fence
3. In an explosion
4. Of dirt and pebbles
5. Heaving Daniel into the air
How did you do it?
Author’s Original
 In an explosion of dirt and pebbles, the pig burst
from under the fence, heaving Daniel into the air.
Try another one (from The Great Gatsby)
Number Two:
1. Mr. Gatz opened the door
2. and came out
3. his eyes leaking isolated and unpunctual tears
4. his face flushed slightly
5. after a little while
How did you do it?
Fitzgerald
 After a little while, Mr. Gatz opened the door and
came out, his face flushed slightly, his eyes leaking
isolated and unpunctual tears.
One more time from Banner in the Sky
Number Three:
1. a roped file of men
2. began slowly to climb the ice slope
3. beneath heavy loads
4. of the great last ridge
5. just beneath the jagged line
6. with the first paling of the sky
7. bent almost double
How did you do it?
Next skill: Sentence Combining!
Original
Revised
The puppy is cute.
2. The puppy is brown.
3. The puppy is named
Gatsby.
4. The puppy keeps
pooping on the rug.
 Gatsby, the cute, brown
1.
puppy, keeps pooping
on the rug.
Another example
Original
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
The ASPCA helps
animals.
This organization was
founded in 1866.
This organization started
in New York City.
It was started to try to
help prevent animal
abuse.
It does this by raising
awareness.
Revised
 Founded in New York
City in 1866, the
ASPCA attempts to
prevent animal abuse
through raising
awareness.
Now, try to combine all these sentences into one,
using whatever phrases and conjunctions you
need, and taking out unnecessary words!
Number Four:
1. We rented a small apartment our first year in New
York
2. The small apartment had a Catholic school nearby
3. The Sisters of Charity taught there
4. The Sisters of Charity were hefty women in long
black gowns that made them look peculiar
5. The Sisters of Charity also wore bonnets that made
them look peculiar
The Original from Snow
 Our first year in New York, we rented a small
apartment with a Catholic school nearby, taught by
the Sisters of Charity, hefty women in long black
gowns and bonnets that made them look peculiar.
Here is how it might look in full
(Background)Anything we see -- a person on the street, an ad on TV,
a character in a movie -- has some influence on our next thoughts,
emotions or actions, simply because it's top of mind, says Joanne
Cantor, a psychologist and member of the American Psychological
Association.
 Cantor, professor of communication research at the University of
Wisonsin-Madison, explains that empathetic people are likely to be
especially affected by media priming. “If you’ve just seen a movie
about really altruistic people and you get an opportunity to behave
altruistically, you’ll probably do it, rather than if you’ve just seen a
movie about selfish people,“ she says.
 Something to think about next time you find yourself lured into an
hours-long marathon of your favorite reality show. On the other
hand, some of us could likely use more gym and laundry, if not
tanning, in our lives.
 Watching Jersey Shore might make you dumber, new study shows
See if you can add research in this way
 Cantor, professor of communication research at the
University of Wisonsin-Madison, explains that
empathetic people are likely to be especially affected
by media priming. “If you’ve just seen a movie about
really altruistic people and you get an opportunity to
behave altruistically, you’ll probably do it, rather
than if you’ve just seen a movie about selfish people,“
she says.
 Last name, job description, explains …paraphrase
“quote,” she says (citation).
Application: Revision Section
 Read through your draft
 Underline FIVE sentences that you feel could use
some sentence structure revision.
 Revise them directly on your draft and make sure to
incorporate them into your saved copy asap.
Share on your paper
 Pick two of your original sentences.
 Share your original vs. revision. Please and thank
you 