“Offensiveless
Defense” with Two
Rules
THE ONLY TWO RULES WE
MAY EVER NEED for
Bully Prevention
Suicide Prevention
Homicide Prevention
Much less need for Bereavement, Grief,
Uncertainty, and Fear
The ultimate weakness of violence
is that it is a descending spiral,
begetting the very thing it seeks to
destroy.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Problem is ….
1. People hurting themselves as their
(seemingly) last line of self defense.
2. People hurting others physically
and/or putting down others’ humanness as
their (seemingly) last resort when stressed.
Parental, spousal, sibling abuse, school
bullying, etc.
The problem is:
Not enough parents and teachers bringing
up their children with rules against this in
the family and in their classes at school.
Suicides, homicides, attempts thereof, and
….Suicide attacks….Terrorism
Solution: Start with yourself:
 1. Take an immutable (i.e. don’t revert back) rule
to never again hurt yourself ; not physically and
not psychologically. (e.g. even when you make a
mistake, don’t call yourself “Stupid”….AND
worse yet.)
 2. Take an immutable rule to never again harm
anybody else purposely physically and not put
down their humanness. (e.g. when someone
makes a mistake, don’t call them “Stupid”, etc.Say instead, “That’s a mistake. Get back on
track.”
Without consciously taking
these 2 rules, you will seriously
hurt yourself and/or other(s)
eventually, often resulting in a
serious problem. As parents or
teachers it’s rarely too late to
introduce these two rules to your
children or students.
Regarding spankings for young people. There are
learning spankings and there are damaging spankings.
Before the point of pain, attention is heightened and
learning can occur, if you speak rationally and make
suggestions while “spanking”. Stop using damaging type
of spankings that go into pain, and result in the person
shutting-down, becoming resentful, and which impede
learning. You know the difference!
Hypothesis- your life will get
worse and worse if you do not
have and keep these two rules;
your life will get better and
better if you DO have and keep
these two rules.
How Come Hurting Yourself takes away
the real who you were meant to be?
 Every time you hurt yourself, your unconscious
mind takes it as the truth, and tries to make it
more true. (e.g. if and when you first smoked,
you started coughing and your body told you to
stop. You kept going anyway, and after some
period of time you probably found yourself with
a lit cigarette in your mouth, not remembering
when you lit it. Your unconscious mind took
over.)
How Come Hurting Yourself chips away
at the real who you were meant to be?
 Every time you hurt yourself, the
“real” you
gets buried a bit. Unless there was terrible
brain damage, you were born to be
flexible, creative, rational, intelligent,
loving, and cooperative.
 Every time you hurt yourself, distress gets in you
and interferes with your flexible creative,
rational, intelligent, loving and cooperative
actions.
Instead of Hurting Yourself:
 For example, instead of calling yourself a name
such as Stupid, try a positive direction such as- “I
made a mistake, get back on track! That’s not like
me!” or if you’re hurting yourself physically,
such as smoking cigarettes, don’t kid
yourself…If you are continuing to do anything
despite negative consequences you ARE hurting
yourself.
 YOU do really know the difference
 Research the best way…for you to stop….to
succeed; and never give up.
ARE you Hurting Yourself or the other
person if you say Goodbye to a Wrong
or Toxic Relationship?
 No, you might feel sad. But to feel sad is normal
and appropriate- probably right. Right for the
other person too, because you’re likely not to be
“right” for them if they are not right for you. This
frees you both up to look for a better situation.
 ONCE YOU SAY THAT YOU WILL ACCEPT A
RULE NOT TO HURT YOURSELF, don’t ever
go back on it.
When the caretaker (in the teacher or parent role) is
irked by a young person- eveb a so-called light
spanking or any contact is usually not the best
choice:
As the caretaker, you might go to hitting or
wringing a coat, pillow, or some such soft
inanimate object; even using a belt or stick
on such (whatever will provide the most
relief for you….AND be interesting for the
child to turn away from their irking
behavior.
