Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers by Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis www.FinishYourThesis.com My Background Bachelor’s Chemical Engineering (MIT) Ph.D. in Biological Engineering (MIT) Senior Scientist in pharmaceutical industry Thesis and career coach since 2009 Creator of online “Finish Your Thesis” Program Part I: Assertive, Open Communication Part I: Assertive, Open Communication ● ● ● ● What is assertive communication? Why assertiveness is essential life skill Three-part method to become more assertive Assess your own assertiveness skills Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult People Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult People ● Types of difficult people ● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people ● Explore how working with difficult people has affected your performance ● How to avoid common communication mistakes {1 Assertive, Open Communication Skills } Part I: Assertive, Open Communication ● ● ● ● What is assertive communication? Why assertiveness is essential life skills Three-part method to become assertive, examples Assess your own assertiveness skills Assertiveness is the Basis of Effective Communication Skills What is Assertive Communication? “ASSERTIVENESS IS THE QUALITY OF BEING CONFIDENT WITHOUT BEING AGGRESSIVE ” Passive vs. Aggressive Behavior • Passive people: o Like to please others o Avoid conflict, even at a cost to their work/health • Aggressive people: o Only focused on their own goals o Do not have consideration for other people’s needs Both passive and aggressive behavior leads to frustration and jeopardizes relationships Assertive People Express Their Ideas and Take The Needs of Others into Consideration How Do You Know Whether You Are Assertive? • Are you intimidated by the thought of causing conflict? • Are you uncomfortable with giving or receiving criticism? • Do you spend time roaming over past conflicts? • Are you anxious about potential conflicts in the future? Our self-confidence is strongly influenced by how we stand up for ourselves and the respect we get from others Part I: Assertive, Open Communication ● ● ● ● What is assertive communication? Why assertiveness is essential life skills Three-part method to become assertive, examples Assess your own assertiveness skills Research is Not a Solitary Endeavor Your Success at Work Will Depend Highly on How Well You Work in Teams • In Academia: o Supervisor, group members, collaborators • In Industry: Supervisor, coworkers, project team members, outside collaborators “ASSERTIVENESS WILL STRENGTHEN YOUR PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS ” Assertiveness is an Essential Life Skill Assertive communication skills will help you to: • • • • Express your ideas with confidence Gain respect from others Advance your career Simplify your life • Assertiveness will help you to ask for help with confidence, and get the guidance you need Part I: Assertive, Open Communication ● ● ● ● What is assertive communication? Why assertiveness is essential life skills Three-part method to become assertive, examples Assess your own assertiveness skills Three-Step Method for Assertive Communication Qualities of Assertive Communication • Be clear about your own ideas and needs • Listen to the other person to understand their viewpoint • Be open to alternative solutions that benefit everyone • Stick to the facts, leave emotions out of discussions • Sometimes you can agree to disagree Assertiveness Might Be Challenging at First • Many students tend to be passive • It can be intimidating to speak up to a professor • “What will they think if I express my ideas?” • “What if what I say does not make sense?” • “Will my professor be angry if I disagree?” Three-step Method of Assertive Communication • State the facts • Clarify your thoughts about the situation and why it bothers you • Explain your goals and how you would like the problem to be resolved Adapted from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie Case Study: Discussing corrections to a manuscript • Situation: you recently sent your supervisor a draft of a paper, and he wants you to add a section that you think is unnecessary o Requires more data collections o Delays the publication of your paper Assertive Approach to Resolving Problem • Request a time to meet in person/phone/email • Mention that you would like discuss paper • Do not discuss sensitive issues over email • Always assume that other person is reasonable Preparing for Meeting • Set up a clear agenda o Corrections to manuscript o Why you think the additional section is beyond scope of paper • Brainstorm about possible solutions if supervisor wants you to add section During Meeting Use Three-step Process: • State Facts: You would like to discuss corrections to paper • Clarify: You do not think this additional section is needed, and give reasons • Explain how you would like it to be resolved: o Include data in another paper o Share responsibility with another student Prepare Yourself for Disagreements • If there is a disagreement let supervisor talk first • Be open to your supervisor’s viewpoint • Ask questions to: o Make sure that you understand their opinions o Get feedback on alternative solutions • If you cannot agree, setup a future meeting o More time to research o Discuss situation with group members You Will Learn to Become More Assertive with Practice • Practice open communication • Get support from supervisor if you are stuck and cannot resolve problems on your own. • With more experience, you will become more confident and assertive - gain respect from others Part I: Assertive, Open Communication ● ● ● ● What is assertive communication? Why assertiveness is essential life skills Three-part method to become assertive, examples Assess your own assertiveness skills {2 Strategies to Deal with Difficult People } How Do You Cope With Difficult People? Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult People ● Types of difficult people ● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people ● Explore how working with difficult people has affected your performance ● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses ● Common communication mistakes Types of Difficult People 1) Hostile-Aggressives, 2) Complainers, 3) Silent-Unresponsives, 4) Super-Agreeables, 5) Negativists, 6) Know-It-Alls (Bulldozers and Balloons), and 7) Indecisives. 