Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish they Had) Before Marrying
1. Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to a partnership of
husband and wife and believe we can work on the challenges we may face? Do we
clearly understand and agree on the roles of husband and wife?
2. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider each other’s ideas, perspective and
concerns? Are we able to effectively resolve the complaints or concerns we have about
each other? Do we respect each other as individuals?
3. Is my partner affectionate to the degree I desire? Can we comfortably and openly
discuss our sexual needs, preferences, fears and limits?
4. What will our “quality time” be?
5. Have we fully disclosed our health histories – both physical and mental? What are our
thoughts about the use of alcohol and drugs? Do either of us have a problem with that
now? Are there any problems with gambling or internet addictions?
6. Have we discussed whether or not to have children? If the answer is yes, when will
that be and who is going to be the primary care giver? Will either of us be expected to
give up our job or career? Do we clearly understand and agree on our roles as father and
mother and how to effectively nurture and discipline the children?
7. Do we value and respect each other’s parents and other family members, and is either
of us concerned that the parents will interfere with the relationship? How will we deal
with in-law issues? How do we deal with distant families?
8. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs and
what is our expectation of the participation of each other in practicing the spiritual
beliefs? Are there cultural or ethnic issues? How will we raise our children in our
marital religious, cultural or ethnic environment?
9. If either of us has been married before, what is our relation with our ex-spouses? If
there are children, how will they impact our marriage? What are the financial
obligations?
10. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained and
are we in agreement on who will do what chores?
11. Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations - how do we deal with
the bills we each bring into the marriage? Do our ideas about spending and saving agree?
How will the bills get paid? Have we disclosed our financial and legal histories?
13. How will television or computer be a part of our lives? Will there be television in
the bedroom?
14. Do we like each other’s friends? What will our social circle and social life be like?
15. How would we handle it if one of us were offered a career opportunity in another
location or far from our families?
16. Are there any things that either of us is not willing to give up even when we are
married?
Adapted from the New York Time web page Dec 17, 2006
Rev. 1-24-07