Healing the
Family Tree
Wendy Passmore
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www.wendypassmore.ca
HEALING THE FAMILY TREE
1. Known – modern rendition of Psalm 139.. We are the beloved of God,
created to be in relationship and an expression of the divine
2. Biblical Story
3. Why the Need for this Ministry
4. Steps Towards Healing the Family Tree
a. Personal inner healing work
b. The call to intercession
c. Genogram
d. Recognition of family blessings and bondage
e. Prayer
5. Sacred Liturgy
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“KNOWN”
Psalm 139 (a modern rendition)
I know you. I created you. I am creating you.
I have loved you since your mother’s womb.
You have fled as you now know from my love.
But I love you nevertheless, and not the less and
however far you flee, it is I who sustains your
very power of fleeing, and I will never finally let you go.
I accept you as you are. You are forgiven.
I know all your sufferings. I have always known them
for beyond your understanding, when you suffer, I suffer.
You are beautiful more deeply within than you can see.
You are beautiful because you yourself
reflect something of the beauty of holiness in a way that
shall never end. You are beautiful also because I, and I alone see the
beauty you shall become. Through the transforming power of my love you shall
become perfectly beautiful in a uniquely irreplaceable
way which neither you nor I will work out alone, for we shall work it out together.
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This is your God who speaks to your heart.
Healing the Family Tree
Why the need for this ministry …
There are times in our lives, by circumstances or events, that we feel a need to review our
personal history. We become aware of a need to take an objective look at our life with
questions that arise, ie: Where am I going? What do I really want? What is holding me back?
What are my options? And so on. To be realistic, there is a need to acknowledge the givens: my
genetic inheritance, my culture, my beliefs, my inherent talents (and weaknesses), my
personality, my potential, my boundaries, etc.
A significant given that is also at play is my family inheritance, both genetic and cultural which
also include my values, my attitudes and my expectations. Some of this inheritance is truly gift
and some is truly baggage. This baggage we carry can consist of negative attitudes, aggressive
behaviors, lack of worth, anger, etc. Further to this unfortunate reality is that we unwittingly
pass this baggage on to our children, just as it was passed on to us.
If and when we become aware of the negative effects of our Family Tree, we are for the first
time in a position to make a choice: do I knowingly pass on what was dumped onto me and add
more anger and resentment to the baggage and let the future generation(s) deal with it; or do I
say, “No more! I will not do this. The buck stops here”. One choice is death dealing, the other
life-giving. The one choice contributes to more suffering, the other choice has the hope of
bringing healing to all those we love, especially our children.
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When an individual or a family unit sees themselves at this point of awareness and chooses
healing and life they can become a wedge between what was and what can be.
Biblical Story of Family Tree and healing
Abraham - Sarah
/
Hagar
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Isaac - Rebecca
Ishmael
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Esau
Jacob
Jacob and wives – Rachel (favorite)
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12 sons – Joseph (favorite) and Benjamin
This is a story found in Genesis. Abraham was promised a son with his wife Sarah at a very old
age. They thought it quite impossible so Sarah persuaded Abraham to have a child with their
Egyptian servant, Hagar. Ishmael was born to this union and was the eldest. Sarah did
eventually get pregnant and Isaac was the son of this union. Jealousy swept into Sarah’s heart
and she persuaded Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael away. Isaac grew and Abraham found
him a wife named Rebecca. They had twin sons, Esau and Jacob. Esau was the eldest.
Rebecca’s favorite was Jacob so she connived with Jacob that he would receive the blessing of
the eldest. Because of Isaac’s age and deteriorated sight, this was accomplished. Jacob fled the
camp, knowing that Esau’s rage would be deadly. Jacob sought to marry Rachel, the love of his
life, but was tricked by Laban her father and found himself married to Leah, her sister. (history
repeats itself) After 7 years he married his beloved Rachel and they had 2 sons Joseph and
Benjamin, the two youngest of 12 sons from Jacob. Jacob loved and favored Joseph, indulging
him far beyond what the brothers ever experienced. The brothers grew in their jealousy and
eventually sold Joseph into slavery, telling Jacob that he was killed by some wild beast while
they were all out in the fields. Joseph went through various servant roles, and prisons.
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Because he was able to prophetically interpret dreams, the pharaoh sought his insights into
troubling dreams he was having. Joseph was elevated to the second highest position in all of
Egypt because of this gift and eventually saved his family from the terrible famine that swept
the land.