8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and 9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers). Based on ”Coping with Difficult People” by Robert Branson Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult People ● Types of difficult people ● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people ● Explore how working with difficult people has affected your performance ● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses ● Common communication mistakes Types of Negative People I will Cover 1) Hostile-Aggressives, 2) Complainers, 3) Silent-Unresponsives, 4) Super-Agreeables, 5) Negativists, 6) Know-It-Alls, and 7) Indecisives 8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and 9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers). Hostile-Aggressives: Characteristics • • • • • Notoriously antagonistic and impolite. Confrontational Raise their voice, use strong language Crush all your ideas Try to make you feel like a “fool” How Do you Deal with Hostile-Aggressives? “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt • Do not get emotional if they try to humiliate you • Let them calm down, acknowledge their opinions • Direct the conversation towards solving problems. Super-Agreeables: Characteristics • • • • • Very friendly Tell you all the things you want to hear Make empty promises They do not follow through on assignments Great at making excuses How Do you Deal with Super-Friendly People? • Do not rely on super-agreeables to help you with your work. • Complete as much of the work as you can on your own • Make it easy for them to do their part • If you need letters of recommendation, write an outline to make it easier for your thesis supervisor to support you Indecisives Indecisives: Characteristics • • • • • Hesitant about making any decisions Swayed easily by new data/opinions As soon progress is made, dissertation is changed Frequently perfectionists Frustrating to students/employees because they can hold up progress How Do you Deal with Indecisives? • • • • • • Take leadership of your end of project Emphasizing the advantages of one particular project. Be assertive about your ideas Find out their reasons for being indecisive Get support from other coworkers, professors etc. Let your indecisive boss know about any decisions you make and why Types of Negative People I will Cover 1) Hostile-Aggressives, 2) Complainers, 3) Silent-Unresponsives, 4) Super-Agreeables, 5) Negativists, 6) Know-It-Alls, and 7) Indecisives 8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and 9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers). Excessively Hands-on Micromanagers • • • • They give you too much attention Question every detail of your project, work habits Expect you to be working around the clock Call you after hours How Do you Deal with Micromanagers? • • • • Set boundaries: work hours, scope of project Be assertive about why you want to set boundries Get important agreements in writing Keep your supervisor informed of progress Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult People ● Types of difficult people ● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people ● Explore how working with difficult people has affected your performance ● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses ● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult People ● Types of difficult people ● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people ● Explore how working with difficult people has affected your performance ● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses 7 Steps to Resolving Conflicts ● ● ● ● ● ● ● Understand your supervisor’s expectations Prepare a clear agenda for every meeting Explain the problem and stick to the facts Define how you would like the problem to be solved Listen to your supervisor viewpoint Get important agreements in writing Always follow through on your end of the deal Rule #1 ● Always assume that the person you are dealing with is reasonable and will respond well if you communicate assertively. ● Everyone is difficult sometimes ● Truly difficult people have chronic bad habits that make them difficult to work with “Rule #2: Difficult people respond to assertiveness, but you need to be more persistent to get your point across Rule #3 ● Do not take difficult people personally ○ Difficult people are difficult with everyone ○ “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult People ● Types of difficult people ● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people ● Explore how working with difficult people has affected your performance ● Common communication mistakes What is the Biggest Communication Mistake? The Biggest Communication Mistake is Lack of Communication Lack of Communication Can Lead to • Incorrect Assumptions: “But I thought you meant…” • Missed Milestones Academia: • Delay graduation date, • Disagreements or delays in publications Industry: • Wasted effort on project, • Falling behind on project milestones, • Reduced performance, • Poor group dynamics Other Communication Mistakes ● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me ● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You ● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting ● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email. Biggest Communication Mistakes ● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me ● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You. ● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting ● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email. “If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me” ● This assumption can lead to a passive attitude ● It is possible for two people to disagree, yet maintain a collegial relationship ● Your goal is to build professional relationships ● Professors have more respect for students who have the courage to express their opinions ● Use three-part assertiveness technique to resolve disagreements without jeopardizing your relationship Biggest Communication Mistakes ● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me ● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You. ● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting ● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email. Expecting Advisor to Solve Problems For You ● Your thesis is one of a 100 things on your professor’s list ● Finishing your thesis is your responsibility ● If you have a problem or feel stuck: ○ Think of solutions before talking to supervisor ○ Make it easy for your supervisor to support you Other Communication Mistakes ● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me ● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You ● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting ● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email. Giving and Receiving Criticism Giving and Receiving Criticism ● Receiving Criticism ○ Resist urge to become defensive ○ Do not “screen out” positive ○ Ask questions to clarify criticism ● Giving Criticism ○ Stick to the facts - know your facts ○ Leave emotions out of discussion ○ Propose plausible solutions ● Criticism vs. Constructive Feedback Biggest Communication Mistakes ● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me ● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You. ● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting ● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email. Do Not Discuss Sensitive Issues Over Email ● Email can lead to misunderstanding because you cannot sense tone or see body language ● Use email to: ○ Send documents, information ○ Request time to meet ● Avoid: ○ Taking a stance on a sensitive issue or ○ Jumping to conclusions in your email ○ Overanalyzing an email message Good News ● Only a small percentage of population is truly difficult ● Most people respond well to assertive communication ● Graduate school is a great learning opportunity to develop assertive communication ● Many jobs in academia/industry require teamwork ● PhDs are usually in leadership positions and need to manage different personality types ● By resolving the challenges you face in academia you are well-equipped to resolve conflicts in your career THANK YOU www.finishyourthesis.com/program/ Free Copy of “Secrets to Success in Graduate School” • • • • • How to set yourself up for success in graduate school Strategies to communicate assertively with supervisor Tips to maintain high level of productivity The 10 most common mistakes graduate students make The top 12 tips to help you finish your thesis and graduate.