Tips from PRACTICAL WISDOM FOR PARENTS
By Nancy Schulman and Ellen Birnbaum
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Establish a Code of Ethics o As a parent, it’s up to you to establish your family’s basic code of ethics. These can be as simple as: We don’t hurt each other, we take care of each other, we treat one another with respect, we use kind words, we help others, and we’re fair.
 Acknowledge Your Child’s Kind Acts o When your child spontaneously does the right thing, you need to acknowledge this good behavior. When you notice and respond positively to kind or good actions, you actively reinforce these behaviors. Your child doesn’t need a reward for her good acts. When she learns that it feels good to do something good, she takes the first step in her moral
 development.
Hold Your Child Accountable o By holding your child accountable when she does something wrong, you’re helping to teach her the difference between right and wrong. Just as you should compliment a child for doing something good, your child needs to feel badly if she’s done something wrong.
In this way, she owns all of her behavior and learns to make the right choices in the
 future.
Catch Your Child in the Moment o When you see an opportunity to teach good behavior, you should “catch” your child in the moment. Don’t wait until later.
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Help Your Child to Repair the Hurt o When your child makes a bad choice, she needs to have the opportunity to repair the hurt or wrongdoing. For a very young child, the words “I’m sorry” are not always meaningful. Acts of kindness such as giving a hug, making a drawing, or helping to rebuild the block structure that she knocked down can be much more meaningful.
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Motivate Through Love o When a child behaves badly, your reaction needs to be calm and considered. The best way to motivate your child to be good is through love, not fear. You need to disapprove of her behavior while still reassuring your child that you love her.
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Be a Good Role Model o As much as what you say, your actions form the basis for your child’s values. When your child sees you call a sick friend, take care of an aging parent, or offer help to someone in need, she’ll learn from your example. On the other hand, if you don’t always model moral behavior, or you send conflicting messages about moral issues, you may confuse or even upset your child.
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Teach Your Child the Value of Her Possessions o Keep fewer toys on the shelves. o Don’t immediately replace a toy when it breaks. o If your child wants a new toy, tell her she can wait for a special occasion (a birthday or a holiday). o Tell people that it’s okay not to get your child a gift.