You might even say:
Give details to your otherwise victim.
Call what they have done names, but
not them names.
“When you (xxxx-exact details so they
know the irking part) I get so angry that I
want to bash you. But I won’t because I
don’t want you to be hurt, dislike me, or
stop being cooperative”.
E.g. Drinking too much is assinine, YOU
are not assinine.
This displacing performs several
functions
 Discharges your own irritation
 Models offensiveless discipline
 (When applied immediately and not all the time
as the only response to the child’s behavior) it
distracts the young person from their bad
behavior.
 Gives you time to think of a proactive or
redirective response. “Walls are not for writing.
Use this paper instead.” “People are not for
hitting, hit here (e.g. a pillow) instead.”
ARE you Hurting Somebody Else if you
slap, punch, or otherwise make
contact?
 You might look like you are, and you might be
annoying, BUT you AND the other person (if not
already distressed in this area) will know whether
you have crossed the line into hurting. Humans
know the difference. Thus pillow fighting, can
be useful in that it can release anger safely, and
be fun.
 SO ONCE YOU AGREE TO TAKE A RULE
NOT TO HURT ANYBODY, don’t go back on it.
Learn OFFENSIVELESS
DEFENSE
Use your flexible intelligence in each unique
situation to also stop somebody else from hurting you. Do it
without going on the offense, without “tit for tat”. It might
take all of your intelligence, but it’s worth it.
Don’t let fear get in the way of protecting yourself
without hurting another. Keep thinking and speaking
positively to the other, and don’t shutdown.
Know that People don’t improve with
blame, reproach, and attack
If you find yourself compelled to “hurt”
somebody, it is often similar to the way
you were treated badly in similar
situations, or as you SAW somebody else
badly treated in similar situations. Stop the
cycle yourself or get help:
THESE TWO RULES, and
Offensiveless Defense, ARE
WHAT YOU NEED FOR SAFETY.
WHAT YOU NEED TO REALLY
MANAGE STRESS. Without them your
life becomes unmanageable.
NOW, IF YOU START WITH
YOURSELF, IS THERE ANY
OBJECTION…?
Taking 2 rules vs. teaching 2
rules- 3 Crucial Teaching Times
 Child on your lap
 Sometime during
Grades 3 through 9
 Adulthood before
tragedy
 Slaps you *Slaps self
 Bullies
*Gets Bullied
 Attracted to terrorist, gang
thinking, or involved in tactics
of intimidation, plans for
assassinations, and attacks to
control others
*Making
harmful choices that lead to
addictions, self belittlement;
depressed-suicidal thoughts
Taking rules not to hurt self or another can
happen anytime- No harm to take them “on faith”
 Study involving
question to the eldest
of the eldest: If you
could go back to ANY
age, what age would
you choose?
 Counter suicidal thoughts by
taking a rule against hurting
yourself “on faith”- then do the
work to set your life better- e.g.
start searching for endophine
production through having fun
safely, gaining freedom, gaining
competence and being close to
others; use positive directions
against the distress or addictions;
concentrate on being well-rested,
well-nourished, well-exercised,
and well-organized. Get up; move
around; do the next indicated
thing; trudge the road to
happiness.
Taking rules not to hurt self or another can
happen anytime- No harm to take them “on faith”
 Hurting
somebody/others?
 Counter frustrated, angry and irritable
feelings, and aggressive thoughts by
taking a rule against hurting anybody
“on faith”- then do the work to set your life
better- e.g. when the feeling FIRST starts,
note outloud : I’m feeling frustrated
(irritated) and it’s not your fault.”; apologize
immediately if you even slip a little into the
realm of harm; ask for forgiveness
immediately; hit something soft and
inanimate if it helps; with a belt if it helps;
stamp your feet if it helps; pray and ask for
an alternative course and listen for the
internal answer if you can; make sure you
are well rested, well nourished, well
exercised, and well organized. Tell this
person what you would prefer they did; Ask
this person what they could better.
