Strong Marriages
Marital satisfaction is something
your spouse does for you
false!
Marriage will make you feel
complete, whole and safe.
false!
Sometimes you and your
spouse will have different goals
and dreams
True
You will have to work hard to
have a good marriage
True
Your spouse will always
understand you
false!
If your spouse really loves you,
they will change for you.
false!
What makes a marriage work?
•
•
•
•
•
Realistic expectations
Commitment to making it work
Acceptance
Flexibility
Thoughtfulness
U – shaped Satisfaction Curve
• Describes how marriage may start out
at a high level, drop as time progresses
and then rise again
• The stage of the family can affect
marital satisfaction
– Beginning, Childrearing, Childbearing,
Launching, Empty Nest, Retirement
• The 1st years of marriage seem to have a
high level of satisfaction
• Typically, marital satisfaction begins to
decline with the birth of the 1st child
• The lowest point is usually when the children
are school – age
• Marital satisfaction begins to rise when
children leave home
• It continues to rise to equal or surpass
satisfaction felt as newlyweds.
Skills for marriage
•
•
•
•
•
Communicate
Resolve conflicts
Share decisions
Manage resources
Share intimacy
– Emotional, sexual, social, intellectual,
recreational, aesthetic, religious
Built to Last
A well built marriage is like a
well – built home. The
marriage offers warmth,
security, protection and
promotes stability in society.
It is founded on a firm
commitment that doesn’t shift
over time. Practicing the
skills that built a couple’s
relationship will keep it
standing for a lifetime.
MARRIAGE THROUGHOUT
THE YEARS
Ancient Greeks
All marriages were arranged by parents and approved
by the gods in ancient Greece. Women in their early
teens were married to men in their mid – thirties. A
husband then had to buy his new wife from her father.
Many couples did not see each other until after the
ceremony, when the bridal veil was removed. On the
night before the wedding, the girl’s hair was cut off and
she was bathed in holy water from a sacred fountain.
Greek wives were “owned” by their husbands who
could lend or sell them to others.
Ancient Spartans
Believed a person’s athletic ability matched
their fitness for marriage. Before marrying, a
couple was required to wrestle in public to
show their compatibility. Spartan women
married in their 20s. The groom’s father
chose a bride for his son. 12 months after
selection, the couple married. Marriage
festivities took lasted 7 days. If a woman
was wealthy, she might have a husband for
each house she maintained.
Romans
Roman brides wore white tunics with
orange veils and orange slippers.
Following the ceremony, the groom
carried the bride over the threshold of
their new home to symbolize his
ownership of her.
Medieval Christians
Christian church marriages were thought
to be made in heaven and therefore
could never be broken. The father of
the bride gave a dowry of land or
money to the groom. If the marriage
was unsuccessful, the wife and dowry
were returned to the father’s home, but
neither partner was allowed to remarry.
Ancient Japanese
Until the 1400s, married couples did not
live together in Japan. They stayed in
separate homes, meeting only at night.
The old Japanese word for marriage
meant “slip into the house by night.”
MODERN MARRIAGES
Amish
When an Amish couple wants to marry, the man
asks a churchman to ask the woman’s parents
for their approval. If consent is given, the
marriage is announced two weeks before the
wedding. The wedding takes place on a
Tuesday or Wednesday in November, after the
harvest. There are no rings, photographs or
flowers at the wedding. There is no honeymoon
and the couple does not live together until the
springtime, after a series of weekend visits with
family and friends.
Arabs
Arranged between two families. They agree on
the amount of money to be paid the bride’s
family for her trousseau (a wardrobe the
bride acquires before marriage). An Arab
bride celebrates her wedding in an ancient
ceremony that excludes men. The bride’s
hair is covered with henna, a deep red dye,
and her body is elaborately painted by her
friends. Afterward the women all dance
together.
French
One couple may have three marriage ceremonies.
The first is the civil ceremony, which is
performed in the town hall with the mayor
officiating. The second ceremony is religious,
usually Roman Catholic, performed by a priest.
The third takes place if the couple lives in the
countryside. In this ceremony, the people of the
village host a 10-course banquet for the bride
and groom in which there is singing, storytelling,
games and toasting. The villagers bang pots
and pans to remind the couple of the possible
difficulties of marriage.
Germans
In a wedding ceremony in Germany, the
bride and groom hold candles
decorated with ribbons and flowers.
