November 22, 2015
Hot Topics: Sex Outside of Marriage
Sex is an amazing gift from God. Trust God and use the gift of sex as He designed.
Sermon prayer – 8:55am
BumperIn
Hook – Important Lessons (5min)
-
YG – taught on this every year – important stuff! Glad this was voted.
Lots of questions:
 Why is it wrong to have sex?
 It’s not! God made sex – He likes sex! Gen 1:28 – first command is to
have sex!
 We can be hurt when we misuse God’s gift of sex.
o Why is it such a big deal to have sex outside of marriage?
 Understanding what sex is:
 Means of procreation
 Experience of pleasure
 AND spiritual intimacy – the two become ONE
 Tape analogy – if you keep using the tape, it loses its stickiness
 In the 60’s and 70’s – the sex rate went up, the divorce rate went up =
pain (not really “free” love)
 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. (p.952)
18Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this
one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19Don’t
you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in
you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20for
God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your
body.
o Does God’s way really work?
 Yes it its harder, but it does work!
 10 year study – those who waited to have sex until marriage reported
higher frequency of having sex and higher satisfaction with sex.
 Not a guarantee of a perfect marriage
 Just because you follow your mechanic’s advice about changing the
oil in your car doesn’t guarantee that you won’t be a bad driver and
crash your car.
 It does mean that your engine won’t wear out.
-
Today – Sex is an amazing gift from God. Trust God and use the gift of sex as He designed.
o To the single
o To the married
“To transform religious and irreligious people into Fully Devoted Followers of Christ.”

Prayer
To the Single (10min)

1 Corinthians 7:1-9, 32-35
1Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from
sexual relations. 2But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have
his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her
husband’s needs. 4The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband
gives authority over his body to his wife.
5Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from
sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer.
Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you
because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7But I
wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of
one kind or another.
8So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried,
just as I am. 9But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s
better to marry than to burn with lust.
 *Sex is meant to be for husbands and wives.
 *Sex is meant to be fulfilling.
 Husband’s body belonging to his wife – revolutionary words in Paul’s day
(and even in ours).
 Do not deprive each other – there is that theme again!
 SINGLE – how do you live as if your body belongs to the LORD because
of His sacrifice? And someday to your spouse? And your spouse in the
future living like this as well?
32I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend
his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33But a married man
has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34His interests
are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been
married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman
has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35I am
saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever
will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.
 *Singleness is the preferred life.
 Singleness is not a curse. Jesus taught this is the preferred life. Paul was
single. Life in community and making a difference for Christ.
 May be for life, or only a season – you will not be alone.
 *Nothing should distract us from serving Jesus.
 Only get married if you can serve Jesus more. A totally different way of
thinking.
“To transform religious and irreligious people into Fully Devoted Followers of Christ.”

Living Together
o The normal path that people are taking today. A direct result of our divorce
culture.
o 10 Commandments of Marriage, by Ben Young and Dr. Samuel Adams
 Top reasons: fear of divorce, sex, hope or manipulation for marriage,
financial considerations.
 *Living together doesn’t work like God’s way.
 Those who live together have an 80% greater chance of having a divorce
than those who don’t.
 Women who cohabitate are twice as likely to experience domestic
violence and 4x more likely to experience depression.
 In a survey of 100 women, 71 said they would not live together again.
 Living together sends a double message – “I want to get closer to you, but
not that close.”
-
God wants the BEST for our lives, and for our experience of sex.
I say to people 1 Cor 7:9 – if you can’t wait, let’s get married! What is holding you back?
That starts the harder, and real, conversation…
To the Married (10min)