In this tale we are greeted with great dysfunction: lack of faith, favoritism by parents, jealousy
among siblings. In the midst of this there is God, who is faithful, and seemingly the Spirit
moving upon individuals to right some of the wrongs. It is recorded that Esau found it in his
heart to forgive Jacob and be reconciled. (to Jacob’s utter astonishment). Joseph moved
through his dark time with faith and prayer and found himself in a position to help his family.
He forgave them and was fully reconciled. All saw the hand of God moving in and through
these circumstances. What the brothers meant for evil was used for good.
The family tree in this story was riddled with brokenness, yet healing was possible through
cooperation with the Spirit’s empowerment to forgive and be reconciled.
Thoughts and Reflections:
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Steps towards Healing the Family Tree
I believe that we need to be aware that we are created by God with unique personalities and
gifts that are ours alone to be offered to the world. It seems that it is our task in life to find our
way into the deep love and affirmation that comes from the Divine and find our way into
healing and forgiving that we might be truly who we are called to be. Free to be me.
Personal Inner Healing Work
I need to be involved in my own inner healing work: becoming aware that I have unhealed
childhood wounds, family culture and attitudes that I need to be freed from; a need to forgive
and be forgiven. Ultimately I am responsible for my life and need to be freed from blaming. I
believe that through God’s grace and empowerment and through the gifts of therapy, spiritual
direction and other help, I can be on the path of who I am called to be. I also have gifts and
talents that I celebrate and perhaps I need to be more aware of the many blessings that I have
received from my family of origin. There are many tools available to aid in this inner journey of
self-discovery, for example the enneagram, Myers-Brigg personality test, Awareness Examen,
and 12 step programs. Often there arises a need to address my family history of which I am a
product. Very often it is the one engaged in this inner work that is called to the ministry of
intercessory prayer for their family.
The Call to Intercession
There might come a time when I realize that much of who I am is affected by my heritage. My
growing up years, how my parents raised me, how they related to each other, where they came
from in life, how their parents raised them and how that in turn affected how they parented me
and so back through the generations. Perhaps God is calling me to pray for healing and
forgiveness of all the wounding that has come down the ancestral line: a call to stand in the gap
and pray for God’s intervention and healing.
First of all, let us do some work with our family line. As you name the people in your ancestry
as much as you are able, describe who they were, any characteristics or memories you might
have of them or any stories that you remember about them.
The genogram on the following page gives you a starting point in naming your people. On the
following page as much as you are able describe who they were in the world.
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GENOGRAM
Great Grandfather
Great Grandfather
Great Grandfather
/
/
\
Great Grandfather
\
Great Grandmother Great Grandmother Great Grandmother Great Grandmother
/
/
Grandmother
\
Grandfather
\
\
Grandmother
/
Grandfather
\
Mother
/
Father
\
/
Myself
/ /
\ \
Children
Grandchildren
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Write about your family story. On this page, write everything you can remember about your
parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. What they did, what cultural pressures they
may have been under, any tragedies or achievements etc.
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On this page include all the ways in which you were blessed by your family and perhaps how
they mediated God’s love and presence to you.
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On this page, asking for God’s presence and grace, prayerfully write about some of the pain
from your family story, including perhaps painful divorces, deaths or illness.
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On this page, write about how your family affected you in a positive and negative way. As you
become more self-aware, how would you like to be different? Perhaps less judgmental, less
self-absorbed, more compassionate towards self and others. What are the negative family
traits that you seek to be freed from?
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Reflections from Henri Nouwen with which you are invited to meditate and pray
Receiving Forgiveness
There are two sides to forgiveness: giving and receiving. Although at first sight giving seems to
be harder, it often appears that we are not able to offer forgiveness to others because we have
not been able fully to receive it. Only as people who have accepted forgiveness can we find the
inner freedom to give it. Why is receiving forgiveness so difficult? It is very hard to say,
"Without your forgiveness I am still bound to what happened between us. Only you can set me
free." That requires not only a confession that we have hurt somebody but also the humility to
acknowledge our dependency on others. Only when we can receive forgiveness can we give it.
Befriending Our Inner Enemies
How do we befriend our inner enemies of lust and anger? By listening to what they are saying.
They say, "I have some unfulfilled needs" and "Who really loves me?" Instead of pushing our
lust and anger away as unwelcome guests, we can recognize that our anxious, driven hearts
need some healing. Our restlessness calls us to look for the true inner rest where lust and anger
can be converted into a deeper way of loving.