Search under your anger and look for (and
express) grief, disappointment and/or fear. It
is probably there.
 Negative emotions stop clear thinking.
 Stop “new” fear (and all its forms from embarrassment to
terror) and sadness (and all its forms from minor
disappointment to major loss) from getting in you through
changing what you say to yourself to positive directions.
 Discharge “old” fear and sadness (which already got in
you) through the natural physiological methods, as you
were born to do…until you are left with the ability to act
in a relaxed, rational, flexible, creative and appropriate,
loving manner. Instead of an emotionally laden memory,
you will be left with an ordinary memory.
Unfortunately, people don’t improve
with blame, reproach, and attack
Blame, reproach and attack shuts down a
person’s intelligence and cooperation.

Instead of hurting somebody, start by
SAYING (if appropriate) or merely thinking, “It’s
a good thing that I have a rule against hurting
anybody, because when xxxxx happens, I feel
like (eg. Saying nasty things….wringing necks,
etc.) because to me xxxxx is rude, wrong, etc.
However, I want to help the situation to
improve.”
Taking rules not to hurt self or another can
happen anytime- No harm to take them “on faith”
 Never give up!
 Examples of positive directions:
1. There is an elegant solution to every
real problem, and I will use all my
resources until I find it.
2. If the entire situation is taken into
account, every person is doing the very
best that he or she can do, and thus
deserves neither blame not reproach.
This is particularly true of you.
3. From this moment forward, I
happily (solemnly) promise never
again to treat anybody, including
myself, with anything less than
complete respect. This will mean
xxxxx.
Teaching these 2 rules- Toddler
stage
 Child on your lapeven though their
force is probably not
harmful to you, (or to
siblings) still take this
FIRST opportunity to
teach the child NOT
to hurt another or self.

Slaps you as hard as they (probably)
can- Do not laugh; gently take their
offending hand; firmly say NO!
Grab a nearby pillow (or similar)
and lovingly SAY- “Be gentle with
people. Hit here instead.” (He or
she will usually bash the pillow for
a long or short period of time while
you look on) Sometimes/often they
will then switch and slap
themselves.

Slaps themselves as hard as they
(probably) can- Do as above- Do not
laugh; gently take their offending
hand; firmly say NO! Grab a nearby
pillow (or similar) and lovingly SAY“Be gentle to yourself. Hit here
instead.” (He or she will usually
bash the pillow for a long or short
period of time while you continue to
warmly look on, with interest.)
Teaching 2 rules – Second
teaching Crucial Time
 Sometime during
Grades 3 through 9
 Bullies- Do not yell; Firmly
say “NO!” or “Stop that!”
Ask them, or if in the actual
situation, ask the most upset
person “What happened?”
(Listen to their responses
and repeat it to the other
person- go back and forth
without judgment until
solution is found by them. If
the bullier seems to enjoy
intimidating and hurting
another, ask: “Did anybody
ever do that to you?” (e.g.
“pants” you) If yes, say, “I’m
sorry that happened to you.
(even yell:) It should never
have happened, etc.”
Teaching 2 rules – Second
teaching Crucial Time
 Sometime during
Grades 3 through 9

Tells you gets teased and/or bulliedNeither baby them nor rush off to GET
the offending one (perhaps yet). First
ask for the details and listen carefully to
their answer and reflect the feelings you
think you notice: Say, “You look (sad)
(angry) (scared) (embarrassed) and I’m
sorry that happened to you. (even yell:)
It should never have happened, etc.”
Then say, “I have some ideas of what to
say and how to stop the bully/teasing.”
Let me show you?” Then teach 3-6
offensiveless defense ways while you
roleplay him responding with humor
(“Very funny!”), facts (“You don’t have to
tell me I’m heavy, I’ve got a mirror!”, and
looking into their eye while blocking and
saying- “You could hurt me and I might
hurt you, and then we both might be a
wreck.” Take all the time needed until
they are ready. Even write the words out
clearly for them to practice with you.
