Welcome!
How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult
Supervisors and Coworkers
by Dora Farkas, Ph.D.
Founder, Finish Your Thesis
www.FinishYourThesis.com
My Background
Bachelor’s Chemical Engineering (MIT)
Ph.D. in Biological Engineering (MIT)
Senior Scientist in pharmaceutical industry
Thesis and career coach since 2009
Creator of online “Finish Your Thesis” Program
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
●
●
●
●
What is assertive communication?
Why assertiveness is essential life skill
Three-part method to become more assertive
Assess your own assertiveness skills
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
● Types of difficult people
● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people
● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance
● How to avoid common communication mistakes
{1
Assertive, Open
Communication Skills
}
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
●
●
●
●
What is assertive communication?
Why assertiveness is essential life skills
Three-part method to become assertive, examples
Assess your own assertiveness skills
Assertiveness is the Basis of Effective
Communication Skills
What is Assertive Communication?
“ASSERTIVENESS IS THE
QUALITY OF BEING
CONFIDENT WITHOUT
BEING AGGRESSIVE ”
Passive vs. Aggressive Behavior
• Passive people:
o Like to please others
o Avoid conflict, even at a cost to their work/health
• Aggressive people:
o Only focused on their own goals
o Do not have consideration for other people’s needs
Both passive and aggressive behavior leads to
frustration and jeopardizes relationships
Assertive People Express Their Ideas and Take
The Needs of Others into Consideration
How Do You Know Whether You Are Assertive?
• Are you intimidated by the thought of causing conflict?
• Are you uncomfortable with giving or receiving criticism?
• Do you spend time roaming over past conflicts?
• Are you anxious about potential conflicts in the future?
Our self-confidence is strongly influenced by how we stand
up for ourselves and the respect we get from others
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
●
●
●
●
What is assertive communication?
Why assertiveness is essential life skills
Three-part method to become assertive, examples
Assess your own assertiveness skills
Research is Not a Solitary Endeavor
Your Success at Work Will Depend Highly on
How Well You Work in Teams
• In Academia:
o Supervisor, group members, collaborators
• In Industry:
Supervisor, coworkers, project team
members, outside collaborators
“ASSERTIVENESS WILL
STRENGTHEN YOUR
PROFESSIONAL
RELATIONSHIPS ”
Assertiveness is an Essential Life Skill
Assertive communication skills will help you to:
•
•
•
•
Express your ideas with confidence
Gain respect from others
Advance your career
Simplify your life
• Assertiveness will help you to ask for help with
confidence, and get the guidance you need
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
●
●
●
●
What is assertive communication?
Why assertiveness is essential life skills
Three-part method to become assertive, examples
Assess your own assertiveness skills
Three-Step Method for Assertive Communication
Qualities of Assertive Communication
• Be clear about your own ideas and needs
• Listen to the other person to understand their viewpoint
• Be open to alternative solutions that benefit everyone
• Stick to the facts, leave emotions out of discussions
• Sometimes you can agree to disagree
Assertiveness Might Be Challenging at First
• Many students tend to be passive
• It can be intimidating to speak up to a professor
• “What will they think if I express my ideas?”
• “What if what I say does not make sense?”
• “Will my professor be angry if I disagree?”
Three-step Method of Assertive Communication
• State the facts
• Clarify your thoughts about the situation and
why it bothers you
• Explain your goals and how you would like the
problem to be resolved
Adapted from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
Case Study:
Discussing corrections to a manuscript
• Situation: you recently sent your supervisor
a draft of a paper, and he wants you to add
a section that you think is unnecessary
o Requires more data collections
o Delays the publication of your paper
Assertive Approach to Resolving Problem
• Request a time to meet in person/phone/email
• Mention that you would like discuss paper
• Do not discuss sensitive issues over email
• Always assume that other person is
reasonable
Preparing for Meeting
• Set up a clear agenda
o Corrections to manuscript
o Why you think the additional section is
beyond scope of paper
• Brainstorm about possible solutions if
supervisor wants you to add section
During Meeting Use
Three-step Process:
• State Facts: You would like to discuss
corrections to paper
• Clarify: You do not think this additional section
is needed, and give reasons
• Explain how you would like it to be resolved:
o Include data in another paper
o Share responsibility with another student
Prepare Yourself for Disagreements
• If there is a disagreement let supervisor talk first
• Be open to your supervisor’s viewpoint
• Ask questions to:
o Make sure that you understand their opinions
o Get feedback on alternative solutions
• If you cannot agree, setup a future meeting
o More time to research
o Discuss situation with group members
You Will Learn to Become More Assertive with
Practice
• Practice open communication
• Get support from supervisor if you are stuck and
cannot resolve problems on your own.
• With more experience, you will become more
confident and assertive - gain respect from
others
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
●
●
●
●
What is assertive communication?
Why assertiveness is essential life skills
Three-part method to become assertive, examples
Assess your own assertiveness skills
{2
Strategies to Deal with
Difficult People
}
How Do You Cope With Difficult People?
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
● Types of difficult people
● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people
● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance
● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses
● Common communication mistakes
Types of Difficult People
1) Hostile-Aggressives,
2) Complainers,
3) Silent-Unresponsives,
4) Super-Agreeables,
5) Negativists,
6) Know-It-Alls (Bulldozers and Balloons), and
7) Indecisives.
8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and
9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).
Based on ”Coping with Difficult People” by Robert Branson
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
● Types of difficult people
● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people
● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance
● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses
● Common communication mistakes
Types of Negative People I will Cover
1) Hostile-Aggressives,
2) Complainers,
3) Silent-Unresponsives,
4) Super-Agreeables,
5) Negativists,
6) Know-It-Alls, and
7) Indecisives
8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and
9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).