Greeks
A guest of honor crowns the wedding
couple and joins them in a symbolic
gesture of circling the altar three times.
Indians
Child marriages are still common in parts of rural
India, where it is not unusual for 7 – year – olds
to marry. On the day of the ceremony, the
young groom rides into town on a horse followed
by hundreds of friends and relatives. A local
wise man chants wedding mantras. The bride
and groom walk around a ceremonial fire seven
times. The brides goes to live in her husband’s
house for 3 days. She then returns to her own
home to await puberty, when she will be reunited
with her husband.
Italians
After the wedding ceremony, the
newlyweds are showered with confetti
made of sugar – coated almonds. This
symbolizes the bitterness and
sweetness of married life.
Japanese
Japanese couples are traditionally introduced by a go – between,
who is usually a friend or relative. The engagement is
celebrated with a toast of sake and an exchange of presents
such as seaweed, fish, fans or thread. The most common
ceremony in Japan is the Shinto ceremony. The bride and
groom sit at the altar of a shrine with their parents and the go –
between. After being purified by a Shinto priest, the bride and
groom each drink from 3 cups of sake 3 times. The bride wears
a white kimono symbolizing the death of her ties to her own
family. She also wears a special hat known as a horn cover to
cover her horns of jealousy. The marriage is legal when the
couple registers at a local government office.
Mbutis
These nomadic people live in Central Africa. A
Mbuti man must prove his worth to a
woman’s parents by catching an antelope
single – handedly and offering it to them. He
also gives small gifts of roots, nuts or birds,
or orchids from the tops of the tallest trees in
the forest. When the couple is ready to be
married they build a house and live together.
They are finally married 3 days after the bride
gives birth to her first child.
Did You Know…?
• In China, couples prefer to marry on the half hour
– when the clock is on up the swing, symbolizing
ascending fortune.
• The shower started as an alternative to the dowry.
In the 1890s, friends and family put small gifts in
parasols that were opened over the bride’s head.
• During the middle ages, the whiteness of the cake
was a sign not of the bride’s purity, but of the
sugar’s. The whiter the icing, the more expensive
the cake.
Did You Know…?
• Filipino tradition includes winding strands of flowers,
coins, or even diamonds in figure eights around the
necks of the bride and groom, to represent their
conjugal bond.
• Don’t despair over a bad turn of weather – an old
Roman proverb states, “Rain falls in the lap of the
happy bride.”
• It is considered good luck in England for a bride to
be kissed by a chimney sweep on the way to her
wedding. Sweeps are associated with hearth and
home and thus domestic bliss.
Did You Know…?
• A multi – layered fruit cake topped by a
small cedar tree is a wedding tradition
in Bermuda. The tree is planted after
the ceremony and is expected to grow
with the love of the couple.
The Legend of the Shower
Years ago, as the story goes, there lived a young Dutch girl
who loved a young Dutch miller. The miller was so
generous to the poor that he could never save a fortune
for himself. Because the young man was not rich, the
maiden’s father disapproved of the match and refused to
give her a dowry. But the village folks and the young
people had desired their marriage. To make up the girl’s
dowry, each villager brought some treasured possession
of his own until a chest had been filled with all household
goods that a bride should bring to her new home. With
these contributions, they “showered” the maiden until
even her father was won over. From that day to this, it
has been the custom for the bride’s friends and family to
present her with gifts for her new life.
The Good Wife’s Guide 2012
The Good Wife’s Guide 2011
The man should take part in the housework. It’s our house. Women work too
Do nice things for your husband. Buy snacks he likes. Be thoughtful. Show him you care.
Be intimate occasionally.
The woman should be the moneymaker.
Make your husband clean and take out the trash.
Be independent and make at least $38 per hour.
Keep yourself up – to – date (Stay flyy)
When he arrives, begin nagging about what he didn’t do before he left.
After that, ask him to fix supper
When speaking to him, speak in a loud stern voice. Swear often so he’ll get your point.
Occassionally raise your fist so you’ll bring fear upon him.
Make him laugh.
Make sure you tell him to put his dirty clothes in the hamper.
After a long day, ask him about his day and pretend to care.
Tell him you love him often.
Keep things romantic
Your ideal husband
• Cut out a word that describes your ideal husband
• Avoid adjectives like kind, loving, respectful
• Focus on:
– Age
– Social class
– Occupation
– Number of kids desired
– Religion
– Education
– Urban/rural background