Teaching 2 rules to an Adult -Teaching
the meaning, asking for acceptance.
 This is a difficult time
to introduce the rules
because the person is
no longer being raised
by parents or under
school authorityThus the topic needs
to be raised by a
trusted person.
 Any adult who is doing anything that is
harmful to themselves, including selfdenigration, self abusive or suicidal
thoughts. Start by saying, “It seems
you haven’t yet taken a rule NOT to
hurt yourself (physically and
psychologically)?” (Listen) Next ask,
“Has anybody ever asked you to take a
rule to never again hurt yourself?”
(Listen- and respectfully and clearly
address any and all of their objections
to taking such a rule) For a self hating
egocentric individual, you might need
to ask, “Do you think it would be good
for ME to hurt myself? (Listen for
them to say no) Well, YOU are a
person too. Lastly ask: “Are you
willing to take a rule from this day
forward not to hurt yourself?” When
you get a yes, add: “If you have any
trouble keeping it, will you please call
on me so we can deal with it?”
Therapist or trusted person with rapportteaching the 2 rules to Adults who don’t have
them- Getting to Acceptance
 To rehabilitate an adult
already in the criminal
justice system or stop one
who may be headed that
way from later
committing battery,
assault, acts of terrorism,
etc. is the most difficult
intervention, and requires
full caring and a time
commitment by the
“teacher”.
 From an emotionally &/or
physically abusing parent or
spouse, to the terrorist or gang
member who has been trained
to think and value tactics of
intimidation, attacks, and even
assassination to gain control
over others, or governments….
Start from where you can.
First, get their attention-preferably before or in the
early stages. Then make sure
you say that YOU have a rule
not to hurt anybody.
(Demonstrate on their wrist
what that means, if
appropriate) Then…:
Amount of time usually needed to teach the 2 rules to
toddlers who don’t have them- (In my experience and
practice)is about 2 to 10 minutes unless there are sibling
issues in their setting, then longer (see teaching to young
people).
 Without even learning
what is actually
meant, toddlers
without brain damage
can be quite easily
redirected not to again
purposefully hurt
themselves or try to
hurt another
nonthreatening adult.
 Since a toddler shouldn’t
be alone, it will take an
adult who knows how to
do the following to teach
this:
 They must first be
“caught” in the act of
trying to hurt themself or
somebody else. This gives
the opportunity to
intervene and teach.
Toddlers without brain damage want to cooperate, and will
do as you suggest, as long as they understand what you
suggest, and you haven’t distressed them by not keeping the
rule of not hurting them.
 Grab a pillow or
something equivalent
while fairly loudly and
sternly saying “NO!”
 Do not laugh; gently
take their offending
hand or foot, and while
you demonstrate, say:
 “ Hit (Kick) here instead.”
 “Be gentle to me (yourself
me, her, him), and bash the
pillow instead.”
 Keep a warm, aware,
interested look on your face
all the while they hit or kick
the pillow, no matter how
red or sweaty they get doing
it…. Until they are finished
and go on to doing anything
else except trying to hurt
themselves or another.
Amount of time usually needed to teach the 2 rules
and offensiveless defense to young people who
don’t have them- (In my experience and practice)
Learning what is
actually meant, and
not meant by
taking the two
rules is the first
step.
After you are sure they know the
definition of the 2 rules, tell
them whatever works (without
physically or emotionally
hurting them of course) Words
such as “You are not going to
hurt each other (or themself)
“It is not acceptable…You will
only make (the other person or
yourself) worse….It is not the
answer…., etc.” This can be
enough for some young people,
but usually it isn’t.
Teaching offensiveless defense to
young people
Some young people will need examples of offensiveless
defense responses in every emotionally laden situation until
they are mature. Others may only need good examples here
and there in “dribs and drabs”. Some have had a concerted 3
hour period to “get” what is actually meant, and how to carry
out offensiveless defense responses in their hardest areas,
and then have been able to carry on just fine from thereon
out with no more demonstrations, lectures, etc. needed.