Hostile-Aggressives: Characteristics
•
•
•
•
•
Notoriously antagonistic and impolite.
Confrontational
Raise their voice, use strong language
Crush all your ideas
Try to make you feel like a “fool”
How Do you Deal with Hostile-Aggressives?
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
• Do not get emotional if they try to humiliate you
• Let them calm down, acknowledge their opinions
• Direct the conversation towards solving problems.
Super-Agreeables: Characteristics
•
•
•
•
•
Very friendly
Tell you all the things you want to hear
Make empty promises
They do not follow through on assignments
Great at making excuses
How Do you Deal with Super-Friendly People?
• Do not rely on super-agreeables to help you with your
work.
• Complete as much of the work as you can on your own
• Make it easy for them to do their part
• If you need letters of recommendation, write an outline to
make it easier for your thesis supervisor to support you
Indecisives
Indecisives: Characteristics
•
•
•
•
•
Hesitant about making any decisions
Swayed easily by new data/opinions
As soon progress is made, dissertation is changed
Frequently perfectionists
Frustrating to students/employees because they can hold
up progress
How Do you Deal with Indecisives?
•
•
•
•
•
•
Take leadership of your end of project
Emphasizing the advantages of one particular project.
Be assertive about your ideas
Find out their reasons for being indecisive
Get support from other coworkers, professors etc.
Let your indecisive boss know about any decisions you
make and why
Types of Negative People I will Cover
1) Hostile-Aggressives,
2) Complainers,
3) Silent-Unresponsives,
4) Super-Agreeables,
5) Negativists,
6) Know-It-Alls, and
7) Indecisives
8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and
9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).
Excessively Hands-on Micromanagers
•
•
•
•
They give you too much attention
Question every detail of your project, work habits
Expect you to be working around the clock
Call you after hours
How Do you Deal with Micromanagers?
•
•
•
•
Set boundaries: work hours, scope of project
Be assertive about why you want to set boundries
Get important agreements in writing
Keep your supervisor informed of progress
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
● Types of difficult people
● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people
● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance
● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses
● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
● Types of difficult people
● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people
● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance
● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses
7 Steps to Resolving Conflicts
●
●
●
●
●
●
●
Understand your supervisor’s expectations
Prepare a clear agenda for every meeting
Explain the problem and stick to the facts
Define how you would like the problem to be solved
Listen to your supervisor viewpoint
Get important agreements in writing
Always follow through on your end of the deal
Rule #1
● Always assume that the person you are dealing with is
reasonable and will respond well if you communicate
assertively.
● Everyone is difficult sometimes
● Truly difficult people have chronic bad habits that
make them difficult to work with
“Rule #2:
Difficult people respond to
assertiveness, but you
need to be more persistent
to get your point across
Rule #3
● Do not take difficult people personally
○ Difficult people are difficult with everyone
○ “No one can make you feel inferior without your
consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
● Types of difficult people
● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people
● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance
● Common communication mistakes
What is the Biggest Communication Mistake?
The Biggest Communication Mistake is Lack of
Communication
Lack of Communication Can Lead to
• Incorrect Assumptions: “But I thought you meant…”
• Missed Milestones
Academia:
• Delay graduation date,
• Disagreements or delays in publications
Industry:
• Wasted effort on project,
• Falling behind on project milestones,
• Reduced performance,
• Poor group dynamics
Other Communication Mistakes
● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me
● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You
● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting
● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Biggest Communication Mistakes
● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me
● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.
● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting
● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
“If I Disagree With Someone They Will
Dislike Me”
● This assumption can lead to a passive attitude
● It is possible for two people to disagree, yet maintain a
collegial relationship
● Your goal is to build professional relationships
● Professors have more respect for students who have the
courage to express their opinions
● Use three-part assertiveness technique to resolve
disagreements without jeopardizing your relationship
Biggest Communication Mistakes
● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me
● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.
● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting
● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Expecting Advisor to Solve Problems For You
● Your thesis is one of a 100 things on your
professor’s list
● Finishing your thesis is your responsibility
● If you have a problem or feel stuck:
○ Think of solutions before talking to supervisor
○ Make it easy for your supervisor to support
you
Other Communication Mistakes
● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me
● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You
● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting
● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Giving and Receiving Criticism
Giving and Receiving Criticism
● Receiving Criticism
○ Resist urge to become defensive
○ Do not “screen out” positive
○ Ask questions to clarify criticism
● Giving Criticism
○ Stick to the facts - know your facts
○ Leave emotions out of discussion
○ Propose plausible solutions
● Criticism vs. Constructive Feedback
Biggest Communication Mistakes
● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me
● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.
● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting
● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Do Not Discuss Sensitive Issues Over Email
● Email can lead to misunderstanding because you
cannot sense tone or see body language
● Use email to:
○ Send documents, information
○ Request time to meet
● Avoid:
○ Taking a stance on a sensitive issue or
○ Jumping to conclusions in your email
○ Overanalyzing an email message
Good News
● Only a small percentage of population is truly difficult
● Most people respond well to assertive communication
● Graduate school is a great learning opportunity to
develop assertive communication
● Many jobs in academia/industry require teamwork
● PhDs are usually in leadership positions and need to
manage different personality types
● By resolving the challenges you face in academia you
are well-equipped to resolve conflicts in your career
THANK YOU
www.finishyourthesis.com/program/
Free Copy of
“Secrets to Success in Graduate School”
•
•
•
•
•
How to set yourself up for success in graduate school
Strategies to communicate assertively with supervisor
Tips to maintain high level of productivity
The 10 most common mistakes graduate students make
The top 12 tips to help you finish your thesis and
graduate.