How to Pray For God to Change Your Spouse
by Sharon Merhalski
1Th 5:17 Pray without ceasing.
My husband and I have been married for almost 33 years. We have never
been physically separated…but emotional separation has occurred several
times in our marriage. When we married, we each had a lot of emotional
baggage to move in to our marriage and that, at times, caused the
distancing from each other emotionally. I used to think this was an
uncommon occurrence, but after more than twenty years of counseling
women I realize that it is not uncommon.
When we first married I knew my husband needed to change or this
marriage was NOT going to ever work. I prayed, "Oh God change him!"
more times than I care to remember. We were baby Christians trying to get
our spiritual lives growing, and newlyweds trying to get a marriage growing,
and since I became "with child" four months after we were married, we were
also trying to get a family growing. It was an exhausting experience! But I
was faithful, I kept asking God to change this man that I married -- because
I loved him and I wanted us to be happy.
I cannot remember what changed my mode of praying for our marriage. I
don't know if it was the Holy Spirit personally teaching me or if I heard a
'new concept' of praying for my spouse…but my prayers did change
drastically: Praying for God to change my husband became praying for God
to change us both and make us more compatible -- unified. And for the last
32 years that is exactly how I have kept praying for my husband to change.
Did God hear my prayers? Oh yes! Did God answer my prayers? Oh, all of
the time! Did we become more compatible -- unified? Yes we did, and it
enabled us, in Christ, to weather some torrential storms in our lives. Did God
change my husband -- finally? Yes, He did -- but He changed me far more!
In years of listening and counseling I have heard these words put in so
many different ways: "I am praying for God to changed my husband (wife)."
And always when I share my experience with this 'dilemma' in our first years
of marriage it causes a complete silence to come over a conversation. It
seems so simplistic yet what God taught me -- I have come to realize is so
profound and such a beginning answer to any degree of trouble in a
marriage.