Amount of time usually needed to teach the 2 rules
and offensiveless defense to young people who
don’t have them- (In my experience and practice)
Learning what is
actually meant, and
not meant by
taking the two
rules is the first
step.
Explain that they will only make
themselves (or the other
person) worse….It is not the
answer to their problems and it
doesn’t make others behave
better by hurting them.
However telling others that
you could hurt them, but
CHOOSE not to, usually has a
salubrious effect. Even after
acceptance, more teaching is
usually needed to learn enough
offensiveless responses.
(Demonstrations help)
Amount of time usually needed to teach the 2 rules
and offensiveless defense to adults who don’t have
them- (In my experience and practice)
After defining the 2 rules until
they can repeat them, tell them
it may take time to notice all
the ways that you are hurting
yourself. Explain that they will
only make themselves (or the
other person) worse….It is not
the answer to making others
behave better.….It usually
takes adults the longest to both
“get” what is actually meant,
and even after acceptance,
more teaching is needed to
learn enough offensiveless
responses or how to change.
(Demonstrations are often
useful.
 Learning what is actually meant,
and not meant by taking the two
rules and remembering the 2
rules can be simple and quick
(as quickly as you can explain it)
for some, or slow and
misconstrued by others, even
smart adults.
Getting to Acceptance usually
takes a few examples and
questions by the adults. Ask
first if it is themselves or
somebody else who they think
they would have the most
difficulty with keeping the 2
rules.
Stopping Adults from Abusing
If the adult notes it is somebody else, ask for the first name
of someone in their current life who it would be most
difficult to keep the 2 rules for. Then plan with them some
offensiveless defense responses to come up with a viable
plan to help them. By learning this, they will be ready to
handle the others in their lives. Give them a role reversal
demonstration of your using the plan, and have them
write it down, as they will need to practice. Without
practice they will forget how to defend without harming.
Getting them to exchange their old abusive response(s) to
nonabusive suggestions and reactions can take one
example, or up to years of cognitive, behavioral, or
psychotherapy…. or confinement if they commit violent
acts.
Assessing Adults’ Self-Harm
If the adult notes it is themself, ask them what they are doing, or point
out in a way that they can agree, what it is that is causing them harm.
(Physical ways -such as smoking or drinking more than has been
found to be healthy-, or emotionally putting themselves down.)
Then ask, Are you willing to stop?
Your response depends on whether the answer is “yes” or “no”. If they
answer “No”, ask if they are saying no because they just don’t know
YET how to stop, or is it more serious than that. If they don’t
respond yes to “Wouldn’t you think that I (or anybody else you know
they respect) should take a rule not to hurt myself?….And you are a
person too.” , then they are severely shutdown and at risk. This rarely
happens if they are following along with you.
If they answer “Yes” ask them if they can “just do it”, or will they need
outside help or a plan as to how to do it. Refer them to somebody
who can, or if appropriate and you are able, give them a
demonstration or a plan, and write it for them to practice or
implement so as not to hurt themselves anymore.
What is actually not meant,
by taking the two rules:
Anything other than actual physical harm
or actually saying directly TO THEM
that which puts down their “humanness”
(e.g. puts down their intelligence,
underlying lovability,
and underlying ability to be cooperativeseparate from any distress patterns).
Because People don’t really improve
with blame, reproach, and attack
SAY, “There must be an important
reason that you are resorting to this
(summarize what you see as the bad
situation).
At the extreme
We have heard of people in gangs killing- in order
to have a “tear” tattoo and initiation into a gang.
America knows of jihad because we do not
follow the ways of the Moslem extremists. Also,
for the about 1% to 2% sociopaths and
psychopaths in the population, containing or
jailing seems to be the only current effective
solution. In this examiner’s opinion, using offensive defense, rather than
offensiveless defense, leads to more retaliation by otherwise good people as well as
leading to others justifying their offensive methods.