Proverbs 5:1-6, 18-23 (p.528)
1My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen carefully to my wise counsel.
2Then you will show discernment, and your lips will express what you’ve learned.
3For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother
than oil.
4But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword.
5Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.
6For she cares nothing about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and
doesn’t realize it.
 *Sex outside of marriage is poison – but it sounds sweet, harmless, and easy.
 I have talked with people who have had emotional affairs, and physical
affairs.
 Some are totally broken – but thought it would be easy, and no one would
get hurt.
 Some have no remorse – they can’t help it, just the way it is. Their kids
and spouse are crushed.
 *Guard your heart (Prov 4:23).
 Don’t think that it can’t happen to you.
18Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always
be captivated by her love.
“To transform religious and irreligious people into Fully Devoted Followers of Christ.”
20Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a
promiscuous woman?
21For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes.
22An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him.
23He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his great foolishness.
 *Be satisfied in having sex with your spouse.
 Not an easy challenge!
 The challenge will open up depth in your heart – and reveal selfishness God
wants to weed out of your soul.
 *Don’t drink the poison.
 No sex with others, no sex alone; pornography is not sex – pleasure
without spiritual intimacy starts to affect our souls, and our marriages.
 PAIN and SHAME
 Ashley Madison, a website set up to help people have affairs, was
hacked, and names revealed – lots of shame – and 2 people even
committed suicide.
 (Our culture looks down on those who have affairs, but is ok with
those who have sex before marriage – because we made a
commitment to someone. For Christians – our bodies belong to
Christ, and we made a commitment to Him.)

Defending Against Affairs
o Willard Harley’s book His Needs Her Needs
 A Christian counselor who specialized in post-affair counseling for couples
 *It is our job to fill our spouse’s “love bank”.
 Every time we fulfill their needs = a deposit.
 Every time we don’t, or something bad = a withdrawal.
 Once someone is empty, they will tend to look elsewhere (not an excuse,
but spouses are called by God to take care of each other’s needs; 1 Cor
7:3-5)
 *Men and women don’t have the same needs.
 See Eph 5:21-33 (submit to one another = serving, Christlike love)
 (Tendencies) She needs affection, conversation, and support and safety.
 He needs sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship (play together),
admiration.
 Most spouses don’t meet their spouse’s needs, because they
assume their spouse doesn’t need what they don’t need.
 Fulfill your spouse’s needs to get your needs fulfilled – serving.
 Communicate your needs.
 Want your husband to talk more – your need – try to get into his world
and play – great chance he will open up and talk in those moments,
especially if you tell him that is what your need.
 Talk about and fulfill each other’s needs.
 Make a commitment to fulfill your spouse’s needs.
 All them to fulfill yours (can be a challenge).
“To transform religious and irreligious people into Fully Devoted Followers of Christ.”

When I come home – I don’t always want to listen more, I am listened out! But
I want to be the one Hannah talks to, and so we spend time every day catching
up and talking (after I hug and talk quickly with the kids) – on the couch, for 1530 minutes, with no TV on.
 I need to meet her needs, and she needs to meet mine.
 At the end of the day, I know Hannah is physically tired – but she still
plays… video games with me. What are you thinking???
Punch – Important Decisions (5min)
-
-
This is an important topic. God made sex = good! Will we live His way?
I have a friend, who told me that he had talked with his siblings about this (all Christians), but he
was the only one who actually waited until he was married.
o 1 sibling still married (2nd person they had lived with); 1 sibling divorced and had affair;
1 sibling still single but sleeps around but longs for deep connection with someone.
Just luck? Will it never happen to you? Or will we follow God’s teaching on sex – for a great life
and great sex?
In our church – we will teach on God’s way, give hope for those who are hurting, and
love everyone.
Close in prayer.
Bumper Questions: How can you trust God and follow His design for sex?
Who can help hold you accountable to follow God’s design for sex?
“To transform religious and irreligious people into Fully Devoted Followers of Christ.”
November 22, 2015
Hot Topics: Sex Outside of Marriage
Sex is an amazing gift from God. Trust God and use the gift of sex as He designed.
Warming Up:

Is there a dessert that you have a really hard time resisting?
Read Proverbs 5:1-23
READ

What is the father warning his son about?

How big of a temptation is sex outside of marriage in our culture?

What is God saying to you in these verses?
REFLECT

How does God want Christians to think about sex?

Why is it so hard for Christians to follow God’s design for sex?

How does what Jesus is teaching you in these verses line up with your life?
RESPOND

What guards and accountability do you need in your life to help you not stray from God’s design
for sex?

What are some practical ways this week you can trust God and follow His design for sex?

How is the Spirit leading you to respond this week?
“To transform religious and irreligious people into Fully Devoted Followers of Christ.”