There is a lot of unruly energy in lust and anger! When that energy can be directed toward
loving well, we can transform not only ourselves but even those who might otherwise become
the victims of our anger and lust. This takes patience, but it is possible.
God's Covenant
God made a covenant with us. The word covenant means "coming together." God wants to
come together with us. In many of the stories in the Hebrew Bible, we see that God appears as
a God who defends us against our enemies, protects us against dangers, and guides us to
freedom. God is God-for-us. When Jesus came, a new dimension of the covenant was
revealed. In Jesus, God is born, grows to maturity, lives, suffers, and dies as we do. God is Godwith-us. Finally, when Jesus leaves he promises the Holy Spirit. In the Holy Spirit, God reveals
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the full depth of the covenant. God wants to be as close to us as our breath. God wants to
breathe in us, so that all we say, think and do is completely inspired by God. God is God-withinus. Thus God's covenant reveals to us to how much God loves us.
The Source of All Love
Without the love of our parents, sisters, brothers, spouses, lovers, and friends, we cannot live.
Without love we die. Still, for many people this love comes in a very broken and limited way. It
can be tainted by power plays, jealousy, resentment, vindictiveness, and even abuse. No
human love is the perfect love our hearts desire, and sometimes human love is so imperfect
that we can hardly recognize it as love.
In order not to be destroyed by the wounds inflicted by that imperfect human love, we must
trust that the source of all love is God's unlimited, unconditional, perfect love and that this love
is not far away from us but is the gift of God's Spirit dwelling within us.
From Blaming to Forgiving
Our most painful suffering often comes from those who love us and those we love. The
relationships between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters, teachers
and students, pastors and parishioners - these are where our deepest wounds occur. Even late
in life, yes, even after those who wounded us have long since died we might need help in
sorting out what happened in these relationships.
The great temptation is to keep blaming those who were closest to us for our present,
condition saying: "You made me who I am now, and I hate who I am." The great challenge is to
acknowledge our hurts and claim our true selves as being more than the result of what other
people do to us. Only when we can claim our God-made selves as the true source of our being
will we be free to forgive those who have wounded us.
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Prayer Ritual: It is important for each of us to own, name and explore our story. In your quiet prayer
time, perhaps you can find pictures, and other memorabilia that you can bring into your prayer space.
With candle lit and quiet music playing you might like to pray for your family, past, present and future
generations, perhaps using the following prayer.
PRAYER FOR HEALING THE FAMILY TREE
Rev. John H. Hampsch, CMF
Gracious and loving God, I come before you as your child, in great need of your help. I have
physical health needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, and interpersonal needs. Many of my
problems have been caused by my own failures, neglect and brokenness, for which I humbly
beg your forgiveness, Lord. But I also ask you to forgive the sins of my ancestors whose failures
have left their effects on me in the form of unwanted tendencies, behavior patterns, and
defects in body, mind and spirit. Heal me, Lord, of all these disorders. –pauseWith your help I sincerely forgive everyone, especially living or dead members of my family
tree, who have directly offended me or my loved ones in any way, or those whose sins have
resulted in our present sufferings and disorders. In the name of your divine Son Jesus, and in
the power of the Holy Spirit, I ask you, to deliver me and my entire family tree from the
influence of evil. – pause –
Free all living and deceased members of my family tree, including those in adoptive
relationships, and those in extended family relationships, from every contaminating form of
bondage. By your loving concern for us, and by the shed blood of your Precious Son Jesus, I beg
you to extend your blessing to me and all my living and deceased relatives. Heal every negative
effect transmitted through all past generations, and prevent such negative effects in future
generations of my family tree. – pause –
I symbolically place the cross of Jesus over the head of each person in my family tree, and
between each generation. I ask you to purify the bloodlines in my family lineage. Set your
protective angels to encamp around us, and permit Archangel Raphael, the patron of healing,
to administer your diving healing power to all of us, even in areas of genetic disability. Give
special power to our family members’ guardian angels to heal protect, guide and encourage
each of us in all our needs. Let your healing power be released at this very moment, and let it
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continue throughout all my family history, past, present and future. In our family tree, Lord,
replace all bondage with a holy bonding in family love. And let there be an ever deeper bonding
with you, Lord, by the Holy Spirit, to your Son Jesus. Let the family of the Holy Trinity pervade
our family with its tender, warm, loving presence, so that our family may recognize and
manifest that love in all our relationships. All of our unknown needs we include with this
petition that we pray in Jesus’ precious name.
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