It may have worked out better if the training began in early toddler
age, or at the second crucial stage, while in school.
In the U.S.A., approximately 20% of students report having been
bullied (1993 survey of the nature and extent of bully/victim
problems in junior/middle and secondary schools); One in five.
Bullying and teasing tops the list of children’s school
troubles: 86% of 12-15 year olds say teasing and bullying occur
at their schools, and rank teasing and bullying as “big problems”,
ranking this issue higher than racism, the pressures to try drugs
or to have sex.
Report in spring, 2001 by the Kaiser Family Foundation and
Nickelodeon that: Until then bullying was often overlooked.
Fear, Anger, Sadness, Tension (negative
emotions) stop clear rational thinking
Using negative emotions as guides to
action creates irrational and
imprisoning decisions and damaging
actions.
Instead, remind or teach that what is
rational, flexible, creative and
intelligent is the best guide to action.
Negative emotions stop clear rational
thinking
 Stop negative emotions from getting in you
through changing what you say to yourself to
positive directions, as a first line of defense.
 If too late, then discharge prior negative emotions
that did get into you, by using the natural
physiological method, as you were born to
do…until you are left with the ability to act in a
relaxed, rational, flexible, creative and
appropriate manner, without fear, anger, sadness,
tension or even boredom.
How come hurting somebody detracts
from or takes away part of the good
person who they were meant to be?
 Every time you hurt anybody else, it adds more
distress to them, and they become even worse;
especially because it puts negative emotions in
them, and crowds out their friendliness and
cooperativeness. It also makes their thinking less
clear.
 Especially in families and at school, most people
hurt another because they are trying to get that
person to act better. Some people have been hurt
themselves so much that they are passing on the
pattern, like passing on a common cold. But they
need to be stopped without further hurt.
Watch and Listen
 Just about every time something goes wrong in
life, in a movie or in a book, it is because
somebody has hurt somebody or themselves, and
they don’t have conscious rules not to hurt
themselves or another.
 If somebody WANTS to experience hurt, even
death, don’t worry…accidents will happen AND
nobody has ever lived forever yet.
In homes bullying is often overlooked
between siblings, or is used as a method of
adult coping with a young person. (This
includes physical aggression, verbal
assault, as well as being intentionally
excluded.)
These young people often grow up using a
similar poor coping method.
Bullying has often been
overlooked at school too.
 At school, students report being victims of
bullying during school. (This may include
physical contact, verbal assault, making obscene
gestures or even facial expressions, as well as
being intentionally excluded.)
 Are exposed repeatedly over time, to intentional
injury or discomfort inflicted by one or more
people.
 Teachers rarely detected bullying, and intervened
in only 4% of all incidents. (1999)
Where do most bullying
incidents occur?
–At school - In places with little
adult supervision such as
playgrounds and hallways.
– Anywhere at home – When
somebody feels thwarted, wants
to control, or thinks they are
infringed upon.
When incidents of bullying incidents at
school, home, or ….anywhere in countries of
the world
–Sympathy for the “Underdog”
grows and gathers up others
with an angry response to the
bullier; usually leading to more
violence.
Who are the victims; “Why”
them?
Victims in school are generally less
popular, more anxious, more insecure.
Victims’ reactions may only reinforce the
bullies’ sense of power.
(Students’) attitudes regarding bullying
indicate that they believe that the bullied
(students) are at least partly to blame for
their victimization.
Students’ attitudes regarding
bullying:
Not only do other students believe that the
bullied students are at least partly to blame
for their victimization.
Students also believe that bullying makes
the victims tougher.
Student’s very often believe that teasing is
simply done “in fun”.
Between former friends, versus
conflict between strangers.
 When former friends
have a problem, a
solution can reconnect
the two people as
good as or better than
ever.
 When they are strangers
or only vaguely know
each other, it becomes
more difficult to
communicate; - even so, a
solution may be reached
with help from a trusted
outsider.
Bullying has serious
consequences
 For victims
 Victims report feelings of
 For perpetrators
vengefulness, anger and
self-pity after an incident
 Students who engage in
aggressive and bullying
behaviors may take part
in criminal and aggressive
behavior after
adolescence
 For school and the
home
Left Untreated
Victims reactions of feelings of
vengefulness, anger and self-pity can
evolve into

Depression

Physical Illness

Suicide/Homicide ideation and
attempts
We can no longer dismiss teasing
and bullying as part of growing up
 How can bullies be stopped?
How can students be taught to be more
understanding of one another?
How can staff and parents help students
deal with teasing and taunting?
How can thin- skinned students become
more resilient?
Secure agreement not to harm
physically and/or emotionally
Obtain success by striving to avoid being frustrated or angry
by the person’s/student’s patterns. Use a “please pass the salt
tone of voice” while asking for willingness to keep an
agreement not to harm. Allow them to argue with you, in
order to know their thinking, and in order to counteract their
irrational thoughts with reason. It will keep the natural
affection between the helper and person-inside-the-bullier
alive.
Are you willing?
 Never again to treat
anyone, including
yourself, with
anything less than
COMPLETE
RESPECT?
Are you willing?
 From this moment
forward to take a rule
not to hurt anybody
or put down their
humanness?
EVERYTHING ELSE IS
ACCEPTABLE
 “Just say NO” to
hurting yourself or
another.
 Choose from the vast
array of all things that
don’t break those 2
rules. Let the rest go
by. You know the
difference.
With Only these 2 rules it is very
likely:
 Your life will get better
and better.
 Your life will be more
worthwhile, and full of
interesting and warm
creative possibilities.
 You will feel happier,
relaxed and have more
zest and energy.
 Two rules are easier to
remember than more.
With ONLY these 2 rules
Aside from ill health and
accidents, rarely will
there be a need to
grieve…..No suicides to
grieve over. No
homicides to grieve over.
Sure, there will still be
accidents here and there,
and nobody has yet lived
forever, but purposeful
harming would be
eliminated.
Without BOTH of these rules
 Your life will get worse
and worse.
 Your life will be full of
trouble, even possibly
doom and gloom.
 You will be sad, angry,
frustrated, tense, anxious
and/or scared more often
than not.
 People will want revenge
if you harm them.
THESE TWO RULES ARE
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS FOR
SAFETY.
NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY
OBJECTION?
Examples of offensiveless defenseto replace breaking either safety
rule.
In Ron Howard’s movie, “Cinderella
Man” ‘Now you’ve got your wife
fighting YOUR battles!’ says the
prodder- looking for a fight “Yea, isn’t
she SOMETHING?”, says the hero
Example of offensiveless
defense
My son walking between two people
readying to fight. He warmly looked at
one, then the other, as he firmly said
ONCE, “You’re not going to hurt each
other.” I saw them both turn around
and walk in opposite ways.
Will you please ready
yourself to use offensiveless
defenses of your own?
There are countless ways. Some
will give better results than others.
Get ready to use one after
another, until you get results.
Possible interfering Issue….
“Joking”
Person says they are joking when they
name call, and you doubt that they were
joking.
 You (or somebody) are jokingly hitting
somebody (and they know it), and they
ACT like you really hurt them.
Handling “Joking”- suggestion
of possible solutions
 Use a tone of voice like you believe them and sincerely
reply:
 Example #1-“Oh, I hope you ARE joking, ‘cause I wouldn’t want to
ever make you mad enough to call me a name like that!” If they do it
again, Say- “I’m not (stupid) (a bastard) (gay), etc. and I don’t call
you names. (Also apologize, say you were wrong, and stop it if you
ever did call them offensive names.) Perhaps add, “If I WAS (e.g.
gay, mentally retarded, my parents never married, etc.), I still should
be treated respectfully anyway.”
 Example #2- “Oh, I really didn’t mean to hit you hard enough to hurt
you.” If they “fess up”, that’s great, but if they do hit too hard again
when you touch them, don’t touch them anymore. There are others
you can have that kind of fun with if you want.
If Rules are not to be broken….
What about the adage, “The
exception proves the rule”?
If Rules are not to be broken….
One does not HAVE to keep
these two rules
CHOICE remains- It is this
writer’s opinion that Life will not
work well by failing to keep
those two rules. See if it is your
opinion too.
Suggestions are merely
preferences
Because life
might work out
quite a bit more
successfully if
some
suggestions
are embraced.
Examples of
suggestions
that have made
many people’s
lives work out
better are:
Useful Suggestions
Be well-rested, well-nourished, wellexcercised, and well-organized.
Don’t say things that are not true.
Be honest. Pay the cashier. Do not take
things that do not belong to you.
D
YOU MEET SOMEONE or are WITH
SOMEBODY WITHOUT THOSE RULES,
and you think you may be in danger?
THINK!!!! What can I do now to
protect myself from being hurt, also
without harming THIS person?
Then, if you want to stay…what can I
say that might plant the seed or
encourage this person to take these
two rules, as I have?
In 2005, when this was written, we have
enough resources to have a Garden of
Eden on Earth
 Buckminster Fuller, the mathematician who
introduced the geodesic dome said: ‘Human
salvation depends on human cooperation.’
 What we have still standing in the way of Eden is
distress and not enough of us teaching the 2 rules
to others, all the way to acceptance.
 Will you please join me in taking, and also in
teaching the rules to your constituents?
Summary: AND please excuse
my repetitions. I’m surprised
and happy if you read this far.
 lf someone looks at getting to Happiness
while on the Bridge of Life, one could
practice and use “offensiveless defense”
whenever and wherever necessary, while
trudging the road of suggestions and
advice, working, playing, and searching
for the individual suggestions best for
you, ALL THE WHILE physically and
emotionally choosing not to harm
yourself and not to harm anybody else.
Road to HAPPINESS
 Goals of your own
choosing, using the
most interesting
suggestions; working
and playing, ALL THE
WHILE staying on the
road by complete
keeping of the two
rules of safety.
REFERENCES and SELECTED
BIBLIOGRAPHY
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Bennett-Goleman, Tara. (2001). Emotional Alchemy: How the Mind Can Heal the
Heart. New York:
Harmony Books.
Ginott, Haim. (1965). Between Parent and Child. New York: The Macmillan Company.
Ginott, Haim. (1969). Between Parent and Teenager. New York: The Macmillan Company.
Ginott, Haim. (1972). Teacher and Child. New York: The Macmillan Company.
Faber, A. & Mazlish, E.(1980 ). How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. New York:
Avon Books.
Drews, Toby Rice. (1980). Getting Them Sober; A guide for those who live with an alcoholic. New Jersey:
Bridge Publishing.
Glasser, William. (1975). Reality Therapy. New York: Harper & Row.
Goleman, Daniel. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.
Jackins, Harvey. (1982). Fundamentals of Co-Counseling Manual. Seattle: Rational Island Publishers, p.
43-54.
Jackins, Harvey. (2004). The Human Side of Human Beings. Seattle: Rational Island Publishers.
Miller, S., & Dodd, J. (11/23/98). Scream On; Arthur Janov, the ‘70s icon who created “primal therapy”.
People Magazine, p. 97-98.
Rosellini, G., & Worden, M. (1985). Of Course Your’re Angry. Hazelden Foundation, San Francisco:
Harper & Row.
Simon, Sidney B. (1988). Getting Unstuck; Breaking Through You Barriers to Change. New York: Warner
Books.
In-Person PowerPoint Presentation,
with Demonstrations
For comments E-mail
drinafried@yahoo.com “Offensiveless
Defense” With Two Rules is for your
use with parents, teachers, security
groups, and mental health workers. Dr.
Fried has demonstrated these
interventions for over 35 years.